


Soul of a Warrior

by randomfandomimagine



Series: Soul of a Warrior [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Developing Friendships, F/M, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Height Differences, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Revised Version, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 124,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22434346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomfandomimagine/pseuds/randomfandomimagine
Summary: Trying to forget her tragic past, Nissa is resigned to a monotonous routine in her home town. The sudden arrival of a witcher and his bard friend force a change in her life that nearly seems part of destiny as it ties back with her past.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Original Female Character(s), Jaskier | Dandelion/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Soul of a Warrior [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614391
Comments: 134
Kudos: 106





	1. Flourishing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so so excited about this series!! I want to preface by saying that I'm no Witcher expert. I have read the books but it was a while ago and I rushed through them and I don't remember much, I also played the first game but I'm mostly familiar with the Netflix series. I tried doing some research to get some things right, but forgive me if I make any mistakes related to the world, the timeline or the characters and feel free to correct me! Anyway, I'm happy to share my story and I hope you enjoy it :D

The breeze gently sways, caressing my face. I continue to happily lie there, with my limbs comfortably sprawled out. The beautiful flowers around me dance with the movement, receiving the summer sunlight that they seem to have absorbed in their yellow petals. I sigh in content, surrounded by dandelions, buttercups and marigolds in their prime.

Somehow, being in my favorite field still brings me a profound sadness. A yearning perhaps, of a memory not quite occurred. I frown, but shoo the thought away to indulge in the peaceful moment.

I open my eyes when Pal neighs not far from me. I sit up and look at him. He calmly paces in the spot, throwing his head to the side like he’s pointing me to the sky.

“Shit” I mumble, jumping to my feet. “You’re right!”

Touching my ear to make sure the buttercup flower still rests over it, I quickly climb onto the saddle and gently sink my heels in Pal’s sides. The horse easily starts galloping and I absently hold on to the reins.

“Hana will be furious…” I watch how high in the sky the sun is and grimace.

As I ride through the fields, I think that at least this time I’m not too far away. The mountain can still be seen in the distance, a stark reminder of its closeness as I leave it behind me. My thoughts do in fact wander as I carefully spur Pal on. There’s another day ahead of me, one like any other, but somehow I have a hunch. I feel it in my stomach, a sensation that foretells a special occurrence. Today will be different. For better or worse, it will be.

The air whizzing in my ears seems to clear my mind from any complicated thoughts as we advance at a rather fast pace. Pal’s hooves fill the silence, rhythmically hitting the ground coordinated with my slightly accelerated breathing. We are nearly there.

Soon enough, Pal neighs and stops out of habit before I can pull on the reins myself.

“Good job” I smile, briefly leaning forward to caress his neck before jumping down.

My fingers make quick work of the reins when securing them to the post in front of my house. Immediately after ensuring he’s in place, I march onwards to the tavern. In my mind I am already searching for excuses that can soothe Hana’s wrath. I picture her standing there waiting for me, hands on her hips and a frown on her brow, and her brown eyes giving me that disappointed look she has perfected over the years.

As I make my way to my workplace, I hear footsteps behind me. Not stopping, I turn to the sound and laugh when I see a little girl curiously following after me. I honestly don’t know what she wants, but I can’t tend to her at the moment.

“Hello” I smile at her, tilting my head in apology, seeing that she can’t quite keep up with my longer legs. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I’m in a hurry”

Her big green eyes twinkle as she stares still. She pouts and points a finger at me.

“Pretty” She mumbles with an innocent grin. Following her gaze, my hand falls over the flower in my ear. I chuckle at her adorableness and stop for just a moment.

“Here you go” I take the buttercup and give it to her. “For you”

The girl’s face lights up as she takes it from me and runs off in excitement. I grin at the sight and continue on walking. I’m almost there. Perhaps I won’t get in trouble this time.

“No rush, Nissa!” A voice calls me. “Take all the time in the world”

“Shit” I grimace in anticipation at the lecture coming my way.

Heading her direction, I try to appear as soft as possible to appease her. There she is at the entrance, waiting for me with her hands on her hips. Just as I had imagined.

“Hi, Hana!” I cutely wave my hand at her, smiling wide. It doesn’t quite work.

“Don’t ‘hi’ me, young lady” She shakes her head, now folding her arms over her chest. “Go on, read my mind”

I resign myself to my fate with her usual antics as I stop before her.

“I told you, I’m not a seer” Maybe I am a little bit, or just very perceptive and empathic. It’s still deeply amusing that she’s so convinced that I am actually psychic, though.

“Then you won’t be able to know what I’m thinking” My friend dares me, making me roll my eyes.

“You’re mad because I wandered off and now I’m late again…”

“So you knew, didn’t you? Tell me how you’re not psychic again?”

“It’s because I know _you_ , Han!”

“So who was it this time, Shani or Kader?”

Even though she’s barely two years older than me, I feel like the mischievous younger sibling, especially under that disappointed glare and the resigned way in which she follows me into the tavern.

“Kader…” The sudden ruckus of voices almost muffles my own, although I’m sure she knows in any case.

“At least that field is safer than the capital” I smile as she walks up ahead and towards the bar. “As lovely as Shani is, I don’t like that you stay around helping her with all those sick people”

“I’m sorry, mother” I playfully tell Hana as I put the apron over my breeches.

As my friend does the same, she looks at me just in time to see my angelical smile. She chuckles in spite of herself and lets it go. I wasn’t actually trying to wind her up, I just lost track of time in that field. Forgetting reality, deep in my memories.

“How can you not look forward to this delight?” She motions towards the drunkards loudly speaking and laughing. There is no bitterness or sarcasm in her voice, only resignation.

“Not everyone that comes here is like that” Just as I say that, I am distracted by a certain figure walking into the establishment.

Hana is speaking in response to my observation, but it’s hard to focus. That man is quite big and burly, and while it’s not unusual to see men like him here, I wonder if this is what my hunch was warning me about. He doesn’t seem to be the usual warrior or treasure seeker. His face is also shadowed by his hooded cloak.

My friend nudges me so I turn to her. Her eyes are fixed on a particular table. I follow them. Just the sight of them makes me grunt loudly and forget about the mysterious stranger.

“Not those assholes again…” I sigh, knowing that she took their order last time and now it’s my turn. “Why are they back?”

“They like to see us suffer” She humorlessly says, nudging me again to urge me.

“Fine…”

“Don’t do them any favors, Nissa”

“Of course not”

With that in mind, I move towards their loud table. On the way, the mysterious man that just entered passes me by as he walks to the bar. I hear his deep voice as he speaks to Hana. A slightly smaller man follows him like a puppy dog. His vibrant blue clothes visibly stand out amongst the dimness in the tavern. I flush slightly when his lively blue eyes quit curiously wandering around the establishment to lock with mine. He dedicates me a fleeting yet charming grin. If only I could be serving him instead of those five brutes.

“Alright” I say to myself before standing right at their table. All eyes are on me in a flash. “What will it be?”

The man closest to me smirks. I notice he has a scar all along his jaw, and take mental note of that in case I need to give him… special treatment.

“Five beers” I’m baffled when he doesn’t make any strange or unwarranted comments.

“Great” To be polite, I quickly smile at him. “I will be right back”

Seems like I was wrong to believe they would make trouble for me. So far they were just…

“Maybe you can give us other services as well, gorgeous!” One of his friends shouts. Uproarious guffaws follows.

There it is, as expected. I exhale, arming myself with patience, and face them again. I offer them a candid smile and approach them. My hand falls over my hip as I tower over them sitting at their table.

“Do you want to try that again, gentlemen?” My words are acid, but my tone is as sweet as honey.

“Shut up, waitress” The one sitting across the one with the scar pushes me with so much force that I inevitably fall to the ground.

I hurt my wrist when I try to break my fall. My backside is also immediately sore. Instead of showing it, however, I glare daggers at him and completely ignore the mild pain. I am about to stand up and give him a piece of my mind when a burly figure appears from the shadows.

“Looking for trouble?” A deep voice emerges from the depths of the hood that keeps his face hidden. Naturally intimidated by this stranger, they start muttering and making excuses. I glance up at the mysterious man and catch a glimpse of a golden glimmer under the hood.

“Are you alright?” Someone else claims my attention, so I turn to the new voice. Before me is a good-looking man. His blue eyes are filled with empathy and slight concern as he offers me his hand. He’s the one that accompanied the hooded figure, the one who just so happened to elegantly grin at me just a moment prior.

I smile at the kind gesture and accept his offering. As he tugs at my hand, also supporting me by the arm, I stare at him in awe. He peers down at me, as he is a bit taller.

“Yes, I…” I find myself suddenly freezing at his beautiful smile. “Thank you”

“Those pigs, what manners…” He doesn’t let go of my arm as he takes me away from those rude assholes. In fact, he tightens his grip slightly when he realizes I just might retaliate against them still. “People have no respect anymore nowadays… If I had an oren every time I witness such rudeness…”

As he talks and talks like we are close friends, I look back to Hana. We exchange a glance and I nod my head to let her know I am alright. She visibly sighs and shakes her head in their direction.

“Do you need anything?” Like a gentleman, he helps me sit down first in an empty table at the back of the tavern and only then does he occupy the seat in front of mine. “My friend there could show them a lesson for daring to trouble such a lovely dame”

His words take me by surprise, and quit the wandering of my gaze to land on him. I chuckle at his charm and take a breath I had apparently been holding. Nonetheless, my eyes direct once more to his companion, the cloaked man who hides his face. I notice the man retreating from them, fortunately with no further consequences.

“I wouldn’t want to give him more trouble than he already has” 

“And... what makes you say that?”

“People don’t like witchers”

And perhaps rightfully so, but I haven’t quite made my mind up about it.

I lock eyes with my alleged knight in shining armor, and the corner of his lips tugs up slowly.

“Beautiful _and_ smart" He pauses to lovingly watch me and I chuckle once more, flustered as well as flattered. “My name is Jaskier”

Suddenly, I can’t stop smiling. His brief company has already greatly improved my mood.

“Nissa” I offer him my hand as I introduce myself. “It is a pleasure to meet you”

“The pleasure is all mine, Nissa” Jaskier takes my hand and instead of shaking it, he gingerly puts my knuckles to his lips in a gallant manner that nearly makes me blush. 

For several seconds, as he slowly lets go of my hand, we only look at each other. Twin smiles occupy our mouths.

“May I ask what their problem was?” He points a thumb over his shoulder to the assholes that are now loudly laughing again. “Who are they?”

“I believe they are treasure hunters, although I try not to pay them much mind” I roll my eyes at the thought of them. “They frequent the place, enjoying the taste of ale and the sight of the waitresses a bit too much”

Jaskier chuckles at my wit and opens his mouth to reply, but I am faster.

“If _I_ may ask, what is a bard doing with a witcher?”

“How…?” He gawks at me for a moment, but then seems to remember the lute hanging over his back and smirks. “Why, I’m his best friend in all of the Continent”

I raise an eyebrow. Perhaps his words are genuine, but the ways he announces it, as though preparing the public for his epic new ballad, makes me laugh whole heartedly. When I notice the witcher walking closer, however, I stiffen up. Although he still wears his cloak, his hood apparently fell down while he argued with the assholes. Now that his whole is revealed, I see the long silver hair that frames his chiseled features and shining golden eyes.

“We should go” Is all he says, barely bothering to glance at me before turning to his friend. Jaskier looks up at him and then back at me. He pouts and sighs, but eventually stands up. As a farewell, he dedicates me a flourished bow before moving in resignation.

“Wait” I stand myself, earning their attention back. “Thank you, both of you”

“Hm” Is the witcher’s only response, but the bard is a bit more flamboyant.

“You’re more than welcome, my lady” To accompany his words, he winks an eye at me. I have to grin, finding him to be quite the character. Despite his apparent reluctance, I understand why the witcher keeps him around.

“If you’ll excuse us, fair lady” The aforesaid mumbles sarcastically. “My humble bard and I have to retire now”

When the witcher’s eyes directly meet with mine, I lose my smile. A nasty shiver travels down my back and I only manage to bow my head in understanding. I internally lecture myself, finding my behavior completely irrational. Not having noticed or cared about my shift in demeanor, he turns around and makes to leave. Jaskier waves and smiles at me before following him like a puppy once more.

“Those two are friends?” Hana is suddenly beside me, causing me to jolt up. I had been too focused watching them leave. “Who would have thought?”

“He’s a witcher” I tell her, still watching the door, now without them there.

She visibly tenses up at my words. There’s a pause of a few seconds until she pipes up again.

“I have no idea what you’re thinking” My friend mumbles, gently shaking my shoulder so I look at her. “But I don’t like that face at all”

It makes me aware that I have an eyebrow raised with a timely occurrence. This might be my only chance. If I dare. And if I get over how intimidated I am by the witcher.

My fingers are shaking as I take my apron off. Today I must take an early break. I give it to Hana and hold a finger up before she can lecture me.

“Hold the fort for me” Hana is still calling me as I dash towards the exit.

The bright sun seems to hurt my eyes with the change from the dark tavern. I squint and glance around, urgently looking for those two figures. I spot them close by and run to them.

“Witcher!” I call him loudly, and he halts as well as his friend.

The witcher doesn’t turn, and I recognize the annoyed resignation in his tense shoulders. The bard, though, has turned to face me and that smile has once again found home on his lips.

“If it isn’t the lovely Nissa” He gestures with both hands towards me, then nudging his friend. “Long time no see! How can we help you?”

“You’re going to the mountains” I stare at the witcher, forcing my eyes to linger on him and not on the landscape in the distance to my left. “I’m coming with you”

“How did you know-?” Jaskier frowns, but his friend interrupts him.

“You’re smart” He nods his head at me, but then rolls his eyes in what appears to be exhaustion. “But you’re not accompanying us”

“I can pay-“

“I’m not a guide”

“To protect me, perhaps, then-“

“Not a bodyguard, either”

A heavy silence settles, and I can feel Jaskier’s eyes dancing from him to me in great curiosity.

“I need to go” I lift my chin up in determination. “The mountains is the only place where I can find the truth and-“

“I don’t care” The witcher shakes his head, not even letting me finish.

I refuse to put up with his stubbornness. He is the only chance I have to safely reach the mountains, to visit them once and for all and unveil the mysteries that lay there. As I told him, to uncover the truth and ease my conscience. Even if my heart is rapidly beating at the thought.

“If you cared as little as you pretend to, you wouldn’t have helped me, witcher”

“Oh, no…” Jaskier mumbles under his breath, gently laying a hand on his friend’s arm.

The witcher takes a step closer to me, his unnatural golden eyes flashing with anger. As though that wasn’t intimidating enough, he is also significantly taller than me. I take a step back without thinking, nearly tripping over my own two feet.

“The answer is no, maid” He says the last word almost with contempt, and it makes me furious to be treated with such condescension.

“L-Let’s all calm down, she was just asking” Jaskier tries to play peacemaker, but none of us pay attention to him.

“I won’t take no for an answer” I take a deep breath and square my shoulders up, lifting my chin again with dignity and ferocity. “I can pay you to accompany me or not, that is your choice. But I will hang off your bard’s arm if necessary”

Jaskier chuckles in awed amusement, still covering his mouth to conceal his smile. To my absolute bewilderment, the witcher reacts as well. He smirks ever so lightly, and the fire in his eyes extinguishes.

“You have guts” His deep voice makes me gulp, but I relax when he offers me his hand even if he does so reluctantly. “Geralt of Rivia”

Wasn’t he… the witcher that broke princess Adda’s curse? It was quite big in all of Vizima. Also, I could have sworn I heard the famous song about him. ‘A friend of humanity’. Jaskier must have been the one to write it.

It takes me a couple of seconds to get over my shock in order to squeeze his outstretched hand. Mine is significantly smaller in comparison.

“I am Nissa of… Vizima” I gracefully say, trying to regain my composure.

“Hm” Geralt nods as he lets go of my hand.

“When do we depart?”

“Tomorrow at dawn”

“Fine by me”

“Meet us at the inn”

“I will see you there”

“This is fantastic” Jaskier chimes in, grinning from ear to ear. “Had I known we would have company, I would have worn my best garments”

Geralt rolls his eyes and takes ahold of the bard’s shirt as he turns, not willing to stretch the conversation out any more than necessary. Jaskier resists as he points at me, and I chuckle.

“But Geralt, I was talking to Nissa over there! Excuse me?”

I grin in his direction before turning back round. I can hear Jaskier’s complaints as I make to enter the tavern and tell Hana what happened.

This trip will be interesting to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're liking the story so far, remember to leave kudos. Also, please leave comments so I can know your opinions! Is there something you would like to read next, something you think I can improve? Let me know! ❤


	2. Elegy of the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been working on this series for literal months, but I finally finished it! I will now continue posting it as I revise it, and I hope you all enjoy reading as much as I did writing it. Remember to leave kudos and especially comments if you are liking it! I poured my heart out into this story and I would love some feedback :)

The light of dawn seems but a definitive reminder of what awaits today. I can see the mountains from my window, there in the distance. Menacing yet promising.

I stand up from the bed and go gather the things that I so restlessly prepared last night: my satchel with a blanket, in case we need to make camp, and my weapons. There wasn’t much else to take with me.

I am already dressed in my breeches, now with a gray shirt tightly clinging to my torso. My long dark hair has been tied back into a comfortable tight braid that keeps it off my eyes.

Hana, leaving her improvised bed on the wooden ground covered by a thick blanket and a pillow, watches my every move. She insisted on spending the night with me, knowing she wouldn’t be able to change my mind and instead preferring to ‘see me one last time before this little quest of mine gets me killed’. Even if she was being facetious, I know she cares. I tried telling her it shouldn’t be as dangerous as she believes, but she’s obviously not convinced.

My eyes feel heavy, since I haven’t slept much if any at all. I doubt she has either, knowing how important this quest is for me. It did help that she was here last night to distract me from the nerves and uncertainty. The promise of today’s adventure indeed brings contradictory emotions. I am excited, elated and giddy. Yet at the same time I am nervous and frightened. Terrified even. Am I sure that I want to know the truth? Will it only bring me even more pain? Or will it finally release me from the guilt and the uncertainty? Will I ever find new clues, or am I doomed to remain in this ignorance?

Pal’s neighing outside steers my thoughts back to reality. I sigh, feeling like that damn animal sees into my very soul. Still I smile, because I thank him for it.

Hana follows me as I gather my things and walk outside, trusting my belongings to my horse’s saddle. I sheath my dagger into my belt and secure the sword to the saddle, tightly tying the knots.

Time has come to say goodbye, even if I know the circumstances make us feel everything more intensely. We will see each other again. I won’t perish in those mountains. Not when a mighty witcher is by my side. Right?

“Don’t wait up” I tell my best friend, hugging her tight. “And don’t let any foul clients get on your bad side”

Hana nods over my shoulder, squeezing me as well. It feels silly, I will be back soon. No matter how foreign it feels to leave town for a longer period of time than usual. No matter the fact that our journey will keep me and Hana separated perhaps for days for the first time since we became friends. For the first time in literally years. No matter what, I remind myself that I will be back soon.

“Destiny awaits” She says as she breaks away. There’s a rare smile illuminating her round face. Anxiety and encouragement seem to blend together in her expression. “You be careful, Nissa”

“I will…” My voice breaks as I step away, only thinking of what awaits me today. “Goodbye, Hana”

Holding her arms around herself, Hana waves goodbye at me. It might be the chill of the early morning or my thin gray shirt, but I feel myself shivering as I take Pal’s reins and start walking. I refuse to look back at her.

The inn isn’t far from here, and so I head in that direction. My thoughts wander once more, roaming free with the possibilities of the day. Fortunately, I have the bard and especially the witcher, to protect me. Their company will also prove useful to distract me from my distress.

Pal nudges my shoulder, and I look up to realize my feet have moved on their own. I pat his shoulder to thank him for the warning. We are at the inn, but there is no sight of Geralt or Jaskier yet.

I caress Pal’s neck and let go of his reins to rest my back against the wooden column at the door. In the meantime, he peacefully paces and nibbles on some weeds. I’m quickly looking at them to ensure they are safe for him to eat when the door suddenly opens.

“Ah, Nissa!” Jaskier cheerfully receives me, far too energetic for such an early hour. “You are quite punctual”

I smile at him, surprisingly fond of his personality already. It is almost infectious, how he’s always smiling and endlessly speaking.

“Save your energies, Jaskier” Geralt exits behind him. “You will need them for the ascent to the mountains”

“As long as I have my beloved lute” He pats the instrument hanging from his back, and then smirks as he peers at me. “And some quality company, I will be alright”

I grin at the compliment, entranced by his magnetic energy. Pal has to nudge me to earn my attention, and I silently glare at my horse.

“Interesting weapon” The witcher speaks, and I turn when I realize he must be addressing me. His eyes are indeed settled on me, making me quite uncomfortable. Not only are they unnaturally golden and piercing, he won’t stop staring at me. He’s now looking from my belt to my saddlebag. My heart skips a beat, and my hand automatically rests over the handle of my dagger.

“Why?” I question, carefully watching his reaction. “Have you seen something like it before?”

“No” He replies with disinterest. “It’s just peculiar”

My racing heart quiets down. My brain had started working rapidly, but all suspicion fades. 

It _is_ peculiar. I had never seen one like this before coming across it. The blade is curved slightly, and its beautiful golden hilt is decorated with colorful small gems.

I can’t read his expression, which makes me nervous. The witcher claims my attention once more before my thoughts can roam.

“Are you ready?”

“Y-Yes” I confirm with a vehement head nod. “Armed and ready”

“Good” Geralt takes a step closer to me, towering over me. “Don’t be foolish”

My fingers wrap firmly around the reins in my hand, sinking my nails into them as I take a step away from him. In my rush, I walk into Jaskier standing behind me.

“Yes, sir” I say to the witcher, looking him right in the eye.

Without a word more, he starts walking with his own horse. I don’t lose sight of him until he’s at a safe distance from me.

“Don’t listen to him” The bard’s voice nearly makes me jump. “He’s not nearly as bad as he seems”

I haven’t moved, and his hand had settled in the small of my back to avoid me walking into him before. I put some distance between us and begin walking.

“If you say so” I turn to my horse, pretending to have to check my belongings in the saddle.

Jaskier leaves my side and goes to walk by the witcher. I follow behind as the two of them lead the way. Pal neighs cheerfully, and I grin at his encouragement.

“It will be alright” I tell him as we advance together. “The bard is nice”

“Why do you have to be so rude?” I hear Jaskier telling his friend. “She is quite lovely, behave”

“No, you behave” Before I can wonder what the witcher’s response implies, Jaskier is already returning by my side.

“Lovely day, isn’t it?” He smiles, and it seems as though his lips are stuck in that position for the rest of the day. “Fortune favors the brave. And the brave… might be inspired for a song”

Ahead, Geralt groans in anticipation. To be quite honest, I am not in the mood to hear a song right this instant. I’m still barely awake, and the thought of venturing to the mountains is enough to turn my stomach into knots.

Perhaps realizing how little interest I have in his music at the moment, he stammers.

“Beautiful chestnut horse” He tries again, seeing that weather talk isn’t of my liking in any case. “Can I touch him?

“Sure”

“Oh! Oh, really?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“You seem quite fond of him” Jaskier is still grinning as his hand gently caresses Pal’s neck, and the horse leans into his touch. “Geralt is of his mare as well, he won’t let me touch her”

I can’t say I’m surprised by this discovery. The witcher still walks ahead, but tilts his head to look at us for a moment. His eyes fall over my horse and then move to me.

“What’s your horse’s name?” I smile a bit at the question, for he correctly assumed I had named him.

“Pal, yours?”

“Roach”

“Interesting name”

“Likewise”

“I’m sorry, did I hear correctly? Did you say ‘Pal’?” Jaskier inserts himself back into the conversation. “That isn’t too inventive, is it? What a name for a horse…”

“My brother named him…” Certainly reading the sadness in my response, Jaskier clears his throat. He stammers for a bit again, yet elegantly recovers and changes the subject.

“If you allow me, I must say you are one of the softest, most beautiful-“ The bard’s compliment is cut off when the witcher hums in amusement. “What’s so funny, Geralt?”

“Soft people are rare” The witcher states as though it is a certain fact. “And there's a reason for that"

I observe him in silence for several seconds. Is he truly so cynical to believe there are no kind people anymore? Whatever the case, he doesn't elaborate. The quiet noise of the town at such hour is left behind us as we exit it. The sound of our footsteps, as well as the hooves of our mounts, is the only thing accompanying us on the path.

"What would that reason be?" I dare to ask him, feeling Jaskier’s eyes on me.

The bard reminds me of the little girl that I gave the flower to, gawking in awe and eagerness. I have to hold back a smile and focus on the witcher as he looks at me over his shoulder.

"The world claims them" Geralt simply says, slowing down to allow us to catch up with him.

“So is one supposed to become cold and bitter instead?”

“I am no one to decide for everyone else”

“I personally think there’s certain courage to kindness” Jaskier pipes up once more, giving himself importance by resting a hand on his chest. “I myself-”

“You’re not soft” Geralt refutes, completely convinced.

“Thank… you?” I finally smile when Jaskier peers at me in confusion before turning to his friend. “Was that… an insult or a compliment?”

He blinks repeatedly and I just shrug to conceal my amusement. Jaskier frowns and insistently taps the witcher’s arm.

“Geralt, was that an insult or a compliment? Geralt?”

I’m surprised when the witcher rolls his eyes and looks at me. His gaze seems to tell me ‘you just met him, but have you seen what I put up with?’ in the fondest yet more exasperated way possible. I can’t help but to smile at him.

The Mahakam mountains are slightly closer after we advanced for an hour or so. We have now climbed on our horses while the terrain is still quite flat. Accompanying these two strangers felt slightly awkward at first, but I’m slowly getting used to their company. Jaskier’s voice, as much as he uses it, is already familiar to me. The witcher’s silence, on turn, is the rule rather than the exception. He only breaks it to quickly make a comment or complain when the bard gets too talkative about a particular subject.

I suddenly grow extremely aware of how close our destination is even if there is still quite a bit to get to the top of the mountain, for we haven’t yet started climbing it. I haven’t noticed I was staring up at them until Jaskier reaches out to touch me. Quite honestly, ever since he started ranting about food, I stopped listening to him and his voice became a background noise.

“Nissa” He says, although frowning in confusion to my reaction when I get startled out of my thoughts. “Do you think I could ride with you, if you would be so kind?”

I clutch the reins to my chest, protective of my horse. He sighs as though he guessed what my response would be.

“I did _not_ choose the right footwear, again…” He explains, gesturing to his boots. I hesitate, not wanting to admit why I’m so reluctant to let him. It just feels wrong to let him ride it. To let anyone at all. Jaskier sighs in exasperation. “Fine! You two leave the poor bard to exhaust himself before we even reach the mountains”

“You’re not riding Roach” The witcher reminds him, almost to tease him.

“Ah, but I did once, remember?”

“You were dying”

“So you do care about me… I was starting to believe you despised me, Geralt”

I am relieved that the attention is diverted off me, but further so I am amused by their friendship. In fact, I chuckle when the witcher only responds with a neutral grunt.

“Right” I’m starting to believe Jaskier is literally unable to stay quiet. “I will then retort to my trustworthy companion”

The bard pulls out the lute from his back and starts mindlessly strumming the strings. From my position behind him, I notice Geralt shaking his head to himself. Jaskier’s fingers continue to nimbly run along the neck of the instrument. Despite the passion he’s pouring into the song, there is a childish frown on his brow and a visible pout on his lips.

“I love that song” I say to fix his mood slightly. The bard’s eyes twinkle when he looks up at me, so excited that he halts the song completely.

“Have you heard it before?!”

“How couldn’t I? It is the song that has been roaring across all the north”

A part of me does not believe all of what it says to be true, but I quite enjoy the song nonetheless. In any case, I certainly won’t tell Jaskier about my skepticism, for it would be unnecessary and impolite.

“Oh, is it? Did you hear that, Geralt?”

“Hm…”

“Sing with me, if you will”

I grin and indulge his wish when I recognize the rhythm of the chorus coming from his lute. The way Jaskier is staring at me, with so much adoration, makes my heart warm. Even if it is quite silly that I caused it by knowing his song.

“Toss a coin to your witcher…” Jaskier nods encouragingly, and I join him when he keeps singing. “O valley of plenty, o valley of plenty”

The bard’s steps seem to acquire more vigor as we sing together to the catchy tune. Wondering about his reaction, I look at Geralt without neglecting the song. The witcher is riding farther ahead of us in an attempt to escape what I’m sure he believes to be the abhorrent and tedious sound of our conjoined voices.

We left our horses behind when the terrain became too steep for Roach and Pal.

Ever since we bonded by means of music, Jaskier and I have found ourselves chatting non-stop. It had only come to an end when the climbing hindered our speaking abilities. He breathes heavily as he fervently trudges on after his witcher friend, but the tiring ascent doesn’t seem to be enough to completely silence him.

“What do you say, Nissa?” He concludes, asking my opinion on which of his songs is best.

I take a few seconds to catch my breath before responding. When I do, I’m quite impressed with his breathing abilities. Although I’m slightly athletic, I am out of breath and I feel my forehead and nape beaded with sweat. Jaskier still looks radiant somehow.

“I say I’m surprised you still have enough air in your lungs to speak” I mumble, dragging myself up the mountain behind him.

A chuckle reaches my ears, and I halt when I realize it wasn’t the bard’s. Did I just make the witcher laugh? Shaking my head in disbelief, I huff as we continue on our way, wishing I was in as good shape as him, who easily walks up the mountain before us.

Jaskier suddenly turns around and smiles at me, apparently amused. I feel flustered and resolve to just stare at him.

“Would you like some help, my lady?”

“Oh, please don’t call me that…” I beg of him, pausing to catch my breath once more. “It makes me feel like a delicate flower”

“But you are a delicate flower” He grins, gallantly offering me his hand. His smile is as inviting as his willing assistance.

“Shut up, buttercup” I tell him, still placing my hand atop his and being infected with the gesture that grows on my lips. His fingers gently close over mine and he tugs at my hand to help me walk up, pulling me behind him.

“You’re breaking my heart, Nissa” Jaskier playfully replies, dramatically pressing a hand against his chest. “Rhyming no less, is that considered treason?”

I let out a loud guffaw at the unexpected comment. He looks over his shoulder to me, beaming as a glint cheerfully reaches his eyes. When I smile at him wider, he looks up ahead and glances down to the ground to watch where he is going.

The peak is much closer now, and I’m astonished by how much I had forgotten this detail. Jaskier’s energy truly was intoxicating, apparently enough to make me forget about my anguish for a bit. Once aware of how close we are, I force dark thoughts away before I start spiraling. Instead, I glance at Geralt since Jaskier seems too focused on pulling the both of us upwards. The witcher has been silent for most of the route. Truly, he isn’t a man of many words.

I can’t stop thinking that I am actually in the presence of a witcher. Kader would have done nearly anything to witness him. Geralt is indeed quite an imposing presence.

“Why do you stare?” He suddenly asks, not bothering to look at me but at the dusty path ahead.

Jaskier looks at me once more, his eyes wide in alert. I gawk at the two of them as I rummage my brain for a proper response. In the meantime, Geralt turns to glance at me.

“I… I was just…” Deciding to leave this conversation to us, Jaskier gathers his efforts in climbing the mountain. “Wondering about witchers”

“Wondering what?” Geralt insists, now actually staring himself.

“I know quite a bit about…” It feels rude to say ‘your kind’ somehow, so I decide to change the course of my sentence. “The creatures you slay, and it’s fascinating to me”

“Is it?” He cocks an eyebrow, wary about my stand on the matter. “How so?”

I falter, realizing that every time we interact I feel quite inhibited. Cautious not to misspeak. Fearful to upset him.

“Well, I…” I start, tilting my head in consideration. “I enjoy learning”

“About monsters?”

“It’s... good to know about them, is it not?”

“How much do you know?”

I momentarily think back to my long conversations with Kader. About witcher’s codes and the creatures they hunt and slay. Many species pop up in my head, so I list a few of them.

“Werewolves, strigas, cockatrices, frighteners…”

“Dragons?”

I feel a tug to my hand when I abruptly stop, causing Jaskier to stumble a bit. Curious as to what caused this pause, he watches me. Suddenly the three of us stand still, looking at each other in silence.

“Do you know what is up there?” The witcher pushes on. It seems like his golden eyes are seeing into my very soul.

“I do” I reply without hesitation, squeezing Jaskier’s hand for comfort. He reciprocates.

“If you knew, why would you come?” The bard questions, serious for the first time since we’ve met. Rattled by his eyes gravely fixed on me, I turn to the witcher.

“I need to check something” I anxiously nibble on my bottom lip. “But what I want to know is why you two are going up there”

“There’s a dragon, I’m a witcher” 

“Witchers aren’t allowed to slay dragons, they are scarce and the code forbids it”

Impressed by my knowledge, he nods his head. Geralt squints, however, before speaking.

“Knowing that, are you sure you want to continue?” His voice harbors a looming omen.

“Of course” I squeeze Jaskier’s hand again, and we carry on, this time aiding each other on our trudging. “I knew of the perils of this quest before I asked to accompany you”

“Are you not frightened?” The bard wonders aloud, glancing from the ground to me.

“I am, but…” I breathe heavily, hoping they believe it’s from the ascent still. “I still wanted to come”

“Why wait?” The witcher intervenes “You could have come any time before we arrived”

“I didn’t dare to come alone” My eyes linger on the unstable terrain under my boots. “When I saw you, I imagined that was why you were here and…”

“Knew it was safer to be backed by a witcher” I cautiously observe him, timorous that I upset him. Far from that, Geralt only purses his lips and nods in silence.

“No matter!” Jaskier exclaims, so suddenly that he startles me. “You are a fair and valiant lady, Nis!”

Unfamiliar with being addressed as such, I make a funny face. Still, I find it quite endearing. Jaskier arches his eyebrows in a further encouraging gesture before returning his gaze up ahead. And so we continue climbing the mountain. The conversation carries on again under the bard’s leadership. He is gloating about his wonderful ballads once more. The nerves in my stomach diminish slightly. I smile as I walk behind him and Geralt, still being pulled by the bard’s hand.

I mentally thank the gods when we finally make it to the top. I pause for a moment to lean my hands on my knees and catch my breath. I didn’t find it as hard last time. Immediately taken aback by torturous thoughts and memories, I straighten back up and continue walking even through ragged breaths. I can’t spiral into that sorrow right now, not when I am so close to potentially ending it.

“Behold!” Jaskier dramatically stops and throw his hands up. “The dragon’s lair!”

A wave of emotions rushes through me when I watch the cave’s entrance. It all happened years ago, but being here once more fills me with anguish. The details of my surroundings only add on to the traumatic memories: the dusty ground beneath my feet, the warmth of the summer sun being out-powered by the cool temperature emanating from the cave’s depths and the darkness that slowly engulfs us as we cautiously immerse ourselves in it. Or I do, as I grow aware that I walk alone. 

Geralt’s hand harshly grasps my arm, and I freeze as I look into his eyes.

“Don’t be foolish” He reminds me, pushing me back so I stand behind him.

I stumble to regain my balance. A hand stabilizes me. Jaskier shushes me before I can open my mouth to thank him.

“What’s that?” He utters, still and attentive. Soon I hear what startled him. From the very depths of the cave come shrieks of agony and the sound of a struggle.

I run forward to investigate as the witcher does not hesitate to enter there.

“Nissa?” The bard’s fingers grace my arm, but he’s not quick enough to stop me. “Nissa, wait!”

I wince when the loud screeching sound echoes against the cave walls, hurting my ears and making me grit my teeth. I have never heard that sound before, but I can guess what it is. My heart races at the thought of seeing a dragon in the flesh for the very first time.

Jaskier rushes farther into the cave behind me, and we both stop side by side when we reach the source. We are received with an unexpected sight.

A group of five men surround Geralt, who backs away and tries to protect the dragon with his body. The creature is magnificent, barely contained by the high roof of the cave. I doubt it is a fully grown adult dragon, but he’s just as intimidating. His metallic green scales throw glints across the earthy surface of the cave. His mouth opens wide to showcase his deadly teeth as he shrieks once more, retaliating to the attack.

“Shit” Jaskier mutters, seeing the treasure hunters that are intent on slaying the dragon for their own purposes. They are the ones from the tavern. I knew those bastards couldn’t be up to anything good. 

I watch in anguish and stir in the spot, restless about the conclusion. Incapable to stand by and watch, I pull out my dagger, swearing under my breath for being stubborn enough not to have taken the sword from my saddlebag with me. Geralt is doing a splendid job dealing with those men on his own, but I feel the need to assist him nonetheless.

“Oh, hang on!” This time Jaskier manages to get ahold of me before I throw myself into battle. “What are you doing?”

“He’s outnumbered” I only say, not looking at him as my eyes drift from the fight to the dragon that tries to throw the odds in the witcher’s favor.

My will is stronger than him, so I throw myself to a man that nearly takes Geralt by surprise. Jaskier calls my name in outrage. My dagger cuts the air, and it is at this very moment that I realize I didn’t think things through. I have never hurt anyone, and I don’t intend to start now. Perhaps I can still aid the witcher somehow, I…

“Stay back!” He forcefully takes ahold of my arm and hauls me around. His swift movements have saved me from their attacks as a blade had passed dangerously close to my side. I grit my teeth at the thought of being badly injured for my tenacity.

Now with more force, he pushes me to get me away from the danger. I gape at him in offence, but he’s entirely focused on the battle. Trying again, I take a step forward, though I am interrupted once more.

“Hold on, hold on!” Jaskier suddenly wraps an arm around my waist and keeps me locked to his side, avoiding my return to Geralt’s. “Hang on, wait! Nissa!!”

“I have to help!”

“No, he’s got it under control!”

“Jaskier…”

“You’ll get hurt!”

Just as he’s finishing his sentence, I cringe when I see the witcher’s sword viscerally slaying one of the few remaining men until he falls to the ground, limp and lifeless. Jaskier gasps next to me, turning his head to the other side in disgust.

The commotion of metal against metal and frantic small footsteps has stopped once every enemy is defeated. The shrieking has too, bringing the loud noise of my heartbeat resonating in my ears.

“Geralt” The bard says, although covering his mouth with his free hand. “Are you alright?”

“Yes” The witcher simply replies, walking closer to us. “And you’re lucky to be too”

I tug at Jaskier’s hand still holding on to my stomach until he finally lets go of me. He takes a deep breath and turns around to avoid looking at the massacre. I do too, even if I have already caught a glimpse of all the blood. My stomach turns and bile burns my throat.

“Your recklessness almost cost us our lives” Geralt barks at me, distracting me from the nausea.

“I just wanted to help you!”

“I don’t need your help”

“You did, it was five against one and-“

“I can handle myself”

“But I was just-“

“I don’t care”

“Geralt!” Jaskier calls out in alarm to put an end to our argument.

We both look to where the bard is anxiously pointing to. One of the men has stood up, even if he’s covered in blood. I recognize the scar on his jaw, but before I can dwell on it, he’s throwing himself to us. His sword cuts my arm as he wildly swings it around. A mixture of voices cries out in alarm, yet I only focus on mine as I clutch the wound.

Geralt moves at the speed of light. He pushes me so urgently that I fall to the ground. Once I’m out of the way, the witcher jumps before the dragon. The man’s blade had graced the surface of the creature’s side just as it did my arm. Geralt meddles in, kneeing him in the stomach.

My eyes are stuck to the witcher. I gasp when the man’s sword pierces Geralt’s shoulder in retaliation. Our companion grits his teeth and falters. To my surprise, instead of attacking once more, the man scurries away while the witcher is momentarily down. I try to do something, but I can’t seem to stand up on time. Jaskier, however, manages to trip him and take him by surprise.

“Get back here, you…” As the man hurries to his feet once more, the bard is going after him.

“Jaskier!” Geralt stops him. “Let him go”

Although reluctantly, he obeys. Even if he insults him under his breath. The cave has now sunk in a total silence that makes the ringing in my ears evident.

“Nissa” Jaskier whispers in my ear, crouching by my side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah” I nod as I press my palm against the cut in my arm. “But Geralt…”

“I’m fine” The witcher says, his own hand pushed against his shoulder. “Let’s go”

I gawk at him, watching how the blood seeps through his gloved fingers. The blade pierced him from side to side and yet he is unaffected.

“Get up” He mindlessly says as he passes me by. “We’re done here”

In a daze, I stand to my feet. This wasn’t how I pictured things going.

Jaskier and I exchange a stunned look as we follow Geralt outside. I throw a quick glance over my shoulder to the green dragon. He’s stirring in the spot, rattled by the superficial wound that managed to pierce through the scales. That man must have put some real humph and hatred in that thrust to hurt him so.

The bright sunlight hurt my eyes when we exit the cave until I grow used to it again.

“Everyone alright then?” Both Geralt and I nod in response to Jaskier’s question. The bard exhales in relief and opens his mouth again. We never find out what he was about to say.

A terrifying roar echoes inside of the cave, chilling me to the bone. On an instinct, I peer at Geralt. His golden eyes are wide as he looks into the cave.

“He took the dragon’s egg” Is all he says to explain the creature’s outburst.

“There was an egg?!” Jaskier voices my own astonishment.

“Fuck” The witcher says just as the uproarious sound of flapping fills us.

The dragon has left its lair, and the majestic sight of his wings is both enthralling and frightening. A strong wind envelops up as he takes flight, and I feel Geralt’s arm violently pushing me against him. Before I know it, I’m thrown into the ground and pulled against his chest. The three of us huddle together as the dragon menacingly soars over us. Even as I cover my head with my arms, I dare to look up. A force field envelops us, and judging by Geralt’s hand directed to it, I assume it is his doing.

Jaskier and I scream when the dragon spits fire in his wrath. I cautiously watch as the beast’s burning breath spreads around us, feeling the heat creeping up despite not actually reaching us thanks to the witcher’s protection. Resigned to not being able to harm us, the beast flies away and looks for a new target. The loud sound of the wings flapping hurts my ears, and the wind it brings stirs my hair and gets in my eyes. In spite of it all, I stand up when I realize what the dragon intends.

“No…” I suddenly say, watching how it flies above the town below. “Don’t…”

I hurriedly walk to the edge of the mountain, forcing Geralt to yield his magic shield around us. My fear becomes true as I see a wave of fire falling onto the town. My town. My home. Dark thick smoke soon forms, ascending into the sky and obscuring the sun. Now it looks black, seeping darkness into my soul once the sunlight is gone. The day has turned to night, and my prior eagerness has turned to melancholy.

“NO!!!” Frozen in horror, I can only watch as the flames devour the houses and all the buildings. All the life.

Even from above and from such a distance, I can nearly hear the harrowing screams of the dying people. They’re all extinguishing, all their lives. And there's nothing I can do to help it. Tears rush to my eyes, blurring my vision. I can’t look away. I’m paralyzed. No, no, no, no, no. Not again. I can’t lose everything again. This can’t be happening. Not again…

“Nissa…” Geralt’s grave voice takes me out of my stupor and I react.

“It can’t be” I take a step backwards, trying to find something to do. I must do something. Anything. Anything at all.

I trip over my own two feet, but two hands are ready to steady my hips. In a daze, I turn around and recognize the utter desolation in Jaskier’s face, mirroring my own. His blue eyes are drowned in sorrow, or perhaps just in tears. Like mine.

“I-I have to go back” I take another step, this time managing not to trip. Like before, his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me closer. “What are you doing?! I need to go with them!!”

Jaskier holds on to me, and I fight to break free, struggling under his surprisingly strong grasp. His lips form a thin line as he remains steady despite my thrashing.

“I need to go back!” I tug at his hands, but their grip is tenacious. “I need to!”

“No, you can’t!” Jaskier groans as he tries to hold me back. I toss and turn, but he still doesn’t let go. “It’s… dangerous, Nissa!!”

“Let me go!” I tear my throat as I shout at the top of my lungs. “Fucking let go of me, Jaskier!! Let me go!!!”

“I-It’s okay” He pulls me even closer to him until my head rests against his chest. “Stay here, you’re… you’re safe here”

Why is his voice so pained? Why are his movements so resigned? No, he can’t believe… They can’t be…

“N-NO! FUCKING UNHAND ME!” They can’t be dead. They can’t all be dead. I need to see them, they’re still alive. I need to return. “JASKIER, LET ME GO! LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO!!”

“It’s alright” His voice breaks. He winces when I repeatedly throw my fists against his chest. Nonetheless, even as he winces, his grip only tightens. “It’s alright, Nissa”

“No… I…” I start sobbing, still hitting him to push him off me. Feebly, but I hit him. “L-Let me go… Let me…”

“They’re gone” Geralt says behind me. There’s a resigned grief in his voice. “There’s nothing you can do for them now. If you go back now, you’ll just die too”

“That’s not true…” I’m breathing heavily, not having enough strength to even look at the witcher over my shoulder. “Y-You’re lying, you’re… y-you’re…”

“They’re gone… I’m sorry” Geralt concludes, and I suddenly crumble.

My bottom lip trembles as I shake my head.

No…

My shoulders convulse with a treacherous sob.

No.

My body goes limp as tears roll down my cheeks.

Just… Please, no.

My strengths leave me completely. My knees buckle.

I’m helpless. Utterly and completely helpless.

Jaskier breaks my fall and kneels with me, holding me tight. His previous urgency has now turned to tenderness as he cradles me against his chest. Won’t he help me? I’m suffocating. There must be something we can do…

“I’m sorry” He whispers in my ear, his hands gently rubbing my back. “I’m truly sorry”

I shake my head again, refusing to accept it. All my life has faded away, like the embers that now float on the air around us, carrying the echoes of the terrified screams. The smell of burning flesh. Those embers will extinguish soon, just like my spirit has. My home, all my friends. Hana... They’re gone, just like him. They’re all gone. I’m alone.

I close my eyes tight and cling on to Jaskier’s doublet. The soft silk against my fingers isn’t enough to ground me. I can’t breathe. I’m choking. I’m suffocating. My mind is racing. My heart is aching. My eyes are swollen with so many tears. I need this woe to stop.

A hand heavily falls on my shoulder. I know it is Geralt’s way of giving me his condolences. I start crying louder, bawling my eyes out as I push my forehead against Jaskier’s shoulder. His hand is on the back of my head, trying to provide me with a comfort that will never be enough.

“It will be alright” The bard whispers, and as soft and tender as his voice sounds, I can’t believe him. “Sh… It will be alright, Nissa…”

It won’t. It never will. How can it? I just lost everything.

My thoughts are volatile as smoke, and they vanish just as fast. The only thing reminding me that I am in fact alive is my racing heart. It hurts. Not only because it thumps against my chest. It just hurts, inside. There is a non-physical ache inside me. I can’t get rid of it.

A sigh behind me momentarily gathers my attention. I look to see Jaskier and Geralt. Their heads are low, eyes fixed to the ground.

I blink when I realize Jaskier isn’t beside me anymore. He hadn’t let go of me as we made our descent. It was helpful, as my legs were trembling too badly and wouldn’t hold my weight. When has he let go of me? Or have I pushed him away? I can’t remember. In my mind there is only room for pain.

I would give anything to let go of this sorrow. Of this dull ache that is so fucking familiar. But I can’t. I know I can’t. It demands to be felt, to be suffered. No matter how unbearable. I suddenly find myself wishing to become a witcher so I can quiet my emotions. Feel nothing. Not hurt.

That thought makes me realize how Geralt actually does feel. I open my mouth to thank him as well as Jaskier for their support, for just being there. But no sound comes out. My voice is stuck in my throat. There’s a knot there keeping it ransom.

I jump when something wraps around my wrist. My eyes find it hard to focus on Geralt’s face. His expression is empty. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. A visceral feeling suddenly envelops me. I want to get away from him, but I can’t. I have no strength.

Because I have stopped when he touched me, he takes my arm in his hands. I hadn’t noticed he carries bandages. As he quickly wraps it around my arm, I notice his shoulder has been bandaged in a rush as well. When it happened, I don’t know. I can’t focus.

I had almost forgotten that the blade reached me. It isn’t a deep wound, and that dull pain seems numb in comparison to the one in my chest. To the fog in my head. Geralt is rough and quick as he ties the ends of the bandages together over my arm. I stumble with even the mild force, close to collapsing at any moment. Teetering on the edge. Ultimately, I don’t. Somehow, I still stand.

When I see he’s finished, I carry on walking. Without a word. My eyes wander, looking at everything and seeing nothing. The sky is darker as the sun lazily starts to hide in the horizon. I keep walking. I don’t know where I’m going until I see the horses in the distance. Oh, Pal, if only you knew what happened… If only you could understand how much I have lost. How much more has been taken from me. Just when I thought I didn’t have much left to lose.

The tall crowns of the threes shield us slightly from the cold air that arrived along with the night. The forest we stopped in is quiet, threatening to drive me crazy with the thoughts that haunt me.

Geralt and Jaskier are behind me, by the campfire. I decided to sit away from them, looking out to the ruins of the city under us. I don’t think the fire would warm the coldness in my heart in any way.

“Hey” A gruff voice causes my shoulders to stiffen. “You should… uh… sit by the fire with us”

“No” Why am I suddenly shivering? I just want him to get away. “Leave me alone”

The breath hitches in my throat when I realize the common denominator in both situations. A witcher. They are bad, as people say. Anyone that comes close to them ends up getting hurt one way or another.

“You don’t have to talk” He insists, hesitantly hanging his hand over my shoulder. I instantly move away from his reach. He sighs. “Come with-”

“Go away!” I shout, only then realizing how much my throat hurts.

He stirs. The witcher hesitantly takes a step back. A resigned grunt follows as he leaves.

Rid from his presence, I am gasping for breath. My head is going to explode. Everything hurts so much. I need to do something to put an end this. And yet I know I can’t. My lip trembles as I am overwhelmed by a sudden urge to cry.

“N-Nissa?” A finger gingerly taps my shoulder. I still jolt up in alarm. “Sorry…”

I haven’t heard him approach, but I am relieved to know that it is Jaskier this time.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay by the fire with us?” Jaskier frowns, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. “It's nice there. Come on, maybe if you-”

I immediately shake my head before he can insist.

“I… Well, it is quite chilly, you’ll get cold here”

My first thought is to shrug, but I don’t even have the energy for that. I remain quiet. Remain still. Jaskier fortunately doesn’t push it.

“Alright” He heaves a breath. “Tell us if you need anything”

I try to nod, but I don’t manage the gesture either. He lingers for a bit longer. I feel a soft weight on my shoulders before he joins Geralt. After several more seconds, he leaves.

While I cling to the blanket now over me, I start sobbing again. I can’t tell why exactly, what part of this nightmare triggers it. I just do. I cry quietly, feeling the slightest of reliefs as the emptiness in my chest subsides just a bit. I want to rest, submit myself to painless slumber. Yet I won’t fall asleep. I don’t feel safe.

There is complete silence that looms over us. It is suffocating. However, a gentle sound interrupts the daunting quietness. The music from Jaskier’s lute lowly echoes across the area, soon after being followed by the mourning sound of his own voice. I heave a trembling breath.

Calmness and exhaustion mix together within me as my eyelids feel heavy. The music is soothing, and it helps me breathe. In the distance, their presence behind me also seems to bring me a peace I did not deem possible at the moment. It reminds me I’m not completely alone.

Jaskier pours his heart out as he sorrowfully sings a song that I hadn’t heard of before. The lyrics are achingly accurate. It pains me to think that I might be the star of his newest heartbreaking ballad. A few words especially resonate within me, echoing in my mind as I feel myself drifting to a restless slumber. It may be the title of his new song. The elegy of the heart.

_Fire desolates the land_

_A cruel fate by the dragon’s hand_

_The air brings the scent of smoke_

_Carries ashes that tears evoke_

_Oh, how this pain to defy?_

_When saying goodbye?_

_Time to make a new start_

_It won’t be easy to depart_

_And now everything feels so wrong_

_But it’s darkest before the dawn_

_‘Tis the elegy of the heart_

_For they are gone… they're really gone_


	3. Bottled Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently feeling a bit insecure about the story, so if you're enjoying it please let me know! It would really mean the world to me 🙏🥰

Life goes on, although it feels like it doesn’t. Nothing quite feels real. All is like a bad dream. However, it’s a new dawn. Time to start over.

As we continue on our way down, the sun is already quite high in the sky. It is mostly covered by the clouds, shielding us from the noon heat, but some rays manage to filter through. It is incredible to think that merely two days ago at his hour I was lying in a field of beautiful flowers. Calm and peaceful. Oblivious to what the future held.

Jaskier and Geralt are mostly quiet at first. I can’t help but to believe that I treated them unfairly, especially Geralt. Nonetheless, something deep down within me resents him. It is useless to try to wrap my head around such confusing thoughts in order to understand. My emotions are too flimsy, coming into conflict with my thoughts.

I watch them as the bard walks over to his friend and comments something to him. They were already up when I awoke. Did they let me sleep in? Otherwise, why would we continue so late in the morning? The thought warms my heart, reminding me that there is always a hint of light amongst the darkness.

We advance on our horses like before, making our way back. Jaskier, walking between the two of us, has now started talking to anyone willing to listen. I can’t quite decide if his ramblings are helpful or just bothersome at the moment. I pay no attention to him, but I think he’s speaking about wine and comparing it to ale. Honestly, I stopped listening rather early into his rant. His intentions are pure, I’m sure, but I need quiet. Or perhaps I don’t. Honestly, I know nothing anymore.

Resigning himself to being ignored, Jaskier is now playing his lute. Geralt on turn approaches me on horseback. I barely glance at him. He doesn’t say anything for a bit, though eventually he sighs and tries his luck.

“Are you okay?” There is no point in answering, hence I remain silent. Saying yes would be a pointless lie. Admitting I’m not makes me uncomfortable, even if he knows. My pain is obvious.

“I’m… Look…” He continues to say in my silence. “If you want to talk, I’m willing to listen”

I peer at him, surprised by his offering, especially so after blatantly yelling at him last night. His golden eyes have never looked as warm as at this moment. I nod my head, unable to say thank you. My eyes burn. A sob squirms in my throat. Why can’t I control my own emotions?

That said, Geralt nods himself and gently tugs at Roach’s reins. The mare passes my horse and the witcher leads the remaining of the way down the mountain. Jaskier comes along now, sliding his lute over his back again and gesturing upwards in my direction. I furiously rub my eyes before his full attention falls upon me.

“Ah, Nissa” I look down at him, frowning as I wonder what he will come up with this time. “Would you like to know how I met Geralt?”

I sigh, hating to refuse. Nonetheless, I am so mentally drained that hearing one of his long rants doesn’t seem too enticing.

“Actually, I’m not…” I begin, though the bard doesn’t quite wait for an answer.

“It was in Posada” Jaskier begins, dreamily looking into the distance as his voice acquires a dramatic tone. “I was in a tavern, playing one of my wonderful songs. Geralt happened to be there as well, as he was one of the many people who left their seats to compliment my performance”

“That’s not how it happened” The witcher interrupts before I can point out how inaccurate that feels.

“What do you mean? That’s exactly how it happened!” Jaskier smirks widely. “I remember it vividly”

Geralt rolls his eyes and faces me. The corner of my lips unwillingly tugs upwards in anticipation.

“He was booed by everyone and then came to bother me” I have to smile just a bit, as that feels more true to reality.

“Alright, alright” The bard compromises, gesturing quite a lot with his hands. “Perhaps the common folk weren’t happy with my song… But you enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

“What… was the song about?” I pipe up, enjoying the conversation and finding that it does indeed distract me from the painful thoughts that haunt me.

“It was as bad as you imagine it” The witcher smirks. “Or worse”

“Uh… No further questions” I say, trying to go along with the lively conversation.

“A little gratitude would be marvelous, actually” The bard slaps Geralt on the knee from below. “That day I wrote the song that made you famous”

The witcher rolls his eyes again and grunts in protest. Perhaps a lonely man like himself isn’t too fond of the reputation that Toss A Coin conceded him. Nonetheless, that very song is one of the reasons why I wasn’t too intimidated by him to accompany them. It’s hard to keep my mind from wandering, as that thought makes me wonder what would have happened if I didn’t. If Jaskier hadn’t written that song for me to mildly trust the witcher… Would I have died in the fire with the rest?

“That day…” Jaskier’s voice returns to save me from the pit. “I also became your very best friend in the world”

I honestly expect Geralt to deny it, yet he doesn’t. He only sighs in exasperation.

“See?” The bard elbows my leg, peering up at me. “Best friends”

Jaskier wiggles his eyebrows and makes a funny face. I can’t help but to chuckle at his silly antics.

The atmosphere is quiet and calm for a moment until the witcher speaks up again, breaking the silence only filled with the sound of hooves and footsteps against the ground.

“Nissa” Geralt calls me gravely. “Where are you headed now?”

I have to make a big effort not to visibly wince at the question. It’s so sudden and painful that it nearly feels like a slap to the face.

“Way to ruin the mood, grumpy…” Jaskier lets out a loud and dramatic sigh. “Now all my efforts are completely useless”

For a moment, I watch him carefully as he tirelessly trudges on foot. I want to thank him, yet I have no strength to raise my voice. I only do so to reply to Geralt, and managing a meek whisper alone.

“I…” There is a brief moment of hesitation, but deep down I know what I want to do. What I _need_ to do. “I have to go back”

“Wh…” Jaskier tugs at the reins I’m holding to retrieve my attention. “Are you sure?”

I bow my head and look into his eyes, trying to convey how serious I am. Jaskier seems moved as he nods once, understanding my need. His hand pauses to pat my ankle before he takes a step away from me and Pal.

“Well, after that we can go somewhere else” Jaskier speaks once again. “Somewhere nice, somewhere…”

I make an enormous effort to listen to him, though it’s hard. His voice drifts off in my mind. I let my eyes wander. The light of the sun causes a flare that blinds me for a second. Following the source, I realize it’s something carried by the bard himself. My hands tighten around my horse’s reins as I violently tug at them.

“Wait!” I exclaim, throwing myself to the ground and off the saddle.

Both Geralt and Jaskier turn to me, baffled. The latter in fact yelps and retreats when I hurriedly go towards him.

“What?” He stretches his arms out to keep me back, startled by my outburst.

“Jaskier, where did you get that dagger?” I point to the glittering weapon in his waistband.

“Oh, this little thing? I found it back there” He pats the handle, completely oblivious to everything. “I got it for Geralt, but since that ungrateful witcher doesn’t want it-“

I put an end to his rambling when I reach out for it. Quickly taking it from him, I peer at it closely. The handle is golden and has a blue gem stone etched on it. The blade is slightly curved. When my fingers wrap around the handle, the feeling is familiar.

It never even passed my mind that I would come across one like it ever again.

“Wow, hang on a minute…” Jaskier positions himself next to me, observing the weapon in my hands. “Don’t you have one that looks just like that?”

In my shock, I had stupidly forgotten that I always carry it with me. That reminder helps me take my own dagger and put it side by side, comparing it to the one Jaskier had.

“They’re nearly identical…” The bard mutters under his breath, taking me by the wrists and turning the weapons in my hands to get a better look at them.

“Geralt” I say, turning to him as he climbs off his horse. For the moment, I ignore Jaskier. “Do witchers use these?”

His golden eyes are calm as they fall on me. They then move to the daggers and he shrugs.

“No” He simply says. “We use swords, a silver one for-“

“Don’t lie to me”

“I’m not lying”

“What… what’s the matter?”

Jaskier’s hesitant voice makes me drag my gaze away from the witcher. I feel paranoid as the doubts reach my mind. Too many doubts. Too much fear. Too much uncertainty. Too much.

“Did you see who wielded it?” I demand to know, frantically facing the bard and holding the dagger up so he can see it properly. “Do you know who it belonged to?”

“No, I didn’t” Jaskier carefully takes it from my hand to get the blade as further away from me as possible. “And… you should be careful with that thing”

“What’s wrong?” Geralt intervenes, clearly noticing my drastic change of demeanor.

“I… N-Nothing” I remind myself to take deep breaths and relax. It is hard to maintain my composure when I’m so close. It’s my first clue in years.

Their eyes are focused on me, even after they exchange a quick glance of rapport. I continue walking to avoid their staring, but Geralt is quick to hold me by the arm.

“Is someone after you?” He urges me, squeezing my arm as a warning. “Tell me what’s happening”

“Nothing is happening!” I angrily shake myself away from his grip. “And you should stay out of my business, witcher!!”

Geralt grunts angrily, and I have to consciously repress the urge to take a step back. His eyes flash with danger. It takes all my willpower to defiantly stare back into them.

“Alright, alright” Jaskier steps between the two of us, settling his hands on my waist and gently pushing me away from the witcher. “I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding”

My mind is racing, focusing on too many things. I am rendered speechless as I watch the storm in Geralt’s gaze. The bard pushes me still, forcing me to look into his blue eyes, which are calm and steady like the ocean.

“If you have something to say, say it” The witcher barks, hardly hiding the edge to his already deep and intimidating voice. “Don’t mindlessly put us in danger too”

“I’m not putting anyone in danger!” I wriggle out of Jaskier’s hold and turn my back to them. The bard gives up on me and instead approaches his friend. I don’t pay attention to his words of reconciliation.

Trying my best to leave my mind blank, I continue walking. I stare at the ground, watching how my boots lift the dirt under my feet and create small clouds of dust. My heart is racing as much as my mind.

“I just want to know the truth…” I whisper to myself as I save the daggers in my belt. It occurs to me that the witcher’s heightened senses may have allowed him to hear me, but he shows no signs of having noticed anything.

I take a deep breath and continue on, begging my nerves to settle down. Even if this quest is the only thing I have left now.

We have hopped off our horses for a bit to give them a break. I tiredly drag my feet across the dusty ground, quiet and pensive.

My mind is boiling with theories and thoughts. Too occupied with everything that happened, I hadn’t realized… History repeated itself, with some small changes. There was no dead dragon this time, and the only dead bodies were those of the greedy treasure hunters that threatened it. Though it made me think… Last time there was a witcher too indeed, who allegedly defended the creature. Still, the dragon was dead, and I knew it wasn’t by the witcher’s hand and neither my brother’s. Someone else must have been in that cave that day. Perhaps that person was my brother’s murderer and not the witcher. I had been so intent on avoiding the past that I completely missed this.

This reflection lingers on my mind even as I intently look at the path ahead of us. We should reach the town in less than an hour. This new certainty makes me question whether I’m ready for what I am about to face or not. I can’t contain a sigh when my temples start throbbing. Jaskier won’t cease his talking.

As though my train of thought has been discovered, he suddenly stops. Concerned, I glance at him. Judging by the way they’re looking at each other, the witcher asked him to shut up.

“Stop here” He says, guiding Roach with him as he diverts off the path. “We’ll take a break”

Jaskier is not quite as subtle as the witcher and blatantly stares at me. Like everything else wasn’t enough, I refuse to accept their pity and special treatment.

“We don’t need to stop”

“I say we do, it will be night soon”

“That’s not true”

“It will be before we reach the town”

“R-Right!” Jaskier supports his friend without a second thought. “I’m a bit tired, actually”

Their thoughtfulness is sweet, though I don’t know how to react to it. I become flustered and stutter as I try to insist.

“You don’t have to stop for me…” It is very clear why they’re suddenly so determined to take a break when we’re so close. “I… Honestly, I… You…”

Damn it, why did they have to bring attention to me like this? I was getting along just fine and… and… Except that’s not true. Every fiber of my being aches, my head feels about to burst from so many thoughts and from a migraine, and my legs can barely carry me along. I was just stubborn enough to ignore all of this as well as the compulsive fiddling of my fingers on the dagger on my belt.

I stop walking, forcing them both to do the same. Their eyes burn holes in my head when I drop my gaze to my feet. Everything feels so heavy…

“I’m fine…” I lie, realizing I hadn’t allowed myself to truly vent. “You don’t have to… to…”

Jaskier rushes to stand before me, pausing for a moment. I don’t look up, fearing that I will finally break down crying if I see the saddened expression that no doubt occupies his usually cheerful face.

“Listen to me, Nissa” He puts his hands over my arms, lowering his head a bit to seek eye contact until he finds it. “I know it’s hard, but you’re not alone in this”

“He’s right” I glance at Geralt, crossing his arms over his chest as he observes the scene. Coming from him, I know that is quite a lot. After all, he did offer to listen if I wanted to talk. On his own way, he remained caring despite my rejection.

I shake my head, overwhelmed by a helpless feeling. Jaskier is peering down at me, not letting me go. His attentive gaze and his kind hands on me somehow trigger a tidal wave of emotions that I had been trying to negate. That I was perhaps too numb to fully experience.

“Fuck…” I bring the heel of my palm against my eyes when I feel tears gathering in my lashes. “I just… I don’t…”

My shoulders convulse with sobs, and I feel myself completely breaking down.

“Come on” Jaskier gently puts an arm over my shoulders. “Let’s sit down for a bit, hm?”

I notice Geralt silently approaching us, and his hand gingerly reaches out until it picks up the reins that I forgot I was holding. Allowing him to take them and trusting him with Pal, I start walking alongside Jaskier.

“There’s no shame in crying” The bard reminds me, playfully shoving me against him. “And you look pretty when you do, that’s rare”

I chuckle at his stupid comment, and he does too after me.

“No, really! Some people look so ugly when they cry”

I surprise myself laying my head on his shoulder as we advance. Not only am I fond of him already and I deeply appreciate what he’s doing, I’m also exhausted. My thoughts feel too heavy for my wary head. Jaskier gladly allows me to do it, continuously glancing down at me. He only averts his gaze to check we are following Geralt. When the witcher stops, Jaskier helps me sit down in the spot chosen while our companion takes care of the horses. My body thanks the rest as soon as I sit.

Jaskier lingers by my side with an arm still around me. His thumb caresses my shoulder and his eyes watch me tenderly.

“Let it out” He further encourages me. “It’s not good to bottle things up, ask Geralt”

I smile at his attempt at another joke, and more when Geralt glares at him even from a few meters away.

“Don’t force her” He says to Jaskier. “She will speak when she’s ready”

The situation feels quite surreal as a witcher and a bard, those who not long ago were complete strangers, are suddenly arguing about how to better comfort me. My life went from normal and tranquil to completely bizarre in a matter of hours.

As irritating as he can be, however, Jaskier is right. I need to let it all out if I want to overcome it. In order to heal, I need to address this pain. Perhaps not all of it, as the grief of the past has been buried too deep inside me. But the recent events are still fresh in my mind and the wound in my heart is far too open. Not only that, it is bleeding profusely and threatens to leave me dry.

I rummage my brain for words to voice out my inner thoughts. How does one begin to describe this non-physical ache? How to explain the emptiness, the nothingness Everything, and nothing at the same time?

“I had never left town” I blurt out, shrinking over myself. My words put an end to their bickering. Jaskier tenses up next to me and his arm reminds me it rests there when it tightens the grip slightly.

“Yeah?” Geralt is the one to speak, inviting me to continue.

“The… The only times I traveled were to a nearby field or to the capital, but…” I softly shake my head, rattled with memories and buried emotions. My voice trembles. My chest hurts. “I-I suppose those were a distraction, a form of…”

Denial, I tell myself. Those distractions were a refusal to stay there for too long, an attempt to abandon the place that held so much pain for me. The more I think about it, the more I see it. It is perfectly clear to me now: I was subconsciously trying to run away. My unwilling wish came true, for I had nowhere to call home anymore, nowhere to come back to. It hadn’t felt like home for eight years in any case. Not even Hana could fill that absence, and now she is also gone… along with everyone else…

When I pause, the silence engulfs us. The two men patiently wait to see if I continue. Once started, it becomes easier to carry on expressing what troubles me.

“I could have been there when the dragon attacked but… I was up there, safe from the carnage… Everyone is gone, and with them everything that I was… I should have died there with my friends…”

Guilt. That unidentified emotion overpowers everything as soon as I understand what it is: guilt for surviving, for being selfish enough to leave Hana to her demise. I should have taken her with me. Why didn’t I? I should have asked her to come, even if she would have said no. I should have at least tried or… or…

“No, that’s not true…” Jaskier whispers carefully, almost afraid to startle me. “That you survived isn’t a bad thing”

“Survival might seem like a curse, but it’s not” Geralt’s words are blunt, and when I look up at him, his golden eyes become blurry with my tears. “It’s a chance to prove that you can still do some good”

His words stir something within me, though I try to make heed of them. I try to be hopeful and promise myself to take this chance, to treasure this precious life instead of dwelling on the loss and death.

Knowing this feeling all too well, I am aware of what awaits me now, this long process of mourning. I don’t feel strong enough to go through it again. I can’t control myself as I break out in violent sobs. Soon after, I start bawling my eyes out, shoving my face in my hands. Jaskier gently shushes me and holds me tight like he did back in the mountain. I just resign myself and hope to get rid of that tightness in my chest. He patiently comforts me. Geralt lingers on a respectful silence.

I am exhausted, and even as my weeping subsides after several minutes, my eyes remain closed. I take a deep breath. Not everything is lost. At the very least, and at this very moment, I have them.

There is only blackness around me. I am alone in the midst of it all. The only other thing I can see is bright orange. Flames, fire. Surrounding it is more of that void. Death. Voices screaming and begging for help. Not again. When will it end? I can't breathe, I need this to end.

I am startled back to reality by my own brain meaning to protect me from harm. I open my eyes. My hands hurt, and I realize it is because I’m clutching the blanket that lies over me.

When I get my bearings back, I heave a sigh. There is no fire, no screaming, no sorrow. Well… perhaps the sorrow remains, but everything else is gone. The dream has passed. Those harrowing images have disappeared, and I find myself in the middle of nowhere. It is well into the night, and the blackness is illuminated by the moon partially hidden behind dark clouds amongst the stars. There is a campfire close to me, although this one is warm and reassuring.

I am still with my new companions. Jaskier sleeps soundly next to me, seeming warm and comfortable. I’m slightly envious of how peaceful he looks in his sleep. Come to think of it, I don’t remember falling asleep. I really must have been fatigued. The heaviness returns when I remember our last conversation and how the bard held me as I wept and Geralt’s words of wisdom.

“Nightmare?” His very voice, although low, startles me so much that I jolt up in place. We lock eyes across the campfire.

“Y-Yeah…” I gulp as my heartbeat and breathing regain a normal pace again. “A bad one”

I shut my eyes tight in an attempt to vanish those images from my brain. It was only a dream, but the events it depicted were very real, as well as the emotions that it triggered within me.

“It's normal after everything that happened” Unlike Jaskier’s way of addressing the subject, Geralt speaks of it casually. His approach is almost comforting in a way. It tells me that I shouldn’t hide it or belittle it. I am allowed to regret what happened.

I sit up in resignation, feeling too restless to lie back down. The witcher seems wide awake himself. His eyes reflect the orange fire he’s watching.

“Can’t sleep?” I ask him, briefly looking over to the horses safely resting on their spot.

“No” Geralt brushes it off, and his eyes now settle on me. “Doing better?”

“I suppose” Jaskier next to me snores softly, pulling a smile out of me. “Thank you”

“Hm” The witcher acknowledges, although he isn’t as open about himself and watches him too. “At least he’s good for anything other than prattle”

Despite what he says, there is the smallest of smiles on his mouth when talking about his friend. I am intrigued by the witcher, especially because of how wrong I seemed to be about him regardless of what my need to blame someone and what my anger and resentment told me. 

“Is it true what they say?” I dare to ask, testing him slightly. “That witchers have no emotions?”

Geralt pauses, considering his response. In the end he only shrugs.

“Judge for yourself”

“I’m trying not to…” I utter, hoping his heightened senses don’t catch it. “Well, it doesn’t matter”

He stares, and even with the fire putting some distance between us, his eyes peer into my soul like the day we met. I avert my gaze and stir in the spot, breaking the silence.

“Whether you were doing it because I was a nuisance or not...” I hesitate, hoping this is the right approach to get through to him. “Thanks for taking my feelings into consideration”

“If we didn’t stop, you would have needed to sooner or later anyway” He denies it all, averting his gaze as well. “But you’re welcome”

He leans his hands behind him, his body language seeming to end the conversation. I myself lie back down, even if I know I won’t fall back asleep anytime soon.

Geralt’s presence not far from me makes me feel oddly safe. Jaskier’s soft breathing as he sleeps soundly fills the quietness of the night. I close my eyes. For the first time today, I feel a glimmer of hope sparkling in my slightly warmer chest.


	4. Before The Dawn

The cut in my arm burns slightly. We have properly mended our wounds and changed our bandages, but the reminder of that battle at the top of the mountain sticks with us. As we walk, the silence is suffocating me. The atmosphere feels cold and tense. Because of me. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I said. They treated me so kindly yet I lost my temper when I saw Jaskier carrying the dagger. After the myriad of emotions from yesterday, even he is quiet. The lack of his endless ranting feels like a blessing as it gives me the chance to breathe and understand my own state. At the same time, however, it leaves an emptiness floating in the air. The thought that they might resent me for bursting out troubles me.

“Uh... Yesterday...” I suddenly pipe up. My meek voice surprises even myself. Clearing my throat, I try again, this time with more confidence. “I didn’t mean to get angry, I just…”

The two of them exchange a look for a moment before turning to me. Our slow yet steady advance halts as we seize each other up.

“There’s something more, isn’t it?” Jaskier replies, sounding more serious than ever. “There’s a story behind that dagger”

I peer up at him, and the graveness in his eyes makes me uncomfortable. I suddenly miss his jokes and endless rambles. For a moment, I wish he could lighten up the mood as usual. Even if it would be for naught. Unable to hold his gaze, I turn to Geralt instead. He is silent, attentive and slightly alarmed. He only looks at me, waiting to see what I say or do next.

“It’s not fair to hide it from you” I plop down in a nearby boulder and feel the anxiety creeping up to me, setting in my chest. “Not when we’re traveling together”

My hands are shaking, but I put them to my face when I feel completely overwhelmed.

“Is someone after you?” The witcher asks, much calmer than last time.

I sigh as I drop my hands in my lap and stare at him. The intensity of his eyes is upsetting, so I look at the ground instead. I already feel out of breath, even before I start speaking.

“I don’t think they are, or they would have found me by now” Too restless to be still, I begin playing with my hands. “It happened eight years ago”

_Kader smiled at me, hopeful and excited as always. I followed my brother to the path that led to the mountain, being as curious as him about what we could find there. A treasure? One of those magnificent creatures he always talked about? It was a mystery that we couldn’t wait to unveil. His eagerness was only infectious as it took over me and energized me._

_“Catch up, Nissa!” He urged me, walking back to me._

_“Yes, yes” I laughed out loud when he positioned himself behind me and pushed me forward. “Stop it, I’ll walk faster”_

_“Please do” His grin lingered, so bright that it nearly dazzled me. “I can hardly wait!”_

_“You might have to, though” I pointed to the sky as it grew darker above our heads._

_Kader pouted, knowing I was right. We had been walking for a long time, and it wasn’t wise to keep going even though night slowly fell over us. We needed to make camp and wait until the following day to continue our ascent._

_“Fine” He sighed in annoyance, stomping his feet as he went to look for a place good enough to rest. “But to be honest, I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep”_

_I chuckled as I calmly followed after him. Curiosity and excitement bubbled within me, but not nearly as intensely as him. Catching up with him, I linked my arm with his and showed him a radiant smile. Kader eyed me carefully, realizing he might not like what I would say next._

_“Behave like an adult, Kade” I told him between giggles. “You’re supposed to be the old one”_

_“How am I supposed to when there might be a dragon awaiting us?”_

_I smiled as he began talking about those magnificent creatures. He was never this loud and outspoken, but our quest was exhilarating for him. He kept speaking, wondering whether we would encounter a green one or we would be fortunate enough to witness a red or black dragon, perhaps even a gold one. I wasn’t as optimistic and settled for a green one in my mind, if there was a dragon to begin with. Nonetheless, I kept those thoughts to myself not to ruin his enthusiasm._

_Happy to hear his rare endless talking, I settled down on the ground as soon as I found a place I deemed soft, sheltered and comfortable enough. Kader followed after me, fidgeting even after sitting next to me. I was tired from all the walking and my eyelids felt heavy already, but he might indeed not catch a blink at all._

_When I woke up, the gentle sunlight welcomed me. The fire we made was extinguished. I idly stretched, conflicted between my laziness and the thrill of the adventure. However, I found myself alone in the camp. There was no sight of Kader._ _I immediately stood up, feeling restless in my newfound solitude._

_“Kade?” I called him, hearing my own voice echoing in the woods. “Kader?!”_

_Part of me hoped he didn’t go on ahead without me, but the other one knew him well enough to assume he did. Curiosity must have gotten the best of him and I was sure he decided to take a peek. We were close enough to the top to quickly go and back again. But he hadn’t returned yet, how long was he away?_

_A hunch grew in my chest and I decided to go look for him. Unwilling to get carried away by that irrational feeling, I reminded myself that he was probably okay... just gotten hold back by something quite silly. Like a beautiful flower that he would pick up to apologize for scaring me. He always loved wandering around fields and meadows to be surrounded with beautiful flowers and calming scents._

_I ran as quickly as my legs would carry me. The ascent was unforgiving at such a fast pace and I had to stop for air several times. As I advanced, paused and then continued again and again, my mind raced. All worst case scenarios played in my head, each worse than the last. Adamant, I reminded myself of the flower. Of the sweet apologetic smile he would dedicate me. Of his excuses and childlike excitement as he explained what he saw. Of how he would take my hand and restlessly pull at me until I was there to see everything for myself._

_When I reached the peak, I could see a big opening leading to a deep cave. The silence was deafening, bringing a dark omen to my heart. The inside of the cave was so mysterious and mesmerizing that it seemed to be pulling me in. Nonetheless, the anguish never let off._

_“K-Kader?” I dared to whisper, although not too loud. I could sense danger, or perhaps I only feared it._

_A sudden sound made me jolt up, but when I calmed down I realized I knew what it was. A horse neighing. Our horse?_

_“Pal” I recognized the chestnut horse hurrying my way and closing the distance between us._ _He immediately nuzzled my shoulder, stomping his hooves in distress. I caressed his head with shaky hands, feeling tears of anticipation filling my eyes. If Pal was there freely roaming on his own, where was Kader? Where was my brother?!_

_I absently patted Pal’s neck and decided to venture into the cave. The shift in temperature hit me as I immersed myself in it, shielded from the warm sunlight and being welcomed by a cold humid air instead._

_“Kader?” I called out again, and this time I received a response other than my own echo. Just not his._

_“Who’s there?” A loud deep voice replied. From the shadows erupted a tall figure._ _I faltered before the new presence in front of me._

_He had golden eyes and a scowl in his face. A dark and mysterious aura surrounded him. Kader had told me enough about witchers to recognize one on sight. He was definitely one of them, though not quite like I expected, not as heroic or visibly kind. Not as willing to help. He seemed rather inconvenienced in fact._

_“I-I’m…” I gulped, just then noticing the bloody sword he so carelessly carried. “I’m looking for my brother, he’s… a bit taller than me, with light curly brown hair and…”_

_“You’re too late” The witcher saved his weapon on the sheath on his back. His expression didn’t change, not even when I let out a strangled noise._

_“What…?” I uttered, searching his face for an ounce of empathy, but found none._

_“He’s dead” He insisted, moving to the side to reveal the truth. I blanked when I saw Kader lying motionlessly on the ground. It was him indeed... on a puddle of blood. It took my mind several seconds to comprehend what my eyes were witnessing._

_I didn’t understand how I didn’t collapse. How my knees didn’t buckle beneath me. My thoughts did freeze, as well as my body. I wanted to throw myself forward to prove the witcher wrong. My brother wasn’t dead, just hurt. He would be okay, he always was. He always smiled through the pain, because he was that strong. That time was no different._

_“If you’re wondering what happened” The mutant said in a deadpan voice. “He meddled in where he shouldn’t have”_

_“W-What?”_

_“He was at the wrong place at the wrong time”_

_He didn’t give me any further attention as he began walking away. I wanted to stop him, to hold his arm and beg him to help me. To heal Kader, to bring him back, anything! Tell me who did it or… Wait, did he…? Was the witcher responsible? Who killed my brother?!_

_I snapped out of my daze and ran to his lying form. My stomach churned, yet my eyes were fixed on his motionless body. The rough surface of the cave’s ground scrapped my knees as I dropped next to him. His eyes were open, devoid of any brightness they previously carried. Dry blood covered his mouth, neck and chest. A terrible wound was on his stomach, the one that allegedly killed him._

_My mind began racing even further. I weakly shook his shoulder, even knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. Of course, Kader didn’t respond. He never would. I would never speak with him again. Hear him ranting about amazing creatures and witchers and far off places. All those adventures were pointless without him. Everything was pointless without him._

_I sharply breathed in, crumpling the material of his shirt in my hand, helplessly shaking him again. Why couldn’t he have waited for me? Why did he have to leave me alone?_

_Sobs escaped my throat as a knot formed in there, so tight that it didn’t let me breathe. Hot tears cascaded down my face, draining me and leaving me numb. I dropped backwards to the ground, sitting there helplessly. No matter how hard I cried, I found no comfort. A void settled in my chest, one that I felt would accompany me for the rest of my life. A far too heavy burden._

_Aimlessly seeking anything to help me, I desperately glanced around the cave. It was then when I noticed the dead dragon. Its green scales were pale and lacking any of its former glory. Was that the witcher’s doing too? Did he kill both the creature and my brother?_

_An unharmed dragon egg lay close to the corpse. Apparently, the creature died protecting their own. Nothing made sense to me, because the witcher code forbid slaying dragons. Did that witcher kill my brother to defend the creature? Even though Kader would never hurt them?_

_A sudden rage warmed the coldness that had been left within me. Peering at the interior of the cave, my eyes fell over a weapon discarded on the ground. I picked it up from the spot next to him. It was filled with blood… it had to be the murder weapon._

_I stared at the dagger in my hand, memorizing the golden handle and the small gems etched there, the curve of the blade and how it shone despite being stained in crimson._

_Not knowing why, I looked back at my brother through my vision blurred by the tears. There were no claw marks on his body, only that stab wound. It wasn’t the dragon. Still, a monster did it. Even if that monster was a human. Or a mutant._

_I clutched the dagger so tightly in my hand that my nails formed painful crescent marks on my palms. I sat there for a long time, dazed and immersed in my tangled thoughts. How was I to live with that loss? With that emptiness?_

I look at my hands, almost like I can still see the blood staining them. Kader’s blood. My brother’s blood. I survived, he didn’t.

“Oh…” Jaskier’s low murmur brings me back to the present. “So that’s the story behind the dagger…”

“I’m sorry” The witcher mutters scarcely. I do not look at him.

My eyes are wet and hope that I have shed no tears. Cautious, I glance at them. Geralt is considerate enough not to watch me, but Jaskier is staring. His eyes seem to burn holes into my face.

“What?” I’m not sure I can take his pity, his condolences and sadness. Nonetheless, there seems to be only awe in Jaskier’s gaze.

“You have the soul of a warrior” The bard utters. “You kept on living, even after that traumatic day… You never surrendered”

“What was I supposed to do instead? Die as well?” I shake my head, biting my lip when I feel wetness in my cheeks. I angrily wipe the tears away and avert my gaze. “The only thing I could do was move on and continue living”

“But... you could have turned bitter…” Jaskier retaliates. “All that pain, and it only made you kind”

“I…” Having it so recent, I refuse to cry disconsolately like I did yesterday. A part of me is also frightened that if I start shedding the tears I have been holding back for years, I might never stop crying. “It was as though Kader watched over me still. He would have wanted me to…”

I shrug, not truly knowing what I want to say. Perhaps it only sounds stupid and a pathetic comfort for a poor girl maddened by grief. That confusion of feelings return, and not even I myself can identify them. There are far too many to pinpoint each one.

“He would have wanted you to be happy” Jaskier utters in a breathless whisper. “Even without him”

I nod, doing my best to focus on everything else but my emotions, like on how far they are from me, keeping the distances as though I need a lot of room to breathe. My feet are idly dragging on the ground and hence I make a conscious effort not to. I don’t even remember when I stood up. At what point in my narration did I start walking?

And suddenly, I see it. The town is upon us. We have arrived. Jaskier turns to me, moving his head to look from the destroyed wasteland that now is my home town and returning to me. Avoiding eye contact, I take a few steps closer.

The smell of thick smoke and ashes is pungent in the air even though all fire has been completely extinguished. There are no signs that show the dragon stayed. The dead silence makes me think of the noisy state this town used to be in. People walking, children laughing and running, horses galloping. The clinking sounds of the tavern. The smells that filled the place, now all overpowered by the scent of everything burnt. The murmur of voices intertwining in the bar. Hana’s voice. Kind, stubborn and mature.

When a hand captures my arm, I grow aware of my erratic breathing.

“That’s enough” Geralt declares, tugging at me. “Let’s turn back”

I nod in a daze, fearing I might collapse if he drops my arm. Luckily, he doesn’t.

Once more I leave home behind, this time probably forever. It isn’t a home anymore. It has been reduced to nothing, to literal ashes. There is not a thing left, not a soul. Only that emptiness that mirrors the one inside my chest.

I absently go where Geralt takes me, trusting him enough to choose the path for me. Where he’s going, I don’t know. I only follow like a shell of a person. I’m reminded of the other presence next to me when Jaskier’s arm brushes against mine. I hadn’t realized he walked so closely by my side.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” He pipes up, quieting for a moment to clear his throat. “How was Kader?

“Huh?”

“Your brother, what was he like?”

“He…” I smile at the thought of him, even if it’s partly a sad gesture. “He was older than me, but sometimes he behaved like my younger brother. He always managed to make me smile”

“That’s nice” Jaskier grins sweetly, and the sight comforts me slightly.

“He was so very kind too…” As I have been for years, I try to focus on his memory instead of his painful absence. “I had never met someone as thoughtful and selfless”

“Sounds like a good man” Geralt says too, slowly dropping my arm now.

Boy. At twenty-two, he was just a boy still when he died.

“He was shy and quiet most of the time. Truly, he was a child at heart” The sound of his pure laughter echoes in my mind, one that I hope I never forget. “All he ever wanted was to see some dragons… At least, he got to see one, before…”

A knot forms in my throat and cuts off my air. I gulp, though it remains there.

“He was the only thing I had left after our parents died from the Catriona plague”

“Um… So tell me…” Jaskier speaks up again. “Did he look like you?”

“How so…?”

“Beautiful green eyes, stunning smile, silky long black hair?”

I smile in spite of myself, truly grateful for both his compliment and efforts to lift my spirits. He has no reason to be doing this, to go out of his way to cheer me up. Neither of them do, yet they are. Geralt too, on his own way, as I can feel his eyes watching me carefully. Even if he’s silent, he feels ready to reach out and catch me if I stumble. Despite the fact that neither of them are physically holding me up, I feel just as enveloped.

“He was blonder” I reply to Jaskier’s question. “But yes, green eyes as well”

“Ugh, I bet we would have been the best of friends” He says to my surprise, yet… he’s strangely accurate. They would have gotten along quite well. Even if Jaskier would inhibit him quite a bit, being too outgoing and extroverted for Kader’s introverted personality.

I grin at the thought, also imagining how mesmerized he would have been by Geralt. How he would have annoyed him even more than Jaskier. Just the thought of Kader bombarding Geralt with thousands of questions makes me chuckle.

“He would have liked you” I confirm, glancing up as I haven’t in several minutes. “Both of you”

“Hm” Geralt only hums, though dedicating me the smallest of smiles.

When I peer up at Jaskier, a bigger grin is plastered on his lips. He has a dreamy expression, perhaps picturing how Kader was. The sight warms my heart. For the very first time in days, I feel hopeful. Truly hopeful. After all, it’s always darker before the dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are enjoying the story, please make sure to leave kudos! I would also especially love some comments and opinions :)


	5. Phoenix

Today the sun shines with nearly no clouds. It seems to foretell the promise of better days coming. Everything seems to at least fall into place as we continue our dynamic. It has almost become something familiar to go back to. Geralt silently riding on Roach while Pal and I move to his right. Jaskier on foot between the two of us, speaking non-stop or playing his lute and filling the quietness with beautiful music.

“You never said where we were going” The bard points out, looking up at the witcher.

“Hm…” Is his pensive response, though Jaskier seems to interpret it better.

“Now, don’t pretend like you heard me” He retorts back. “I asked you a question, Geralt!”

The aforesaid doesn’t respond. Jaskier stares but rolls his eyes in exasperation, allegedly used to being ignored by him.

I feel grateful to continue on with them. Actually, I would like to let them know that. My chest flutters in anticipation to the possibly awkward moment. Nonetheless, I force myself to speak up. When I open my mouth, I interrupt the bard’s nonsense before it can occur.

“I…” He looks at me expectantly. “I just wanted to say...”

“Go on” Jaskier smiles, listening to my every word.

“I am glad to have you both by my side” I blurt out, chuckling nervously as I admit to it. “You are so… so kind. And you don’t have to look after me, yet…”

“Oh, please” He swats at the air to take importance out of it, even if I recognize a faint blush on his cheeks. “Of course we do! Don’t we, Geralt?”

The witcher still pays no mind to our conversation.

“Whatever. It is our pleasure, Nissa” Jaskier insists, though I stare at the witcher now.

Geralt seems… focused. He has been quiet ever since we left our camp. That is, more than usual. Unlike the previous day, he doesn’t look my direction to quickly check on me either. He doesn’t respond to Jaskier’s silly comments with sarcastic retorts or brief hums. He doesn’t even talk to Roach, as he would sometimes whisper his thoughts to her. A hunch settles on my gut and I rest my fingers over the dagger on my belt. Jaskier’s voice is now a nuisance as I try to prick up my ears in search for any alarming noises.

“We do it gladly” He assures, mostly speaking to himself now that I hardly listen. “Especially for someone as wonderful as you and-“

“Sh” The witcher rests a finger against his own lips and halts Roach. His demeanor further confirms my hunch.

“What? Oh, now I can’t even talk, can I?” Jaskier throws his arms up in the air. “No offence to you two, but if I had to wait until you felt like talking, this would be quieter than-“

“Shush” I say too, wrapping my fingers around the hilt of my dagger now.

We climb down our horses. We have stopped in a vast land, a path flanked by scarce bushes and vegetation. I could have sworn I heard something. A change in the terrain conceals what lies ahead, and it could very well be danger.

“Not you too, Nissa!” Jaskier further whines. “You’re the nice one!”

Geralt and I exchange a gaze. His feline-like eyes have changed slightly, attentive to the slightest of movements.

“What a pair of grouches” Our companion, still convinced that we are only annoyed by his prattling, doesn’t stop. “Fine, I’ll go on ahead while you two brood and-“

“Jaskier” In a swift movement, Geralt takes ahold of the back of his doublet.

“Oi!” The bard complains, being violently pulled back. “What’s gotten into you?”

The witcher tugs at him and makes him stumble, forcing him to take several steps back. I hold his arm to help him recover his balance. When he does, Geralt pulls out his sword. I clutch on to Jaskier’s arm in anticipation. The witcher’s blade sinks into the ground there where Jaskier was about to step. It’s hollow. Pulling upwards, he reveals a wooden plank that concealed a pit containing very sharp and thick spikes.

“Yikes” Jaskier mumbles as he fixes his doublet. “That was close”

“You’re welcome” His friend dryly replies, stretching his arm out protectively. “Now stay there”

Jaskier does as him and extends an arm over me. I hold on to his shoulder, frantically searching around. The area is eerily quiet. My fingers accommodate against the hilt of the dagger. The sudden rustling of leaves in a nearby bush claims our attention. We whip our heads towards the sound. Something cautiously moves behind the bush.

“Who’s there?!” Jaskier demands to know. There is no answer. “Geralt, do you see-?”

“Fuck” We hear him curse, and right after there comes a thud. We quickly turn around to see what has happened.

Geralt is lying on the ground with a small wound bleeding on his forehead.

“Geralt!” The both of us exclaim, but the witcher is out cold.

“Show yourself!” I pull out my dagger, ready to retaliate against whoever threatens us.

Quite honestly, I am not entirely ready for this encounter. Nonetheless, I refuse to show fear in the face of adversity. They won’t have that satisfaction. My eyes attentively sweep the area still.

Something suddenly falls to the ground next to us. Jaskier jolts up in alarm and attracts me against his chest. He turns to shield me with his body.

“What are you doing?” I try to push myself off him, but he refuses.

“I’ll protect you, Nissa!” His hand keeps squeezing my hip nervously. Now he holds out his lute as though it would be as efficient a weapon as Geralt’s sword. “Come at me if you dare!!”

My eyes line up right above his shoulder, and so I peek over it. At first glance I don’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

“Wait” I pat his shoulder, claiming his attention and pointing to the ground. “What’s that?”

Both of us look at the small sack that lies there. That must have been what was thrown. It is leaking, letting out a yellowish dust that behaves like smoke as it fades into the air.

“I don’t know” While Jaskier makes the mistake of sniffing it. I cover my mouth with my hand. “But oh dear, it... s-stinks…”

“Jaskier?” I muffle against my mouth when he suddenly staggers backwards. His grip on my hip lessens, and I have to hold on to his doublet when he nearly falls over. He blinks several times, trying to focus his eyes on me. His eyelids grow heavy.

“Oof… I’m tired, aren’t you tired?”

“Y-Yeah…” It takes me three tries to sheath my dagger back on its place.

When I went to hold him up, I uncovered my mouth and inhaled whatever substance is leaking out of the mysterious sack on the ground. Now I experience what he must be as well. Drowsiness washes over me, as though I haven’t slept in weeks. My entire body seems to weight more than usual and gravity attracts me to the ground. I struggle to stay on my feet. The world spins and fades around me. I cling onto Jaskier, but he’s swaying himself and is hardly a point of support for me to hold on to. In fact, he drops backwards. The wood of the lute at his back makes a thud as it heavily lands on the ground. So does Jaskier’s body. I watch him from above, but he’s unconscious as well.

“Huh?” I mumble, disoriented as I try to understand why he fell. “Jas…?”

Suddenly, I’m so sleepy… I too feel myself falling before I can even call out to him. My eyelids are heavy and I immerse myself into unconsciousness no matter how hard I fight it.

A thrill noise makes me frown. It’s constant and repetitive. I complain when it makes my head hurt. The pulse unpleasantly throbs in my temples.

“Wake up!” The voice continues, accompanying the rhythm with which I’m moved around. “Geralt, Nissa! Wake up, come on!”

“What…?” I lift my head up to find myself somewhere unknown. “Jaskier?”

“Nissa! Oh, thank the gods” I am pushed slightly from behind, confirming it was him sitting and stirring behind me that was causing me to move. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yes… And you?”

“I am, but Geralt is still out”

I gradually leave my disoriented state as I remember what happened. We heard noises. They tricked us while they took care of Geralt first. Then they moved on to us. He wasn’t put to sleep like us, however. They hit him in the head. He is tied to us as well, to my left and Jaskier’s right. His chin rests over his chest on his unconscious state.

I make an effort to wrap my head around the situation we are currently in. A feeling of dread hangs over me. What is going to happen? What fate awaits us? The possibilities haunt me, all of them being grim. Death seems to loom over us, and the mere thought causes me to shudder. Did Kader always fret this much? I can’t take the tension.

Something suddenly brushes against my hands, and I realize it is Jaskier’s own hands. They tied them behind our backs. His are warm and soft, a poor solace. The rough fibers of the ropes are very tight and hurt my wrists and distracts me from his comforting touch.

“Where…” I gulp, tilting my head towards him behind me. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know, but I have a slight idea…” Jaskier runs over his words, still stirring behind me as he strains on the ropes bounding us together. “I don’t like this at all, Nissa. Geralt, if you could wake up, that’d be wonderful! We really need you to-“

“Shut up…” The witcher mutters weakly. The both of us whip our heads to look at him.

“Geralt?” I try, watching how he winces. There is a trickle of blood going down his forehead. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine” He shrugs off my question and glances around. “Jaskier, is this…?”

“Yup, I had the feeling I was right” The bard sighs in resignation. “But oh, how I wished I was wrong”

“What are you talking about? W-What am I missing?”

“Scoia’tael” Geralt replies for him, not bothering to fight against the ropes.

“Squirrels?” I confirm, using the name I had heard more often.

“Surprise…” Jaskier blandly says, leaning forward and moving me backwards. “What a bloody coincidence”

From what Kader told me about these guerillas, they might have traveled to my home town after the dragon attack. They probably found something worth the trouble amongst the ashes and rubble.

“Stay calm” Geralt tells us, quite serene himself. I try to take heed of his advice, but the ropes immobilizing my hands behind my back seem to also suffocate me. How does he stay calm? How can he not panic in a moment like this?!

My mind is racing, foreseeing the many possible ways we could meet our end. Will they torture us? How much will they stretch out our pain? I can’t stop shaking from head to toe. From what Kader knew, these are violent elves. They might easily kill us without losing sleep over it. As much as my brother liked other races and creatures, he was never fond of the Scoia’tael.

“Calm?!” Jaskier grunts in annoyance. His voice holds a hint of panic. “Last time they nearly killed us! And you want us to stay calm?”

“At least they didn’t take your lute” Is the witcher’s sarcastic response.

I feel quite lost in their history together, but I’m definitely most concerned about the elves. The wait until they return is worse than the torture they might put us through afterwards.

“Don’t worry, love” Jaskier’s thumb grazes along my palm. “It will be alright, y-you’ll see”

I don’t reply, not wanting to confirm nor deny how frightened I am. Leaning back against him, I quietly thank him for the support. In order to serene myself, I take a deep breath. Just as I was starting to settle down, I grow tense once more. 

A tall elf with long dark hair suddenly approaches us. To my left, the witcher sighs. He seems to know him. Apparently, though, he also seems to have done something to upset him, at least judging by the scowl on the elf’s face. Perhaps it is that alleged neutrality he attempts to stand on, if the stories about him are true.

“Yaevinn…” Geralt starts, but a fist to the face shuts him.

“Hey!” Both Jaskier and I complain in defense of our friend. The elf glares at us, and before he can say or do something else, Geralt speaks up.

“Tell Toruviel-” Another punch interrupts him.

“Stop it!” I exclaim, though the elf doesn’t glance at me.

“You found our shelter, witcher” His voice is deep and elegant. “How can I know you won’t tell where we are?”

“Not this shit again…” Jaskier doesn’t stop mumbling behind me. I clench my jaw when I realize he won’t stop talking. That only will get him in trouble. “Let us go, you cowards! You-”

Indeed, the elf moves closer to him and punches him in the stomach. The bard hunches forward, groaning and swearing under his breath. He’s gasping for air, which the hit probably cut off him. I question why he would snap and anger them like that. Perhaps Jaskier’s aggressiveness is his defense mechanism in this situation. Mine seems to be something of the sort as well.

“We don’t mean any harm… there is no need for violence!” I desperately try to come to an agreement. “T-There must have been a misunderstanding… You see, we-“

The elf called Yaevinn moves closer to me. Jaskier leans his head over my shoulder to watch where he is going. Geralt remains completely quiet, even if his head moves along with the elf’s movements too. I look up to the latter as he positions himself before me. My teeth start chattering. There is a grimace of disgust in his face, allegedly representing his entire stand on humans. I tense up when he takes ahold of my chin and I back into Jaskier for comfort.

“We’re just passing by… ” I tell the elf. “P-Please, we didn’t come here to-“

Pain curses through my entire head when he hits me across the face. I can taste blood as it seeps down my open lip. It fills my mouth and my tongue. I spit it out. My breathing turns erratic as I recover from the blow. It has made the world begin to spin around me.

“Don’t bloody touch her, back off!” Jaskier shouts, angrily trashing against me. “She’s gone through enough already!!”

The elf tenses up at his words, and Geralt loudly sighs to my left.

“Choice of words, Jaskier…”

“Enough?” Yaevinn repeats mockingly. “Poor little human, I’m sure you’ve had a hard life of privilege. A painless life that in no way can make you fathom what we have gone through”

“You might have experienced more pain” The courage running through my veins appears out of nowhere, though I look at the elf in the eyes as I speak to him. They are deep, dark and intimidating. “That doesn’t negate my grief, even if it may be lighter than yours”

“Do we have another poet?” He sarcastically says. Something has changed in his sharp features. Anger, I realize, as well as the pride and resentment that now shadow his expression.

“Enough! Do what you must” Geralt intervenes, calm and serious. “If you must kill me, do it, but let them go”

“What?! Geralt, no! Don’t-“ Jaskier pinches my hand to shut me up. I reluctantly oblige at his subtle warning, not wanting to make it all worse. Resigned, I just press my lips together and seethe in silence. Though it is hard, I fight the urge to cry.

My heart beat is in my throat as I expectantly watch the elf. He glares deeply into Geralt’s eyes. Several seconds pass by. The wait is nerve-wracking. Ultimately, he makes a face of disgust and gazes away. I back into Jaskier when Yaevinn pulls out a dagger. I gasp and whimper. My body folds over itself. I cringe when he raises the weapon. My eyes close tight. I feel faint. Suddenly, the pressure in my wrists leaves off. Cautiously, I open my eyes. The dagger has only come down to cut the ropes that bind us together. My wrists are chaffed from how tightly they imprisoned them. I absently rub them as I look from one to the other. I release a breath I had been holding.

“Let this be a warning, witcher” The elf pays no attention to us, only to Geralt, as the three of us slowly get to our feet. “I won’t be so kind next time”

I continue to rub my wrists after the rough surface of the ropes irritated my skin. Nonetheless, I refuse to lose sight of our attacker. Yaevinn keeps watching the witcher.

“There won’t be a next time” He replies, absently holding on to Jaskier and me.

The tension is still tangible in the air as we cautiously walk away from him.

My hands are still shaking. I try not to stumble as we walk. Fortunately, they seem not to notice my struggle.

Heaviness drowns my heart when Jaskier finishes his tale of what the elf Filavandrel told him and Geralt in Posada during their past encounter. I almost wish I hadn’t asked. I didn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss, and knowledge is a burden.

In my lifetime, I had never left the frontiers of Vizima. It seems to me as though I know nothing from the real world outside of the narrow lens that is my experience. From Kader’s stories, I had always thought the elves had chosen to leave Dol Blathanna. In reality, they were pushed off their homes and forced into a life of crime to survive. After burying their own, they had no other choice but to steal, lie and deceive in order to gather what little food they could. They had no choice but to hide, like their ‘defiance’ of being different was worthy of such a punishment. Because that’s all some could see, how the elves were different from us. It was awful and disgusting. The thought only fueled the coldness in my heart. Just as it had started to thaw. 

The heavy silence makes this hollow humming all the more noticeable.

“Where are we headed then?” Like he has so many times before, Jaskier diverts the subject.

Despite the fact that this time his voice is devoid of any of its usual cheerfulness, I cannot comprehend how they are capable of thinking of anything else other than the elves.

“Redania” Geralt assures. “We’ll decide where to go from there”

“Right” His friend simply replies. “Is that alright by you, Nissa?”

I shrug as all response. Jaskier sighs and walks closer to me. I don’t react when he holds my elbow, and neither do I stop. Instead, he resolves to walk alongside me. He seems bothered that I don’t establish eye contact, because he holds my chin and turns my head. Only then do I halt. His grip, unlike the elf’s, is delicate and gentle.

“Are you alright?” His free hand reaches up, a knuckle brushing the dry blood in the corner of my bottom lip.

“Fine” I dip my head, feebly pushing him away and carrying on walking.

“Nis-“ He tries again, but Geralt stops him.

“Jaskier…” I leave them behind while the witcher talks to his friend. “Leave her”

I appreciate that Geralt realizes I need some space. Honestly, I feel completely hopeless. I knew the world could be cruel, but to see how the elves behaved… how they had retorted to violence after being a peaceful race, how they were resigned to fighting for their lives after the atrocities humans put them through… It broke my heart.

These days have been a complete nightmare, draining all remaining energy I seemed to have left. It is a miracle that I manage to even stand anymore. Honestly, I think if it weren’t for Geralt and Jaskier, I wouldn’t have been able to take it all. That is why it pains me to isolate myself again, but I crave distance. Even if for a few minutes. The world is far crueler than I anticipated, and my soft heart can’t quite fathom it.

Jaskier was wrong. I don’t have the soul of a warrior.

Once again, Pal proves to be a blessing. A loyal companion, a friend, and a horse that calmly carries me when I can’t carry myself.

Geralt rides to my left, this time with Jaskier walking to my right. The silence I dreaded so much is a relief to my exhausted state. Physically, emotionally and mentally, I am at the end of my rope. The stable motion of being on horseback is nearly lulling me to sleep. Slumber is so inviting, ensuring a much needed and well-deserved rest. I don’t realize my heavy eyelids are closed until I dangerously sway to the side and a strong hand roughly catches my arm. Startled, I turn to Geralt. The witcher is staring at me, scowling in what I assume is silent concern and disappointment.

“Are you okay?” Jaskier softly taps my leg from below.

I nod, but I can’t hold back a tired yawn. My mind is foggy and my limbs feel like they have turned to lead. I honestly lack the strength to stay awake, and it is only because of Geralt’s quick reflexes that I haven’t fallen off my horse yet.

“You need to rest” The aforesaid tells me, mildly stern.

“Yes, that’s a good idea” Jaskier adds, brow furrowed as he watches me from below. “We have gone through quite an ordeal”

“We should stop somewhere” Geralt doesn’t let go of me as he forces Roach to a slower pace, holding on to the reins with his one free hand.

“I know, we can stay at an inn!” The bard exclaims in excitement, so loudly that he nearly gives me a headache. “All warm and cozy, maybe have some ale, sit for a while…”

Finding that it takes too much effort to speak up, I let out an affirmative hum.

“It is settled then!” Jaskier concludes. “The lady has spoken!”

Even as we ride, Geralt hasn’t let go of my arm, so I pat his hand to reassure him. He still doesn’t retrieve it.

“Uh, Nissa… do you…” The other keeps speaking. “Do you want me to hop up there with you?”

“What?” I open my eyes, noticing they have unexpectedly closed again, and look down at him. “Ride with me?”

“Just this once” Jaskier holds his hands up in a peacemaking gesture. “Only to make sure you don’t fall off”

I think about it, even if it’s challenging given that my brain is slow and sluggish. My hands can barely keep holding on to the reins. Maybe he’s right.

“Mm…” I nod, feebly holding my hand out for him to take.

Geralt’s hand tightens around my arm as Jaskier pulls at me, grunting and fidgeting until he’s settled on the saddle behind me. When he is, he sighs triumphantly that he successfully climbed on. His close presence next to me certainly proves comforting. When his friend puts his arms around me to keep me upright, the witcher finally unhands me.

“There, that’s better” Jaskier fondly squeezes his arms over my stomach from behind. I hum again, doing my absolute best to stay awake. At least he’s considerate enough not to talk my ear off as he usually would.

“We’ll camp again” Geralt mumbles, his voice springing me awake when my head droops forward. “Nissa can’t hold until we reach Redania”

I want to object, but he is absolutely correct. As further proof, my head lolls back and falls over Jaskier’s shoulder. It stays there this time. His arms tense around me, but he doesn’t move otherwise.

“She’s out...” The bard sighs. There is no pity in his voice, only empathy “Poor thing”

His grip rids me of the precarious feeling of falling off. I relax and get comfortable against him. His voice becomes a constant mumble as I drift into slumber.

“Nissa” The voice is gentle, but cruelly pulling me away from my peaceful dream.

Fiction and reality mix together when I recognize Jaskier’s voice, and he sneaks into my dream as it slowly fades away. I stir, feeling two arms tightening around me when I nearly lose balance.

“Wake up, we’re here” He insists, just as softly as before.

I come to the realization that we are still on Pal. My head slides off Jaskier’s shoulder and my eyes pry open. The light has disappeared, and the night baffles me for a moment.

“Here where?” I rub my eyes and groggily glance around. The landscape has changed from dry to filled with bushes and green patches of grass.

“Camp” Geralt says, startling me slightly. His gruff voice further pulls me out of my drowsy state.

As directed by him, Roach cuts Pal off when the witcher goes to his destination. Automatically, my hands fall over my horse’s reins, with the exception that Jaskier is already holding them, detail that I forgot.

“Well” Unbothered by this, he lets go of them entirely and unwraps his arms from behind me. I find myself missing how comfortable they were. “Let’s go then”

He drops the ground quite gracefully. Tilting my head in his direction, I see him reaching out, ready to catch me. I grin and accept his help. Not without great difficulty, as my muscles have become sore, I throw myself down. Jaskier’s hands easily support me, and he tops off his assistance with a charming grin as he settles me on the ground.

“You are quite the gentleman” With one hand, I gather Pal’s reins and lean on his shoulder with the other. I don’t trust that I can walk on my own.

“Would you like me to carry you, my lady?” Jaskier doesn’t have a problem in placing an arm around my waist. I open my mouth to politely refuse his offer, but Geralt is quicker.

“You’re not strong enough” He grumbles, making me giggle in my affected state.

“I am too!” Jaskier falls in his trap, outraged by the accusation.

“It’s alright” I reassure him, even if still holding on to his shoulder. “I can walk”

He mumbles to himself, saying how he just wanted to help and Geralt is being so rude to him as usual. Even as we stop on the spot that will be our camp and Jaskier lowers me into the ground until I sit, he continues to mutter.

“Jaskier” The witcher calls him, instantly silencing him before he can sit by my side. “Go get some wood for a fire”

“What, me?” The bard gawks at his friend. Geralt just glares, which seems enough to convince him. “Fine, you big brute”

I grin in amusement as the bard reluctantly walks away from us, picking his mumbling from where he left off. Geralt sits by my side while Jaskier distances himself for us.

“Don’t get killed in the process” He reminds him, earning an impolite gesture from him.

Our gazes meet when I chuckle. Geralt is smirking as we hear Jaskier’s complaints getting lost in the distance.

“Thanks” I tell him, nearly relieved without Jaskier. “As sweet as he is, he can be a bit much”

“If you keep leading him on, he won’t leave your side” He cocks an eyebrow, and his expression speaks for itself.

“I’m not leading him on… I’m only…” I become flustered, opening and closing my mouth as I try to explain myself. “Jaskier is… kind to me, and so I try to be too”

“Is that so?” Geralt smirks, which makes me pout at the implications of his words.

“Yes. Why do you care so much?”

“I know him too well”

“What does that mean?”

“He’s trying to woo you, and you’re letting him” 

“It’s not like that…” I shake my head, thankful for the poor light. “You have been thoughtful too”

“I’ve done nothing” He replies dryly, although he averts his eyes.

“Yes, you have” I whisper, still not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“We were talking about Jaskier” Geralt deflects my attempt at a meaningful conversation.

“He might be a bit bothersome at times… and a big flirt” He hums in agreement. “But he is also quite charming”

“He grows on you” Realizing what he just said, Geralt grunts. “Don’t tell him I said that”

A chuckle leaves my throat, watching how he stirs in the spot. Their friendship is truly something special.

“How long have you known each other?” I cuddle over myself, starting to feel the coldness of the night once we stopped moving.

“Too long” He presses his lips together as his eyes fall over me again.

“If you didn’t like him, you wouldn’t let him follow along”

“I couldn’t get rid of him even if I wanted to”

“But you don’t want to”

He scowls, but I only give him an innocent grin that calms his vexation.

“Hm” Is all he replies, distracting himself by looking towards the horses. Roach and Pal are there together, calmly waiting and munching on some grass.

The witcher then sighs tiredly, and I soon see what caused it. A figure is approaching. I can’t keep myself from smiling when Jaskier approaches us, carrying only a few twigs in his arms with the pride of someone who found the best of firewood. Once he is close enough to us, he drops them and shows a self-satisfied smirk.

“Here, happy?” He tells the witcher before walking over to me. “Now let me return to my duties”

He plops down beside me and his arm falls around my waist again. I softly shove him away. Geralt supports me.

“Jaskier, don’t be annoying” The witcher sits up to gather the wood.

“I don’t need anything” I smile at him, and he finally understands.

“Oh, right” The bard nods. “Of course, my bad”

“Be thankful that she’s too polite to tell you to fuck off” Geralt absently says, successful in piling the twigs together.

“Someone was bound to” The other retorts. “Given that you have no problem in telling me to fuck off”

To further taunt him, Geralt glances over his shoulder to him, bearing a smug expression. When Jaskier rolls his eyes, the witcher focuses his attention on igniting the fire with a movement of his hands. It is the second time I see him using magic already, but it is just as fascinating as the first.

That thought reminds me of how he used it before. The last time was to protect us… From a fire-breathing dragon blinded by bloodlust. My mind replays the pessimistic thoughts and leaves me dwelling in negative emotions that I am too tired to repress. I find myself speaking to scare those thoughts away. This tiredness makes me feel delirious.

“Can I ask you a question?” I tug on Jaskier’s sleeve as I lie down.

He nods his head, never losing sight of me. I take a deep breath.

“Do you sometimes wonder why you’re here? What purpose you serve?” He stares, tilting his head like a puppy dog. “I mean, are you just Geralt’s friend? A bard? Are you meant to live to entertain people, or to help a witcher? Something more than just that?”

Jaskier takes a deep breath to reply, announcing a long rant. It isn’t his voice which comes next.

“Living is itself a purpose” Geralt observes, although he understands what goes inside my mind unlike his friend.

For several seconds, there’s a pause. Crickets sound in the distance.

“Thank you” I tell him, and I hope he understands the whole meaning behind my gratitude. I am not only thanking him for what he just said. I am also thankful for the small ways in which he has showed he cared. How, despite not being as open about it as Jaskier has, Geralt has been looking after me the entire time too... even if not long ago I was merely a meddling waitress for him. Perhaps still am.

“Get some rest” Is his response, although he nods to tell me he understood. “Tomorrow we leave at first light”

I roll onto my side and close my eyes. The warmth coming from the fire seems to slowly rid my body from the chill of the night. The atmosphere is calm and cozy and invites me to relax.

“What a week…” Jaskier sighs next to me. “It’s nice to have a breather”

“Enjoy it while it lasts” Geralt replies. “We have work to do in Redania”

“Don’t remind me…”

“You won’t be the one taking witcher jobs, Jaskier”

“Still!”

I smile to myself as the comforting sound of their voices lulls me to sleep.

For the first time in days I feel fully refreshed when I wake up. I am in a good mood, strong enough to focus on the beautiful things and making a decision to continue to do so. From the ashes, I am reborn. A newfound energy emerges from my chest, attempting to take over the void. It spreads more, bringing a smile to my face, when Jaskier kindly elbows my ribs.

“How are you feeling today, Nissa?”

“Good” My smile widens when a twinkle appears in his blue eyes. “Truly”

“That’s lovely” He dedicates me a tender smile in return. “And so the sun shines again”

“Try not to ruin her mood” Geralt walks by, throwing the bard off balance as he roughly pushes his shoulder against Jaskier’s.

“Not everyone can be morning people” He’s staring at me and winks when our eyes meet.

“Are you a morning person, Jaskier?” I follow along, interested in his response.

“Why, of course!” He looks off into the horizon. “The sun rising, the early morning dew, the pleasant breeze, the birds chirping a beautiful melody…”

When his eyes fall on the path under our feet once more, he seems distracted by a sight to our right. The dusty road is separating two patches of fields. Some trees are scattered around the big area and its leaves gently blow in the breeze.

“Oh, look!” Jaskier points to a beautiful rose bush that he goes to without hesitation.

I watch it from a distance, admiring the vibrant color of the red roses. Geralt and I exchange a look when we hear him complaining as he tries to pluck them out. There are thorns, and unlike Geralt, Jaskier doesn’t wear gloves. The witcher shakes his head in silence, and the bard is already joining us once more.

“One for you” Jaskier delicately places the flower under the strap that holds Geralt’s sword to his chest.

He then moves to me, and gracefully bows as he offers me the rose.

“One for you, my lady” I carefully take it from him, careful not to touch the thorns. That is when I realize that he was not careful at all.

“Stupid bard…” I hold his hand up to see the tiny cuts all along his index and thumb. “You’ve prickled yourself”

“Sometimes a beautiful flower is worth the thorns” He smirks, and I tilt my head to look at him in aggravation. It doesn’t seem to disturb him nor his upbeat energy.

“Give me patience…” The witcher sighs, continuing along with Roach by his side.

“What are you sighing about, Geralt?” Jaskier mutters, turning to his friend.

“You” He doesn’t turn, only taking the rose and throwing it over his shoulder. “And I don’t want that”

The bard lets out a noise filled with outrage and bends down to pick up the flower.

“It’s a pretty flower!” He angrily shakes it in the air. “Who doesn’t like pretty flowers?”

Geralt glares at him, scowling and gritting his teeth. Despite his vexed state, Jaskier is not intimidated by him in the slightest.

“Oooh, yeah, there’s that scary face” He replies, resting a hand on his hip. “There’s no need for that, grumpy”

I chuckle, pulling Pal along with me as I listen to their banter. They make such an unlikely pair, and it is deeply amusing to watch them interact. With my laughter, Jaskier looks at me.

“He is soft deep down” He points a thumb over his shoulder to Geralt. “Isn’t he, Nissa?”

“No comments” I only say, refusing to earn Geralt’s wrath.

“She’s smart” He halts for a moment to heavily pat Jaskier’s shoulder. “Be more like her”

When he continues walking, the exasperated bard starts talking his ear off as usual. I follow in tow, fascinated by their friendship dynamic as we make our way towards Redania.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to leave kudos, and especially comments, if you're enjoying the story! Thank you! 🙏😘💖


	6. Light And Dark

The next day, we have entered Redania and are nearing Rinde. The Pontar river flows next to us, and I gleefully watch it as we advance on foot. I am elated to be closer and my mood only improves with the company. It feels like a new beginning.

Jaskier’s voice fills the silence, as it couldn’t be other way. This time he timidly sings lyrics to a new song he’s in the process of composing.

“What will you do?” Geralt speaks, and I realize he’s looking at me. “When we reach Rinde?”

“Oh” The question surprises me a bit, so I absently look at Pal while I think of an answer. “Well…”

“She will stay with us, of course!” Jaskier answers, forgetting about his music. “Right…?”

I shrug a little, a bit conflicted. I am quite comfortable with them now, and I certainly enjoy their company. The thought of leaving them behind saddens me, but perhaps the best thing would be to spend some time alone, reflect and allow myself to heal. The loss of my home town is still an open wound, and it feels too early to move on.

“M-Maybe…?” Pal reciprocates the stare when I look at him. If only he could tell me what the right thing to do is.

“It’s fine” The witcher nods slightly, pulling Roach along himself. “Think about it”

“Yes” I smile, knowing the choice is still a bit far away. “We haven’t reached Rinde yet in any case”

I turn at Jaskier, who slides the lute to his back. His eyes are glued to the ground and he absently kicks a small rock of the many that cover the ground at our feet. As though he senses my gaze, however, he lifts his head up. I smile a bit at the sight of his lively blue eyes, and he sweetly reciprocates the gesture. Somehow, his expression is asking me to stay, to remain by their side for just a bit longer... and I want to comply.

As we walk, I step onto a small stone that rolls and makes me lose my balance. Jaskier next to me is quick to wrap an arm around me even though I quickly recover.

“Wow, careful!” He smirks when I hold on to him out of sheer surprise.

“I’m… fine…” I blink repeatedly, flustered by the sudden closeness.

“Leave her alone…” Geralt tiredly says. I have to purse my lips not to laugh at the face Jaskier makes in response.

“I’m being considerate, Geralt, I don’t want her to fall in the water!”

I snort when I look at the big space that separates us from the water. In reality, I was nowhere near falling in.

“You don’t think me capable of the terribly hard task that it is walking?” I tease him, tugging at his hand that settled on my waist and trying to get rid of it. He doesn’t leave off.

“He’s just looking for an excuse to touch you” The witcher mutters, deadpanning as usual.

“I-I-I…” The bard stutters, gawking at his friend. “Excuse me! I’m just trying to…”

“Stupid bard” I chuckle when he starts blushing and playfully wrinkle my nose at him.

“Oi, it would be a real shame if you actually fell in the water” Jaskier pushes me slightly and I yelp and cling on to him. That only causes his smirk to grow. “Not so cheeky now, eh?”

His hand squeezes my waist and I shrink against his side. Jaskier’s eyebrows arch in curiosity to my reaction and I bit my bottom lip.

“Watch your hand” I only say, maintaining eye contact.

“It is on your waist, no lower” He defends himself, intently watching me as if wishing to read my thoughts.

I don’t respond, only push against his chest ever so slightly in order to put some distance between us. His expression suddenly changes, from confused to absolutely thrilled.

“No…” Jaskier shows me a mischievous smirk. “Are you ticklish, my dear Nissa?”

My cheeks burn. The twinkle in his eyes confirms that I am in fact blushing.

“N-No…”

“Yeah you are! Oh, this is brilliant!”

“Don’t you dare, Jaskier”

“Or what?”

“I am warning you”

I lift a finger up, but my quivering lip makes the threat slightly less menacing. Ahead of us, Geralt sighs very loudly. He is mumbling something to Roach, and I manage to catch a few of the words he says.

“Why me…?”

“Ah!” I yelp when Jaskier roughly squeezes my side. “Hey!”

“I thought you weren’t ticklish” He smirks still, squeezing again.

“Stop it!” I squirm to try and get away from his grasp. “Jaskier!”

When he holds me with both hands and starts tickling me without mercy, I let go of the horse’s reins. Giggling and struggling to breathe as his nimble fingers attack me, I shrink over myself and push my shoulder against his chest. Jaskier only giggles as he watches me squirm. To lock me in place, his arms push me against his torso. In that position, I have no escape as his hands continue squeezing the ticklish spots in my sides. I try to push myself off him yet again, squeaking and laughing breathlessly and without remedy during such torture.

Pal suddenly nudges Jaskier, quite angrily, to push him off me. I see Geralt returning to our side as he notices the scene. In the meantime, I struggle to catch my breath when his attack ceases.

“Wow, little horsey” The bard immediately lets go of me, backing away. “Calm down there”

“It’s alright, Pal” I am moved that he tries to protect me, even if Jaskier could never actually hurt me. I try to comfort my horse, caressing his neck, but he’s still a bit rattled. Pal nudges his head towards Jaskier again, causing him to yelp and step further back with an exclamation.

“Jaskier” Geralt calls him, and even if he’s leaning forward, he isn’t quick enough.

Jaskier loses his balance and falls into the water, yelling in surprise. He sinks into the river for a moment. We stand by until he scrambles to his feet once more. The water luckily only reaches up to his chest. His brown hair looks black as its dripping with water and sticking to his forehead. His expression is indescribably hilarious.

“My lute!” The bard suddenly shouts, frantically sliding it over his chest and analyzing it. He sighs in relief when he checks his most precious possession is intact. Wet, but intact.

I cover my mouth, torn between laughter and concern. When Geralt offers him a hand and pulls Jaskier out of the river, I lean towards the amusement and start giggling. Even the witcher next to me clears his throat to hide a chuckle.

“Go ahead, Nissa, don’t be shy!” Jaskier throws his hands up in exasperation, splashing water everywhere. “Enjoy my misfortune!”

The sound of his soaked clothes dripping water on the ground only causes me to laugh harder. I take a moment to recover and then place a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” I feel the need to ask, but he gasps in outrage.

“No!” Jaskier shouts dramatically. “I could have died, _and_ my lute!”

Geralt shakes his head in amusement and continues walking, taking Roach with him and telling her how he will treasure this moment forever. I myself approach Pal, but he’s carefully watching the bard. Trying to make amends, the horse gently pushes his head against Jaskier’s shoulder.

“No, no, no” He wiggles his finger at the horse. “Don’t give me that now, you beast”

I grin as I watch the two interact. Pal tries once more. In the end, Jaskier sighs and caresses him between the eyes to settle a truce. The horse leaves him with one last nudge before returning by my side.

“He was only trying to protect me” I conclude as Jaskier frowns and watches his lute attentively. “You were attacking me after all”

“Yeah, yeah…” He mumbles, carefully wiping water drops from the instrument.

I grin and walk ahead, leaving Jaskier to his resigned mumbling and concentrated cares towards his beloved lute. Geralt is smiling a bit when I catch up with him, and his grins only widens when our gazes meet and finds that I am trying not to keep laughing.

Rinde is a welcome change from the extremely silent atmosphere that has gloomed over us for the past few days in Vizima. The city is bustling with people, activity and movement. There is a small market at the capital and so we indulge in curiously taking a look at the items displayed: clothes, food, herbs, jewelry, weapons… all kinds of goods.

Jaskier’s mood has improved in these few hours that it has taken us to arrive. After his clothes and hair have dried, he is back to his usual chatting and occasionally calls to show us something that catches his eye. He tugs at my wrist and takes me with him everywhere he goes. Though I laugh a little at his behavior, I manage to get rid of his grasp after a while. He is too preoccupied with curiously eyeing some poetry books to notice.

I absently wander around the market and stop before a stand displaying dresses and riding wear. All my belongings burned in the fire along with everything else in Vizima, and I wasn’t cautious enough to take any money with me. Nonetheless, I eye a comfortable looking pair of breeches and a tunic.

Although Geralt and Jaskier look slightly disheveled themselves, I honestly feel absolutely disgusting. After all the activity, my clothes are full of dirt, dust, blood and sweat. So is my skin, and I could certainly use a change of clothes. Nonetheless, it will have to wait until I can earn some coin.

The witcher suddenly halts next to me and picks up the very garments I watch. Geralt hands me the clothes, but I don’t take them and instead watch him, baffled.

“I don’t carry money with me…” Still not moving, I watch his outstretched hand.

“Just take them” He pushes them towards me and tosses a coin to the seller.

The man doesn’t have a problem taking the payment and letting me take the clothes. I myself don’t feel as willing and stand there in shock.

“Take them” He insists. “Or I throw them away”

“T-Thank you, Geralt…” I whole heartedly say, clutching them against my chest.

“Aw, that’s sweet” Jaskier rests an elbow over my shoulder, watching his friend. “See, Geralt? You’re soft, don’t deny it”

The mildly friendly expression in the witcher’s face fades instantly as he turns to the bard and glares at him. Jaskier doesn’t bat an eye and instead continues speaking.

“Here, look” As he cheerfully takes Geralt by the arm, the witcher pinches his nose in exhaustion. “I found something incredible”

I curiously follow after them, arriving to another stand. This one is full of beautiful jewels sparkling under the afternoon sun. 

“Look, Geralt!” He repeats, holding up a gorgeous silver necklace with emeralds incrusted on it. The witcher glances at it with disinterest, even if Jaskier is watching me with the corner of his eye anyway. “Doesn’t it remind you of someone’s eyes?”

I giggle at his poor attempt at subtlety. Geralt grunts in aggravation. Although I open my mouth to speak, our candid moment is interrupted when someone starts shouting at us.

“You, mutant!” The seller is eyeing Geralt. “Get out of here, away from my wares!”

There is a short pause in which we gawk at the man. Then comes the retaliation.

“Oi!” Jaskier harshly drops the necklace. “What did you just say to him?”

“You heard me!” The man insists, shooing us with hand gestures. “Off you go!”

“Alright then” Jaskier hands the witcher his beloved instrument. “Geralt, hold my lute”

Unfazed by the bard’s outburst, he only holds him by the back of the doublet and pushes him away of the stand. Jaskier complains, though he is forced away from the confrontation. I want to retort back myself, but I am so shocked and outraged that the nasty words I want to dedicate that man are stuck in my throat. In any case, I open my mouth to produce any sounds. I will not let him berate Geralt in such a way.

“I… H-How dare you?!” I only manage, glaring at the man. My body is burning with anger. I kick the base of his rickety stand. “You should learn some manners, you-“

I advance towards the idiot, but the witcher makes me stumble as he drags me away from that spot as well. He has lifted me off the ground, leaning me against his side and easily carrying me away from there as though I weigh nothing to him.

“Your merchandise isn’t even that great, you pathetic excuse for a jeweler!” Jaskier continues confront him, earning an angry glare from the man. “You absolute buffoon!”

“Jaskier…” Still carrying me, Geralt hauls the bard around by the doublet.

The two of us exchange a helpless look as the witcher defuses the situation. Several pair of eyes watch us, accompanied by hushed mumbling. Once we are slightly calmer and far away enough from the marketplace, Geralt lets both of us go.

“That man deserved to get a piece of our mind” Jaskier angrily fixes his doublet.

The witcher only shakes his head. He ignores it when the bard vehemently nods back.

“If you are to travel with us, you can’t react like this” His golden eyes move from me to his friend. “You too, Jaskier”

The aforesaid mumbles under his breath, and although the words are unintelligible, I gather by the way his gaze is directed towards the man still that they are not kind words.

“Are you truly alright with this?” I demand to know, staring at Geralt.

“It isn’t the first time” His lips form a thin line, though he seems calm. “And it won’t be the last”

“You amaze me, Geralt” Jaskier takes a deep breath. “I could just punch him in the face and break his teeth”

“Hm…” He only replies. “We should search for an inn”

Trying to forget about that incident, I touch Geralt’s arm as soon as he lets go of me. Nearly sarcastically, he pats my hand. He doesn’t seem surprised nor bothered by such treatment, and it breaks my heart. One gets used to everything, it seems, even to insults. All I hope is he isn’t starting to believe in the veracity of those insults. Or that he has already.

Jaskier dramatically sighs when Geralt leads the way. My feet drag across the ground as I follow them. That interaction feels like a glimpse at what travelling with them truly is like.

“I suppose we should all rest for a bit” Pointing a thumb over his shoulder, the bard directs us to the closest inn. “We could all use a bath and some food, I am _hungry_ ”

Jaskier doesn’t wait for us as he now leads the way towards the establishment. Silent, we follow in tow.

A question hangs in the air, though neither of them says it. We have arrived, we have found a place to stay, and the dilemma lingers in my mind even if I don’t address it either. I haven’t decided what I will be doing, but surely it can wait for a few hours more, just until we get some well-deserved rest somewhere other than a forest or out in the open. Big decisions should be taken on a full stomach and a rested mind.

As we near the inn, the hubbub of voices from inside reach us before we enter. Geralt and I stop for a moment to secure the horses outside.

“You two go ahead and rent the room” Geralt is eyeing a notice board right outside the inn.

“Right” Jaskier casually walks in.

I stay behind for a moment. The look in the witcher’s eyes makes me suspicious. Is he trying to leave us alone? Before he can confirm it with an indecorous comment, I follow after the bard.

The environment is loud and lively. It smells like ale and sweat, yet somehow it feels vaguely familiar and welcoming. Too many years working in a tavern, I suppose.

Jaskier is already leaning on the reception table, talking to the woman behind it. I walk toward him. He sinks his hand on his pocket and I pout at the sight.

“Not you too…” I mumble as I stand by his side, resting a hand on his arm. Jaskier only grins and says nothing.

“Thank you, darling” He is telling her now. “You have the cutest nose, by the way”

I scoff at how he flirts with her, though he completely ignores me. The woman doesn’t seem too impressed in any case. That doesn’t erase that stupid grin from his lips.

“Jaskier…” I tug at his arm, but he shakes his head.

“Ah-ah” Dragging two coins over the counter and closer to the inn keeper lady, he then turns his body to me, nearly challenging me to change his mind. “No complaints”

“I feel terrible…” I feebly lean on the column behind me. “First Geralt and now you… You’re being too kind, and I have no way of repaying you…”

Jaskier looks at me, and I can feel how his eyes struggle to stay on mine. I cock an eyebrow at him and he grins innocently.

“Oh, I’m sure you can think of some ways to make it up to me, Nissa” The way he arches his eyebrows is suggestive to say the least. I shove my palm against his shoulder to erase the expression off his face. “Ow, alright… sorry…”

“To your left” The inn keeper woman hands Jaskier a key.

“Ladies first” He motions forwards, so I take the lead to where the rooms are. Walking to our left as the lady said, I talk over my shoulder to him, glancing ahead to watch where I’m going.

“I do appreciate what you’re doing” I tell him, earning a beautiful smile from Jaskier.

“You’re very welcome” After a few more steps, we reach the door and he unlocks it with the key. “I’m always more than happy to aid a damsel in distress”

I gawk at him in false outrage and he chuckles, opening the door for me and allowing me to step in first.

“Thank you, Jaskier” Before I come in, I leave a soft peck on his cheek. "Truly"

It’s hard not to notice how he freezes in the spot. His fingers briefly brush against his cheek there where my lips were. The bard is flustered enough to awkwardly clear his throat and take several seconds to follow after me, closing the door behind him.

“R-Right… I, uh…” As I plop down in the bed, I watch him. Jaskier trails off for a moment before he recovers his train of thought. “I… also asked for warm bath water”

“That’s lovely” I say, bringing my braid over my shoulder and starting to undo it. I absently hum a melody, that which he has been singing, as it is stuck in my head.

Watching me in silence, Jaskier sits in the other bed, facing me. His fingers fidget with the key. I avert my eyes and lowly sigh in relief when my tight braid is undone. It doesn’t help with feeling tired and filthy, but at least it’s not tugging at my scalp anymore.

“Can I ask you a question?” He suddenly utters, blinking as though his eyes are on me yet not actually seeing me.

“Of course” I reply, absently carding my fingers through my tangled hair. “What is it?”

“Do you… believe in destiny?”

“Oh… I… Well…”

“Yes?”

A dreamy and thoughtful look takes over him. I struggle to voice my thoughts on the matter. I never did believe in it, but it isn’t quite as simple as just that.

“I can’t afford to” I finally reply, shrugging a shoulder when he frowns. “If it’s set on stone, I feel as though mine is quite cruel”

“Right… I suppose…” Jaskier glances down to the rusty key between his fingers.

I can tell the moment is quite tense now, so I pipe up once more to remedy it.

“Why do you ask?” I show him a smile as soon as our gazes meet. “Are you still thinking about your new song?”

That seems to liven him up immediately. His deflated posture fixes and he grins brightly once more.

“I am, actually. Though I’ll admit: I am quite stumped with this one” He lets out an exaggerated sigh, as though he were heaving his final breath. “I can’t find the right words”

I think of something to say, but he is already standing up. Jaskier shows me a charming and flirtatious smile as he moves from his bed to set with me in the other. Our sides brush together as he places an arm over my shoulders.

“Would you like to be my muse, Nis?”

“Don’t start, silly”

“You’re the one that kissed me!”

“On the cheek”

“You still kissed me”

“It was on the cheek!”

He lets out a chuckle that I find too adorable. I refuse to fall for his charm again and so I push him away. Leaving him lonely, I stand from the bed and tower over him. His eyes resemble those of a puppy dog as he looks up at me.

“I am taking a bath” I hold a hand up before he can say anything, which he was, judging by the way his lips started moving. “You may keep any related comments to yourself”

“Or what, my lady?” When he tilts his head, the hair falls over his eyes but he doesn’t move it. “You will have our trustworthy witcher beat me?”

“Or I can do it myself” I smirk and turn around, denying him the chance of a witty response.

The shift of temperature is shocking at first, but I relax into the warm water and sink further into the bath. It seems to magically untangle all knots in my muscles. A deep sigh escapes my throat. I needed this.

Although the noises of the inn sound muffled through the walls, the silence is slightly overwhelming. Being used to Jaskier’s voice proves bothersome when presented with its absence. With his absence in general. Even with Geralt’s absence despite his usual silence.

It is the first time in nearly a week that I am actually completely left alone. No matter how much I appreciate their company, it now allows me to breathe and think more clearly. The decision at the back of my mind arises with the reflective mood I am currently in. As I absently scrub my arms with soap, I consider the possibilities.

Returning home is obviously not one of them. I am forced to move on one way or another, but there are many ways to do so. Rinde seems as good place as any. The important question is… alone or with them? This newfound quietness and tranquility is comforting, yet I am unsure that I would grow used to it, that it wouldn't turn into a curse soon. After I lost Kader, Hana was always by my side. I hadn’t been truly alone in my life, and neither did I want to. Moments of isolation? Of course. A lifetime of loneliness? Absolutely not.

I wince when the bar of soap presses against a superficial wound that I had forgotten about. On the outside face of my arm, the cut I earned on the mountains remains. It is nearly completely healed , but it will leave a small scar. Despite how harrowing those events were, my mind clings on to the positives of our endeavor. The way we protect each other, Geralt’s reluctant smiles and hums of amusement, even his grunts of annoyance and glares. Jaskier, of course, is in my mind as well. The way his lively blue eyes land over me, his bright smile, his ubiquitous voice, whether singing or teasing or rambling.

The water feels slightly cold now, and so I busy myself with actually taking a bath rather than mindlessly sitting in it. Once done cleaning the remnants of dirt, blood and sweat from my skin, I move on to my hair. As my hands move automatically, I imagine how different my life would be without them. And I can’t stand how empty it would feel. Not long ago, they were completely strangers. Geralt was nothing but a witcher, a mutant I was too afraid and distrusted of due to past experiences. Jaskier was only a meddling bard who could be too talkative and annoying at times. Yet now…

I tried to pretend like I was conflicted, though there was honestly no choice to make.

The new clothes fit me quite well, and are definitely an improvement to my old and tattered garments, even if they are slightly too large, especially the tunic that nearly poses as a dress reaching my thighs. I have to tight my belt around it so it comfortably clings to my waist instead.

When I return to the room, Jaskier is gone. One of the three beds is occupied with saddlebags that I recognize from Roach’s mount. Geralt must have passed by, probably preparing for a witcher job or something of the sort. I notice Jaskier’s lute is nowhere to be seen just as I recognize the sound of his singing voice through the walls. Of course he’s out there singing.

Exiting the room, I walk into the common area where the music fills my ears. At that moment, he is playing a cheerful jig that has some people quite entertained. I quietly walk to a side of the establishment and lean on a column. When I pay attention to the lyrics, I cross my arms and shake my head in disapproval for the song’s childish sexual content, even if it pulls a chuckle out of me. I watch him fondly as he performs, standing on a table. He is wearing his white undershirt that suits him so well. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing his forearms as they move at the rhythm of the tune. His eyes vividly wander around the room, squeezing every ounce of excitement that his music produces in the room. They suddenly fall over me. His entire face lights up as he grins bright and winks an eye at me. I smile back before I can realize I am.

Just then, Jaskier finishes the song and lets the last note ring dramatically. A few of the people applaud and go over to leave some coins in the open case of his lute on the ground. With a theatrical bow, the bard thanks them and prepares to play another song. Quite briefly, his gaze returns to me as he strums the first chords. I laugh when I recognize it immediately and mouth the words along with him.

“When a humble bard…” We both grin at each other from opposite ends of the room. “Graced a ride along…” 

People easily catch up as well, starting to loudly sing the infamous song. This is distracting enough for him to get quite into his performance, drunken in his success as everyone is soon loudly chanting along. I myself tap my foot with the catchy rhythm.

_He thrust every elf_

_far back on the self_

_high up on the mountain_

_from whence it came_

_He wiped out your pest_

_got kicked in his chest_

_He’s a friend of humanity_

_so give him the rest_

A pang of guilt suddenly stings me in the chest. My grin fades away. I had never noticed certain aspects of the song. Now they seem quite disturbing.

I understand that Jaskier wrote that song for Geralt, to rid him from his awful fame as the butcher of Blaviken. I used to believe it as well, which didn’t help me in trusting him. Now that I know him personally, though, I realize how unfair that title was despite not having witnessed the events that developed. But Jaskier’s lyrics paint the elves in a bad light, and it upsets me. The bard had only been charming, sweet and playful towards me. That side of him is now revealed to me, almost like it wasn’t there before. Faced with the truth, I lower my head and exit the inn. The contrast of the silent night is jarring.

Just as I plop down in the wooden platform outside of the building, everyone starts loudly singing the chorus _. Toss a coin to your witcher, o valley of plenty_ … The voices are too distracting as I try to wrap my head around these astonishing contradictory feelings.

The cool night breeze is refreshing, seemingly clearing my confusing thoughts. I had everything completely wrong, didn’t I? I believed Geralt to be an emotionless mutant who only cared about coin and I realized he could be even more human than some men. I thought Jaskier was pure and untainted, but he had a darker side as well. Nonetheless, why does it bother me so much? I was just starting to see him as a friend rather than a stranger. That was just what he was now, a friend if anything at all.

I absently look out to the horizon, shaped by the buildings that stand in the way and shadow the beautiful colors of dusk as the sunlight caressing my face slowly fades away.

“There you are” His voice next to me makes me jump slightly. I didn’t realize the song was over. “What’s the matter?”

“You startled me” I mumble, surprised by my racing heart.

“Not that” He sits by my side and tilts his head to establish eye contact. “You walked away in the middle of my performance”

“Oh, that…”

“Yeah, I feel quite hurt” I reluctantly smile when he presses a hand against his chest.

“Jaskier…”

“I thought you enjoyed my songs”

“And I do”

He knocks his knee against mine, and his voice acquires a more serious tone now.

“Tell me, Nissa” I glance at him, only to find with such a tender and innocent expression that it moves me.

My doubts seem to vanish, but the song still echoes in my mind.

“When did you write the song?”

“Oh” Jaskier straightens up, proudly. “When I first met Geralt in Posada, we-“

“It’s not true” I interrupt him, knowing he might start rambling, as he does.

“Pardon me?”

“That’s not what happened with the elves”

His moment of pride vanishes as he averts his gaze. Just as I thought.

Our encounter with Yaevinn burns fresh in my mind, as I am sure it will for a long time still. And although I wasn’t there with them that other time, I know Jaskier’s song wasn’t quite truthful. Just the fact that he called the elf an ‘it’ gave me a hint. Sadly, I know why he wrote it like that. And he himself explains as he opens his mouth and replies.

“No…” Jaskier absently pinches the strings in his lute to avoid my gaze. “Filavandrel let us go, just like that”

"Then ‘it’ showed mercy” I shake my head, looking up at the stars that timidly shine over us. “Why did you write the song like that?"

I notice him frowning at my disappointed tone. However, he shows me a sarcastic smile and tilts his head in consideration.

"Would you have liked a song about the grief of the elves, humanizing them?"

"Yes, of course! It would have been more beautiful and more real than this lie"

"Well, you're not like everyone else, Nissa"

I stare at him, properly seeing this darker side of him. During all this time I had only known the gentle Jaskier, the kind man that comforted me when I lost everything, who did his best to make me smile, or fluster me with his flirting and teasing. It wasn’t until I heard his famous song again that I realized about his cunningness.

“How do you know so much about elves, in any case? Beyond… you know”

“My brother told me, he was well traveled”

“He must have been insufferable”

I open my mouth in outrage, but his playful smirk lets me know he’s not being entirely serious. Acknowledging his attempt to lighten up the mood, I chuckle.

“He could be at times” I nudge Jaskier, elbowing him in the ribs. “But then again, so are you”

The bard winces, pushing a hand against his chest in heartache. I laugh again, and he can’t help but to smile at the sound.

“There is more to life than fame and fortune”

“Oh, is there now?”

“Yes, do you realize that?”

“I’m starting to, my dear Nissa” Jaskiers reaches out to push my long dark hair behind my ear. I become flustered. Even if the gesture is quite chaste, against all odds, it makes me shiver. I watch him expectantly, waiting for him to do something else. To say something cheeky or do something cocky. Soon enough, he does, yet not in the way I imagined. “You look prettier”

“Prettier?”

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re always pretty” He smiles, nearly bashfully. “But now, under the moonlight... you are absolutely glowing”

The compliment is genuine, devoid of any of his usual flirtatious tone. To further baffle me, Jaskier averts his gaze as though he doesn’t deem himself worthy of contemplating such beauty.

I look at his hand placed between the two of us. My fingers move, considering resting against his. However, Jaskier suddenly stands up.

“Ah, Geralt” He mutters, causing me to look up and forget about it completely.

The witcher has indeed returned. He gives us a side glance as all signs that he recognizes our presence. Then, tightly pursing his lips, he moves on to where Roach patiently waits outside the inn. He picks something up from the saddle and saves it in his pocket.

“What is it?” Jaskier asks, hovering behind him. Geralt sternly pulls at Roach.

“It’s not an ordinary vampire” I frown in confusion until I remember he’s returning from a witcher job. “It’s a bruxa”

“A what now?”

“A bruxa, Jaskier. They are very powerful vampires”

He blinks repeatedly, watching me in awe. When he quickly turns to Geralt, however, the smile that nearly reached his mouth vanishes. I understand why, as I wasn’t used to seeing that intensity in his golden eyes either.

“Huh… Watch out, Geralt, Nissa here might steal your job”

The bard’s attempt to lighten the mood fails miserably as the witcher ignores it. He moves with adamant determination, and we quietly follow behind him. I take Pal with us too. To our surprise, the witcher doesn’t oppose.

The outskirts of Rinde are isolated and eerie. Only a few lonely trees fill the vast wasteland around us. The ground under our boots is soft, covered in green moss and dark brown soil. The temperature drops the more we distance ourselves from the city.

Although Geralt has now voiced his annoyance with us following after him, we make a strong case saying we are a team and have his back... despite the fact that neither Jaskier nor I are as skilled as a witcher, or even as a warrior, especially in the bard’s case. None of that matters, at least three pair of eyes see better than two or one.

I jolt up and cling on to Jaskier’s arm when an unnatural sound floats around us. No matter how embarrassed I am by my gesture, he seems to reciprocate. Seeking my comfort as well, his hands seeks my own.

“W-What…” He gulps, squeezing my hand tight. “What, uh… What the hell… Was that the…?”

“Yes” The witcher dryly says, taking ahold of his silver sword. It glistens with some sort of oil. “Stay here”

We are more than happy to follow his instructions, but as soon as he takes one step, they are rendered useless. We aren’t any safer staying here.

A man runs our direction, waving his arms and calling for help. His attacker soon appears amongst the darkness of the night, lunging at him. It is a pale creature, looking as though it tried to resemble a woman with dark hair but failed miserably. If that was an actual woman, she would be deadly ill and deranged.

Geralt yells and wildly swings his sword, but it’s too late. The bruxa is already feeding on that poor bastard, devouring him alive with visceral hunger. The witcher cusses loudly. Feeling light-headed at the sight, I turn my head in the other direction. My stomach turns and I feel sick. There’s so much blood. Jaskier has the exact same reaction as we both face our backs to the cruel violence. Our palms urgently press together. The man’s screams only worsen our state. The metallic sound of Geralt’s sword slaying the bruxa’s flesh is just as harrowing. A deafening screeching noise follows. The three of us groan in unison, gritting our teeth as the shriek resonates in our very bones. I stick to Jaskier’s side, clutching his hand as I wait for it to end. Two thuds distract us from the unsettling feeling that has nestled within us. The sound has fortunately stopped.

“Fuck!” The gruff voice says not far from us. The both of us run to the witcher just as he collapses on the ground. Our hands drift.

“Geralt!” The creature has bitten through his thick leather pauldrons, and his black clothes are now stained with crimson blood. I grimace when I notice a good part of his neck skin is missing, revealing even more blood. My eyes then move to the figures on the ground.

The poor man is now dead, lying motionless on the ground. Blood covers his corpse, and his skin has brutally been ripped out in several places. The bruxa, although managing to injure Geralt before being slayed, now lies dead as well. The sight is absolutely ghastly.

I tremble slightly while Jaskier tries to pull the witcher to his feet. I am about to do move to help when I hear that hissing sound once more. The bruxa is still alive. It has killed a man. It has hurt my friend. Suddenly I am filled with anger and move on an instinct as I shout and pull out my dagger. The creature hisses defiantly when I face it.

“Nissa, no!” An urgent tug at my wrist sends me stumbling backwards.

As I recover my balance, the witcher sends one of his magical signs to the bruxa, that goes flying backwards and away from us.

“Get to the horses” Geralt brushes Jaskier’s hand off his arm. “I’ll be there in a moment”

“But-“ I stupidly mutter, eyes darting from him to where the creature disappeared from.

“Now!” It is thanks to his command that Jaskier pulls at me to do as we were asked.

“We need to get him some bandages” He reminds me, still tugging at me. “Nissa?”

Nodding my head, I realize he is right. Even if he says it in a desperate attempt to divert my attention from the deathly peril the witcher is currently in, I resign myself to go with Jaskier and reunite with the horses.

My bones seem to bounce with how violently I am stepping as I run. My heart beats in my throat. When we finally reach Pal and Roach not far from us, I hurry to search the saddlebag. Pal stirs, perhaps sensing my restlessness. I cling on to the bandages as soon as I find them.

“You have been traveling with him for a while” I mutter to Jaskier as my fingers struggle to fasten the bag closed. “How do you not have a nervous breakdown worrying about him?”

“Sometimes I’m just in as precarious situation as he is, to be honest” He chuckles, leaning a hand on the saddle. It is shaking lightly.

“That’s not funny” I glare at him, playing with the gauzes in my hands.

“You usually laugh at my jokes…” Jaskier defends himself, shrugging one shoulder.

“Not when… when... Melitele, that was… so violent…” I gulp, scrunching the fabric I hold. “And Geralt…”

My friend stands before me, resting his hands over mine so I stop tightening them more and more. My knuckles have turned white from how much force I inflict upon those bandages.

“He will be alright”

There is a tired yet uplifting look in his eyes when they lock with mine. I heave a trembling sigh, glancing down to his fingers over mine. They are warm and comforting no matter how lightly they lean against my skin.

The both of us look behind Jaskier when a figure makes his way closer to us. Geralt drags his feet over the ground as well as his sword. His free hand is putting pressure on the wound and his jaw is tightly clenched. Once again, I forsake the comfort Jaskier provided me with and run to the witcher.

“Are you alright?” I anxiously ask him as I stop before him.

“Never better” He sarcastically grins at me.

“Don’t give me that, Geralt” Making sure not to touch his wound, I push down on his shoulders to save the height difference.

The witcher grunts in annoyance despite letting me move his hand away. I exhale in anguish when I closely look at the wound. Forgetting about the nasty sight, I fold some of the bandages and push them against his tore skin. He grunts again.

“At least Nissa makes a good medic” Jaskier hesitantly watches over my shoulder. I don’t pay attention to him in favor of the injured witcher.

Using the remaining bandages, I wrap them around the folded ones and tightly tie them over his shoulder blade to keep them in place. That should hopefully stop the bleeding.

Not waiting for my blessing, Geralt then walks past me and closer to Roach. He doesn’t speak to address what happened. He seems eager to leave. He doesn’t speak at all.

Geralt hasn’t said a word. Something tells me that man wasn’t the only victim he witnessed at the hands of the vampire. That explains the gloom expression he bore when he quickly returned to the inn for supplies.

“I… Geralt…” Jaskier tries. His voice quivers as he closely watches his friend.

“Fuck off” He replies, not bothering to glance at us. There is anger in his voice as well as in the way his hand aggressively pushes against the wound on his neck.

Jaskier and I exchange a concerned look in response to his stubbornness. Geralt drags himself to the room, with us closely behind.

“You need to talk to us, back there…” When we reach the door, he quickly turns to us. That is enough to silence me, given the dangerous glint in his eye. 

I freeze as I hold his gaze. He doesn’t say anything else, only stomps into the room. Trying to follow after him in order to comfort him for his certain distress, I take a step. Jaskier pulls at my arm just in time to avoid me getting hit with the door as Geralt slams it closed.

“We should leave him alone” Jaskier speaks next to me, voice gloom. “Give him a moment…”

“No, he’s clearly upset!” I turn to Jaskier, who sighs. His brow is furrowed in worry.

“Trust me, Nissa” Slightly defeated, he lets go of my arm. His gaze drops, even if he briefly lifts it back up in hesitance. “It’s best if we give him some space”

I feel too restless to do nothing, so I reach out for the doorknob. Jaskier is quick to hold my wrist before I can turn it.

“I just told you-”

“I’m talking to him”

He shakes his head, pursing his lips tightly.

“That’s not a good idea, love” Jaskier gently tugs at my hand, but I am not convinced. “You haven’t seen him when he gets like this”

“Well, I’m going to” Giving up to my stubbornness, he lets go of my hand with an exasperated flourish and gestures for me to be his guest and give it a try. I pause to take a deep breath.

I knock on the door and wait, earning no answer. At least that’s better than being yelled at again. Jaskier and I exchange a glance, and he nods encouragingly at me. Cautiously opening the door and peeking inside, I find Geralt facing his back to me as he sits on the bed.

“Do you mind if I come in?” I utter timidly, but he doesn’t move.

Hoping I’m not tempting fate, I step inside and close the door behind me. Jaskier is already walking away, resigned to patiently wait for me while I try and talk to the witcher. The room sinks into silence when the commotion of the tavern is muffled by the walls. I open my mouth, only to close it again. Words rarely escape me, but I am timorous of saying the wrong thing.

“You don’t have to, but…” I believe that’s a good start when he lightly turns to me. “But I’m here if you want to talk”

He is clutching his shoulder dripping with blood, forcefully pressing the bandages against his wound to stop the bleeding. My words make him frown thoughtfully.

“I know I can’t save everyone” Geralt speaks in a monotonous voice, still not facing me.

He did speak, however. A feeling tells me I’m on the right track, so I try to say something more. Nonetheless, I dare not to walk closer.

“I’m not Jaskier, I know when to shut up” I joke, smiling at him, but he only dips his head.

Geralt might not be the bubbliest person, but I know in other circumstances he might have hummed in amusement to my silly little comment. Instead of holding it against him, however, I lean on the door behind me, resting my hands between it and my back. I am willing to stand there in silence for as long as he needs to. All night if necessary. Even if he didn’t say a word after that. I just refuse to leave him alone. Unless he asks me to.

“There were more people there” To my shock, he speaks again. “Many more”

I hope I manage to conceal my surprise when we lock eyes. Geralt is clenching his jaw in annoyance, but for the first time I can read the genuine emotion and regret in his eyes. He is unwilling to voice the effect it had on him, though he does not need to. He doesn’t have to keep speaking for me to understand how much it weighs on him. However, he continues to talk. And I listen in silence.

“I wasn’t fast enough” He tightens his fists. His voice sounds deeper than usual, if that’s possible. There is a certain pain in it that makes it sounds hoarse and broken. “When I got there, the bruxa was already shredding them to pieces”

I grimace at the mental picture, furthermore when the images of what I witnessed vividly return to me. However, I remain faithful to my purpose here.

“You did what you could, Geralt” I watch him intently, but he averts his gaze. “It was not your fault, you… you did your absolute best”

The witcher doesn’t reply, and quits glancing in my general direction from the corner of his eye. Seeing that my words aren’t quite having the desired effect, I slowly approach him. He doesn’t complain about it, so I sit by his side, although not extremely close. I want to leave him a bit of space. The witcher doesn’t move nor respond. For a moment, we sit there in complete quietness. I hope my presence at least proves comforting to him if only by my moral support.

The door suddenly swings open with a creek, and I look to see Jaskier. Geralt doesn’t turn. The bard interrogates me with his gaze, so I nod. Understanding what I mean, Jaskier walks in. Before he can accidentally ruin all progress, I shove a finger against my lips. Obedient, he resigns himself to stand there quietly and leave it to me.

Geralt briefly sighs, looking away from both of us. I glance over my shoulder to Jaskier, who frowns slightly when we lock eyes. He nods encouragingly and I continue speaking.

“They may not realize it, but the world needs people like you” I cautiously reach out to rub his arm, but he pulls away. A soft yet deeply sarcastic chuckle leaves his lips.

“You are too kind, Nissa...” At least he’s saying something now. “I thought people needed me too”

“I-I don’t mean witchers” I correct myself, realizing my thoughts didn’t quite come through as I intended. “I meant good men, like you. Someone kind and strong capable of protecting them, not only from the creatures that witchers hunt”

“I’m not a human” He insists, seemingly sunken into a pessimistic state that will be hard to pull him out of.

“Well, still-“

“I appreciate the sentiment” His golden eyes seem darker than usual as he looks at me. “But what you’re saying is not true”

“It is to me” I timidly shrug to show him I’m being genuine, I truly believe what I’m telling him.

“To me too, Geralt” Jaskier slowly nods his head, trying to convey how honest he’s being.

I look at Geralt and catch a glimpse of the beginning of a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his mouth in the end.

“I… You better cheer up, grumpy” I pat his shoulder, also giving it a gentle squeeze to let him know that, while I am joking, I do mean my words. “Or else I will have to put up with Jaskier tonight on my own”

A proper smile, no matter how small, finally reaches his lips. Geralt nods his head in acknowledgement. Quietly, yet he does.

“Hang on a minute” Jaskier catches up to what I’m trying to do and joins in. “You are not ‘putting up with me’, alright? You are being blessed with my charming presence”

“Yeah” I wrinkle my nose at him. “Of course we are”

Jaskier purses his lips trying not to smile. A glint appears in his eye. Geralt only grunts. He is slowly returning to being himself.

“Now” I face Geralt once more, slowly approaching him to ensure it won’t bother him. “Let me take a look at that wound before you bleed to death”

He doesn’t complain when I stand before him, so I reach out for his wound. I gulp when I see the blood, and my hands are shaking slightly. No matter how many times I have watched Shani do this in Vizima, I haven’t treated anyone myself.

“Since when are you a medic, Nissa?” Jaskier sits down in the other bed, in front of Geralt.

“I’m not” I grimace as I watch the worrisome wound that won’t stop bleeding. “But I knew someone in Vizima who was”

I ask Jaskier to fetch me the satchel and he quickly does, returning to his spot in the bed after handing it to me. I gather some alcohol and bandages from it and return to putting pressure over the wound, waiting for it to quit bleeding.

“I often went to visit her and learned a few things about treating wounds” I continue in the hopes that my story is distracting Geralt. “Hana didn’t like that I spent so long around sick or injured people, though”

Their eyes are on me, which rattles me a bit. I try to focus on his shoulder instead. It is a hard task, as I hear the bard offering Geralt to squeeze his hand if he’s in pain. It is quite distracting when he chuckles as well, but groans when the witcher slaps his outstretched hand away.

When the wound finally stops bleeding thanks to my efforts, I drench the clean side of the fabric in alcohol and gingerly press it against Geralt’s shoulder. He groans but doesn’t flinch.

“Since you’re keeping me alive” He says, looking up at me. “I’ll share my coin with you”

“ _You’re_ keeping you alive, Geralt” I shake my head at him. “I’m only patching you up in any poor way that I can”

“I wasn’t asking, Nissa”

“Does that make me the group’s unofficial medic?”

“Yes” The witcher smirks. “Though you might treat Jaskier more often than me”

“Oi!” The aforesaid complains, pointing a finger at him in vexation.

Geralt rolls his eyes, and I have to grin while I continue my cares. I am suddenly enveloped by a feeling of warmth. I have seen the light and dark side of them, of their company and their endeavor. And with it all, I am certain that I have made the right decision.


	7. In The Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a bit of a twist! Please let me know your opinion, are you enjoying the story? Did a specific part of this chapter give you feels? Feel free to comment, I enjoy reading your reactions :D

Taking my new role as the group medic seriously, I wake up early and look for books in order to further educate myself on the matter. Making a mental note to check on Geralt’s wound later, I leave him and Jaskier fast asleep. Several hours go by as I am immersed in reading and learning. Morning slowly settles in, reminding me to reunite with my companions. When I do, I calmly walk into the inn, received with the drastic shift in volume, and head for the room. However, something gathers my attention before I can reach it.

“Nissa!” I look to see Jaskier lifting his arm to call me. “Over here!”

I grin and walk over to the table they’re sitting in. It warms my heart to realize there are three tankards and plates rather than two.

“Good morning, gentlemen” I greet them, sitting before the two of them.

“Morning” Jaskier winks at me as he shoves the third mug and plate towards me.

“Where were you?” Geralt simply asks. His gruff voice is barely audible in the loud murmur that reigns in the place.

“Studying...” I shrug as I take a bit of the pie. The delicious filling makes me quite aware of how hungry I actually am after spending hours concentrated on reading and learning.

“Studying what?” Jaskier leans forward slightly, curiosity shining in his eyes.

“Medicine” Geralt replies for me, taking a swig from his tankard.

Trying not to let it show that it bothers me slightly that I am so transparent, I lift mine as well. My face immediately contorts into a grimace. I’m not sure what I was expecting, perhaps a mild sweet wine or mead, but this is not it. The color deceived me, and it’s too early in the morning for such strong ale and on an empty stomach.

I immediately put my mug down and clean my mouth with the back of my hand, still grimacing. Apparently amused by my expression, Jaskier giggles, making me think he was trying to pull a small prank on me. I eye him and he grins innocently.

“As a matter of fact, I _was_ studying medicine” I go to eat more pie to get rid of the taste. “Stop laughing, Jaskier”

The bard presses his lips together, still too amused by his little prank.

“Have you made a decision?” Geralt completely ignores his friend’s childishness.

“She obviously has” The latter replies as the laughter dies down. “She is coming with us!”

There is a hint of pride in his expression now, but also elation. I mockingly wrinkle my nose at him. Jaskier smirks back.

As the two of them watch me in expectation, I pause for a few seconds. Yesterday I was so confident in my decision, and yet I hesitate at the moment of truth. This is the point of no return. If I say yes now, I don’t want to back down later. But then again, why would I want to?

I frantically go over my reasoning for this choice. Not being alone is a big part of it, as well as the exhilarating feeling of their presence. Besides, if I study hard enough perhaps I can be more than silent backup. On the other hand, there is something holding me back, a small weight in my chest that makes me doubt. It leaves me yearning for something I don’t quite fathom.

“Right, Nis?” Jaskier’s face falls for a moment given my hesitation. I sigh at his convincing puppy eyes. Even Geralt’s golden eyes seem to be pleading. I surrender.

“Who would make sure you don’t annoy our dear witcher to death then?” The three of us chuckle, and Jaskier’s face lights up once more. With newfound energy, he lifts up his mug.

“To the beautiful Nissa” He smirks at me once more, and I roll my eyes.

Begrudgingly, Geralt imitates him and I am forced to raise my tankard as well. We knock cups and drink from them to complete the toast. I once again grimace as soon as the strong ale touches my lips, and Jaskier giggles under his breath. Did I just fall for it again? I kick him under the table, instantly erasing that smirk off his face. When he looks at me in outrage, I dedicate him an angelical smile that solves everything. Geralt sighs, finding it hard to ignore our interactions. I also notice the slightly vacant expression in his eyes as he focuses on his drink once more.

“Where are we going then?”

“Whatever do you mean, Nis?”

“It’s time we moved on from Rinde, is it not?”

“But we just arrived in here!”

Clicking my tongue in annoyance to his obliviousness, I kick Jaskier’s shin again and glare at him. He is about to openly complain, but his expression shifts when he notices how I lightly tilt my head towards Geralt.

After what happened last night, I assume he prefers to leave this place behind as soon as possible. He might be a witcher and used to these short of situations, though that does not mean they don’t leave a mark, that he is not reminded of what he feels is a failure. If I were him, I would be dwelling on being unable to save those people from the bruxa. Even if his attempt is the very reason he walked out injured.

“Aaaah… I…” Jaskier finally realizes what I’m trying to convey and vehemently nods. “Y-Yes, we are done here. Nissa has her clothes, we are all clean and rested and, uh… yes”

“Exactly”

“Then venture on, we shall!”

Jaskier nudges the witcher. Geralt hums, the noise lowly echoing against the cup on his lips. He leaves it back on the table.

“What do you suggest?” His eyes briefly fall over Jaskier before setting on me.

“I don’t know” I show him a charming smile and a small shrug. “Where do you want to go?”

“Hm…” Geralt considers it for several seconds. “Cintra”

Reacting to his words, Jaskier whips his head towards Geralt, as though they share information I ignore.

“Or maybe…” The bard counteroffers. “Maybe… since it’s so far, we could head somewhere else instead”

Now it is Jaskier’s turn to communicate without any words. I can read urgency in his piercing blue eyes when they lock with mine. I sense there is some history there to avoid.

“We can leave for Cidaris” I choose the first place that comes to mind. “Does that sound good?”

“As good as any other place” Geralt calmly finishes off his ale.

“It is settled then!” Jaskiers subtly exhales and sits by my side, taking the cup with him. “I can’t wait. It’s going to be marvelous”

“How so?” I cross my arms over my chest when he puts his over my shoulders.

He looks into the distance, smiling at whatever he is thinking about. I wonder whether he’s heard me, but he peers at me and grins.

“Cidaris doesn’t know what is coming, they’re not ready for my wonderful performance” He sighs dreamily. “They will be dazzled by my songs and adore me”

Rolling my eyes even if he’s too deep into his daydream to notice, I stand up from the seat. Equal parts to tease him and to claim some space of my own, I sit by Geralt instead. When Jaskier returns to reality and looks to his side, he finds me gone. His head whips around until he spots me and it makes me laugh. Our gazes meet and I am blessed with his smitten smile.

Leaving Rinde behind didn’t prove as effective to Geralt’s mood as I thought. As we walk the woods, I seem to be the only one aware of the eerie atmosphere. Jaskier follows in our footsteps. He has dedicated himself to his lute, sometimes consulting Pal or Roach when he doubts whether a chord or a lyric sounded well enough. I leave him to his frustration in continuing to struggle to write that song.

My attention is focused on Geralt. The witcher hasn’t said a thing since we left Rinde. I don’t know him as well as Jaskier, and perhaps that is the reason why the bard doesn’t seem as concerned. However, the way Geralt’s shoulders are stiff makes me thoughtful.

He is a witcher. I can’t fathom how many tragedies he has witnessed and how many more he has failed to avoid. How many deaths he blames himself for. How many innocents died because he wasn’t fast enough. I have not seen even half of what he has, yet my scarce experiences already broke my heart without a remedy. First my parents, then Kader and after that, Hana and my home. Like that wasn’t enough, our other encounters only seem to exacerbate the cracks of my heart.

“Geralt” I call him, to which he briefly stops and looks at me over his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

His eyes dance around the woods, not stopping anywhere. Then he glances back at me and nods. For a moment, I consider whether to continue speaking. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Still, I want to somehow address his pain.

“How do you do it?” I finally say, catching up to him.

“Do what?”

“Be a witcher, isn’t it demanding?”

Geralt doesn’t respond, though I can see feigned indifference in his expression .

“Oh, fuck off” I scold him, refusing to believe that façade of his. Surprised, he stops walking and stares at me with a mixture of confusion and curiosity. "I mean it, Geralt"

"What?" He tiredly asks, tilting his head to the side in resigned exasperation.

“With everything you see and…” Flashes of last night’s bruxa fill my vision, with such intensity that I have to close my eyes for a moment. “And everything you do… how do you still move on?”

“I have no other choice” The witcher starts walking once more, and so do I.

Jaskier’s soft music gently accompanies our conversation, providing the atmosphere with a hint of melancholy that fits in perfectly with the subject.

“Maybe so…” I sigh pensively. “Though it still hurts”

“That’s why softness is a sign of courage” His expression is now soft itself, tough nearly fatigued. I smile at what he’s trying to tell me. Nonetheless, I feel it is quite a sad smile.

“Aren’t you fed up? I mean…” I scoff in helplessness. “You keep doing your best to help people and only earning everyone’s contempt in return”

It makes me think of my opinion of him when we met. How I despised him and nearly even feared him. My chest twinges when I realize I am a hypocrite. I am no better than those I blame for Geralt’s suffering. I too have fallen un prejudices and hate.

My eyes have fallen on the ground, so I lift them up again towards him. Feeling the impulse to apologize for my initial demeanor, I part my lips. The witcher is already speaking.

“Not everyone’s” I can’t quite believe my eyes when he smiles in my direction. "Not always"

I chuckle, assuming that is his peculiar way of thanking me for my concern. And for my subtlety. Jaskier perhaps wouldn’t have been so delicate with the matter.

“Did we just have a moment?” I can’t help but to grin, furthermore when he grunts in protest. Maybe I’m more like Jaskier than I’m willing to admit. Thinking about him, I haven’t noticed he has stopped singing until his voice calls out to us.

“Uh… guys?” We turn our heads at the same time, watching him standing there restlessly. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear w-“ Geralt touches my shoulder to silence me. Slowly, he reaches back to unsheathe his sword. My heart immediately catches up to what is happening and begins racing. Nothing is happening yet. But it will.

Jaskier hasn’t moved from his spot yet, though he jerks his head in every direction as he tries to understand where whatever he heard is coming from. And then it happens. A creature jumps on him, appearing out of nowhere.

“Jaskier!!” 

It seems as though it was hiding in the shadows, creeping in the tall branches that hang above us. It has knocked him to the ground with terrible force. He lands with an awful thud, and I hope the lute broke his fall.

“Stand back!” Geralt orders just as he throws his sword like it’s a dart.

The blade reaches the strange creature and forces it off Jaskier. I don’t quite know how to describe it other than say it resembles a tree, except for the skull it has for a head and the antlers that grow from it. As soon as what I assume is a leshy climbs off him, Geralt extends a hand and flames erupt from it and wound the beast, which complains with a terrible shriek.

Jaskier still doesn’t move, or even complain. My heart is beating so loudly that it overpowers any other sounds. Following after Geralt, we both run forward. The witcher battles with the leshy while I go to the motionless bard.

“Oh, no…” I utter when I kneel by him and see his eyes are closed. “J-Jaskier?”

With the sound of my voice, he reacts. A long groan of pain escapes his lips. His eyelids squeeze tight in a grimace. Still, he doesn’t make to get up or move. Frightened that the creature might attack him again, I take his arm and drag him away from danger. This seems to wake him slightly.

“Nissa?” He mumbles, finally opening his eyes when I lay him down somewhere safer.

“Jas…” I involuntarily gulp before I can speak his full name. “Are you alright?”

“I… think so…” He blinks and watches me with a glazed expression.

There is a superficial rip in his chest, there where the creatures’ claws had sunken into his doublet and tore it. Now the dark blue fabric doesn’t quite cover his white shirt. At least there is no blood, as the leshy didn’t reach his flesh. I believe he is completely unharmed until he presses his hand against his temple. Jaskier’s fingers are stained with blood. He weakly groans at the sight. Several alarms go off in my head as I fidget around.

“You’re hurt …” I panic, frantically brushing the hair off his forehead to reveal the wound. Something tells me that he would be panicking himself under other circumstances. However, now he only groans again and winces. I assume the blow to the head has left him disoriented and dazed.

My mind is racing as I rummage through the scarce knowledge I have of medicine. I mentally curse myself for having focused in cuts and wounds this morning and not on head injuries.

“Jaskier” I gently take his face in my hands to establish eye contact. “Look at me”

He frowns and continues to wince, finding it difficult to concentrate. His eyes are out of focus. I gently tap his cheek, which helps him a bit as his gaze falls on me. Moving clumsily, he manages to sit up on his own.

“How are you feeling?” I urge him, relieved when his eyes now remain open.

“Like I was attacked by a bloody beast…” He doesn’t stop groaning, wincing and clutching his head. A nervous chuckle leaves me to his annoyed response.

Despite Geralt’s joke last night, I never thought I would actually be worrying over Jaskier. I assumed given his job, the witcher would be the one most likely to get hurt. Now, however, I realize that Jaskier and I are more vulnerable. Our bodies aren’t enhanced like Geralt’s, and the possibilities of Jaskier getting hurt overwhelm me.

“Are you alright? Are…” I feel out of breath and stumble over my words. “C-Can you breathe properly? Are you light-headed? Do you-”

“Nissa” He recovers just enough to take my hands off his face. “Stop panicking, I’m alright”

In spite of it all, he lightly slurs his swords. His voice is also lacking its usual energy.

“Jaskier?” Geralt asks as well, now returned from his battle. I feel the witcher hovering next to me, watching the bard closely. “Are you alive?”

The only response he receives is a boorish grunt from the bard.

“Geralt, bring me my satchel, please” When I look up at him, he’s already on his way. “Hanging in there, Jaskier?”

“I’m fine…” Still, he keeps wincing and shutting his eyes tight. “But it hurts…”

I relax quite a bit when he whines like a child. That feels more like him. I think it ironic that the injured one is calmer than the medic, so I promise myself to work on that. Putting a hand under his chin, I tilt his head up to properly examine the bloody cut on his temple. Jaskier complains and feebly groans.

“Here” The witcher has returned by my side, handing me the satchel. I quickly open it and rummage through it until I pick up a small bottle of rubbing alcohol and a clean piece of gauze. 

“Ah, fuck” Jaskier grunts, becoming more himself by the second. “It fucking hurts”

“Fuck is right” I press the gauze against the bottle and drench it with the alcohol. “I accepted to be the medic, but that doesn’t mean you are free to be reckless and get hurt”

Jaskier squirms as I carefully brush the hair that has fallen over the cut again.

“Forgive me if I didn’t see a moving branch creeping over my head!”

I scowl at his mocking tone and roughly press the gauze against his head.

“Ow!” He backs away immediately. “Gentle, Nissa!”

“Stupid bard” My hand follows him as he bows his head back. “Stand still!”

I frown when our eyes meet. The thought that something much worse could have happened to him haunts me.

“He’s fine” Geralt mutters, even if I see his brow furrowed when I look up at him. “He has a thick skull”

“Oh, well... thank you, Geralt” The bard sarcastically replies, shaking his head. “I feel better already”

Seeing as he keeps flinching at my touch, I take his face in my hands again to immobilize him. Jaskier still doesn’t let me press the gauze against his temple.

“Stop squirming, Jaskier!” When he scowls at me, I sigh and relax. “I’ll be gentle”

Jaskier bites his bottom lip, but finally lets me care for him. He hisses through his teeth when the alcohol makes contact with his open wound. I have to chuckle a bit, remembering how last night a chunk of Geralt’s shoulder was gone and he didn’t bat an eye.

“Don’t be a child now” I laugh in spite of myself, putting pressure against it once more. “There, all done”

“Is it bad?” He gingerly presses his fingers against the cut again. “Am I alright?”

While he waits for an answer, he cautiously looks at his hand. He seems relieved to find no blood in them this time. As am I.

“Well, do you feel alright?” I question, still mildly alert.

“Yes?” Even if not as bright as usual, he shows me a wide grin. “Though I might feel better with a kiss”

“You’re fine” I push him slightly and get up, heading for Pal to save the tools back in the saddlebag. The horse stirs a bit in the spot, seemingly worried about our dear bard. I caress Pal’s neck to calm him, reassuring him that thankfully Jaskier is alright. The gesture calms me as well.

I hear them muttering something. As soon as I mindlessly close the bag, I glance at them. Geralt tugs at Jaskier’s arm and pulls him to his feet and holds him up, since he’s stumbling a bit.

“We should rest for a moment” He shakes the bard a bit. “He might be dying”

I chuckle in amusement to his sarcasm, and furthermore when Jaskier frowns in startle.

The light of day slowly fades away. The area is shrouded in a calm growing darkness as the sun disappears under the line of the horizon. The shades of dusk illuminate us. We sit by, on a few boulders that appeared comfortable enough to rest on for a bit. Jaskier sits before me. He is very quiet, which has me concerned. Other than such anomaly, I haven’t noticed any worrying symptoms. It was probably just a bump in the head and nothing more. Nothing serious. In any case, I crouch before him to make sure.

“Wh… What are you doing?” He looks down at me, letting me lean on his knee for balance.

“Checking on you” I lift a hand up to his bruise, and he is already wincing. I chuckle and gently brush my fingers through his hair to reveal his temple.

Geralt is watering the horses, fact that I’m glad of since he would only complain about this interaction between us.

“Does it hurt?” It has stopped bleeding, and seems to be healing quite nicely.

“Terribly so” Jaskier takes my hand and presses it against his chest. “Will I be alright, Nissa?”

Our gazes lock, and we grow silent for a moment as we look into each other's eyes. He stills holds on to my wrist and pressed my palm against his chest. Using this to my advantage, I push with that hand and make him lean back slightly.

“You will survive, you dramatic man” 

Letting go of his fingers from my wrist, Jaskier allows me to step back. I smirk to myself and return to my seat. Still, I watch him with the corner of my eye as I busy myself in braiding my hair behind my neck. He now seems absent as his eyes are fixed on me. Unlike his distant gaze from before, now he watches me with adoration. It flusters me so much that I have to speak up.

“What are you looking at that has you so enthralled?”

“I’m looking at you”

“Why?”

“You always hum when you do your hair”

“Well, I… It’s your own fault, for singing non-stop”

"Don't get defensive, it's quite endearing that you do it" Jaskier bears a stupid smile on his lips as he keeps on staring.

“You actually hit your head harder than I thought” I tell him, still letting my fingers work through my hair. “Why do you stare? It's impolite to do so after you have been caught”

“I…” Jaskier blinks several times, watching how I braid. He doesn't respond to my provocation, and instead continues smiling. “You are so… so… beautiful”

I grin, accustomed to his flatteries and compliments. Usually, though, he is more inventive about them. So I decide to tease him about it.

Just then, the witcher returns and eyes us warily. I don't mind him as I reply to Jaskier.

“That was quite eloquent, dear bard” I cock an eyebrow, which rattles him a bit as well as my carefree boldness. “How do you write such ballads with that elaborate language?”

Accepting my challenge, Jaskier squares his shoulders and clears his throat. Geralt, who already seemed bothered at his friend’s gawking and now our flirting, rolls his eyes and lets out a boorish grunt of annoyance as he sits by him on another boulder.

“Oh, lovely, Nissa” Jaskier begins, dramatically lifting a hand up as though reciting a poem. “Your eyes shine like a beautiful emerald gem! Thy smile is brighter than the sun”

I cover my mouth, giggling at his antics. He isn’t finished, and in fact starts improvising a melody different from his usual one as of late.

“My sweet Nis, your presence is bliss” To further exasperate the witcher, Jaskier takes his lute and strums a chord. “To your fairness I submit…”

Any remaining concern for him fades away as I watch him stand up and sing with fervor. He’s perfectly fine. If anything, he is only more infatuated with me after my loving cares for his oh so deadly wound. It is quite amusing to witness. And flattering, I must admit.

“Enough” Abruptly interrupting his song, Geralt grips his shirt and roughly pulls him down again.

“Careful!” Jaskier pouts, returning his lute to the ground. “I am injured!”

“Aw, Geralt!” I complain, bearing a smile. “Don’t be jealous, I’m sure Jaskier will serenade _you_ next time”

The bard laughs, not quite expecting my joke. It only intensifies when the witcher swears under his breath and starts walking away in sheer exasperation. The both of us follow given that he doesn’t seem to be stopping to wait for us. As I watch his burly figure, I suddenly find myself feeling fortunate to have made that decision. Otherwise, I would have missed small moments like these that fill me with happiness.

I’m a little startled when Jaskier sneaks to my side and leaves a kiss on my cheek. Content with that, he flutters off and continues to sing. I smile to myself. How cute and delicate that gesture was. A warm feeling spreads through me. It all goes away, however, when I notice Geralt keeps stopping every few steps. His resignation doesn’t seem to concern our flirting. Not that alone. In fact, I notice Geralt’s eyes studying every centimeter that surrounds us as we advance. Jaskier walks slightly laggard as it has become a habit, concentrated on streaming his lute and singing passionately. He hasn’t noticed the witcher’s shoulders growing tense, the way his hand every so often hovers over his sword. My senses aren’t as sharp as his, but I stay alert just in case. This goes on for a long time until I finally approach him.

“Geralt… is something worrying you?” His muscles tense under my fingers when I hold his arm. “What is it? Please tell me”

There is a permanent serious expression on his face. The witcher looks over his shoulder to the bard, still too busy with his music, and peers down at me. He says nothing as his golden eyes examine me.

“Don’t tell Jaskier..." He says in the end, taking my arm and walking forward with me. "But I think we’re being followed”

“What?” I whisper, pausing for a moment, but our friend hasn’t stopped singing.

“I noticed as soon as we left Rinde” Once more, his eyes watch our surroundings. “We must keep them thinking we don’t know”

My shoulders grow stiff just as his were. Suddenly, I feel myself watching every corner like he was, albeit with more urgency. It feels like anything or anyone might be lurking in the shadows, preparing to lunge at us at any moment.

“How many?” I clutch my dagger as my eyes vigilantly roam around us.

“Just one” Geralt remains completely calm as we walk. “I think he’s waiting for an opening, we need to stay closely together”

That’s smart. If we are far apart even for just a moment, we won’t be able to move in time to help. I briefly look at Jaskier barely a few feet away and have to resist the urge to call him closer.

“Do you know who he is?” Geralt also said 'he', implying that he has more knowledge about our stalker than just the fact that he follows us.

I don’t notice he slows his pace until I don’t seem him next to me anymore. A bad feeling makes home in my stomach when I notice his grave expression. Cautious. Alarm. 

“Geralt?” He averts his gaze, further confirming my hunch. “Do you know him?”

“I had seen him in Rinde... I didn’t think much of him at first” The way he pauses makes my stomach churn. “He’s one of the treasure hunters from Vizima”

“Do you believe he seeks revenge?”

“Probably”

“He couldn’t have possibly followed us all this way…”

“I would have noticed”

“Then damn our shitty luck”

Geralt doesn’t comment on my annoyance. Something irks me about his reluctance. About the way he refuses to meet my gaze. How a muscle in his jaw stands out when he clenches it.

“There’s something more, isn’t it?” Quietly assuring Jaskier hasn’t been distracted from his song, I look his general direction. Only then do I step closer to the witcher. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Hm…” His tense shoulders lower when he sighs in resignation. “His dagger wasn’t like the ones the others carried”

But they all had the same set of daggers, all in different variations of the one I own. Which… I found all those years ago in the same exact cave… That the main suspect dropped… For a moment I am completely baffled. Then my brain slowly makes sense of what he said. My fingers clutch the weapon in my belt so tightly that they hurt. My nails painfully dig in my palm.

“What?!” I shout, throwing all caution out of the window. “Did you know?!”

“If I did I would have told you sooner”

“Would you?”

“I have no reason to hide anything from you”

“And yet you just did”

“I didn’t, I-“

”Wow… hello?” Jaskier interrupts the argument before it can become more heated. “Uh… yes, sorry, but… is anything wrong?”

I grit my teeth and face my back to them. Everything has changed in merely a second. Now my hands are shaking and my lip is quivering. My thoughts are driving me crazy with possibilities. Geralt could have told me. All day, he knew we were being followed. Followed by _him_. And yet he didn’t say anything. Despite knowing how important this matter was to me.

“It’s nothing” Geralt tells the bard, remaining serene.

“It didn’t sound like nothing…” I hear Jaskier’s footsteps growing closer. “Nissa, what…?”

I brush him away when his hand softly rests on my arm. Not now, Jaskier… not when this burning hatred comes out of nowhere and nestles within me. It is a hatred I didn’t feel in eight years, one that I thought I had forgotten and buried deep in my heart. Yet it hasn’t when I am possibly faced with Kader’s murderer, when I might have finally found him after so long.

“Alright, can any of you tell me what the fuck is going on?”

“It’s none of your business, Jaskier”

“Uh… I beg to differ!”

“Shut up”

“No, Geralt. One moment we were all fine and all of a sudden…”

“This doesn’t concern you”

“It fucking does, you’re my friends!” 

I walk away from them in order to escape from their increasingly loud voices. Shit. I can’t think clearly. Especially not with Jaskier’s agitated shouts and Geralt angry ones in return.

My temples are throbbing. Thoughts run through my mind at top speed. I clutch my head and shut my eyes, trying to remain calm. We know nothing for certain. Geralt might be wrong. But even if I resent him right now, I doubt it. The witcher is observant and smart, and…

I open my eyes wide when a sound startles me. It is meek and nearly muffled by my companions’ bickering, though I hear it. Their ranting voices behind me fade into the back of my mind. I stiffen, slowly unsheathing my dagger. _His_ dagger.

The lack of light as the day turns to night hinders my search. I have to strain my eyes as I attempt to track any movement. A shadow moves behind the trees. My heart races at the sight. Hesitant, I lift my foot. It hovers in the air for just a second, wondering whether to advance or retreat. In the end, I take a step forward.

Appearing out of nowhere, a hand reaches for me and takes ahold of my shirt. I gasp when I am pulled forward and something sharp pokes the skin under my chin, forcing me to tilt my head up. A rough hand grips my wrist when I hold on to my dagger, stopping me before I can unsheathe it.

“Stay quiet” A low voice says, just as I start to make out the figure hiding in the shadows. “And perhaps I won’t hurt you”

“Let go of me, you dick” I grit my teeth, though not daring to call out for help.

“You are a child with a knife” I start fuming with fury when a low yet clear laugh reaches my ears. It mocks my courage, my skill. He mocks _me_. “Am I supposed to feel threatened?”

I yank my hand, though my wrist is immobilized by his strong hold on me. I gulp, yet refuse to let him hear the panting that revolts inside my chest. My rapid heartbeat muffles the sound of Geralt and Jaskier arguing in the background.

“That mutant thinks he’s better than us humans” The man bitterly smirks, shaking his head. “Well, I will make you all regret the moment he let me escape”

“Personally, I already do” I say through grit teeth, thinking about Kader. “Come out if you dare, you son of a bitch”

I can’t stop thinking about all the ill this man has done. His dagger, now in my possession, is proof of his crime. This bastard stole my brother from me. He ended his life, cruelly took him from this world when he was so young, so soft and so kind. So pure. Too pure for the retched heart of other men. Kader was the only light left in my life, and he too was taken from me.

Despite the menacing hold he keeps on me and the weapon endangering me, I look over my shoulder to defy him. They still haven’t noticed my predicament, though the witcher frowns and looks my direction right before I call out.

“Geralt…!”

Something shines. I scream. A blade enters my field of vision. Close. Too close.

“Nissa!!” I hear behind me, two voices merging together in absolute panic.

He lets go of my wrist in shock to my outburst. I react just quick enough to put the dagger between me and him. Its thin blade miraculously stops the blow. Then the stalker finally emerges from the shadows. Now that I can properly see him, I know it is most definitely him. I gasp. It is the man from the tavern, the same one that we encountered at the top of the mountain. The scar on his jaw betrays his identity as his hateful brown eyes settle on me with contempt. I remember his disheveled brown hair. His shit-eating grin. The surly expression on his face. The fierceness in his gaze. The ferocity of a monster is nothing compared to the one in his features.

I’m so taken aback that I can’t defend myself. Even if I could, I wouldn’t have known how. Another gasp escapes me with the sudden contact of cold metal. It has sunken in my skin. Deep within my flesh. With no mercy. No hesitation. Not a second thought.

“No!!!” A voice screams over the ringing on my ears.

That feeling won’t leave, of the sword entering my stomach. It is sickening. Bile reaches my mouth. My entire being is shaking. I falter when the blade leaves my body. It claims my breath with it. The blood heavily pours out of the open wound. It drains all my vitality as it does.

I fall just in time to see Geralt pushing Jaskier out of harm’s way as he dashes towards me. My landing is heavy and rattles all my bones. The man loses interest in me when the witcher comes into play. A satisfied smirk reaches his lips. He does not bother to glance back at me. At what he has done.

I hold out my hand and try to warn Geralt. Be careful. It's too late, he is already battling with him. No words leave my mouth, I only manage a squeak. The witcher is too distracted by the fight in any case. Meanwhile, I watch myself moving and feel distant. My hand presses against my stomach. Thick crimson blood covers my fingers and my palm. Nausea creeps up my throat and I nearly vomit. The world spins around me. It loses consistency. My eyes shut tight and I lean my head back on the ground that gathers my feeble form.

The sound of battle fills my ears. However, it confuses itself with someone hurriedly running and dropping to my side. He is breathing loudly close to my ear.

“N-Nissa!!” Jaskier stammers. “No, no, no, look at me. L-Look at me, love”

My mouth falls agape, trying to call him. In vain. I have lost my voice. It is far too weak. Instead, I feebly lift my arms up. Craving his presence, his closeness. His touch. His comfort.

“Nissa?” His hands frantically fidget over my wound, not sure whether to cover it or not. “O-Open your eyes, don’t close them. Stay awake, stay with me, Nissa!”

I whimper when he nervously sits me up and leans me against his torso. His arms urgently envelop me. The pain forces my eyes open when tears escape them. We lock gazes. Jaskier's eyes are beautiful and somehow mildly soothing in spite of the fact that tears darken them. As do mine still.

“Jas…” I splutter out, feeling everything too strongly. Too many things at once. “H-Hurts… It hurts…”

“Y-Yes... I know, love, I know” He stutters, a sob breaking his voice. "It... it will be alright"

My limbs feel numb, though my side is burning with a dull ache. The blood makes me queasy even if I avert my eyes from it. The thought of dying suddenly fills me, becoming a heavy possibility. Clenching my jaw in helplessness, I sob and cling on to Jaskier’s arm. He takes a shaky breath in.

“Damn it, what are we supposed to do when our medic gets hurt?” Jaskier's voice shakes so badly that I barely understand him. “G-Geralt? Help!”

The witcher yells, and I hear a thud. I strain to look, craning my neck. That man is falling to the ground. Geralt, fortunately, appears to be unharmed. That at least fills me with calmness. I drowsily smile. The last thing I want is for him to die protecting me. Or… avenging me…

My head returns to its place on Jaskier’s shoulder. My temple presses against it, seeking any comfort he can provide me with. It seems to be none. His arms still squeeze me closely against him. My distress begins to melt away all of a sudden. A disturbing serenity takes over me as drowsiness further establishes. I feel exhausted and completely drained. This slumber that lurks in my mind proves enticing. Painless and tranquil. Jaskier’s shoulder is also oddly comfortable. My eyelids flutter.

“Nissa?! Stay awake, come on” One of his hands rests on my cheek for a fleeting moment before desperately holding on to my hand. “Here, squeeze my hand, love”

I try to do as he says, grimacing when I find that I have no strength. His palm is soft but sweaty. When I try to squeeze it, I fail. I fall closer to this slumber. Peaceful, without pain. Without the fear that clings to my heart. Without the absolute panic in Jaskier’s voice. The concern in his eyes. The distress in my heart.

“Nissa?” There is also fear in Geralt’s voice.

“Geralt!!” Jaskier shouts. “Do something!!”

The world fades for a moment and their voices lose focus in my ears. Jaskier is desperately shaking my shoulder, holding me tightly against him. He sobs. Calls my name. I can’t respond. Geralt says something, but my mind is too jumbled to understand it.

Blinding pain, more intense than ever, unexpectedly reaches me. Something is poured out in my wound. I shriek in agony. All ability to think and even breathe is taken from me in an instant. Tears cover my eyes when I open them to see alcohol dripping down my stomach. I can’t catch my breath, even with Jaskier’s kind words of comfort and his hand caressing my hair.

"It's alright... i-it's alright, love... You will be okay" 

“Keep her awake!” The witcher exclaims as he works on treating me.

“Nissa? Listen to me, look at me. I need you to stay awake” Jaskier pleads, but I find it challenging. “Come on, look at me, love! Stay with me!”

I feebly shake my head. Whimper. The world slowly fades, just like my vision. Feeling heavy, my head lolls back. It slides off his shoulder. My eyes close and I feel trapped within myself. My chest heaves. It coordinates with my accelerated heart. Both quiet down. I’m so tired. The lacerating pain makes room for numbness. Only emptiness remains.

“No, no, no… N-Nissa?! Stay awake! Shit, open your eyes! Nissa!!”

I part my lips to tell him I can’t. Completely exhausted and drained, I don’t even have the strength to do that. I succumb to that white peaceful stupor as their voices completely extinguish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who is reading and leaving kudos and comments, it means the world to me! :)


	8. Clash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot of stuff I love in it, I'm excited to share it! Also, for those The Amazing Devil fans like myself, I've been trying to drop a few references to the songs here and there, see if you can catch any ;)

Ugh. What…? Fuck. I feel awful. My head feels like it is swarming with bees. I don’t want to move, if I do this unwell will only worsen. Something refreshing presses against my forehead, making me sigh in relief. My skin burns. I part my lips when fingers brush against it. When I try to tell them my cheeks burn too, my voice fades.

Is my body floating? Why do I feel so delirious? Even though my head, light and dazed, rests over something firm. Tiredly opening my eyes, I find with a figure looking over me. My head rests on his lap. A halo of warm light illuminates him from behind. He’s an angel. I smile and reach out to touch his face.

“Nissa?” Jaskier’s voice comes out of the angelical figure. His hand feels as soft and ethereal as that of a celestial being when he presses my palm against his cheek. Urgently. Frightened.

I breathe out. My hand slips out of his reach and limply falls to my side. I’m exhausted. Succumbing to the darkness that lurks inside my consciousness, my eyes roll back into my skull.

 _I heard the familiar sound of hooves against the ground. The rhythm, brisk yet slightly paused, made my heart skip a beat in anticipation. As fast as I could, I dropped the book I was reading and headed outside._ _The smile reached my lips as soon as I spotted Pal, and riding on him was a boy with a messy mop of blond hair. He softly smiled at me as he forced the horse to a halt and then climbed off the saddle._

_“Kade!” I exclaimed, energetically waving at him. “You’re back!”_

_For a moment, he stood there without doing or saying anything. In the end, he opened his arms and expectantly watched me with raised eyebrows._

_“Aren’t you going to hug your brother?” He tilted his head at me, further inviting me in._ _I did not think twice to run to hug him. Kader chuckled a little as we collided._

_His arms gently enveloped me. It felt so good to have him back, to know he returned safe and sound from one of his countless adventures._

_“I’ve missed you” I hugged him tight, reminding myself that he was back now._

_“And I missed you too, Nissa” His hands fondly rubbed my back before breaking away. “Have you been doing okay?”_

_“Yes, Hana is here to be a bother when you are away” I rolled my eyes at him, and his small smile widened a bit. Nonetheless, I knew he was genuinely relieved not to be leaving me completely alone. “You know, take over your duties as a nuisance”_

_His shy smile returned as he held one finger up and turned to Pal’s saddlebag. Using his body to shield whatever he took out of it, he held his hands behind his back and faced me once more._

_“What is it?” I grinned at him, leaning to the side in an attempt to peek. “If I didn’t know you were too kind for that, I would believe you were up to no good”_

_Kader wrinkled his nose at my teasing comment and revealed the surprise behind his back._

_“I brought you a little gift” He timidly said, shrugging a little. “I hope you like it”_

_I watched the wooden box in his hands, fascinated by the beautiful details that adorned it. Despite its small size, for it was barely slightly bigger than both his hands together, I could tell it was expensive. The intricate carvings on the surface, resembling floral themes, were testament to it. Nonetheless, I adored his thoughtful gesture. I already knew where I would put it at home despite not knowing what to save in it._

That box… It’s gone… like him… His gift burned along with everything else. Along with the tales of his adventures. All those letters he sent me during his travels and that I treasured. All those pages he wrote with such care, with his rushed but clean calligraphy. All of it, destroyed.

_Kader was before me a moment ago, yet now he is gone. I stand alone amongst a field of buttercups. How did I end up here? There is nothing. No sounds. No wind. No sunlight. Just darkness. The only thing I can perceive is a sudden lacerating pain in my stomach. I look down to it. I am injured. There is no blood. How is that possible?_

_Oh. I’m dreaming._

The real world takes shape around me even as my eyes remain closed. Though my senses are numb, I understand this quietness is unnatural before I realize why. It’s loud and painful.

I feel myself burning. My entire body seems to exude heat. My limbs are heavy, but so is my slow mind. This posture is comfortable, or perhaps it is only the overwhelming exhaustion that clings to my body. Something warm and pleasant is pressed against my palm, and it gently squeezes it as fingers restlessly press against the back of my hand.

My eyelids feel like they are stuck together. It takes me several seconds and lots of effort, but I open them. The sudden light, no matter how dim, hurts me in my sensitive state. It casts shadows upon the figure leaning against me.

I don’t understand anything. Where am I? What happened? Perhaps Kader has dragged me along to one of his adventures. It wouldn’t be the first time I end up so tired that I can barely remember falling asleep. My heart yearns to see my brother.

On the contrary, I meet with a pair of tired blue eyes. Suddenly, I am reminded that everything my tired mind conjured remains in the past. Years in the past. I slowly take conscience of the presence as I hazily watch the person before me.

“Nissa, are you awake?” He says, immediately replacing that tiredness in his eyes with hope. I groan yet manage to dip my head. “N-Nissa, you're awake! You’re actually awake… Thanks the gods, love…”

I am enveloped by two arms and urgently pulled against someone. The person is shaking, clinging on to me and trying to hold me even tighter, which isn’t humanly possible. When his voice quivers with frantic mumblings of gratitude, I finally recognize him.

“Jaskier…” My voice is hoarse as it passes through my dry throat.

“Oh, you’re okay…” He exhales, hiding his face in the crook of my neck. “You’re really okay…”

“I-I’m okay” I utter, baffled by his nervous energy. Though I feel quite weak, I wrap my arms around him as well and reassuringly pat his back. “I’m okay, Jaskier”

He still clings on to me, breath trembling against my shoulder. His nose is pressed against my neck. I feel him sobbing. He is taking my breath away with how tightly he is holding me, but I don’t have the heart to push him away. Instead I let him linger for as long as he needs to. His touch is calming for me too, in any case. It somehow brings stability to my wavering state.

“Sorry… I’m sorry…” He mutters after a bit, softly breaking away. “Oh, god... you scared me so badly…”

He holds me up against him, tenderly peering down at me. His entire face distorts with emotions as his trembling fingers gingerly brush the hair away from my forehead. Pressing softly,his palm lingers there. It makes me realize my skin is sweaty. The hair sticks to it, in my nape and temples. Jaskier sighs as he retreats his hand. Each of his movements is urgent and filled with anguish.

“No fever anymore” He utters, moving to my shoulder and squeezing it lightly. “That’s good… that’s good”

I stare at him in awe, unsure of how to react. He watches me intently. I want to ask what happened, though I vividly remember it at that precise moment. Memories flood through my brain. It makes me groan in discomfort.

“How are you feeling?” Jaskier whispers, his hand lingering there in my shoulder.

As all response, I only shake my head and grimace. I preferred that tranquil daze rather than to remember the horror of being so mercilessly stabbed. I try to occupy my mind with anything other than that.

Now that he has let go of me, I get a chance to study my surroundings. The dusk falls upon us, throwing shadows over his profile. My entire body feels warm still. There is fire close by as well as a blanket over me. The warmth creeps up my neck to my face and suffocates me. I feebly throw the blanket off me. Though feeble, the movement provokes a wave of pain to rush through every fiber of my being. I wince. The skin in my stomach feels tight and the world spins around me when I see why.

“No, no, no. Easy, love, lie down” Jaskier gingerly pushes my shoulders back. His hands are cold. “You… you lost a lot of blood”

I close my eyes tight, in vain trying to forget about the sight of the blood seeping through my shirt. I feel the bandage under it, clinging to my stomach. At least the overwhelming pain is gone in its majority, although the memory remains loud and clear. My mind works fast, trying to understand what happened while I was rendered in this state.

“Geralt” I try to sit up once more, pushing against Jaskier’s grasp. “Is he…? That man…”

“Slowly, love, alright? And don’t worry, Geralt’s okay” His eyes try to comfort me, as does his voice. “He went to make sure we’re safe here”

Just then noticing we are not where I remembered last, I glance around. Our surroundings have changed. We have left the forest area behind and sit beside a dusty path. It is quiet and seemingly isolated from the world.

“And you?” My face hurts from how it contorts with worry. “Are you alright, Jaskier?”

I clumsily place a hand over his shoulder. He stares at me, heaving a sigh, and nods tiredly. There are dark circles under his eyes. When he softly smiles at me, the anguish within me diminishes slightly.

“I knew you would somehow break my heart, but I didn’t expect you to do it in such a way” He winces dramatically and holds his chest. “The concern had me on the brink of death, don't you scare me like that ever again”

His tone is playful, though I recognize the wrinkles of true concern in his expression. They gently mold into fondness while he watches me carefully.

“H-Here, you should eat and drink something” Jaskier takes out a small loaf of bread, the size of his hand, from his pocket. As well as that, he hands me a waterskin. “You’ve been out for nearly two days”

That phrase seems to only increase my unwell, as it makes my stomach churn. Our fingers brush when I take the bread from him. Taking small bits, I pick at the bread with my hands and slowly eat it. Honestly, I am unsure if I can swallow it as it forms a paste in my mouth. The water seems to help with that and relieve my dry throat.

Jaskier observes me in apprehension as I slowly eat. Noticing I refuse to meet my eyes, he averts his gaze. The heaviness seems to leave my stomach enough to finish the bread.

Exhausted and weak, I drop the waterskin and peer up at the sky. The dusk tones make it look beautiful, though that is not the reason why my eyes burn. Images of that man jumping from the shadows at me repeat in my mind. His furious expression, the shining of his blade. The feeling of the metal piercing my skin, the moment when a shocking pain reached me. The blood, the anguish, the fear. Jaskier’s helplessness, the panic in his eyes.

“Jaskier” I call him, refusing to sit there and keep thinking about it. “Help me up”

“Wait, are you sure?” Despite his hesitance, he carefully holds my arm.

I nod vehemently, needing to see Geralt, to see that he is unharmed with my own two eyes. That man is dangerous, and might be the person who ended Kader’s life. Geralt was defending me, and if something happened to him, especially at the hands of that bastard…

“Slowly” Jaskier reminds me, pulling me to my feet very carefully.

I lean on him when my heavy legs are forced with the task of carrying my weight. My body aches. Struggling to catch my breath, I close my eyes tight when a dizzy spell warns me. His arm is quick to support me by the waist.

“Geralt!” I suddenly hear him call out, quite cheerfully. “Look, she’s alive!”

Feeling a tad wobbly and drowsy, I struggle to keep my eyes open long enough to see the witcher. He walks towards us, with either anger or determination.

“Barely” He barks in response to Jaskier’s optimistic greeting. Anger it is then.

I do not have the energy to put up with this. No matter how much I want to speak my mind, I resign myself to staying in this position.

“But she is alright…” Jaskier stammers, looking from one to the other.

“She’s not” The witcher gestures in my direction. “She can barely stand”

I am in fact swaying, and to make matters worse my head starts pounding. Whether that is the reason why I snap at him or not, I can’t stop myself before I snarl back. I hate to abandon the warm safety that is the bard’s closeness and to be honest with myself, I want to embrace his touch and lean my head on his shoulder... ask him to hold me so someone can provide me with just a smidge of serenity. Instead, I gently push myself off him, being fueled with anger to the witcher’s outrage.

“Speak your mind, Geralt” I accuse him, stumbling closer to him. “Did I upset you?”

“If you’re going to be reckless, you should leave us and save us the trouble”

“Geralt…”

“No, Jaskier. The witcher has spoken”

“Don’t speak to me like that”

“Like what, like you’re a dick? Because you’re behaving like one”

“Now, Nissa…”

“Stay out of this, Jaskier”

“If I am a burden for you, just say it now”

“You got hurt. You _are_ a burden” His words hit me so harshly that I stumble. He might as well have slapped me across the face.

Unable to retort back for several seconds, I can only stutter and gawk at him.

“I… Fuck you!” I push Geralt, furious by the superior look he gives me. Devoid of my strength, he doesn’t bat an eye to my aggression. “Emotionless dick!”

I hear Jaskier gasping and taking a step closer, muttering and holding his hand up to make peacemaker.

“Nissa, please! Don’t get swept up by anger” He fidgets around, eyeing Geralt as well. “Look what happened last time you did”

I was faced with someone I had resented for eight years! Now I finally had a suspect, a face to a tragic event in my past... When I saw him, remembering what Geralt had implied, I lost control. Adrenaline took over my rational thoughts. I just needed to make him pay for all the strife he brought into my life. However, I don’t say any of this. I only glare at Jaskier. Nothing is going right at the moment. I feel faint but don’t let it show.

“Just stop talking…”

“No, you’re not like that…”

“What do you know about me?! Fuck off, you too!”

I angrily whip my head at him. He gulps and purses his lips. His brows furrow miserably.

A knot settles in my throat, and I walk away before it unleashes the tears behind my eyes.

Pal seems to be the only one that doesn’t avoid my gaze. Hours have passed without a change. I’m not quite sure what hurts worse, if the wound on my stomach or the anguish in my chest. Even as I silently weep, he watches me with disappointment. After all, I have isolated myself from them yet again, something I mentally swore I wouldn’t do.

“Don’t look at me like that” I utter between disgusting sobs. “They had no right to… to…”

I push my back further into Pal’s side. My knees press against my chest. My hands sink into my eyes, trying to suffocate the tears. Pal nudges me, slightly pushing me off him.

“I didn’t get hurt on purpose… I wasn’t trying to…” I sniff through my nose, holding his gaze. Pal’s black eyes watch me carefully. “All I wanted was some justice for Kader, he… You know how special he was, and he…”

Pal lowly snorts, leaning his head in my direction. I try to calm myself by lightly caressing his mane. My weeping hiccups quiet down as I do. Now that the anger is gone, it leaves room to remorse and apathy.

“I shouldn’t have shouted at them, I feel awful” He moves his head, seeming to nod.

This is so pointless and stupid. _I_ am stupid. I should go back and apologize to the both of them... even if Geralt was indeed being a dick. I have run out of tears. I hate this. I hate it so much. Things had improved. I had started moving on, with both of them. We were alright. At least before…

The sound of footsteps startles me, moving me to hurriedly wipe my tears. If it were Jaskier, I wouldn’t mind him seeing my cry. However, I recognize the heavy but quiet footsteps of the witcher. They are nothing like the bard’s light and energetic ones.

I’m not sure if, unlike me, he has slept at all during the night or if he just woke up. Nonetheless, I don’t feel strong enough to face any more of his scolding.

“If you are here to lecture me, go away” I shrink over myself, even if making my stomach sore when I bring my knees closer to my chest. “In fact, just go. I don’t want to talk to you”

Geralt completely ignores my petition and sits by my side. Subtly watching him with the corner of my eye, I see him clenching his jaw and sighing.

“That was stupid” He says in the end, voice neutral. Or mostly so. There is the softest hint of melancholy in it. “You could have died”

My defenses drop when I sense where that anger of his came from. It wasn’t stubbornness as I thought. It was something else entirely.

“What’s it to you, witcher?”

“Jaskier would have been insufferable”

There is a pause. I consider what to say next and ultimately give in with a sigh.

“You should have thought about it before letting us accompany you” My words imply a joke despite my tired tone.

“Hm” It seem as though I am starting to understand Geralt's hums as much as Jaskier, for I recognize an amused chuckle hidden in this one.

Though some tension has left the atmosphere, it still feels quite awkward. Especially so when there is a tense silence that makes even Pal stir behind me. Nonetheless, I know this is perhaps the best way we could have addressed our argument, even if not yet fully resolved. The distance between us seems to grow just when it was diminishing.

Geralt then looks over his shoulder and gets up. I am both relieved and distraught by it.

“Jaskier's coming” He heavily pats my shoulder, cocking an eyebrow. “Arm yourself with patience”

“Thanks for the warning” I smile in spite of myself, acknowledging his attempt at humor.

Facing his back to me, he goes to leave. The witcher exchanges a quick glance with his friend before going off to reunite with Roach. Occupying the spot Geralt sat on just moments ago, Jaskier quietly accompanies me. For a moment, he hesitates. His head moves with his gaze, from his hands to the horizon before us. Then to me, and as I wait, he still pauses for several seconds more.

“The stars are gorgeous…” He absently looks up to the night sky, bearing an artificial grin.

I hadn’t noticed, but they are. Even as they start to fade with the birth of dawn, the stars cover the dark blue mantle and bless us with the last of their magical glow.

“Um… how are you?” It is so rare to hear him so meek that it makes me uncomfortable.

“Fine…” I want to apologize to him, but the words remain only in my mind. They’re stuck.

“Good. Good…” Jaskier nods his head, glancing down to his hands once more. They keep fidgeting. 

While we sit there in silence, I make an effort to find the right words in order to say them and fix things between us. I can’t stand being on bad terms with him, especially for something I did and that wasn’t his fault. As always, he was only trying to help.

He suddenly takes a deep breath, warning me of his incoming speech.

“It’s scary, isn’t it? Getting hurt?” Jaskier mumbles, fidgeting his fingers some more. “A djinn attacked me once and I ended up… vomiting blood”

I grimace at the mental image that his words bring. They are harrowing and only remind me of my own distress. He must have noticed the impact of what he said, because his hand gingerly squeezes my wrist.

“My point is… It was frightening, but I had Geralt there with me, and he helped me”

His previous unreal carefree grin has turned into a tender smile, a genuine one, full of understanding, empathy and warmth. Warmth that somehow sneaks into my heart.

“You have us here too, Nissa, and we will help you” He concludes, shaking my wrist a bit and looking into my eyes. “I promise you that”

“Thank you” I tell him, truly thankful for the fact that he’s by my side. As always.

Jaskier smiles at me, though the gesture has a sad hint to it that I profoundly dislike. His fingers slip off my wrist, and I immediately miss his touch. No, don’t walk away. Please, don’t let me push you away.

“I, um…” He nervously stands up once more, clapping his hands against his thighs. “I better leave you alone now”

I watch how he stands to his feet. Frustration curses through me as I can’t speak my mind. Why is it that I can’t say a simple sorry? Is my pride as bothersome as Geralt’s? Say something, before he leaves!

“Jaskier, wait!”

He gets startled when I stand up too fast. Jaskier stretches his arms out in case I stumble in my weak state, and I do. However, I throw myself to hug him before I can fall. Jaskier totters a bit with the force of my embrace and is rendered motionless in shock.

“Are you feeling ill?” He whispers worriedly. “Should I call Geralt or-“

“I’m very sorry” I finally let out the words that were stuck in my throat.

“What?” We look into each other's eyes, and I can nearly touch the emotion reflected in his, mirroring mine.

“You were looking after me and I… I shouldn’t have said that”

“Oh! Uh… well, I suppose if you were to make it up to me with-“

Before he can say one of his absurd comments, I shush him and shove my face in his shoulder, hoping I didn’t ruin one of the few good things I have left: his unfaltering support, his loyalty and cares. Him.

“Will you forgive me, Jaskier?”

“How can’t I?" He chuckles. "Being hugged by beautiful women is my weakness”

Realizing I am not retaliating to his joke, he shakes me a bit in his arms.

"Hey, Nissa..." He gently pushes me off him to look into my eyes. “What’s the matter?”

He studies my expression, and I have to glance away. I am not as good with words as him. Not even I can entirely comprehend the many emotions haunting me... but I know where to start. My brow furrows and my teeth lock together in frustration.

“No matter how much I try to get up, I keep tripping…” I absently play with the ribbons in his doublet. His chest heaves with a sigh. “What if I fall and can’t get back up after that?”

“Nissa…” Frowning slightly, he tilts his head down to meet my gaze. “I will always be there to catch you”

“Will you?”

“Yes! And… and Geralt too, I suppose”

I smile a bit, feeling fortunate to have him, and go to hug him tight.

“Easy, love” He laughs, resting his hands in my back to return the hug. “I know you’re crazy for me, but-“

“Don’t be an ass and ruin the moment” I chuckle, burying my face into his chest.

Jaskier laughs again, nuzzling the crook of my neck. I am suddenly aware of how intimate the exchange is, perhaps a bit too much for our friendship. Nonetheless, it feels pleasant. I cling onto the moment and save it in my memory.

“If you still want to leave” Geralt’s sudden voice startles us, causing the both of us to jolt up. Jaskier gasps and puts a hand to his chest, though I internalize it a bit more. “We need to get moving”

“Of course” I take a step back, although Jaskier’s hands still rest over my back.

Noticing this, he awkwardly smiles and lets go of me. I hear him sigh as soon as he goes to approach Geralt, hopefully in relief that we have made up. The bard mutters something to him.

I force Pal back up and walk side by side with him so I near the witcher. A weight seems to have been lifted off me when his golden eyes fall over me. There is nNo anger in them, no resentment. Just his usual apparent neutrality and the hidden fondness within it.

“I got some information out of him before he escaped” The witcher tells me as we head towards Roach sitting back at the camp. “Thought you should know”

“Y-Yes” I hurry to catch up to him, absently clutching Pal’s reins and establishing a slightly quicker pace. “What is it?”

“He didn’t tell me his name, but he works for Salamandra” I have heard some things about them. They are a group that once attacked the witchers’ shelter in search of their secrets. They were apparently still as obsessed with them now. “He wasn’t after you, he was after me”

That bastard’s words resonate in my head. If we are to believe that he was telling the truth, Geralt is his objective as a revenge for what happened at the mountain.

“Are they hunting witchers?” The bard asks behind us, attentive to the conversation.

“I don’t know about that, but he’s certainly hunting me” Geralt says, surprisingly calm.

“Bastard…” Jaskier replies in disgust.

“What happened with him?” I glance up to the witcher, unfazed by it all. Apparently.

“He ran away when I went to help you” Geralt admits, exhaling in annoyance.

“Coward…” I scowl, knowing it is the second time already.

“We need to be careful” He looks at the both of us. “He might attack again”

Jaskier and I nod, aware of the dangers that man means to us. To further remind me, a pang in my stomach warns me not to be reckless again.

Much like on the rest of our travels until now, the silence has settled... with the usual exception of Jaskier’s ramblings, of course. He pauses every so often, and I smile at him over my shoulder to encourage him when he does. While I don’t have the energies to participate in his opinions on flowers, the sound of his voice is comforting. Geralt, on the other hand, ignores him in passivity.

Watching the witcher, it comes to my attention how tumultuous how relationship has been. At first I was too frightened of him to even let him come close. Then our personalities often clashed, and after this last dispute I feel as though that history darkens our friendship, which still stands on thin ice despite all our progress. Granted, he can be a dick sometimes, but he has showed me he cares, and has looked after me as well, even if in his own reluctant and subtle way.

After the horses have had a little break, we decide to ride them again. Geralt is already climbing on Roach, but I suddenly halt when I am about to ride Pal. It comes to my attention that Jaskier is already following after the witcher. Gosh, the poor bard must be exhausted. He is probably used to walking by now, as well as after so long traveling with Geralt. Nonetheless, I take a blanket from the saddlebag and fold it.

“Jaskier?” I call him as I squeeze it under the mount to lock it in place.

“Yes, is there a problem?” He struts over to me and stands by my side, watching with a hand on his hip. “Uh… what are you doing?” 

Smirking in anticipation to his reaction, I nimbly climb up and offer him a hand. Jaskier watches me from below, tilting his head in confusion. After several seconds of blankness, he shakes his head in shock and gawks at me.

“Are you…?”

“I won’t allow you to walk while we ride” I insist, wiggling my fingers to remind him of my offer. “Forgive me that it took so long”

He showcases a genuine grin, though not moving for several seconds more. I chuckle and shove my hand closer to his face, finally feeling how his wraps around it. With my small help, he climbs on the saddle behind me. As soon as he is settled, I softly spur Pal on. The bard holds on to my waist for balance. My horse looks over to us, surprised by the change. I smile at him and lean forward to pet his neck, which seems to be enough for him. Jaskier happily sighs behind me, content with my idea.

I am suddenly disturbed by an urge to promise him something. This cannot be a repeated occurrence.

“I will stop being a burden now” I tell the bard over my shoulder. He leans on me, speechless for a moment, and at first I believe he hasn’t heard me until he replies in bewilderment.

“When have you ever been a burden, Nissa?” Jaskier speaks softly, still leaning close to me.

“All I have done since we met was grieve and get hurt” I shake my head in vexation, staring up ahead to avoid meeting with his eyes, no matter how his gaze lingers on me. “I refuse to dwell on that. From now onwards, I will be a valuable addition, I will be of use to you”

“Oh, no, you won’t be saying that in my presence. You already are a valuable addition, love”

“Jaskier, I appreciate your kindness, but truth is-“

“No, listen to me, I have never met someone quite as witty or smart as you” My heart skips a beat at how genuinely he pours his emotions into his voice. “Or as gentle, or… or as brave! Who else would look after us when we get hurt, hm? Treat our wounds so delicately, so diligently? Always with a smile? Always willing to step in to defend us if ever there’s peril?”

Jaskier pauses, intently watching me. I only glue my gaze to the reins in my hands.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought” He squeezes my side, causing me to squirm a bit.

My lips tightly form a line as a smile tries to take over as a result of his poignant speech. In the end, I allow the gesture to settle in my mouth. He was so convinced, so sure of the veracity of what he was saying... it warms my heart that he holds me so dear.

Despite my smile, I fear that my moved state will be exposed if I speak up. To thank him for his words, I instead squeeze his hand that lingers on my shoulder. When he reaches out to lay his other hand atop of mine, he loses balance. Jaskier yelps and nearly falls of the horse. Inevitably, I laugh when he urgently wraps his arms around me to regain his balance. Much to his dismay, he laughs too even if in mild embarrassment.

As we catch up with Roach, Jaskier importantly clears his throat. Geralt doesn’t react.

“Geralt!” Of course, the bard gloats about the exciting news. “Look!”

“Hm?” The witcher tiredly glances over his shoulder to us.

“See? I told you Nissa was nice” I feel Jaskier swelling with pride behind me as he stares at him. “Nicer than you, you big grump”

Filled with curiosity, Geralt stares at us. The only sign of his amusement is a raised eyebrow. His eyes, however, speak without words as they land on me. I know what he is implying, as it wouldn’t be the first time. I roll my eyes at him while I make Pal pass him. Even if I do blush when I feel Jaskier’s breath in my nape and his arms around my waist.

Night falls upon us when we finally make it to Cidaris. After such a long journey, I am exhausted. My friends have often insisted on stopping to rest, though I have declined. In reality, and while I appreciate their concern, I much preferred to continue moving. Making a halt in our way would make me feel stagnant and only remind me of what happened. While at a reasonable pace, it was better to focus on advancing and not on my injury.

As we tie our horses outside of the inn, I carefully watch Geralt. He now seems to be in a neutral state, not angry as before nor as tense. Just mildly alert as witchers might always be.

I look at Jaskier with the corner of my eye. The sight makes me smile. He is talking to Pal in a hushed tone, gently caressing his neck as the horse patiently listens. I chuckle. Jaskier turns at the sound, grinning when he finds me watching him fondly. He opens his mouth to comment something, though he is interrupted. While his back is turned, Pal suddenly nudges him with his head, so diligently that it pushes the bard in my direction. Losing balance, his arms tangle around me as he tries to hold on to something. I steady him by the shoulders. Our gazes meet. We grow aware of our closeness.

“Are you alright?” I ask with a smile, still not letting go of him. Neither does he.

“Yeah, sorry…” Jaskier glances to the horse over his shoulder. “I don’t think Pal likes me very much”

I too glance at the horse. The only thing that would make his intentions more obvious would be a wink. I smile in spite of myself.

“I think he does” Or maybe he just knows that I like Jaskier.

The bard chuckles and rubs his nape. His arms slowly slide off me.

“I’ll… go get the room” He cheerfully says, not without playfully winking at me first.

I watch him disappear into the inn and then turn to Geralt. That leaves the two of us alone.

This is my chance to speak my mind concerning my latest thoughts towards the witcher. As much of a dick as he could have been, it profoundly upsets me to not speak to him. Thinking back, I feel as though I owed him an apology for a long time as well. My stomach is queasy as I walk toward Geralt. He’s talking to Roach, and I hope he doesn’t mind me approaching.

“Geralt…?” I begin, shyly putting my hair behind my ear. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“What is it?” The witcher observes me as he absently continues caressing Roach.

Subconsciously, I reach out to caress her too. Realizing what I’m doing, I stop before I can touch her. Geralt chuckles lightly and bows his head.

“Go ahead” He allows me with a small smile.

“Thanks” I happily go to stroke her neck. Roach dips her head in response to my affection, welcoming the change.

“What did you want to tell me?”

“I… In all honesty, I don’t think I have been quite fair with you, Geralt”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, you’ve been nothing but kind to me and…”

“I wouldn’t go that far”

“Well, when you aren’t being a dick is what I meant”

“Your point?”

“What I’m trying to say is that after this time traveling together…”

“Nissa” He interrupts me, clearly sensing my restlessness. “Cut the bullshit”

“Alright, I wanted to apologize for my behavior” I simply say, being as blunt as possible. “I didn’t treat you in a way you deserve, and it wasn’t your fault. It was only based on prejudice and bad experiences that you had nothing to do with and…“

“I don’t understand” Geralt frowns, watching me intently as I fumble.

“Even if that witcher had been responsible for what happened to Kader and were evil…” I pause, finding a sudden interest in my nails. “It didn’t mean you were too”

“Hm” Patting Roach’s neck, he steps away from his horse.

I gather up enough courage to glance up at him, even if I’m frightened that he will not accept my apologies. He has a right to resent me for my treatment towards him, for my initial distrust. Contrary to all of that, Geralt smiles a bit. He invites me closer with a hand gesture. I’m so stunned that I freeze in the spot, with a hand still over Roach’s neck.

“Hurry, before I change my mind” He rolls his eyes, so I step in front of him.

One of his arm falls over my shoulder and clumsily pushes me closer to him. I hesitate for a moment, though let my arms wrap around his strong torso. It’s such a strange feeling to be embracing him, especially since I’m used to Jaskier’s hugs, and he’s a bit smaller. At the very least, not as muscular. Besides, Geralt’s embrace is less tender and more rigid. Especially so when he awkwardly pats my back.

“Thanks, grumpy” I try to lighten the tension, knowing he’s not used to this himself.

“Don’t” He only says, making me chuckle as he hums in amusement.

We break away and look at each other. The start of a smile appears on his lips, and although it doesn’t quite reach them, it lingers there. In my euphoria, I reach out and give him a kiss on the cheek. Geralt tenses up, but doesn’t reject it nor scowl in response.

“Now go” He nods his head towards the inn. “I was talking to my horse”

“Sure” I caress Roach’s neck one last time and walk away.

“Nissa…” Geralt calls me before I can leave. He frowns, pensive, when I turn to him. “You’re not a burden”

And just like that, I feel lighter. I smile in response and finally walk away. Apology accepted.

I make to go into the inn, finding Jaskier standing at the doorstep. A frown occupies his brow, intensifying when he notices my joy. I can’t stop smiling to myself. It feels like I’ve healed within, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and vanished from my chest. One that resided there for years. It does not change what happened to Kader and the memory of that witcher, but it has allowed me to distance myself from that pain. To reconcile one of the pieces of my shattered heart.

“What, uh…” Jaskier absently points a finger to Geralt. “What… What was all that about?”

I blush when I realize he witnessed everything from a distance. Concealing my emotions, I shrug to take importance out of it. He observes me intently, determined to receive a response.

“Oh, we were just talking” I say in the end, though he blocks my path when I make to enter the building. As I watch him, Jaskier sternly folds his arms over his chest.

“Are you into Geralt?” He questions, and I suddenly blush at the thought.

While the witcher is quite attractive in more ways than just physical, I never saw him that way. Of course, he is strong, protective and good-looking… Nonetheless, I am not into Geralt, as he says. Not into Jaskier himself either, I… They are both friends to me. That is all I see them as, my traveling companions.

“We are just friends” I do my absolute best to smile at him. Why is this interest of his so mortifying to me so suddenly? No matter, I speak but the truth. “L-Like you and me”

Jaskier frowns and averts his gaze for a moment. His eyes return to Geralt before resting over me once more. His inquiring attitude returns as he nods towards the witcher behind me.

“What were you talking about then?” The bard rolls his eyes. “If I may ask?”

“Nothing…” I avert my gaze, unable to hold his. He still stares. “It’s quite personal”

“I see” He vehemently nods, still watching me attentively. “Right… Yeah, good…”

“Is the room ready?” I drastically change the subject, even if he lingers on whatever emotion he is experiencing at the moment. Why is he so affected by it?

“Uh, yes” His eyebrows arch, accompanying a shift in tone that fits him better. “But there’s a tiny little thing…”

“What is it?” Geralt is already with us, standing behind me with a tired expression. He pushes a hand against my back to urge me to move. We start walking.

“Well…" Jaskier shrugs. "They didn’t have three beds”

“Meaning?”

“They gave me a room with only two beds”

“There’s three of us, Jas”

“That is precisely what I told them, love”

To show us, the bard quickly reenters the inn. When I look at Geralt over my shoulder, he pinches the bridge of his nose as we follow after him.

“I made it very clear that we needed a room with not two but three beds” He talks to us over the shoulder, holding said number of fingers up. “And they insisted that there was only that room left”

“You’re not persuasive enough” I mutter to tease him, although maybe if Geralt had been there things might have been different. Or maybe we wouldn’t have gotten a room at all.

“I am _offended_ , Nissa” Jaskier gasps, stopping before the counter. “Can’t you see she is a young maiden? Of course I’m persuasive!”

“Your charm didn’t get us three beds” Geralt complains, passing by him.

I wrinkle my nose at Jaskier, then moving behind the witcher and heading for the room.

“What will we do then?” The first asks, on turn walking behind me amongst the many people crowding the place. “Continue on to another town?”

I say nothing in return, but mentally pray that we don’t. As stubborn as I have been, I feel at the end of my rope. I want nothing more than to stay in one place for a bit and rest. My wound hasn’t stopped throbbing for hours, even if riding with Jaskier and the happy interaction with Geralt briefly distracted me from the pain.

“We’ll make do” The aforementioned says, opening the door. “Next time I’ll do the talking”

Jaskier grumbles, but obediently walks in. He puts a hand on his hip as he observes the inside of the room. It is small and quaint. Indeed, there are two beds for three people.

“They weren’t joking, were they?” He moves to the furthest bed and sits on it.

“I’ll sleep on the floor” The witcher says, to my surprise, as he drops his things to the ground.

“Don’t be silly, Geralt!” The bard replies, swatting the air. “Two of us can share a bed!”

“Of course” I roll my eyes at him when he innocently gazes my direction. “How convenient”

“What are you implying, Nissa?” He sulkily crosses his arms over his chest.

I eloquently lift an eyebrow, hoping to silence him. It works and it doesn’t, as he smirks at me in a suggestive way albeit silently.

“If I ever as much hear you two flirt” Geralt warns us, to which Jaskier is already opening his mouth in outrage. “I’m throwing you out”

“Flirting?” The bard retaliates. “It is but friendly banter!”

The witcher only grunts and grumbles as he lies down on the bed. Deliberately, he faces his back to us and remains quiet. Somehow I doubt he will move from that position.

“Come on” Jaskier is already lying down, patting the bed as an invitation. “You need to rest”

Going out of my way to loudly sigh in protest, I go to lie down. I move slowly, timorous of worsening my sore wound. At least it hasn’t continued bleeding since I changed my bandages on our way here.

“Hands off” I warn him just in case, earning an angelical expression from him. Jaskier holds his hands up so I can keep track of them. A smirk peeks at the corners of his mouth.

I hardly fit in the bed with him, even as the both of us lie on our sides. Trying to get some space, I lean backwards and nearly fall off. I wave my hands in alarm, yelping as I intend to keep upright. Jaskier is luckily quick enough to push his hand against the small of my back. My cheeks start burning when I’m pressed against his chest.

“Well, hello” He grins when we become impossibly close. Part of me thinks he’s not lying at the edge of the bed, denying me more space, and finds pleasure in making me suffer. I push my hands flat against his chest to claim more room again, but his hand keeps me in place. He laughs. The sound is exasperatingly endearing. “I will gladly take my hand off... as long as you are willing to fall”

“Stop it” I try to sound exasperated, but a chuckle escapes my mouth and betrays me.

His shit-eating grin acquires a fondness to it as we gaze at each other. Mildly flustered by his staring, I get comfortable and close my eyes. I _am_ exhausted, as my body reminds me when it comfortably lies there, even in the too small and hard bed. My limbs feel heavy, and a wave of exhaustion has fallen over me as soon as I am off my feet. The fatigue tugs at my eyelids as they threaten to remain closed for the rest of the night.

“Oof, I can’t believe it…” Jaskier suddenly utters in awe.

“What?” I whisper, not bothering to look at him.

“You’re even more beautiful up close, how is that possible?”

That forces me to open my eyes, and I hate that I am smiling.

“Can you stop flirting for five minutes?”

“Can you stop being this beautiful?”

I playfully push my hand against his shoulder, and he plays along with my flirtatious gesture. In quite an amusing expression, he frowns and falsely winces.

“Ow!” Jaskier leans back in offence, and it’s him who nearly falls off this time.

Flailing for balance, he manages to hold on to my hip before he can roll off. I start laughing out loud because of the comical expression he unwillingly pulled. Rather than being bothered that I found it hilarious, Jaskier grins at the sound of my laughter.

“Shut up” Geralt grunts from his bed. “Go the fuck to sleep”

The both of us giggle under our breaths when he scolds us. My strong laughter makes my stomach sore, though I don’t mind. Feeling comfortable and warm, I just hide my face on his chest as the giggling dies down. When the silence arrives, it is serene. Jaskier stirs next to me, yet I am too comfortable to complain about it, even as he makes the bed dip with his movement.

“Nissa…” He whispers, much to my annoyance. As much as I would love to spend the night chatting away with him, I do not have the strength to do it.

“Jas, I’m tired” I say it calmly, even if hoping he doesn’t want to have a long conversation.

“Just this one question…” He taps my shoulder and continues when I hum in expectation. “Do you believe in true love?”

I open one eye to examine his expression, though it doesn’t change. Jaskier only watches me, piercing me with his deep blue eyes. Hiding behind his cheerfulness and jokes, I can’t really tell the reason behind his inquiry.

“Is this about your song?”

“Yes, precisely. Answer the question, please”

“I don’t know…” I sigh, closing my eyes once more. My mind feels too tired to dwell on the subject. “I haven’t really thought about it”

“I have” Jaskier simply says, bearing a dreamy tone.

“It’s a nice thought…” I smile, imagining how beautiful it must be. It poses as such an unrealistic idealization. Something beautiful beyond measure, yet unreachable. False.

“Yeah…” Jaskier sighs, lovingly pressing his hand against my back. “Very nice indeed… Just imagining it, I get inspired to write a thousand ballads and…”

Suddenly hearing him chuckle, I nearly shudder when his fingers gingerly brush my hair off my eyes. It is such a delicate gesture that it brings pleasant shivers down my spine. His feather-light touches push me further into a serene state of relaxation.

“Goodnight, love” He says, and I want to say goodnight too, but I am far too exhausted to reply.

Though my sleep was reinvigorating, my muscles are sore. I have no room to move. When I open my eyes, I find myself in the inn. The events of yesterday slowly returning to me. They are drowned by the hubbub outside of the room.

I smile, feeling extremely comfortable. Warm and enveloped. My heart skips a beat when I realize the reason behind my extreme coziness. I am resting my head over Jaskier’s chest, who carefully wraps an arm around my waist. He might have kept me from rolling off the bed in my sleep.

He turns his head at the movement when I sleepily rub my eyes. Even as he watches me through heavy eyelids, he is smiling at me, completely ignoring the veil of slumber that clings to us both. Rather than being startled by the closeness, I smile back.

“Hi” Jaskier receives me with one of his bright smiles. “Slept well?”

“Mm-hm” I comfortably snuggle further into his chest.

“Was this the third time now?” His fingers gently sink into my side. I jolt up slightly when it tickles.

“What?” I ask, still too groggy to understand the reason behind his playful tone.

“That you fall asleep on my shoulder” Jaskier gives a thoughtful hum. “I might start thinking you’re doing it deliberately”

“What if I was?”

“I-I…” He hurriedly clears his throat. “Well, I would hope I at least make a good pillow”

Chuckling, I slowly sit up. Looking behind Jaskier rolling onto his side, I realize the other bed is empty.

“Where’s Geralt?” We lock eyes, and I see the shift from completely relaxed to incredibly anxious in his expression.

“Shit” He mutters, stumbling to his feet. Although I am slower because of my soreness and my wound, I follow in tow.

After what happened with that man, and knowing he is being hunted, I don’t think it wise for him to wander around on his own. Even if he is a witcher and he is strong. At least, I don’t feel comfortable knowing he’s out there alone.

As Jaskier and I rush out of the inn, we catch him about to mount. We were lucky to find him before he ran off.

“Geralt!” The bard calls him. “Where the hell are you going?”

His entire body speaks of irritation as he reluctantly turns to us.

“You were asleep a moment ago” Is his only reply, looking from him to me.

“Answer the damn question” I side with Jaskier, making the witcher roll his eyes.

“I need to investigate” His golden eyes leave us and fall over Roach instead. “Discover something”

“Yeah, you’re right” Jaskier vehemently nods. “You’ll discover something… how to die!”

The two hold gazes, nearly challenging each other. In the end, Geralt wins and causes him to sigh in exasperation. Jaskier talks to himself, throwing his hands up in exasperation, and begins to pace in outrage.

“This bloody witcher…” I hear him say as he walks past me. “He’ll get himself killed”

“Geralt, he’s right” Moving quickly not to lose him, I take him by the arm. “That man is dangerous, and you have no idea what ruses he might use against you”

Stubborn as always, he roughly moves his arm away from my grasp. Dead silence. It makes me furious, and I can’t help but to punch his arm instead.

“Fine. Then we’re coming with you” I simply assure, defiantly holding his gaze.

“No, you won’t leave this place” Sternly, he motions towards the inn with a head movement. “This is not up for debate, Nissa”

“You big obstinate brute!” I complain, prepared to storm away. Now it’s him who holds me by the arm. I tense up, fearing that I have angered him. However, I notice his hold isn’t aggressive. When he lightly tugs at me, I watch him over my shoulder.

“Stay here and watch him” He glances at the pacing bard. “Make sure he doesn’t get in any trouble”

“Or that I do” I complete, guessing his train of thought. Geralt doesn’t confirm nor deny my assumption. He absently caresses Roach before climbing on her back. The witcher dedicates me a last glance of warning to heed his words before he rides off.

My back rests against the wall. I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head in disapproval. I suddenly wish I pushed further to convince Geralt to accompany him. Had I known Jaskier would completely ignore me in favor of a pretty lady he encountered in the tavern, I would have blindly accompanied the witcher even to perilous lands. At the very least, this situation distracts me from my concern for Geralt. On the other hand, however, it makes me resent Jaskier for abandoning me in such a manner. Just as I internally curse the bard, he is running my direction. There’s an expression in his face I don’t like at all.

“Oh, sweet, lovely Nissa” He makes a flourish, so nervously that it loses any potential artistic or dramatic value. I know where this is going.

“What do you want?” I fold my arms over my chest to show I’m not too keen on helping him, not after he forsake me like that.

“I…” He nervously looks over his shoulder. “Need you to do something for me”

“Do you? I thought you were far too busy flirting with that girl over there”

“I… Since when do you care about my romantic endeavors?”

“I don’t, it’s just… terrible to watch”

“No matter, will you do me a favor?”

“Well, explain to me what it is and I’ll think about it” I scowl at him and look away in disinterest. “Though I’m not making any promises, you flirt”

“There’s no time for that” Is all he says before my heart actually skips a beat.

He has carefully pushed me against him, and his lips are on mine. His lips are on mine! My mind goes blank. Is he actually kissing me right now?!

Wide-eyed, I stare at him. His hands are on my face and his eyes are shut tight in urgency. The contact between our lips doesn’t go further than a peck, yet it’s enough to fluster me. I try to break away, ready to complain and make a scene in retaliation. Jaskier sneakily looks to the side and panics even more than before. He sharply breathes in. I yelp against his mouth when he softly pins me against the wall behind me. I am suddenly stuck between it and his body against mine.

My shoulders had tensed, but they relax when he deepens the kiss just a tad. Our mouths open just an inch, enough to force my eyes closed as emotion overwhelms me. A new sensation that I can’t have enough of lingers within me. The rough and desperate exchange has turned into something tender and sensual with each passing second. My entire body tingles. I am out of breath in the most wonderful way.

My hands are over his shoulders as I had tried to push him away, but they linger there without forcing him back. In fact, I breathlessly hold on to him when I feel like I might swoon. Just when butterflies erupt in my stomach, he pulls away. I move my head trying to maintain the contact, but I find only with air. Kissing nothingness. When I open my eyes, his attention is away from me and to the tavern’s entrance.

“Phew… Thank you, Nis” He grins and sighs, now calmer than before. “That was close”

I stare at him in confusion, too rattled to understand what he’s trying to tell me. I only gawk, unsure if it is because my chest is quickly rising up and down. In outrage? I can’t tell.

“Oh, right” Jaskier seems to realize I can’t exactly read his thoughts, so he elaborates. “A certain man here knows I slept with his wife, I needed to blend in”

My palm is making contact with his cheek before I can stop myself from slapping him. Jaskier gawks at me in shock, holding his face. He looks at me as though he can’t believe what I have just done. Well, I can’t believe what _he_ just did either. Does he have so little respect for me and my feelings to disregard them in such a manner?

“What was that about?!” His hand rubs his reddened cheek as he pouts at me.

“Is that why you kissed me, Jaskier?” I snap, feeling burning anger in my veins.

“Why… else would I?” When I step forward, he retreats and holds his hands up in surrender. “I-In my defense, it’s the very first thing that popped into my head”

“Oh, so you just decided to kiss me?”

“Yes…”

“To blend in?”

“Why are you so aghast about it?”

“Because you are a pig!”

I throw my fists against his shoulders. Repeatedly. It doesn't quite extinguish my anger in the way that I hoped.

“Ow, ow” He wrestles with me and complains until he catches my hands in his, putting an end to my attack on him. “Alright, alright, I know! I’m sorry, Nissa!”

“You’re sorry? Is that all you can say?” There’s a warning in my voice, which he recognizes. He lets my hands fall over his chest, still not letting go of my wrists. “You sleep with a married woman and you solve it by kissing me to hide from her husband?”

“Forgive me, love” He perfectly knows what he’s doing when he innocently tilts his head and beautifully grins. “Look at it this way, you just saved my life”

He’s lucky he’s cute. Too fucking cute. I grunt and forcefully push him away. He is such an idiot. Idiot bard. Stupid bard. Stupid Jaskier. Ugh, I absolutely hate him!

The worst part of all is… I hate that he pulled away. I hate that I crave more. That now I can’t stop thinking about it. That I see him in a whole new light. That I want to kiss him again. That I have to repress the impulse to tug on his doublet and pull him against my lips once more. That going over the sensations still lingering in my body, I become flustered and erratic.

I clench my jaw when his hand falls on my upper arm. 

“I’m lucky you were here with me” He still pretends to be cute to soothe my wrath. Damn him…

“Oh, are you?” I sarcastically spit out. “Would you have kissed Geralt then?”

I roughly push him away from me when I suddenly can’t bear his presence a second longer.

“What…?” His eyes follow me as I storm off the tavern.

The sun outside is unforgiving, making me squint at the sudden light. The abrupt quietness is jarring, asit clashes with the noisy conflict within me. Not even the pleasant breeze cools down my burning anger. I seriously can’t stand him right now.

I take a seat on the platform outside, needing to put some order into my thoughts. My heart hasn’t stopped racing. I take a deep breath to settle down. Calm down. It was just a kiss.

“Nissa!” Jaskier’s voice makes me roll my eyes, as he has walked out after me. “W-What… Why are you mad at me?”

“Why…?” I gawk at him and let out a sarcastic chuckle. “You, stupid bard, used me to get rid of your woman trouble”

“Stupid bard?” He repeats, narrowing his eyes. “You’re actually upset”

I avert my gaze when he crouches down in front of me in an attempt to make eye contact. His hand cautiously climbs up my knee until it wraps around my fingers, which rest over my lap. I sigh. Honestly, I can’t even be angry at him if he’s being so sweet. Damn him.

“Talk to me, love” Jaskier gently tugs at my hand, doing it again until I begrudgingly lock eyes with him. He smirks a little, but my glare rapidly erases the smug gesture. “Did I really bother you?”

I can’t stand the way he stares. How his adorable expression makes me stop being mad so easily. Maybe it’s best to hide that I had a realization when he kissed me. It’s probably best to instead pretend like it bothered me because it was a bad thing to do, because it was.

“I just…” I heave a sigh, still looking away. “I wasn’t expecting it, I suppose…”

“Forgive me” Jaskier pauses as he goes to sit next to me, never letting go of my hand. I’m extremely aware of his gentle warm touch. “But… you could have just pushed me away”

I almost did, but ultimately I didn’t want to. It was too wonderful of a moment to put an end to it. Of course, that’s not what I say to him.

“And let them kill you?” I force myself to look at him, bearing a sarcastic grin. “I want the satisfaction of doing that myself”

Jaskier has the audacity to laugh, showcasing the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen. Were his smiles always this beautiful? Surely, I noticed he was a handsome man, but… Ugh, damn him!! I hate that I can’t hate him!

“Wait, you didn’t know they were after me…” His voice drags me out of my thoughts. “Were you actually enjoying it?”

“Jaskier…” For the second time, I warn him, but he ignores it.

“Look at that, you're blushing” He points a finger at me, and I glare daggers at him.

“I am actually going to kill you” I say as I angrily slap his hand away.

“Alright, yeah, sorry” Chuckling, he settles down and grows quiet. “Enough teasing”

His hand is still holding mine, and he now settles it over his lap and gently pats it. Assuming that’s his way of apologizing, I hope he now moves on and drops the subject. Especially, I pray that he hasn’t realized that I’m lying through my teeth.

It isn’t that he used me to his advantage. The kiss is to blame. It isn’t even that Jaskier is a damn good kisser and I nearly melted in bliss. No. It’s the fact that _he_ kissed me. And with it, he brought to the surface emotions I never realized I harbored. He awoke a sudden realization of my feelings for him.

Jaskier grows quiet as he waits for me to calm down. As I do, I start feeling genuinely bad. I don’t know what came over me. A great disappointment, perhaps. No matter what, I shouldn’t have hit him. To make matters worse, he could be mad about it, though he is only concerned with my sudden mood.

“I… Jaskier…” I speak up to break the silence that threatens to make me dwell on my intense emotions. “I’m sorry I slapped you, I really am”

“Oh, that” His free hand falls over his cheek, which is now a softer shade of red. “It’s alright… I suppose I deserved that one”

“I didn’t mean to…” I place my hand over his on an instinct, but retrieve it when I realize what I’m doing and how I’m essentially stroking his cheek. “I feel terrible…”

He intently watches me, heaving a sigh in the end. He pushes me closer to him. I let him.

“You feel terrible, you say?”

“I do, how can I make it up to you?”

“You can always kiss it better” Jaskier winks an eye at me, though pouts when I stare at him blankly. “It still burns a little…”

I should have known what his answer would be by now. Inevitably, I chuckle. Honestly, I hate that he makes me laugh when I’m actually really fucking cross at him. Except that I don’t. I can’t hate him.

Giving in, I lean forward and gingerly leave a peck on his cheek. His skin burns under my lips. Before he can make any comments, I hide by resting my head on his shoulder. His arm settles around me and brings me even closer. This way, I am essentially leaning on him entirely.

“You’re still stupid, though” I joke, holding back another chuckle.

“Yeah” Jaskier replies, squeezing me against his side. “I thought so”

How foolish is it that I internally swoon? That although he is sitting by my side, I crave more of him? I can’t stop thinking about the effect this stupid bard has on me. About all the endearing things about him. The way he says my name. Nissa. Leaning on the n. The adorable wrinkle in his brow when he frowns. The way his cheeks stand out when he genuinely smiles. Or those bright grins he throws my direction that seem to challenge the sun. The fact that his laughter is more breathtaking than any of his beautiful melodies. The wonderful sound of his voice, which nearly sings when he rambles. How his blue eyes glint with the force of the prettiest of stars when he’s excited. How his brown hair falls over his eyes and he can’t be bothered to move it away. He never does. How he always makes light of every situation and keeps our spirits up. How he cares so deeply. The fact that his personality is so magnetic that I can’t fathom one day without him by side. The fact that I adore him with all my being. Ah, stupid bard…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please tell me your opinions! Did you like it? What were your favorite parts? :)


	9. Undisclosed Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really love some of the interactions between Geralt, Jaskier and Nissa in this chapter! Remember to please leave comments with your opinions, reading them makes my day! :D

When faced with the decision of accompanying Geralt and Jaskier, I had been conflicted. Now, as I return to the inn from a quick study session, I am not. Being with them feels right. Even as my thoughts drift to a past in Vizima, I have found a new home. I belong with them.

“What’s in that pretty head of yours?” Jaskier surprises me, as the two of them are waiting for me outside the establishment.

As though I could forget a certain moment we shared yesterday, my heart reminds me when it leaps at the sound of his voice. His beautiful, goofy, harmonious and cocky voice. My lips still itch with the ghost of our kiss even after so many hours have passed. The moment still burns in my mind, reminding me of the things I crave yet don’t have. Can’t have. Jaskier must not know any of this. As far as he knows, I have forgotten it all.

“Nothing” I casually mutter as I walk over to Pal. Hopefully he can’t see through me.

“Are you sure? You look absent” He slaps Geralt’s chest, asking for support, though the witcher ignores him. “Is something worrying you?”

“I assure you, Jaskier, everything’s alright” Refusing to make eye contact with Jaskier, I glance at Geralt instead. There is an expression in his face that makes me quite uncomfortable. The witcher peers into my very soul once more, and I am mortified just at the thought that he knows my true struggle.

“Really?” Jaskier steps between the two of us. “Because I would go to great lengths just to see you smile”

Assuming we are to resume our usual antics, Geralt steps ahead towards Roach and starts speaking to her, quite possibly to complain about us. I pause, considering the best way to deflect it. Behaving as usual seems the best approach, and so I mockingly grin at him.

“Are you willing to embarrass yourself?” Being quite condescending, I heavily pat his shoulder. “Because that might just work”

“You are cruel, Nissa!” Jaskier dramatically exhales. “I give you my heart and you stomp on it”

I start walking, grinning widely, as I catch up with Geralt. The witcher is smirking as well, deeply amused by how I tease our beloved bard. The latter follows and sulks, freely telling us how betrayed he feels by the both of us. As I make to go towards Pal, a gentle hand envelops my wrist. Turning in surprise, I hear Jaskier tutting his tongue at me.

“Aren’t we continuing on?” Given our dynamic, I assumed we were to move on to another town. Perhaps to earn more coin with one of Geralt’s jobs.

“Geralt and I talked, you shouldn’t be traveling so soon” He brings me closer, gesturing wildly with his free hand. “So today we are going to take it easy, we earned a break anyway”

“What will we do instead?” I glance at the witcher, but he can’t be bothered to part take in the conversation. Instead, he lingers by Roach for as long as he can.

“We will be taking a peaceful walk around this beautiful town” I curiously watch as Jaskier takes an empty big sack from the saddlebag, never letting go of my wrist.

“Are you boys worried about me?” Sending a last glance to Pal as I am dragged away by Jaskier’s hand, I also nudge the witcher in the ribs. “That's adorable, I have my very own bodyguards”

Geralt only grunts. He seems as pleased by my teasing as by reluctantly accompanying Jaskier and me. I give him a candid smile, which softens his brooding expression slightly.

Distancing ourselves from our horses, we begin wandering the streets of Cidaris. The ambiance is electric, buzzing with people and loud chatter. It must be market day. I often have to hold on to Jaskier’s arm when the crowd threatens with separating the group. I wrap an arm around my stomach in fear that someone might bump into me and bring the dormant pain from my wound back.

“Oh, fresh bread!” Like a child, Jaskier runs off to a close by stand. The delicious aroma floats in the air, causing my stomach to growl with hunger.

I observe the bard and chuckle at how he eagerly points the seller to the loafs of bread he's choosing to buy. How can I not adore him when he can be so bloody endearing?

“When he said you talked…” I tell Geralt, who watches me in curiosity. “He means _he_ talked, didn’t he?”

“Hm” The witcher smirks, and I smile happily to his reaction.

The bard soon returns to our side, struggling to carry many small loafs of bread on his arms while also holding on to the sack in his hands. With a grin, I take the sack from him and open it. Jaskier smiles at me in aprpeciation. Instead of saving them all, however, he leaves one out.

“Mm…” Jaskier happily hums, holding the loaf of bread up to my nose. “Smell that!”

“Certainly smell delicious” His expression lights up when I smile at him.

He then moves towards Geralt, who watches unfazed. His entire expression seems unimpressed by the delicious smelling bread. This doesn’t seem to bother Jaskier, who calmly puts the bread into the sack. I accommodate it against my chest, but he shakes his head disapprovingly.

“No, no, no” Gently, he takes it from my hands. “You are hurt, Nissa, you will not be carrying any weight at all”

A guffaw accidentally escapes me when he carelessly hands it over who Geralt. The witcher sighs with the patience of a saint and takes the sack. Oblivious to his mild vexation, Jaskier wanders off again.

I take a deep breath as I realize this was indeed just what I needed: a tranquil day buying appetizing food that we will need when we eventually return to the roads, trivial conversations with the two of them and all the friendly gazes and loving smiles we dedicate each other. Yes, even Geralt... in his own way.

Ironically, it is Jaskier’s very own bubbly personality that contributes to make me forget about what happened with him yesterday. I only allowed myself to get carried away and ended up having a really good time. We walked, chatted, laughed and spent a good portion of the morning enjoying our respite from all the insanity that our travels have been thus far.

After we are done spending a good part of all our coin, we walk together to return to the inn. Geralt quietly walks behind us. He has only intervened in our conversation when the opportunity arose to tease Jaskier. The bard falls in his trap every time and causes us to laugh when he retorts back in offense. Now our silence is filled by the distant sound of commotion from the market.

“Wasn’t this lovely?” Jaskier says with a mouthful of bread. His voice is muffled by the food and I hardly understood what he said.

I laugh as I pinch at the center of my own loaf of bread. My lips curl up as I shove it in my mouth.

“You were only looking for an excuse not to do anything today” I lean against Jaskier, shoving my shoulder against his.

He exclaims in outrage, swallowing in such a rush that he nearly chokes on the bread.

“I’m doing this for you, Nissa!” His hand absently brushes against his lips to shake any crumbs off his mouth. “I wouldn’t want such a fair maiden to swoon from her injuries!”

A smirk lurks in his expression even as his voice has acquired that naturally dramatic hue. I shove him as hard as I can in retaliation for his clear provocation, yet he only chuckles.

“It’s working, see?” The bard calmly replies even as he totters. “You’re back to full health!”

I must admit, it was precisely what I needed. Rather than following Geralt to another witcher job or moving towns again, this small breather replenished my strengths. Granted, I am a bit tired from all our trudging, but it is a good sort of fatigue.

As we near the inn and I recognize Pal and Roach patiently waiting for our return, I eye the wooden steps at the entrance of the establishment. I make to sit down, though a hand grips my forearm before I can.

“Have you ever wielded that?” His golden eyes fall over Pal’s saddlebag, there where my sword has been left untouched for the entire journey.

“No…” My fingers graze the surface of the blade, visible between the folds of the bag. “It was Kader’s. He never used it either”

“That sword is pointless if you don’t know how to use it”

“I think it’s quite pointy, actually” Jaskier says, causing the both of us to look at him.

The bard’s eyebrows arch, though he shows no signs of being offended by our unenthused gazes. Even I, who would usually laugh, find the joke absurd. Even for him. Pretending he didn't hear it, Geralt grunts and unsheathes his sword. I reluctantly do the same with my own.

“Fine, you brutes” His eyes follow us as we carry our weapons and stand before one another. Geralt doesn’t pay attention to him as he is swinging his sword, allegedly to warm up. “I’ll go inside, where they’ll no doubt appreciate my irresistible charm”

“They won’t” The witcher smirks, causing Jaskier to sigh in exasperation.

I stare at the bard, partly not wanting him to leave. At the same time, however, given that Geralt seems intent on sparring with me, I would prefer if Jaskier wasn’t around to distract me with his very existence, with the feeling of his eyes on me and his compliments and flirtatious comments.

“Good luck” Both his hands rest on my shoulders to playfully shake me. “Try not to stab each other”

My lips tug up once more. Jaskier winks an eye at me and proceeds to enter the inn. Fool...

“Have you spoken to him?” Geralt’s voice reminds me of his presence as I turn my head towards him.

“About what?”

“You know what”

“I… really don’t”

He tilts his head slightly to the side. His eyes are squinting as he intently watches me. Oh, no… he knows. The bloody witcher knows. Am I that transparent? Have I been inadvertently ogling at Jaskier this morning? My cheeks burn at the thought alone.

“Really, Nissa?” Remaining serene, he changes his sword to the left hand. “You’re in love with him”

I am suddenly fumbling with my weapon, nearly dropping it to the ground. My heart begins racing. I have no means to retort back.

“I… I… Geralt!” I attempt in vain. “You… I don’t… Jaskier? I’m not… How dare you?!”

The witcher smiles widely, openly, a sight so rare that only causes my heart to race even more. Has the world suddenly turned upside down? I am very much infatuated with Jaskier, and the brooding witcher is grinning. No, smirking. Will Pal and Roach start speaking now?

“Piece of advice?” He gently hits his blade against mine, so I comply and hold my sword up. He makes a pause, nearly torturing me before he continues speaking. “I don’t think he will realize unless you tell him”

“I didn’t take you for a joker” Hitting his blade in return, I acquire a ready stance. “Jaskier, the man who hasn’t stopped flirting with me… the bard that sings love ballads and who is so dramatic and sensitive... you mean to say that man hasn’t realized my feelings?”

I had failed to recognize I fell in his trap. Somehow, he has managed to make me admit I indeed harbor feelings for our dear bard. Instead of mocking me about it, however, Geralt takes a step forward. I am forced to retreat, and I instinctively move my sword in a horizontal direction. It might not be the correct counterattack, but it is what I do.

“Yes. Believe me, I know” To test me, his sword swipes mine to the side. I gawk at him, as I am rendered completely helpless now that his weapon blocks mine’s movement.

“What do you know?” I pipe up to distract from the fact that I try to pry the blade off his grasp. It doesn’t quite work as expected, as he won’t budge.

“Even if he did realize, he wouldn’t believe it” He finally retrieves his sword and steps back, allowing me a chance. My feet are moving as I make a stabbing motion, though his following words make me freeze mid-movement. “He doesn’t expect you to feel the same”

I stumble as though his sword is clashing with mine once more. Trying to assimilate it, I take a deep breath. Did he just… imply that… Jaskier reciprocates? That his charm isn’t mindless as he compliments me and flirts? That actual feelings are involved in his courting?

Jaskier’s melodious voice then echoes from inside the inn. He is singing and playing the lute. He is as distracting as usual even in his absence, as Geralt lunges forward much to my astonishment. I gasp and jolt up in alarm.

“Focus” The witcher reminds me.

Gods, I feel like he can read my thoughts. Does he know about our kiss? No, he can’t know. Geralt must never find out about that. I grit my teeth, frustrated with the entire situation. How could Geralt be so sure that Jaskier reciprocates? Surely, he must have mistaken the signs. Jaskier always behaves like that. The only way he sees me differently than other women is in the fact that we are close. As in, friends. We are friends. Nothing more.

Shaking my head to center my thoughts, I watch Geralt. He is unaltered and calm, of course. He regards me attentively, awaiting my next movement.

“Since when do you care about our sentimental life?”

“Since I have to put up with you two”

That said, he returns to his warning attacks. Judging by his head shake of disapproval, I know he has many things to teach me when he is done seeing the reach of my ineptitude on the subject.

My muscles are sore when Geralt deems our demonstration worthy and puts an end to it, even more so than they were before. He hasn’t hold back in pointing out how terrible my form is. In reality, I have no form at all whatsoever since that is the very first time I have wielded anything other than my dagger. And even then, it was sparingly.

Jaskier still performs when we immerse ourselves in the crowded inn, and so we leave him to his audience and quietly move to the back. I am about to occupy the space next to Geralt on the table he has chosen when I hear the lute playing a false note. When I peer up at the bard, his eyes are over me but quickly glance away. I could have sworn he skipped a note, which is rare with his never ending practice. Then again, he is playing and singing like nothing happened. I might have heard incorrectly. A glimmer of hope latches on to me as I wonder if it was my presence that startled him. Rather than dwelling on false hopes, however, I plop down next to the witcher. As I watched Jaskier, the servers have already brought two tankards of ale.

“May I ask you a question, Geralt?” I say as I absently hold one of the cups.

He sighs against the mug on his lips. While he doesn’t respond, I understand the implicit consent and proceed to speak up.

“Do you have… someone?”

“Someone?”

“You know… someone special… like Jaskier is to me”

A tentative pause follows. For a moment I catch a glimpse of a fond and distant expression on his face that I hadn’t witnessed until now. I know the answer before he utters it.

“I do” I smile at the thought of the rugged witcher sighing for a lover.

“What’s her name?” Patiently, I examine his features in amusement while he drinks. Even the cup of ale can’t hide the smile that threatens to reach his mouth.

“Yennefer” When he finally speaks, his voice is deeper than usual. “And don’t bother, I won’t speak about her”

“Aw…” I resign myself not to have my curiosity satisfied. “Well, I’m sure she is quite lovely”

Geralt grins enigmatically and keeps on drinking. His eyes idly watch the atmosphere in the room as the folks get lively with the bard’s catchy tunes. The warm candlelight bounces against the walls and bathes the bar in a cozy manner. Then he watches me once more.

“How’s your wound?” He asks to subtly change the subject.

“Better” I gingerly lean my palm against my stomach. “But I am exhausted”

I lean my head back into the wall behind us and exhale. I am glad that they insisted on not abandoning Cidaris so soon. I would not have hold up in the roads, not even with Pal.

“A few days of rest and you’ll be good as new” Despite his encouraging words, Geralt pushes the drink away from me. He then pats my knee, quite mockingly.

Feeling the weight of the activity of today as well as the last days falling upon me, I lightly rest my head on his shoulder. I am surprised to find that he does not complain nor move away. As though my gesture summoned him, however, Jaskier has returned. I had not realized he stopped playing. I immediately tense up, separating myself from the witcher. My heart speeds up when Jaskier flashes us a smile, and I cannot meet his gaze. Damn Geralt, why did you have to say anything? I was handling it well until he went and said that.

“So?” Jaskier sits by my side, squeezing me between him and Geralt. “Any opinions on my performance?”

“Too long” Is all the witcher says, and I would have laughed if I wasn’t distracted by the bard’s leg brushing against mine.

“Nissa will surely have some kind words to dedicate me”

“Uh…” My mind completely blanks. “I… Can you please back off?”

Jaskier frowns and stares at me for a brief moment. Then he blinks repeatedly.

“Oh… Sorry…” He scoots away on his seat and gets up to sit across from us. “I didn’t mean to upset you, love”

I fix my gaze on the table before us, praying I am not blushing. He also seemed slightly hurt, and when I feel Geralt move beside me I almost think he is laughing at the absurd situation between me and Jaskier.

“Jaskier, you’re so fucking stupid” I actually laugh myself at the witcher’s bluntness.

“I… Is… something wrong?” The bard pauses, soon after recovering his vigor. “What’s going on with you two?”

He gestures from Geralt to me, and as the witcher and I exchange a glance, the bastard is smirking. Who would have thought that my romantic failures would amuse him to such extent?

“No” I reach out to rest my hand over Jaskier's as he lets it fall over the table. “Were you saying something, Jas?”

This seems to encourage him enough to forget about it, because Jaskier grins and perks up.

“Anyway…” He takes my hand in both of is. “I was invited to a banquet in Touissant, and you both are coming with me”

“What?” 

“Yes!” Jaskier stirs in his seat, wiggling his fists, unable to contain his excitement.

“No” Geralt simply says, only needing to send him a glare.

They watch each other, and I sense there is another history behind that as well. They knew each other long before I came into their lives, after all.

“Nissa will!” The bard makes his expression the most adorable and innocent I have ever seen him compose. “Please?”

Oh, no, not a chance. I have never once assisted a banquet, and I would feel far too uneasy in such situation. Even as Jaskier stares like that, I refuse. I… That’s not fair. He thinks he can bat his eyelashes at me and I will give in to his cuteness. Well, that won’t work.

“Absolutely not” Only imagining myself in that situation makes me feel light-headed. “I am not going”

“Beautiful place, isn’t it?” Jaskier gloats in my ear, making me roll my eyes.

It was quite a long journey until we reached Touissant, and I have regretted my decision many times during it. More than once, I have tried to back off. And yet, I promised him. Jaskier is the only reason why I am standing here at the moment. In return, he promised I would have a lovely time and insisted that I deserved to experience such occasion at least once.

It is a spacious room decorated tastefully. The many people standing around as their voices mingle in a confusion of murmurs all are dressed quite nicely, and even my companion wears a matching outfit that blends in with the opulence. His doublet stands out with its dark green color that suits him incredibly well. There is something about him today that makes him look especially handsome, and it sets my teeth on edge. 

I stir in the spot, straightening up and clutching my stomach. The dress is tightly pressing against my ribcage, making such simple task as breathing to prove impossible. I hold on to Jaskier’s arm, nearly fearing I will swoon and appear a feeble maiden. Although it is uncomfortable, I must admit it is stunning. The dress is made of the softest purple silk. Over it, covering my shoulders and arms, overlaps a semitransparent flimsy fabric of the color of the sky at night. The sleeves are wide and sway with my movements. Jaskier insisted that the garment complimented my eyes when I tried it on and he has expressed how beautiful I look several times already. His word is the only security I have that I ended looking well-dressed enough to belong into this luxurious world for even a day.

I nervously fix my hair, for a change cascading down my back, and push it over my shoulder. Now aware of this habit, I return to humming that unfinished song of his. The tune has become something quite comforting for me. My fingers shake as they card through my dark tufts.

“Are you alright?” The bard whispers in my ear. There is a hint of amusement present in his voice. When I look at him, the corners of his lips are curved up.

“I can’t fucking breathe…” I swear under my breath, just barely loud enough for him to hear. “I’m not used to wearing dresses, Jaskier”

"Fear not, if you swoon I will certianly be there to catch you" He smirks, though I roll my eyes in response.

"This isn't funny, Jaskier..." I say instead of coming up with a witty retort.

"I think it is, just a bit" My friend mutters as his smirk never falters. 

I only sigh, watching the room in apprehension. He must have noticed my genuine restlessness, for he speaks again.

“Well, if it's any consolation... I think you look stunning, Nissa” He pats my hand over his forearm and shows me a dashing grin that lifts my spirits up a little. Just a little.

“I genuinely appreciate the thought” I absently reply as my eyes continue to anxiously move around the room. “But that certainly won’t help if I make a fool out of myself, will it?”

“Oh, don’t be nervous” His hushed voice overpowering the rest of the noise is shooting against my ear. “I’m sure they will all love you”

I shake my head, gulping and nearly choking on my own saliva.

“I’m not sure it was the best idea to come with you” I suddenly envy Geralt for being smart enough to refuse to accompany us, even if his absence makes me feel more vulnerable, if possible. “This is not my place”

“Why not?”

“Why, you say? Let me think… Perhaps because I grew up in a small town in the outskirts of Vizima, working in a tavern and spending my free time riding and exploring instead of drinking expensive wine and talking politics”

I take a deep breath and face him completely for the first time in hours. When we lock eyes, I am astonished to find that the prior amusement has disappeared in favor of a fond compassion. Something else, that I can't quite pinpoint, glints in his eyes as he watches me.

“What?”

“You're absolutely adorable”

While I know he partly means it, his genuine words came out with a playful tone that causes me to roll my eyes at him again. Stupid bard.

“Shut up” I chuckle, softly pushing my shoulder against his. He makes me laugh when he exaggerates a pained expression to my gesture.

“In my honest and humble opinion” Jaskier starts saying, just as he stops walking and lets go of me. “You shine with a light of your own. Like a newborn star has delicately been placed upon the starry sky”

I grin at his dreamy glance as he watches me. Momentarily distracted as we reach one of the big tables disposed around the sides of the room, he picks up a snack and mindlessly nibbles on it. I occupy myself with feebly looking at the copious amounts of food displayed in shiny silver plates and trays. Meat, fruit, sweets and fish of all kinds. All are incredibly appetizing, though I am too queasy to eat even a bite.

Jaskier’s eyes are studying the atmosphere when I peer up at him again. He only plays with is food instead of actually eating it.

“Do you get nervous?” I squeeze my arm against his. “Before playing for a big audience?”

When his eyes land over me once more, it is I that turns nervous. At least Geralt is not here to tease me about it. Hopefully Jaskier is too oblivious to notice my flush.

“Nah” He makes a face, then shoving the entire cracker in his mouth. “Not anymore”

I smile when he munches on the food, although his eyes continue to navigate the banquet. We notice the rest of the musicians have settled next to the main table. My smile vanishes when he pats my hand once more, this time before he steps away to join them.

“Wait” I desperately clung on to his arm. “Are you leaving?”

“I’m working, Nis” The bard smirks mischievously. “I’m supposed to be singing”

“Don’t leave me!” I complain, although allowing him to take my hands off his arm. He holds them in his and kisses my knuckles, maintaining eye contact in such a charming way that I suddenly feel flustered. Damn his gallant ways.

“Go socialize, show everyone how wonderful you are” Then he winks, like he knows what it does to me and profoundly enjoys torturing me. “You’ll be alright, I promise”

“Jaskier, please…” I try to cling on to him, but he’s walking away.

“I won’t be long” When his fingers slip away from mine, it feels cold and lonely.

He smirks in my direction before leaving to perform.

My unease slowly melts away as I realize that no one is truly noticing me at all. Instead of worrying about the occasional glances some curious people throw my direction, I occupy myself on enjoying the delightful music that fills my ears. My heart swells up as I observe how Jaskier pours his soul into the performance. Everyone is as drawn to him as me, infected with his energy and passion. He has looked my direction several times, always having grins and winks to spare. Always dedicated to me.

“Who is the cute bard?” A female voice suddenly asks me, forcing me out of my daydream.

“The cute bard” I repeat, nearly offended that she doesn’t know him. “Has composed the song about the witcher Geralt of Rivia”

“Oh, is that him?” Her dark blue eyes look him up and down, which makes my blood boil. “He is good-looking”

“He certainly is” I barely recognize myself when I identify a spiteful hint in my voice.

“Forgive me” She pushes a hand against my forearm as though she knows me at all. “Have you come together?”

“As a matter of fact, we have” Rather than specify that we are only friends, I allow her to reach her own conclusions.

“Lucky” The woman giggles, cutely covering her mouth. “He must be a passionate lover”

My cheeks burn and spread heat all over my face. As though he heard the exchange, he is now leaving his lute in order to approach us. I avert my gaze. The woman by my side only stares at him without any shyness.

“Hello, ladies” He charmingly flashes the curious woman a grin, who ogles him without a care. “Might I join you?”

“If you forgive us” I curtsy as politely as I can and take him with me, away from her. Once away from earshot, I speak to him. “It took you long enough”

I dedicate the woman a fake smile when I quickly glance at her. She reciprocates the gesture and goes away to resume whatever she was doing before she took interest in the bard. I then turn to Jaskier, laughing a bit when I find him leaning forward in a graceful bow and holding his hand up.

“What are you doing, silly?”

“Asking a beautiful dame for a dance... if I may” 

I roll my eyes at him for his playful antics, yet place my hand atop his in spite of it all. His fingers delicately wrap around mine. Jaskier’s grin only widens, taking me with him to the center of the room. Despite the fact that everyone is busy with their own dancing, I feel all eyes on me. Suddenly, I’m quite self-conscious and remember I have never danced. Not in a courtly manner in any way.

“I don’t know how to…” I mutter, locking eyes with Jaskier in a panic. He chuckles and holds our intertwined hands up, leaving the other one in my waist.

“Just follow me” He grins, immediately starting our dance.

I cling on to him as I hurriedly plop my free hand on his shoulder. The scoundrel smirks at my nervousness even as he guides me.

We move in circles, spinning and hopping as we dance. Luckily, it is a cheerful dance instead of a slow one, which would make me feel even clumsier. Jaskier also seems quite comfortable in such courtly events and leads me with confidence. His hand leaves my waist every so often to push my chin up, as I keep looking down to our feet. They awkwardly shuffle around as I try to follow his movements, and I’m probably making a fool out of myself in front of the entire nobility of Touissant.

“Will you stop worrying and relax?” Jaskier teases me, squeezing my waist.

“Everyone is staring at me” I mumble, looking with the corner of my eye.

“They are not” He comforts me, as though I just said something quite stupid. “And if they are, it is only because you look stunning and light up the room all by yourself”

“Jaskier…”

“It’s true”

I tilt my head and watch him, mesmerized by how he merges with them. Jaskier seems calm as ever, as though this is the environment he feels more comfortable in. Unlike me. The only reason I fit in is because I am with him.

“Why did you convince me to come again?” I slightly stumble over my words, preoccupied with our closeness. With our bodies pressed together and his hand delicately holding mine. His warm fingers fidget and play with mine. They gently sink into my waist, comfortingly.

“Because everything is best shared with friends”

“Of course”

Jaskier wiggles his eyebrows, warning me before he spins me around. I laugh whole heartedly, incapable of remaining mad at him. Damn his boyish charm...

He is willing to keep spinning me, but something has claimed my attention away from him for the first time in the soiree. I absently press a hand against his chest to stay in place.

Did I just see…?

I move away from Jaskier, forgetting about the dance and the banquet and the very reason of my presence there. My heart is thumping against my chest as I slowly walk towards a group of noblemen. I had spotted a familiar face, and I suddenly feel all the blood drain from my face. That thought lingers, it becomes obsessive. I quickly lean my back against a column behind me, keeping myself from falling when my legs start shaking. I get an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. The wound in my stomach throbs.

It can’t be him, I must be seeing things. I… I must be confused.

After taking several seconds to breathe and calm down, I glance back at him. The same angry brown eyes and the same self-satisfied smirk give me a clue about his identity, but it is truly the scar on his jaw that confirms it. The treasure hunter. Kader’s possible murderer. Geralt’s prosecutor. My attacker.

In my stupor, I don’t notice the music has stopped. I don’t listen to the footsteps growing closer. I do, however, jolt up when a hand presses against my back. Instinctively, I push my hands against them before I even turn around to see who it is. I flail, I yelp, I panic.

“It’s me, it’s me” Jaskier’s kind voice is now laced with concern. “What’s the matter?”

“That man…” I mutter, still not completely sure that my eyes aren’t deceiving me.

“Oh, that’s… Jovan” He says in disinterest. “He’s one of Touissant’s richest noblemen”

I absently nod my head at him, though I am taking a step closer to Jovan. Curiosity and fear blend. Jaskier said 'richest', which means all he does is for the thrill. He isn’t even in need of the money. The dragon, the egg, even Geralt. It never was about coin. I am immediately brought back to the day I got injured, to that latent fury within me.

“Hang on… do you know him?” Jaskier asks behind me, ever at my side.

“He’s a scoundrel” Just as I say it, Jovan’s eyes fall on me as though he heard me.

My heart skips a beat. My thoughts turn erratic in just an instant. I can’t breathe. He has seen me. And Jaskier. What if he goes after us again? What if he hurts us? What if…? No.

I quickly turn my back to Jovan. Facing Jaskier, I tightly hold on to the bard’s doublet, tugging at it to force his eyes down. Please, look at me, not at him. Don’t let him see you., Jaskier Don’t let him come and attack you like he did me. Oh, god, please don’t hurt him. I am willing to get injured again. Just… please. Please don’t touch Jaskier. Not him.

In a rush, I drag him with me behind a big cylindrical marble column. He gasps and stutters as I shove him against it, locking my hands behind his nape to keep his head down. Don’t look at him. Focus on me. You can’t let him see you. He will recognize you and hurt you.

“Nissa?” Jaskier rests a hand on my arm, but I don’t look at him even if his gaze is on me.

I open my mouth, but only a squeak comes out. My emotions are pouring out, and I feel cold tears in my eyes. Quick breaths force my chest up and down. I am overwhelmed, conflicted between the fear and the hatred. It leaves me both hot and cold, yet despite it all I feel myself shivering.

“Hey…” He insists, carefully tightening his arm around me. “Are you alright?”

No. I shake my head. I am not. My mouth falls open. I can’t find the words. Ask for help. I am unable. I still can’t breathe. The room suddenly feels incredibly small despite how spacious it is. The chatter of the people is deafening. Even the dim lights are blinding me. I can’t take it.

Moving with urgency, I take him with me as I hurriedly leave the room. He stammers. The blaring voices quiet when the doors are closed behind us again. The guards glimpse our direction in confusion. I don’t pay attention to them as I walk to the opposite wall and feebly lean against it. My heart is pounding. My breaths are heavy and quick.

I have to calm down… Breathe, find a way to breathe.

Realizing I am still clutching on to his arm, I release Jaskier. Surely, I was hurting him with how tightly I held him. He didn’t complain. Taken aback, he watches me. His eyes are drowned in concern when I glance at him. He slowly approaches me, closing the small distance that separated us.

“Nissa… Talk to me, what happened?”

I hold on to his shoulder, still feeling weak and trembling. Now he reciprocates, protectively holding me against him and supporting my weight. I mentally lecture myself for overreacting. Nothing will happen. That man doesn’t even know who I am. And in any case, he wouldn’t act in a room full of witnesses. Yet this pure terror I feel is completely irrational. It takes over my every thought.

“Are you okay?” Jaskier whispers cautiously, too afraid to upset me further. “Say something, t-tell me what’s wrong!”

I shake my head and he nervously takes me with him. At first I don’t know where, until we stop before an open window. The cool night air clears my head a little, and his warm presence next to me is helpful. An unexpected sob twists in my throat. In relief or anguish, I am not sure.

“Alright… Breathe, love, it’s okay” His hand rubs circles in my back. His words remind me that I’m still struggling for air, so I take a deep breath. It also helps. “There, that’s better”

“T-That man…” I manage to choke out, leaning my hands against the windowsill. When I lock eyes with Jaskier, he’s frowning still, but he nods as though he’s intently listening. “He… He… Jaskier, he…”

Jaskier doesn’t understand. He probably hasn’t even seen him up close. I believe he hasn’t made the connection that said nobleman and the treasure seeker filth are one and the same.

“J-Jovan?” My friend blinks, trying to understand what happened to render me in such state. “Was he bothering you before?”

I can only shake my head. The words slowly pop up in my mind, but my mouth is not cooperating in bringing them out. Suddenly it’s so hard to simply speak.

“He… was the one that… attacked me” My hand flies to my stomach, there were a profound wound is still slowly healing. “And I… I think h-he… he’s the one that killed my b-b-brother”

Even in the dim light, I can see Jaskier turning several shades paler.

“R-Right” He nervously licks his lips. “I see… Alright…”

You're scaring him. Breathe. Jovan won’t attack us again. Not here, not now. We are safe. Calm down.

Though he hesitates, Jaskier holds me from behind. His touch is gentle and his warmth comforting as he presses his chest to my back. We linger in that position for a few seconds, with him resting his chin on my shoulder. My heartbeat returns to a more tranquil pace. I take another deep breath, feeling slightly better now.

“It’s alright” He whispers after a longer pause, stroking my stomach with his thumb. “We’ll go”

“N-No!” I quickly turn in his arms to face him. “You are working, you-“

Jaskier shakes his head, tenderly holding me against him still.

“Never mind that, I already played and got paid”

“There is no need to lie, I’m-“

“Nissa, forget about that”

“I won’t ruin your night!”

“We’ll go, I said”

“But-“

“No, let’s go back to Geralt”

“Jaskier…”

“My mind is made up, come on”

He protectively holds me to his side, gingerly taking my hand in his. I heave a sigh, clutching on to his arm as we make to leave and return with Pal. He will lead us to Geralt waiting for us at Cidaris. Then, hopefully, I will regain a sense of safety.


	10. Thorns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, another chapter! Lockdown sucks, so hopefully this can help you distract yourself and maybe even cheer you up. Since this one's somewhat short, I might post another chapter before the end of the week. Stay safe, everyone! 💕

Though slightly, I still tremble when we reach the inn in Cidaris. We have changed into our ordinary clothes, intent on returning to a normal feeling that will hopefully leave the banquet behind in our minds. There is no sign of Geralt anywhere, and a nasty feeling has found home in my stomach. Roach is gone as well, and I fear he might have gone seeking dangerous adventures. After everything that occurred with that man, and knowing Geralt is actively chasing him in return, the possibilities are terrifying.

“I have a bad feeling” My eyes frantically look for the witcher, searching any signs of a burly figure, or pale white hair, or golden eyes. Naught is found. “Jaskier, what if something happened to him?”

“You are only saying that because of what happened” His hands gingerly fall over my shoulders, then lowering down to stroke my upper arms. “It’s Geralt we speak of, I’m sure he’s alright”

I nod my head. Geralt is the strongest person I know, he will be alright. Even when he has gotten hurt he has been alright. As Jaskier said, I am only projecting my current distress on our friend’s absence.

As we enter the inn once more, my head throbs with the noise even though it’s moderately quiet. We stop by the counter and wait for the keeper to return. Jaskier leans on the surface, and his fingers drum against the wood. I watch him fondly, thankful to have him by my side. Ever since we met, he has been so kind and supportive. No wonder I have fallen for him. He absently looks my direction and gives a double take. Our gazes lock. I avert mine in embarrassment, but he nudges me. How can he always showcase that bright grin, and how does it always brighten my world, even through the darkness?

“Still worried?” Jaskier utters. “Frightened?”

“No, I just…” I am received with the sweetest of expressions when I dare to look at him. He expresses an adoration that I myself feel towards him. “You’re always here for me, and I give you nothing in return…”

“Nonsense, Nissa” He tilts his head in an adorable manner. “Your mere existence brightens my life. You are my muse, my sunshine and my stars”

“Jaskier…” I roll my eyes, deeply flustered by his loving words.

“Yes or yes?” He reaches out to push my hair behind my ear. “Hm?”

“Alright…” Although reluctantly, he pulls a smile out of me. A twin grin appears on his face.

“What is it?” The inn keeper interrupts our moment.

“Hi, yes, excuse me… have you seen our friend? He’s a witcher” Jaskier frowns in concentration and gestures wildly. “White hair, scowl, surly golden eyes, always brooding…”

“Yes, he went out” The man tiredly replies. “Apparently he got a job, paid beforehand”

“Oh, no…” Jaskier absently nods his head and faces his back to him, restlessly tapping the counter. “Thank you”

“What’s the matter?” I hold him by the arm when he tries to rush out of the establishment.

“I…” He suddenly refuses to meet my eyes. “Let’s go outside”

“Jaskier?” The both of us walk outside, and my bad feeling worsens.

He seeks our surroundings in a panic. I open my mouth to call him once more, though I am interrupted. The sound of anxious snorting and hooves galloping reaches us. I have been around this mare long enough to recognize her. Roach. Without Geralt.

We pause. Only for a second, though it feels like an eternity.

“Nissa” The bard anxiously turns to me. “Stay here”

“N-No!” I take a step, but Jaskier squeezes my shoulders.

“Just stay here…” The heartbroken look in his eyes is enough to convince me. “Please”

Begrudgingly, I nod. He does too, content that I at least will not get hurt. While he rushes off searching for Geralt, I return to the horses. Roach is still quite distressed, no doubt worrying about her owner.

“It’s okay, Roach” I whisper as I gently caress her neck. She nudges her head against my shoulder. “We will look after him”

Pal neighs as well, sensing my inner turmoil. Even if the horses are the only ones around me, I attempt to appear calm and confident. That way I myself might also believe that everything will turn out alright. It will. It must.

Once Roach quiets down slightly and stops pacing, I move to Pal. Anticipating their return, I dig into my saddlebag searching for medical supplies. Bandages, alcohol… what else?

“Nissa!!!” Jaskier’s voice is as desperate as ever, filled with dread. It makes my hair stand on end.

I turn to the sound of his voice. He frantically waves his arms in the air so I can spot him from the distance. Even separated, I can feel his distress. Geralt is indeed hurt. Perhaps Jaskier isn’t the most serene in these situations, but I recognize the panic in his voice.

Clutching the supplies against my chest, I am already on the move. The distance that separates us seems too big. With every step I take my anxiety only grows.

“Come, quickly!” Jaskier urges me with a hand gesture, and I start dashing. My breathing bounces with my rapid footsteps.

Many scenarios of the state Geralt might be in play in my head, each worse than the previous. My heartbeat acquires a now familiar pace as it pounds against my chest.

I follow Jaskier outside of the frontiers of the town, running so quickly that everything blurs around us. As we advance, time feels slower. Hours seem to pass as we try to get to Geralt. We walk into an open field devoid of flowers, only occupied by vibrant green grass. And then I see him.

“Geralt…” I smile, capable of breathing once more. He is alive. Anything else can be fixed.

I squeeze the supplies in my hand, a tool to put an end to whatever ailment he is under. In any case, I am sure he is alright. Geralt is a witcher, he is strong and… My smile freezes in my lips when I see the blood staining his dark shirt. His skin. His hands. His pants. It drips onto the grass and dyes it crimson.

“G-Geralt?” Surely, although that person resembles him, it cannot be him. This person carries himself tiredly, not with his usual calm poise. His hair is loosely falling around his face instead of neatly tied back. He also stumbles, something I had never seen Geralt do. He suddenly falls to his knees and lands face down.

After that, he doesn’t move.

“Geralt!” As we watch him collapse, Jaskier is able to react. Unlike me. I freeze.

I watch astonished as he strains to turn the witcher on his back. He calls his name, repeatedly, in fear. I still can’t believe that is actually Geralt. Not when this person is clearly dying. Taking small timorous steps, I approach the scene. My breath won’t return. It furthermore fades from my lungs when Jaskier finally lays him on his back and I see the state he’s in. I gasp. My hands tremble.

Dark veins circle his eyes, and his skin is sickly pale. I’m not sure he’s even breathing. I fall on my knees next to him, unsure on how to proceed. Geralt is hurt. That’s the only thought that echoes in my head. Geralt is hurt, badly hurt. Deadly hurt.

“Oh, god…” I still can’t seem to catch my breath while my hands hover over Geralt’s bloody chest. I see the open wound. “Oh, no… Geralt…”

“You can treat him, can’t you?” Jaskier leans down to me. “Can’t you, Nissa?”

I can. For something I am the group’s medic. There must be something I can do.

“I…” My brain suddenly completely empties from all knowledge related to medicine. It empties from all thoughts entirely. I can only think of Geralt being deadly hurt, of losing him, just like that.

“Nissa?”

“I don’t know! I-I-I…” A sob breaks through my voice, rendering me speechless.

“No, no, no, no” Jaskier crouches by my side and places a trembling hand on my shoulder. “You can”

I shake my head. I can’t think. What is the right procedure? How am I supposed to treat a wound? I… I can’t remember! Why can’t I remember? I have studied diligently, and Geralt needs me! Think, Nissa, think!

“No, I-I’m useless! I can’t help him” I hopelessly look up into Jaskier’s eyes, further anguished when I can’t find the usual liveliness in them. It’s completely gone. “I don’t know… I don’t know what to do, Jaskier! What if he dies, what if…?”

“Nissa” He abruptly interrupts my panic. “You are not useless, you can… you can help him, I know you can!”

There is a newfound sternness in his otherwise kind expression. His brow is tightly furrowed. I stare into his piercing blue eyes. He nods his head. 

As I turn to Geralt, tears blur my vision and make it impossible for me to see him. They roll down my cheeks as I sit there, overcome with anxiety. I’m not qualified for something of this magnitude. Despite the painful possibility, I prayed I would never have to face this.

“Look at me” Jaskier holds me by the shoulders and forces me to turn my face. He shakes me slightly. “Don’t cry, love, you can help him”

“No… I don’t know what… how to…”

“You do” He vehemently shakes his head. “Focus, you know what to do. I believe in you”

I take a deep breath, forcing the fear into the back of my mind. Holding his pleading gaze, I bow my head. My eyes shut tight as I rummage my brain for that knowledge I know I possess and that is only unreachable at the moment. If I keep the panic at bay, I can do it.

“What do I do?” Jaskier mutters in between ragged breaths. “What… H-How do I help?”

“Go… look for someone” Suddenly remembering that I need to put pressure on the wound, I press the bandages against his chest. “S-Someone, a doctor, a healer, anyone!”

“Right. I-I’ll be right back”

“Hurry!” I exclaim as he runs off, leaving me frightened and alone.

“Don’t you dare die on me, witcher” I watch Geralt, though he doesn’t move an inch. “Please, you obstinate grump…”

I can’t stop thinking of what will happen if he dies. How could we ever move on from that loss? How can we ever live life without our friend? I cannot fathom a world without Geralt in it. He is too special to me. As stubborn, distant and cold as he can be. As caring, strong and protective. As unique. I said it before and I still believe it: the world needs Geralt, and I do too. Please, Gods… don’t let him die… don’t take him from us… I beg of you…

My head drops forwards in exhaustion. I sob quietly while my hands forcefully rest against his wound. The blood feels warm against my fingers as it seeps into the bandages. Trying to get distracted from his possible death, I immerse myself in medical thoughts. Firstly, stop the bleeding. Hopefully the object that pierced his skin didn’t reach his heart or lungs or any other vital organs. Although I have refused to intently examine the injury as I should, it seems to be a stab wound. A deep one. Checking to confirm I am correct proves too challenging. My stomach feels queasy and I fear I might faint if I focus too hard on the unpleasant sensation.

No, don’t spiral. Geralt will be alright. He is a witcher. His enhanced body will save him, he heals quicker than humans and I only need to keep him alive long enough for him to recover or for help to arrive. I can do that much. Surely I can.

My weeping is put to an end when Geralt stirs. I gasp and observe him intently.

“G-Geralt?” I whisper, hopeful that he will survive. “Geralt, can you hear me?”

The witcher grunts in pain and discomfort, though at the moment he doesn’t move any further. His eyes remain closed. Another sob climbs up my throat and I shake him slightly.

“Wake up, Geralt!” I demand, unleashing all my anguish as I shout at him. “GERALT!”

He jolts up and opens his eyes wide. I breath in, relieved with the sight of his eyes once more. They look darker, black instead of yellow. That doesn’t matter, he’s alive for now.

“Look at me, stay awake” My hands briefly move to the side. The blood hasn’t stopped seeping out of his chest. “Hang on, we will help you”

“Yen…?” He utters in a daze, closing his eyes once more. He must be delirious.

I open my mouth to wake him again, but another voice calls out to me.

“Nissa!” Jaskier has returned quite quickly. “I’m back! How is he?”

I look from Geralt to the bard, noticing he did bring company. A beautiful woman dressed in all black walks behind him.

“He… I…” I honestly don’t know how to reply, only moving my head towards the other figure. “Did you bring help?”

“Yes…” Jaskier clicks his tongue and clenches his jaw.

“You didn’t say he was dying” The woman walks up to us with determination, her violet eyes fixed on the witcher and not landing on me. “I can feel his life draining”

“Well, that is uplifting…” Jaskier replies, heaving his chest. “Just help him. You can, can’t you?”

She ushers me away, and I obediently let her. Stepping away from Geralt, I give her some space. Jaskier is quick to take me by the arm and help me to my feet, hurriedly backing me away from them. I gawk at her as I hazily recognize the Elder language being spoken. Her hands hover over his wound, hopefully effectively healing him.

“Who’s that?”

“A crazy fucking witch”

“Can we trust her?”

“She is all we have”

“Do they know each other…?”

“Yes, Yennefer of Vengerberg” He carelessly speaks, not lowering his voice. “You might have heard about her, she’s-“

“I can hear you, bard” The sorceress stands to her feet and turn to us. “Get him up”

Both Jaskier and I hurry to try and move Geralt. He is extremely heavy, and Jaskier grunts as he manages to sit him up. The witcher’s eyes are open, though they are out of focus and his mind seems far away from here. His head hangs to the side, swaying in the direction he is being moved in.

“Geralt” I take his face into my hands. “Hold on for a bit longer, don’t fall asleep”

He only blinks in a daze. His skin feels very warm under my palms. In his fever, he is mumbling nonsense.

“Nissa” Jaskier calls me, so I do as him and take ahold of Geralt’s arm.

Between the two of us, and having Yennefer behind the witcher to support him by the back, the three of us stumble as we walk a barely conscious Geralt back to the inn.

A slight relief fills me when I finish treating Geralt’s wound. The sorceress stopped the bleeding and that allowed me to fix it while she put a healing spell on him. The guilt mixed with anguish, however, occupies that prior and fleeting relief. My eyes won’t leave the witcher as he lies there. Now he seems peaceful, with eyes closed, even as the bandage I clumsily wrapped around his torso stays crimson. The wound has been healed and closed. He is out of danger now.

“What happened, exactly?” Yennefer asks us. “You told me he was attacked”

Jaskier looks from her to me. After a brief pause, he heaves a sigh and nods.

“That’s what he said to me, that he was vulnerable after he took his witcher elixirs” He furrows his brow and closes his arms over his chest, pausing yet again. “That man was still after him and ended up finding him”

I drop my gaze to the ground. Is this Jovan’s doing? What if he tracked us? What if, on my rush to leave the banquet, he followed us to get to Geralt? Is this my fault, did I drive the witcher hunter to him in an attempt to save Jaskier and myself from him? I sink my teeth into my bottom lip in apprehension.

“And you left him alone, knowing he was being hunted?” Yennefer voices my restlessness. Her tone holds a hint of vexation. “That is smart, Jaskier, even for you”

“How were we supposed to know he would recklessly throw himself to peril?”

“Of course, how could you know Geralt was about to do something foolish and heroic?” Her voice drips with sarcasm, and her violet eyes tiredly roll back into her skull.

“Alright, listen here” Jaskier points a finger at her, and his already frustrated tone turns into a spiteful one. “We were… Wait, Nissa, where are you going?”

I have taken a few steps away from them and their pointless bickering. The lump in my throat threatens with unleashing the sobs that so desperately want to escape me. I only shake my head and leave the room, unable to take how thick the air is.

As I walk into the bathroom and dip my hands into the bucket of water displayed on top of the table, Jaskier follows after me. I expect him to start ranting as usual, though he remains quiet.

Geralt’s dry blood stains my hands. I furiously rub them with an old rag drenched in water. His eyes burn holes in my nape, and soon after he quickly steps by my side.

“Please don’t do that” His hands gingerly rest over mine to stop me.

“Do what?” Even if he keeps looking at me, I can’t reciprocate his gaze.

“Blame yourself, don’t do that” His fingers move slowly, gingerly taking the rag from my hands. He busies himself with the task of cleaning them instead. His touch is so delicate that it brings back the urge to cry. I don’t deserve it. “You did what you could”

“That’s not true! I should have sown his wound closed, but I was too frightened to remember” Ultimately, a treacherous sob escapes my throat. “I am the medic, and I failed!”

“You are still learning, love…”

“It doesn’t matter! If… if you hadn’t brought Yennefer…”

“She has to be good for something…”

I catch a glimpse of a grin with the corner of my eye. His jokes won’t make me laugh this time. I shake my head. Jaskier sighs and I tiredly lean against him, as it seems the only way to keep me from completely breaking down. My body is collapsing when my emotions pour out. He lets me, still cleaning my hands.

“I was scared out of my mind too” His voice turns low and serious. “But what’s important is not what could have happened, but what did happen: that he will be alright”

Slowly exhaling, I nod my head against his shoulder. Just then, he moves on to drying my hands. They are now clean. He is just as gentle, which helps me quite a lot.

“Sorry, I’m better now” I sigh again, allowing myself to calm down. “I was so upset…”

“Yennefer didn’t help with that, did she?” He tries once more, and this time I do chuckle.

His next movement has the opposite effect, however, as my heart does somersaults inside my chest when his arm sneaks around my waist. It only makes me more nervous. I squirm a tad and he frowns. He stares at me. I mentally scold myself for allowing my feelings for Jaskier to affect me in such a moment.

“I pictured Geralt’s beloved to be kind and sweet” I say instead of lingering in my silence.

“Nah, he doesn’t have the good taste I do” Jaskier dedicates me one of his special bright grins that causes my heart to flutter.

I peer up at him and lose myself in his pretty eyes. For a moment, we quiet. Our smiles make the tension in the air vanish. I breathe out.

“Ugh, she’s still out there somewhere” Jaskier sighs dramatically, and I have to laugh a bit.

Frankly, I will admit I was rather wary of her too. However, I know he might not be the most objective person, so I try to say something nice about her. She has saved Geralt, after all.

“She is beautiful…” I point out, leaving the bathroom with him closely by my side.

“That is not the point, Nissa!” I playfully nudge him as we walk back into the tavern. The anguish slowly dies down. He laughs a bit, and so all the remaining stress fades away.

Everything is alright now. Just like that. He holds such power, or perhaps my love for him does. The relief encourages us to linger on our playfulness to leave the scare behind.

To further dazzle me, Jaskier holds one finger up and goes to the bar. I choose a table and wait for him, taking deep breaths to eliminate any possible lingering restlessness. Soon after, he returns with two tankards of beer. I can’t stop smiling as he slides in the seat next to me.

“You earned it, love” He hands me one, and I take a big gulp. “For putting up with me all day”

“Thank you” I smile against the mug, feeling his lively blue eyes fixed on me.

“No, Jaskier, you are a delight…” He sarcastically says, mimicking my voice. “I wasn’t putting up with you, you are lovely as always”

I shove him slightly, causing him to chuckle, and I do too. There is another moment in which we only gaze at each other in silence, smiling at one another.

“This place is absolutely filthy” A female voice ruins that special magic.

Jaskier tenses up against me, and his grin develops into a scowl. She doesn’t mind him, sitting across from us and wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Forgive us, Yennefer, if nothing is ever good enough for you”

“How is he?” I tell her instead, knowing their clear enmity will divert the attention off Geralt.

“He’ll live” She calmly replies, putting quite a lot of care into not touching anything.

“Thank you” I mumble, putting my drink down. Jaskier, if anything, holds it more tightly.

“We haven’t been introduced” Yennefer looks me up and down, and her piercing violet eyes seem to have the same effect that witchers’ do. I feel vulnerable and exposed under her attentive stare.

“I’m Nissa” I offer her a hand, which she takes. Her handshake is firm and steady, as I hope mine is. “I encountered Geralt and Jaskier a bit ago and I now travel with them”

“Are you…?” She glares at Jaskier when he warily takes my hand away from hers. "Friends?"

I watch him in confusion, for it seems he dislikes that she is touching me at all. He is too busy glaring back at her to notice my eyes on him.

“Uh… Geralt is all yours” My gaze falls upon her again just as she chuckles in amusement to his ridiculousness.

“I see…” A smirk now takes over her red lips. “He is not the one you’re interested in”

That comment makes me grow aware of how close I am sitting to Jaskier. Our sides are touching. His hand still rests over my wrist to ensure Yennefer doesn’t touch me again. Our knees rest against one another. Rattled by such occurrence, I subtly slide away to force some distance between us.

I wonder if she has deduced that on her own or if her sorceress abilities gave her the clue. Has she looked into my thoughts? Would I have noticed if she did?

“Leave her alone, you snake” Jaskier protectively squeezes me against him.

“How, uh… how do you two know each other?” I cautiously ask to break the ice.

“I saved his life” She grins, nearly taunting him as she does.

“No, you kept me alive long enough to get what you wanted out of me”

“Geralt never complained”

“I’m sure he did! In any case, you hypnotized poor Geralt with your wicked witch ways”

“Wicked witch ways, that’s catchy” I whisper in his ear, although not managing to shift his mood, not as long as Yennefer is here. “Put that in a song”

“Don’t distract me” He only utters back, squinting at her. “I’m trying to make sure she won’t spontaneously grow scales”

I giggle at his unexpected comment. He does indeed watch her without blinking. Yennefer is not fazed at all, but shakes her head in exasperation and stands up. Without a word of goodbye, she walks away and leaves us alone once more. As soon as she leaves, Jaskier sinks into his seat. I am sure he pretends it to be a nonchalant gesture, but I can see through his carefree nature. He is still distressed, defeated by the complicated day. It was certainly eventful to say the least.

“At least Geralt’s alright” He tiredly plops his head on my shoulder. I nearly choke on my drink in surprise. It profoundly upsets me to see him so feeble all of a sudden.

“Are you alright, Jas?” My hand automatically goes to caress his hair, though I stop myself on time. I fear such a harmless gesture might be too forward and intimate.

“To be perfectly honest… no” He sighs again, nuzzling my shoulder. “I am not okay right now… I am exhausted”

I won’t tolerate that. Jaskier won’t remain in such state while I am by him, not if I have the power to avoid it.

“I've had enough” I slam the drink on the table, startling him off me. “Geralt will recover, that bastard will pay and everything will turn out alright”

“I… appreciate your optimism…” He places a hand on his hip, gawking at me. “I’m sorry, but what has gotten into you?”

“I’m trying to cheer _you_ up, Jas” My fingers play with the mug’s handle as I hold his gaze.

He sighs once more, this time calmly, and although it takes several seconds and a determined stare, he smiles. The gesture arrives slowly, though when it does it is bright and genuine.

“If you really want to cheer me up” A mischievous grin now appears on his face. “The best way to make my heart sing will be with one peck of your lovely li-“

Before he can start rambling, I lean in and kiss him in the cheek. My heart races and I am absolutely sure that I am blushing, yet a certain satisfactino fills me nonetheless. Much to my surprise, however, he is blushing as well.

“It was a joke, Nissa!” He chuckles, averting his gaze. “My, had I known it was that easy…”

“Well, be careful what you wish for, dear bard” The smile returns to his lips, and my chest becomes full. It only reminds me of how often he tries his very best to make me smile. The very least I can do is return the favor. I… I want to. His smile is reward enough.

In any case, I didn’t just say it for him. I am willing to believe it. The only thing missing in that ideal situation would be his devotion, though even as I take his hand in mine, he seems completely oblivious to what emotions arise in my heart at the sight of him.

The moment is abruptly ended once more. His fingers squeeze me in alarm, and I follow his gaze. I get startled myself when I see Geralt stumbling towards us.

“Where’s Yen?” He only says, desperately searching around.

“Outside…” I mutter, jumping to my feet when he doesn’t hesitate to exit.

“Geralt…” Jaskier calls him too, but the witcher is far too preoccupied with the sorceress.

We run to reach him. For the first time, he is slow in his convalescence. We easily catch up and follow after him.

“You need to rest” I tug at Geralt’s arm, but he doesn’t stop. He walks with conviction.

“I’m alright” His gruff voice replies, softly letting go of my grip.

I turn to Jaskier, but he shakes his head at me. He urgently holds me by the wrist, but I shake him off and follow after the witcher. I can be stubborn too. Geralt is recovering from a deadly wound, he should be lying down. He might be a witcher, though he is certainly not invincible.

While the bard stays behind in resignation, approaching the bar, I follow Geralt outside. Yennefer is not far, although she was walking away. The witcher seems hypnotized as he goes after her, as though she is the only thing in the world to him. His expression is calm, but his chest goes up and down with a slightly accelerated breathing.

“Yen” At the sound of his voice, she stops and turns to him. A glint in her eye betrays how she is as glad to see him as he is her. “What are you doing here?”

“The bard found me” She lazily points a finger at me as well. “Brought me to her, who was trying to keep you alive”

Geralt grunts and looks away. Given how she is looking at him, I can tell she is mad despite not knowing her. And honestly, I am not eager to see a sorceress’ wrath.

“Yennefer, may you please tell him he needs to rest?” They barely set their eyes on me. “You nearly died, Geralt”

One would have to be a fool not to see how much they love one another. The way they can’t tear their gazes apart, the longing and desire tangible in the air, how they face each other even as I speak directly to them...

“She’s right” Her body language exudes sheer annoyance as she shifts her weight to the other leg. “Can you tell me what were you doing going after a man you know is intent on killing you?”

“Trying to kill him first” Geralt simply replies with a shrug.

She purses her lips, and although I met her today I know that is a dangerous gesture.

“If you have a death wish, don’t expect me to sit by and watch” Yennefer turns around and carries on walking. “Goodbye, Geralt”

“Yen!” He goes to hold her by the arm, but she angrily gets rid of him without giving him as much as a glance.

Geralt stays there, clenching his jaw. He faces his back to me as he watches Yennefer leave. I do too, watching her black curls bouncing over her shoulders as she storms off. Once she is far enough, I glance at the witcher. He hasn't moved with the exception of his hands now turned into tight shaking fists. 

I feel the urge to say something that might encourage him, and so I timidly speak up to break the tension floating in this silence.

“I… It’s silly that two people who love each other so much push one another away like that, is it not? You should go after-“

“You are a hypocrite, Nissa” He spits out, turning to me incredibly fast. I gape at him, stuttering to retort back. He doesn’t even give me the chance. “What about you and Jaskier? You ogle at each other, only to shit all over your so-called love”

That hurts me deeply. It is true that we haven’t taken the step, but because it’s not quite so easy. Even if I did confess my feelings to him, how would he react? Jaskier is surely not interested in a true relationship, only in the pleasures of the flesh. If I confessed my feelings, it would only push him away from me and complicate our entire group dynamic. Geralt knows all of this. He does, and he still went and crapped all over my emotions.

The silence returns. For a moment, I am too astonished to utter any words. Our eyes challenge each other as we glare daggers through them until I eventually burst. 

“Fucking witcher!” I shove him furiously, actually moving him back with the force of the movement. “I’m tired of your shit!”

“Then leave me the fuck alone” He barks, walking off in the opposite direction Yennefer took. My hands close into fists. I grit my teeth and stomp away from him and into the tavern once more.

How is that fair? I was only trying to help him and cheer him up, yet instead of accepting my words of comfort he throws my insecurities in my face. He goes on and reminds me of my struggle, insulting me despite my pain. Well, then I am done putting up with him. Let him walk off to wherever he pleases, I don’t care.

As I angrily walk to the bar, I accidentally bump into Jaskier, who exclaims in surprise and puts his hands on my back. Without a word, I move to face the bar and so does he.

“Nissa?” He cautiously tries, surely realizing the mood I am currently in. 

I say nothing to him in return, though. Unlike Geralt, I don’t want to yell at him when it isn’t his fault. I only lift a finger towards the barman to ask for a drink. I need to quell my anger and drown my restlessness.

“Let me guess…” Jaskier sighs. “They argued and he snapped at you”

“He’s a dick” As soon as the beer is placed before me, I start to down it.

“Yes, Yennefer? Touchy subject for him” He continues, watching me intently. “Especially when they argue…”

I grimace with the strong taste and slam the tankard on the bar once the cup is empty. Using the back of my hand, I wipe my mouth. Then I ask for another. Although taken aback, the barman gives me more.

“Geralt is quite special” Jaskier, as always, doesn’t stop talking and talking. “Then again, so are roses, but… they do have thorns”

Paying no attention to his metaphors and elaborated language, I chug the second glass. When I am already halfway, he exclaims in surprise.

“Oh, alright, wow…” Jaskier gently takes the drink from me. “Are you okay?”

I am _not_ okay. Much like himself, I am fed up with this day. All my energies are gone. I am willing to return to my newfound optimism later, though right now I need to vent all these negative emotions. It feels absolutely necessary in order for me to move on from it all.

I try to reach out to retrieve my drink, but he moves it away from me and he even has to hold me by the arm when I sway a bit. Being this the third drink of the day, I am already feeling its effects. I am used to serving them, not drinking them. 

Resigned, I lean on him and start speaking my mind. Perhaps that will help ease this anguish in my chest.

“I am done with that obstinate bloody witcher. I much rather be with you right now”

Jaskier grins, pausing to watch me closely. After several more seconds, he returns my drink. Then he takes his drink and holds it up for a toast. A grin appears on his lips as he shrugs a bit and gives in.

“Very well then” His mug knocks against mine before we both drink. “For us”

We giggle, jumping and spinning together. We are breathless from all the dancing. That bard that appeared out of nowhere, and Jaskier was sure to compare himself to him, assuring he was far better than that two-penny performer. And more famous. And more handsome. And more charming. I of course sided with my beloved. That bard had nothing on my Jaskier.

I haven’t felt so alive in weeks. It is probably because of the liquid courage traveling inside me. My fingers are tingling and my head is spinning. My vision is blurry and I have no balance to stand on my feet. Jaskier’s hands are on my waist, firmly remaining there even as we move and sway. It feels as though they belong there. His company only makes everything all the more perfect. Even if I realize we are quite intoxicated.

A negative thought tries to force itself into my foggy brain. All the euphoria of these past few hours vanishes and renders me in a sulky mood. It has been bothering me all night, no matter how much I tried to drown it with liquor.

“Why that pout, Nis?” Jaskier softly pinches my cheek. “Is it about Geralt again?”

“What does he… what does he know about love?” I am slurring my words, but if he doesn’t mind, neither do I. “That witcher has done nothing but bottle everything up all his life”

Jaskier seems drowsy as he mindlessly nods his head. I’m not sure he’s catching anything of what I say. His eyes struggle to stay open. It’s alright, because his closeness his enough. We linger on the position we were in as we danced. Facing each other as his hands never leave me, and mine rest over his shoulders. I feel extremely warm as our torsos are glued together.

“Geralt knows nothing about love, about… about…” I energetically sink a finger in Jaskier’s shoulder, making him widen his eyes in surprise. “You know about love! You are a bard, a poet, a sensitive soul!”

Jaskier giggles, though he interrupts himself. His eyebrows furrow as he watches me.

“Yeah…” He acknowledges in the end. “I am!”

My energies abandon me, and so I use him as a support, letting me hold me up.

“I adore you so much…” I feebly nuzzle his shoulder. “I love you, Jas…”

“Aw…” He holds his arms around me and kisses my head. “I love you too, Nissa”

“You do?!”

“Sure, love”

“No, you don’t…”

“Of course I do!”

“No, that’s not true!”

I can’t understand why I am sobbing against his chest all of a sudden. I feel too strongly, my emotions are more intense than ever before. They are pouring out. This stupid wall between us seems to have grown taller and thicker. He may love me, but not in the way I want him to. He is fond of me, nothing more. Jaskier… He doesn’t love me… It hurts.

Jaskier’s finger curls under my chin until I look up at him. When I do and meet with his smile, I grow very still. My sobbing is interrupted. For a moment we don’t move at all until we realize what we have just said and look at each other. We freeze. Then we laugh out loud at the extremely sappy moment. To tease me about it, being I the one that initiated it, Jaskier kisses me on the nose. I whine and hide on his shoulder once more. He laughs at me, and I weakly slap him in the chest.

“Come here” He gently separates me from him, although his arm is still around me.

“Where?” We lean over each other as we navigate the crowded room.

I have a pounding headache, and everything feels too bright and too loud.

“To the room” He says as he pecks my cheek. “You should lie down”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed it, please remember to leave a comment, they make my day! 😊


	11. Overflown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! This one has some of my favorite Jasnissa (Jaskier + Nissa, do you all like the ship name?) interactions in the series. I hope everyone's doing alright, thank you so much for reading and keeping up with the story! 😍💕

Panic takes over my blissful serenity when I come to my senses. My head is pounding. I can’t remember what happened or when I went to sleep. I stir a bit, yet freeze when I meet with something warm and firm against me. I open my eyes and look over my shoulder. Jaskier peacefully sleeps behind me, with his arm dangled over my waist. My mind races, urgently trying to recover memories from yesterday. It is blank. Not being able to remember anything worries me. I think hard, shutting my eyes tight in concentration.

Geralt got hurt. We treated him. That sorceress, Yennefer, was here too. She and Geralt argued. He shouted at me when I tried to reassure him about how they actually loved each other despite it all. And then… I returned to Jaskier. We drank. A lot. That is all.

“J-Jaskier?” I utter, hoping in our drunkenness we didn’t do anything… intimate. At least we are still fully clothed, which contributes to calm me down.

He only hums quite happily and snuggles even closer to me. I blush. Fortunately, we didn’t seem to do anything. Not that I wouldn’t want to, but… Wait, do I want to? Well, perhaps, but not when I am not fully aware, when I can’t even remember it.

I sigh, resolved to enjoying his closeness. As quietly as possible, I shift to be facing him. Jaskier is smiling in his sleep, looking quite adorable. I smile myself and snuggle closer. His arms unconsciously tighten around me. My heart flutters. A new feeling takes over me, threatening to make me addicted to it. It is so unbelievably wonderful. I have to hold back the urge to lovingly push his hair out of his eyes. It tangles with his eyelashes.

Geralt’s words suddenly echo in my mind. Despite his harsh ways and high volume, he was right about one thing: it is stupid to conceal our feelings. Even if I am still not sure about Jaskier’s, I might as well try my luck by confessing to him. Easier said than done, though. I picture the scene, of professing my undying love for him. He would only flirt back and not take it seriously. If I insisted, he might laugh. Jaskier would think I was teasing and not believe me when I admitted that my feelings were true. Even if he did, could he reciprocate them? Would he reject me and ruin our wonderful dynamic?

Groaning in frustration, I hold on to his shirt. Stupid bard. This wouldn’t be so hard if he was more sincere. Is his flattering honest or just a façade? I have seen him flirt with other women, why would I be any different from all of them?

“Mm… Hey” A somnolent voice welcomes me, inviting me to look up into his eyes.

I chuckle as he watches me through one eye, rubbing the other to sober up. Just a glance at his angelic face and my vexation disappears, especially when he looks so sleepy and he still smiles at me. I can’t quite explain why, but it feels… magical. All of this.

“Did I wake you?” I gently tug at his shirt and he shakes his head.

“How are you feeling?” Jaskier asks, much to my surprise.

I gawk at him, but he only examines my expression. Did I miss something? Oh, gods… Did something actually happen last night? Did I somehow hurt myself? Did I say something that perhaps upset and worried him?

“Why would you ask?”

“Well” He makes a pause, laughing a little. “You were quite… giddy…”

“Oh, dear…” I cover my face with my hands in anticipation. “What happened?”

“You see, heartbroken by Geralt’s boorish manners, you came to me” The drowsiness slowly leaves his face as he smirks. “And I looked after you when you drank wine like it was water and you were stranded on a desert”

“You drank too” I complain, though his grin doesn’t leave off.

“Unlike you, my fair Nissa, I can hold my liquor” He taps my nose with one finger and I scrunch it. “I didn’t drink that much in any case”

“Ugh…” Just imagining the events that could have taken place, I cringe in embarrassment.

“I brought you here to the room and made sure you were alright. You know, like a gentleman” His deeds lose significance the more he gloats about them. “You felt a bit sick, so I put you to bed”

I observe him in search of signs that prove he is making it up. He only tilts his head innocently.

“If you are lying to me…”

“I would never!”

Before I can make up my mind about the veracity of his tale, the door roughly swings open. I groan and shrink closer to Jaskier when a headache throbs in my temples as a result of the loud noises. He protectively holds me closer.

“You’re awake” I didn’t quite appreciate the low volume of Jaskier’s tender voice until Geralt came along being loud and crude. “We’re leaving”

“We’re not talking to you” Jaskier proudly says, not even looking his direction.

I have a full view of the witcher from my spot. He stares at the bard’s back without a word. One of his grunts echoes around the silent room. Tempting Jaskier, Geralt doesn’t move a muscle. As expected, the curiosity gets the better of him and the bard looks at his friend over the shoulder.

“Where are we going, exactly?”

“I thought you weren’t talking to me”

“And bless you with absolute silence?” I sarcastically tell him, sitting up on the bed. “Not a chance, witcher”

“Hm…” Geralt only says, refusing to make eye contact with me. Still, he does not apologize. And I doubt he ever will.

“Uh… well?” Jaskier sits up too, awkwardly glancing between the both of us. “Where are we off to?”

“The outskirts”

“That sounds fun”

“Yen is taking us there”

So they have worked things out after all. How ironic that his outburst was for naught.

“What?!” The bard jumps to his feet, a hand falling over his hip. “Absolutely not!”

My head pounds, although that is not the only reason why I grumble. I find myself bearing certain hostility towards Yennefer myself. Even if she hasn’t personally attacked me as Jaskier claimed she has him, it is her mere presence in the group that disrupts our entire dynamic. With Geralt especially, who loses his mind whenever she is around.

“Why on earth is she taking us there?” I stand myself, stopping beside Jaskier.

“She wants to go to a nearby intersection” Geralt briefly explains. “It will probably be swarming with monsters”

Jaskier blinks repeatedly, surely holding back a snarky remark on the matter. Instead he grins sarcastically.

“I see” He says as he nods vehemently. “So you, ever her loyal protector, insisted on accompanying her. How did that work out for you, Geralt?”

He must have been painfully accurate, because the witcher only groans.

“We must go, Nissa” Jaskier takes me by the arm and goes ahead of him. “To make sure she doesn’t spill venom all over and poison him”

I look back just in time to see Geralt rubbing his temples and arming himself with patience.

A small river runs alongside us, and its music accompanies us as we walk. Sporadic sprouts of green vegetation cover the brown soil. The ground is soft under our boots. It feels as though we could dig to reach the power hidden beneath, yet that won’t be necessary in the presence of a mage. Yennefer now leads the way, and although an outsider would think she was wandering, the sorceress seems to know what she is doing. The horses are restless when we stop and search, which alludes to the presumed large amount of power contained in here. A few cats calmly sit around as well, seemingly attracted by the very same thing.

“Uh… forgive my ignorance” Jaskier pipes up. “But… what is an intersection, exactly?”

I remain silent, because even if I have a vague notion about what they are, I wouldn’t be able to put it into words. Especially not with how sluggish I feel at the moment. Geralt steps right in, however, expertly teaching us more on the matter.

“They’re places from which mages can draw power” He responds, although his eyes never once leave Yennefer. The latter stops walking and stares at her hands, and she grins widely.

“It’s here” She confirms, facing her palms to the ground.

Geralt pulls out his sword, vigilant to our surroundings, and nods in her direction. He has her back. The sorceress then closes her eyes. She doesn’t move from the spot, but she looks focused. Jaskier sighs in boredom next to me, leaning an elbow on my shoulder. It is indeed uneventful, not the adventure I expected. Had I known we would be watching Yennefer just standing there, I would have stayed in the inn and sulked, perhaps prepare a witty speech to scold Geralt... or just continue to enjoy that closeness with Jaskier.

“So…” He mutters in my direction. “How’s your hangover?”

I bite my lip in self-restraint, only further irritated by his smirk.

“Quit your smugness, bard”

“What smugness? It was a genuine question”

“Well, I am going to genuinely wipe that smirk off your face”

"I care about you, Nissa, I was only... Wait, what was that sound?”

“Don’t change the subject now”

“No, really… I heard something…”

I open my mouth to complain, too tired to put up with it. And then I hear it too, some sort of growling sound. Geralt calls attention to it soon after.

“Archespores!” He warns us before lunging towards a disgusting looking plant that emerges from the ground with a hissing sound. It is nearly camouflaged amongst the vegetation. “Be careful, they are poisonous!”

“Jaskier!” I hurriedly push him off me. “Protect the horses!”

While he stumbles back to go do what I asked him to, I study my surroundings. Geralt is easily fighting off those creatures as he expertly swings his blade, protecting Yennefer while she takes the power from the intersection. I take my sword, which I have been carrying lately since training with Geralt. Unlike the witcher, who fends up the poisonous spikes that the archespores throw, I can only try to fight them off as best I can. I swing my sword in a pathetic attempt to deflect them, though it isn’t quite as effective as when Geralt does it. I grit my teeth and take a step back.

“Nissa, look out!” Jaskier’s voice sounds extremely close to me.

Everything seems to happen slowly. Thanks to his warning, I manage to see one of the creatures approach me. An arcespore has suddenly protruded from the ground to my right, and so I cut through it precisely in time to avoid myself getting hurt. I cut off its stem and kick it to push it away from me. It drags across the ground like a disgusting reptile. I exhale in relief. However, Jaskier had thrown himself forward in an attempt to warn me. The archespore that I cut off is headed is way now. When he yelps, Geralt calls his name. The witcher’s hand is stretched out in his direction, flexing his fingers in a very specific way. I know what will happen before it occurs. I am not quick enough to stop it. Indeed, Geralt’s sign violently sends Jaskier flying back and slamming his back on the ground. While his landing is rough and he gasps when his body meets the hard surface, I can tell Geralt was only trying to get him out of harm’s way. As soon as the path is free, the witcher casts fire upon the creature. The archespore shrieks, though it doesn’t die. It is adamant on hurting us, returning to its target. My hearts is pounding in my chest, though skips a beat when Jaskier screams in pain.

“Jaskier!” I quickly glance at him to see he is still on the ground, groaning and clutching his side. If he doesn’t move, he’ll get hurt. “Hold on!”

While Geralt prepares to cast the sign again, I stand between Jaskier and the archespore. My hands are trembling and hinder the simple task of wielding my sword. Fortunately, Geralt rids us of the creature with the summoning of his fire sign. Another one has erupted from the ground close to Jaskier’s head, and so I don’t hesitate to cut off its stem and kick it as far away as possible. Then I glance at him as the bard writhes in pain.

“Hang on, Jaskier!” I insist, even though when I look again, the chaos has died down. The archespores have all being taken care of. Geralt stands in the middle of it all, silver sword dripping with archespore juice. Yennefer triumphantly sighs next to him, breathing heavily after canalizing the power this place offered her.

“Everyone okay?” The witcher’s eyes sweep around.

“No!” Jaskier exclaims, holding his hand up as a cry for help. “I might be dying”

“Jas…” I worriedly call him, rushing to kneel by his side. “What happened?”

“Geralt threw me across with his witchering” He whines, wincing and clutching his side.

“Uh… yeah…” The witcher mutters, approaching us. “I was trying to get you away from the archespore”

“Are you bleeding?” I ask Jaskier, looking him up and down for signs of injury.

“No, but…” He sharply breathes in, groaning in pain. “I-I think I broke something”

I have a haunting suspicion that it’s his ribs. While I carefully move his hands away, I feel Geralt and Yennefer hovering over me, watching the bard. I push his doublet to the side to have better access to his injury. Jaskier yelps in pain when my fingers gingerly press there where he was clutching. I bow my head, confirming my early diagnosis. At least this is something quite simple and my many hours dedicated to studying have been useful on the matter.

“You broke some ribs” I carefully palpate, feeling the bone under his shirt.

“Ugh, brilliant...” He fidgets in the spot, still not daring to sit up further.

“You’ll survive” Yennefer tiredly tells him behind me.

I sneak my hands under his shirt to properly feel the fracture. He immediately shrinks away from my touch.

“Ah, your hands are cold!” Before I can ask him to suck it up, he sighs and presses my hands against his side. “It's quite nice, actually”

“We should get you some ice” I still check his ribs, counting two broken bones. It is a relief that they are the lower ribs, since the higher ones are closer to the lungs and the heart and could have complicated things by breaking, being so close to the organs.

“Let’s go back” Geralt offers Jaskier a hand, which he immediately takes. Quite easily, he is pulled to his feet.

I stand up myself, watching him carefully. Jaskier still holds a hand to his side. Broken ribs are indeed extremely painful as well as a slow healing process. He drags his feet across the ground, carrying himself differently as he tries to favor his injury. His hand never leaves that spot, putting pressure while he breathes carefully.

As we walk away from that blasted place, Yennefer has started speaking and commenting about the newfound power surging through her veins. Jaskier talks over her, seemingly too focused on his pain to pay attention to her. Or perhaps he does it to antagonize her.

“Ugh… Geralt, you beast” He mutters, still groaning. “You broke my ribs”

“Better having broken ribs than being dead” The witcher dryly replies. However, when I glance at him he is frowning a bit. “Nissa will patch you up when we’re back”

That comment gathers Jaskier’s attention on me. Intending to help him, I quietly move to his good side and close the distance between us. He watches me in curiosity as I wrap an arm around him. This way, I securely hold him up by with one hand on his back and other on his chest. Jaskier smiles a bit and accepts my aid by resting an arm over my shoulders and leaning his weight over me. He sighs in relief with my support.

“You’re awfully quiet” He points out, which I hadn’t realized myself. I am just not feeling very talkative at the moment.

It isn’t the first time I see him getting hurt, and yet… a sudden restlessness has nestled within me. When I saw him falling and heard him scream, something stirred in my heart. Despite knowing he wasn’t badly injured, my mind began racing. He occupied all my thoughts, and it pained me deeply to know he was hurt in any way, no matter how mild.

“Uh…” I trail off while I buy myself some time to think. “I have a headache”

Jaskier grins when he is reminded of my hangover, and hence, of what happened last night. Honestly, I don’t feel the same amusement right now. I hope he isn’t aware of how distressed I am at the moment. I tremble slightly, and my lungs work relentlessly to get some air I can breathe with. All because of that thought that consumes me, that something far worse than a few broken ribs could have been his fate and can be at any given moment during our journey. That thought deeply upsets me.

Jaskier’s added weight proves exhausting as we finally reach the inn once more. The tension makes home in my muscles, and my entire being begs for me to rest. Sleep for a long time. These days have been daunting to say the least.

I am about to enter the establishment when I realize Geralt and Yennefer have stopped. They are a few steps of distance from Jaskier and me, calmly speaking. Really close. Too close. They then kiss, and my stomach churns at the sight. A non-physical ache overpowers any other discomfort in my body. It is a yearning too deep to fathom. Jaskier is extremely close to me, though it breaks my heart to think that I might never have with him what they have. Refusing to idly watch Yennefer and Geralt kissing, I turn to him.

“W… What’s wrong?” He immediately asks, noticing something is off. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Because I wish you learned my feelings. And I feel stupidly happy whenever you are around me. I swoon at the thought of kissing you. I tingle all over at the memory of our fake kiss. I sigh when I lock eyes with you and immerse myself in the unforgiving beauty of the ocean in your eyes. Your smile makes my heart sing loud enough for me to compose the best of ballads despite knowing nothing about music. Because I would die for you. And in spite of it all, I am too frightened to tell you any of this.

I shake my head and tiredly put my arms around his neck instead. Very gingerly, I hold him close and nuzzle his chest. There’s that gentle warmth I crave.

“You scared me…” I say instead, concealing all these thoughts swarming in my mind.

“Sorry…” Jaskier whispers, tenderly wrapping an arm around me as well. “I’m alright, Nissa”

Were it not by his broken ribs, I would squeeze him tight against me, as tight as I could. So tight I’d bruise him. That may quell this need I have, this longing to have him impossibly close. At least that would make me content if I can’t have _him_.

“You are” I only mutter, scolding myself for being a coward. For yielding to this weakness.

I cannot conceive the idea of telling him. Even after all these emotions resurged, it is impossible for me to muster enough courage to pour them all out. The result is far too unnerving and intimidating, and a possible rejection is enough to break my heart just with the thought of it. Instead, I content myself with holding him. Feel him close against me. A bit hurt, but alive and well. Warm and gentle as always. Yes, that may be enough for now. How could I confess at this moment, in any case? We are all tired and a bit grumpy. It isn’t the right time.

His hand finds the dip in my waist, that spot it has rested on so many times and that seems the perfect place for him to hold on to. He gently pushes me off him. He stares. Despite how pleasant and hypnotizing they are, I cannot seem to be able to look into his eyes.

“Hey” Jaskier whispers, reluctantly making me gaze into them. “Did I scare you so badly?”

“Well…”

“Are you still worried then?”

“No…” I manage a feeble smile. “No, I’m only tired”

“Me too” He heavily sighs, although the movement pains him and causes him to wince.

“You should get some rest, Jas” I am about to hold on to him again and take him inside, though I glance at the pair.

Geralt and Yennefer are still standing too closely, and I don’t need to be a seer to understand their intimate thoughts. I would assume she wishes to leave soon, but not without spending some time alone with the witcher first. My heart bleeds in envy of what they have when their foreheads touch.

“Go on” I kindly pat Jaskier’s back. “I will be right there”

The bard nods and slowly makes his way into the inn. I on turn move towards them. Noticing this, Geralt walks my direction as well, gesturing for Yennefer to wait for him. A bit distant from us, the sorceress stares at me. Her violet eyes hold my gaze when I reciprocate, though they then follow Jaskier quite eloquently. Am I truly that transparent?

The witcher watches me expectantly, and so I say what I came to. No more.

“Uh… Jaskier and I are going in… to get some rest and treat to his injury”

“Good”

“Good…”

“What is it then?”

“I don’t understand…”

“You’re upset”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jaskier will recover”

“I… I know”

“And still lost your smile”

He doesn’t alter his expression, only watching me closely. Self-conscious about it, I let out a forced chuckle. He’s trying. He is stubborn and exasperating, but he is trying.

“I thought you didn’t care, witcher”

“Hm”

The silence is painfully heavy. We refuse to make eye contact. I rummage my brain to think of something to say, but my mind is completely blank. Anyhow, I don’t have the energy to even attempt to regain our prior dynamic. I am absolutely exhausted.

“Well, uh… Enjoy yourselves” I blurt out, rubbing my nape.

“You too” Even though the conversation is clearly over, we linger in the spot.

That dreaded silence returns. I internally cringe at the awkward moment. His golden eyes watch me. I take a hesitant step back. Geralt turns his body away from me as well. We say nothing else. I grimace at how terrible that interaction was and go to reunite with Jaskier.

When I enter the room, I find Jaskier sitting in the bed. He has taken his doublet off to be left in his white undershirt. As much as it vexes me, he looks very attractive in it. His notepad lies on his lap, and he furiously scribbles down on it. A pronounced frown is etched in his brow.

“What did that poor paper ever do to you?” My voice gathers is attention in me now.

“Ugh, Nissa…” Jaskier sighs. “It took me ages to get my doublet off!”

My lips part and I am about to mindlessly reply. Had he waited, I could have helped him take his clothes off. I remain silent and gather my efforts in not blushing when the thought flusters me. This is getting ridiculous.

Jaskier does not notice any of my inner struggles, far too preoccupied with his injury.

“I can’t do anything, it hurts all over!” He continues to complain, throwing an arm up in the air. “I can’t play my lute, I can’t walk, I can’t even sing!”

“Then lie down” I take the notepad from him and set it over the table.

“Bollocks” He barks even as he obeys and lies on his back. His hand keeps pressing against his side as though it is stuck there. “Every breath is agony”

“Try to relax” I say as I put a blanket over him, not wanting him to on top of all get cold.

“Will you be looking after me, Nissa?” There is a bit of vulnerability in his voice that makes me feel even more protective of him, if possible.

“Of course, my duties as the group medic bound me” I accommodate the blanket over his chest, and he smirks at me as though he is enjoying my cares far too much.

“Don’t lie, love, you do it because you adore me”

“Or because otherwise you would only whine all day”

"I would not..." While he talks, I take a step away from the bed, but he is already alert. “Wait, w-where are you going?”

“I should get you some ice for the swelling of the ribs and-“ Before I can move further, his hand has tenderly wrapped around mine.

“No, just stay here with me” When I stare at him astonishment, he gives me those blasted puppy eyes that I can’t resist. “Please?”

I heave a dramatic sigh and sit in the bed with him, careful to choose his good side. Jaskier grins in celebration and I shake my head at him. It sets my teeth on edge how much I adore him.

“You think you only have to give me those eyes and cutely say ‘please’ and I will do anything”

“I absolutely do”

“Stupid bard”

Perhaps at any other moment, I would have been able to wittily retort back. Yet right this second I can’t think clearly. Many hypotheses circle my brain as to why that can be: my dispute with Geralt, my hangover, the remnants of adrenaline still pursing through my veins… though none of that is true, I am only deceiving myself and I know it. It’s Jaskier. It’s always him, flustering me with his presence alone, with his dashing smile and kind eyes. Gods, when did I become a hopeless romantic that believes in true love? Pathetic.

“You can lie down with me” He teases me, poking my side and making me jolt up when it tickles. “My ribs may be broken, but I’m not made of glass”

“You might still break, Jas” I acquire a confident façade to hide the turmoil nestled deep within me. “You are such a delicate flower”

Jaskier completely freezes for a moment. His expression showcases a myriad of emotions as it changes from confusion to outrage to moderate amusement.

“Wh…” He only utters. His mouth falls agape. “You… Nissa, I…”

A genuine grin takes over my mouth, though it quickly vanishes when he harshly pulls at my arm. I squeak and fall over him, lying down as he wanted me to. Fortunately, I leaned on his chest and not on his ribs. Even so, he grimaces a bit as it probably hurt in any case. Nonetheless, he doesn’t complain. He only stares at me with great concentration.

Rolling my eyes in resignation, I get comfortable next to him. The bed is still too small for two people and we are forced to press our bodies together. I take notice of the mere inches that separate our faces, our noses and our foreheads. Our lips. Considering leaning back, I open my mouth to utter an excuse. However, Jaskier fidgets and clears his throat himself.

“Will you speak to me, Nissa?” I watch him in confusion, so he elaborates. “The sound of your voice is soothing”

The intensity of his gaze takes my breath away. I part my lips once more, trying to say something, perhaps trying to say it all. He said something so sweet that I want to reciprocate. The moment is tender and intimate, and he hasn't said a joke in a bit. Perhaps the outcome may be more favorable than I first imagined. This is my chance. If I could speak my mind…

My cheeks burn in anticipation. My breath hitches in my throat.

“Actually, I…” I start, mentally cursing my rapid heartbeat. “I need to tell you something”

“Oh, please, not now, love! We’re both exhausted” When his fingers reach out to fix my hair, I feel as though my heart will jump out of my chest. “It surely can wait”

“But you said…” I clumsily mutter, feeling myself blushing still. Can he not see it?

“I meant something trivial” He sighs, and I can nearly read the exhaustion in his features.

“A-Alright” Perhaps it’s for the best. I wouldn’t know how to say it in any case.

We have plenty of time, I can tell him some other moment. And yet, this sudden weight in my chest, this craving, won’t leave anymore. I am suddenly certain that I won't find peace until I express these feelings that have been eating me alive before I even realized them. I had loved Jaskier for longer than I'd care to admit, long before he kissed me. Although I had loved plenty of times before, it was never in such a way, as now my emotions and thoughts are flimsy and changing. All because of him.

“Good” He murmurs, never looking away from my eyes.

“I… don’t know what to talk about” His staring rattles me, although I can’t look away either. His eyes are so pleasant to look at, so beautiful and comforting.

“Sing to me then” He closes his eyes and snuggles closer to me. Does he even realize the way he makes my heart race? How the sight of his comfortable smile makes me sigh?

Glad to spoil him, I accede to his petition. However, the only songs that I can think of are his, and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of singing one of his ballads back to him. He would never let me forget it.

“Nothing comes to mind” I stutter, noticing how close we are still. “What am I to sing?”

“Anything” His hand once more returns to my waist as he easily lets his arm fall over me.

A melody suddenly reaches my mind and I start singing. It is a slow song, one talking about feelings and romance. Quite fitting given the situation. Jaskier’s grin grows as he lowly sings along with me. Of course he knows the song. I shiver at how beautiful the sound of our voices together is. The wonderful music of our souls dancing together. It perfectly fills the quietness and nearly lulls me to sleep. I sink down into him. I smile from how perfect it is to be by his side, and give in to exhaustion as our harmonies die down.

An unknown sound pulls me out of my peaceful slumber. I am still tired when I open my eyes, yet it all melts away at the sight of a sleeping Jaskier. We haven’t moved from our position, facing each other. I am slightly worried, however, when I notice he seems a bit pale and sick. My hand gingerly brushes against his cheek. When my palm presses against it, I breathe out in relief that he doesn't have a fever. Instead of retracting my hand, however, I find the touch to be far too enjoyable. I stroke his skin and reach out to push his hair to the side. It’s always in his eyes.

“Nissa…” He smiles. A tingling sensation spreads up my back. I freeze, fearing that he caught me, yet Jaskier stills. After several more seconds of silence, I confirm that he is still asleep. My lips automatically curve up in a smile. Butterflies flies in my stomach. I tenderly stroke his cheek again.

I turn on my back, hurriedly taking my hand off his face, when the door swings open. In walks Geralt, eyebrows raised at the state he finds us in. Jaskier’s head then softly falls on my shoulder. I happily chuckle, and the witcher lets out an amused hum as well. I smile at him.

“I was hoping we could do some more training” He says, loud enough for me to hear but low enough not to wake him. “Guess this isn’t the best moment”

I flush knowing he is perfectly aware of how comfortable and delighted I currently am. Nonetheless, it does not bother me. I am willing to put up with his teasing, it can’t ruin my happiness.

“Later perhaps?” I only say, unable to contain a big smile.

“Hm” His eyes move from him to me. “I’ll be outside”

Jaskier tightens his arm, previously loosely falling over me, to pull himself incredibly close to me. I am conflicted between yelping and laughing. Geralt does chuckle himself before leaving us. I ultimately giggle a bit myself, wondering if it’s normal to be overwhelmed with bliss in such a manner. I feel giddy and silly for it. He is only resting over me, yet I have never felt safer and happier. Perhaps I am more fatigued that I had anticipated, these days have certainly been challenging... or perhaps I am too comfortable with Jaskier. Whatever the reason, I fall asleep again before I can do anything about it.

For several days, we have been taking it easy, barely leaving the inn and ensuring our dear bard gets plenty of rest. While he does, Geralt has insisted on training with me, yet ensuring I don’t overwork myself either. I was recently gravely injured after all.

It is taking me a bit to grow used to the weight and feeling of the bigger weapon, but Kader’s sword proves more useful than my small dagger. It is also a bit difficult to focus on the witcher’s lessons ever since Jaskier has gone outside with us and curiously watches. At least he is feelings better. Yet his mere presence proves distracting, even if he remains mostly quiet. Mostly.

Now, as I watch Geralt demonstrate how he swings his sword, I feel slightly more confident when wielding mine. I idly watch the small cloud of dust his boots create when his feet drags across the ground. My hand falls on my hip, and I nod for the tenth time when he asks if I am paying attention.

“You taught me all of this already, Geralt” I tiredly tell him, rolling my eyes at him.

“You need to master this first before you learn anything else” Is his monotonous response.

Perhaps he is right, but it is agonizing to endlessly repeat the same movement over and over. It might be the very reasoning behind his insistence, but my arms and legs have already memorized the motion, and tey are sore from how often they have moved in such a manner: one foot behind and the other alert at the front, both arms up, strongly wielding the sword in a defensive horizontal position. I am so eager to learn something new already.

“I am fed up with this” The thought that he might believe I am not prepared to move on bothers me. “I can defend myself!”

It is him who insists on teaching me, I'm not quite sure why. It may be his strange attempt to apologize for being so stubborn. In any case, I know enough after he showed me the basics.

“You’re defenseless if you don’t have your weapons” Striding over to me, he takes the sword from my hand and carelessly throws it to the ground.

“That’s not true” I reply in outrage. “I can still punch an asshole”

Jaskier laughs a little at something about how I said it. The witcher sighs, however.

“Show me then” He lifts his hands up in the air, squaring up to prepare. I resign myself.

I tighten my hand into a fist and thrust it against his palm as hard as I can. Geralt watches me, unimpressed, as I try again. I look at him helplessly, wondering what I did wrong. With a sigh, he positions himself behind me and fixes my stance. His arms reach me from behind and I rest against his broad chest. How had I not realized how muscular he truly is? I am embarrassed, as we had never been this close. It doesn’t seem to fluster Geralt, however, not even when he twists my hip to demonstrate how I must turn.

"Use your whole body to give power to your blow" He calmly instructs. "It will be more effective"

“Um…” Jaskier intervenes, now standing beside us. “Can I help?”

“You can barely keep yourself alive, Jaskier” Geralt carelessly waves him off. I giggle.

“Well, I never!” He tugs at my arm until I am dragged away from the witcher. “I can be useful in a fight! Just teach me”

“You can be my punching bag” I joke, gingerly pushing my fist against his shoulder.

“Not like that” Geralt falls into place behind me again and lays his arm over mine to get ahold of my wrist, correcting my form. “Or you’ll hurt yourself instead of them”

Jaskier purses his lips tightly, glaring at the witcher behind me. I pay no attention to his unexpected sulkiness and punch his shoulder again, this time in the way Geralt advised.

“Ow!” The bard complains, stepping back and clutching the spot. “Mother of-“

I giggle against my hand, and that remedies whatever has gotten into Jaskier. He chuckles a bit, although still rubbing his sore shoulder.

“There, now I know how to punch an asshole” I conclude, changing sides to stand by Jaskier. He complains at the insinuations of my sentence, but I cutely bat my eyelashes at him. “Do you think we could take a walk now, Jas? I truly need a break”

“You little devil” He replies, albeit with a fond grin. “Of course we can”

Knowing I have bribed Jaskier against him, Geralt hums and begrudgingly goes to sheath our weapons. I can barely contain my eagerness and happily clap in anticipation. These days have been so repetitive and dull… it was beginning to break my spirits.

Jaskier laughs as he circles my waist with his arm, shoving me against him.

“That’s cute, love, but save it for Geralt. You don’t have to convince me”

“I am not putting on an act” Falsely offended, I rest a hand on my chest. “Can’t I be genuinely excited to take a stroll with my two favorite men?”

“Two?” Jaskier tuts his tongue as he shakes his head. “You have to choose one”

“I couldn’t possibly do that” I smirk, gently pushing his arm off me. “Unless you gave me some solid reasons to sway my decision”

He lifts his eyebrows. When he opens his mouth, he is forced to save that thought.

“Hey” Geralt scolds us. When we cautiously glance at him, he only nods his head to the right. Following him obediently, Jaskier and I move to one side of him each. Even if we still lock gazes and giggle like children.

I would have never thought Geralt would be the one annoying me to death. Jaskier is behaving, lowly singing as he mindlessly walks by our side. His voice is as sweet and melodic as ever. He also seems quite into the song as he is finally making some progress. On the other hand, here’s Geralt asking me question after question to ensure I remember everything he taught me about how to fight. I have never heard him talk so much, and I suspect he might be doing it only to wind me up.

“No offence, Geralt” I cut him off, finally fed up with his patronizing tone, as much as he is only trying to ensure I don’t ever get hurt again. “But you’re ruining my idyllic moment”

Jaskier laughs out loud at my observation, yet it is true. The meadow we are on is indeed quite beautiful. Beams of sunlight reach us from above, filtering between the tall tree trops. The grass carries a strong yet pleasant scent. Tiny daisies of white petals peek amongst the vibrant green. I am tempted to pick some of the flowers out and ask Jaskier if he knows how to make a flower crown. For me or him, I don’t mind. Perhaps even for Geralt, it would be certainly a sight worth seeing: a witcher with a flower crown… surely, a scowling witcher in that case.

This is the very same meadow we found an injured Geralt in, though I make a conscious effort to substitute that memory with this current one of wandering around with them, listening to Jaskier beautifully singing and knowing that, even if obnoxiously, Geralt is looking after me.

Just when I managed to silence Geralt, my delightful moment is suddenly interrupted by the bard’s cautious voice.

“Who… who’s that?” He stares somewhere over my shoulder, so I turn around following his gaze. A woman is standing there, looking at us. An odd feeling creeps up to the pit of my stomach. I can’t see her face because she has covered her head with the hood of her maroon cape but… her eyes… brown, kind and warm… they look familiar…

I frown, though the gesture soon softens. That woman stares at us, and I hear Jaskier behind me muttering things to Geralt. I don’t distinguish his words, I’m far too focused on her. It can’t be…

“H-Hana?” My voice gets caught in my throat, shaking as much as my hands suddenly are.

“Nissa?” When she speaks, I get all confirmation I need. Her voice. It’s Hana’s voice…

My mind blanks. I freeze. My ears whistle. The sunlight dims. I cannot believe it…

“Isn’t that your friend?” Jaskier fidgets behind me. “Y-Yeah, from the tavern, I saw you talking that day, before…”

Before that dreadful day. The day she died. The day I lost her. Yet… he is right, Hana is standing there. Before us. Alive. She’s actually there. She… Oh, God… A wave of nausea hits me. The world seems to spin around me. Two arms get ahold of me, making me realize I am swaying. Not only swaying, I am falling. I’m… I’m…

“Nissa!!” My friends call me before I sink into that welcoming darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a bit of a cliffhanger, but I will be posting Chapter 12 at some point next week. Remember to leave kudos, and especially comments, if you're enjoying, please! 😙


	12. Farewell Wanderlust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, here's another chapter! This one has a lot of emotions, and I can't wait to know your opinion on it. Enjoy reading, I hope everyone is doing okay! 😘

There’s something warm in my face. It only adds to the comfortable and calm feeling that has taken over me. I feel so relaxed in this haze. There is no pain, no worries, just… emptiness. I frown in annoyance when the hand in my face carefully pats my cheek. It is disturbing my peace. A voice goes along with it, trying to call me out of this cozy state.

“Mm…” I complain, weakly reaching out to touch their hand. I’m familiar with this touch, so I hold on to his hand. It trembles.

“Nissa” He calls my name, gently shaking my shoulder. I move my head, refusing to abandon that calm void. I’m so tired... But he’s insistent.

“Jas…” I mumble, too weak to even utter the full word.

“Come on, love” There is such urgency in his voice… I don’t understand. “Open your eyes”

I try to do as he says, but it proves to be so much work. I’m exhausted and my body isn’t responding. To help me, Jaskier taps my cheek again. Though making an enormous effort, I open my eyes. The world slowly comes into focus. I squint at the bright light I’m received with. I find face to face with him, although his expression is distorted with concern.

“Hey” He smiles with relief when our eyes meet. “Talk to me, Nissa”

His hand lingers on my cheek, his thumb tenderly caressing it. I pause as I assimilate his words. Why…? Huh?

“What…?” I glance around in confusion. Why am I lying on the ground? That might explain why Jaskier is so restless. “What… happened?”

“You fainted” When I see that he’s breathing heavily, I realize I am too. My body is slowly recovering, but I feel so weak and so tired still…

As he slowly pulls at my arm to help me sit up, I try to wrap my head around what he said. Why would I faint? I can’t for the life of me remember what happened before that. I lean on his chest and groan when my head starts pounding. Jaskier tenderly puts his arms around me, allowing me to rest over him.

“Slowly, love” His hand lovingly moves up and down my arm. “Take it easy”

Trying to gather my surroundings, I close my eyes. It also keeps the world from spinning around me. I hear Geralt not far from me, so I listen intently. His voice sounds rattled. He’s talking with someone a few steps away from us. A familiar voice replies to him. After taking several seconds to rest my weary mind, I open my eyes again. A woman stands close to the witcher, and I recognize her immediately. Oh… Everything comes back to me.

“Jaskier…” I feebly call him, and he looks down to me in expectation. “Help me up”

“Alright, slow” His hands tighten over my waist as he pulls the both of us to our feet.

All my muscles send a collective complaint when I have to carry my own weight. Gravity seems to pull me closer to the ground. Luckily, he supports me and lets me lean against him still. I pant, surprised with how draining the effort was.

“Hana” I call out as loud as I can, which is barely louder than a whisper. I don’t think she heard me.

My whole being begs for me to approach her. My mind is racing. When I take a step in her direction, my knees buckle.

“Oi!” Jaskier exclaims in worry, catching me before I can fall again. “Are you alright?”

I cling on to his shoulders for balance when the world starts spinning around me. I keep panting as though I have been running. He has to pull me up to keep me up straight and his hands are hesitant when they fall over the small of my back. I can feel his eyes on me. His fingers dig into my flesh to elicit a response out of me.

“Yeah” Seeking some stability, I press my forehead against his shoulder. It seems to help. “Yeah… I’m just light-headed and a bit weak”

Jaskier heaves a big sigh, gingerly tightening his hold on me.

“Don’t scare me like that…”

“I’m sorry, Jas... I’m… alright… I promise”

I now seem to find a similar calmness to the one that enveloped me when I regained consciousness. It is short-lived, however, when Geralt’s deep voice speaks adamantly.

“You better stay back” For a fleeting moment, my drifting mind doesn’t know who he speaks too. The moment of disorientation soon passes.

“I…” As soon as I hear her voice, I remember again. “But I’m worried about her, is she…?”

I am drowsy as I make an effort to keep my eyes on them. Gosh, I just want to sleep…

“Don’t come any closer” Geralt sternly tells her, being intimidating enough for her to comply.

“I didn’t mean to overwhelm her…” Hana stutters, hesitating to take another step. Ultimately, she takes one back. “I can go”

“Yeah, maybe it’s for the best” Jaskier agrees, his voice close to my ear.

“No! Stay… please” I stretch my arm out in desperation. “I’m alright, just… give… give me a moment”

It was exhausting to just speak those few words. I am still panting slightly. Light-headed. Surely, seeing her again was a big shock that added on to everything that happened, but I can’t help to mentally scold myself for not handling it better. My body isn’t exactly cooperating. Feeling dizzy still, I nuzzle Jaskier’s neck. That is a perfect place to rest, and his touch is deeply comforting. His embrace brings me even more peace.

“Are you sure?” When I nod against him, he pats my back in acknowledgment. “Alright, take your time then”

The tension in the air is harrowing as I rest. The seconds feel like minutes, and the minutes stretch like hours. None of us move an inch. It is so quiet that I can hear Jaskier breathing close to me. I can almost make out the sound of his heart thumping in his chest.

Once I feel the slightest of improvements in my state, I reluctantly pull away from Jaskier’s closeness. A part of me wants to stay there forever, just being held by him in that safety. The other part reminds me that I need to face this, even if it probably will be hard and stir some painful memories.

Jaskier doesn’t let me separate much from him, only allowing me to take a step back. I look up at him and meet with his lively blue eyes, even if they’re laced with sorrow.

“It’s fine…” I manage a weary smile. “You can let go of me now”

“Absolutely not” He replies in outrage, quite seriously. “You can fall again”

I smile wider, endeared by his absolute concern. I pat his shoulder in appreciation.

“Are you okay?” Hana cautiously asks next to Geralt, who seems reluctant to let her get close still. I nod, taking a step closer to her. Although my legs feel shaky, I don’t stumble this time. Jaskier is determined to hold me still, so he walks with me as we approach Hana.

As we close the distance between us, I watch her. Her hair is just as red as I remember it, but curlier and shorter. It now reaches her shoulders instead of her waist. Her eyes, as before, are just as warm and kind at the same time that stubborn. The difference in her appearance is that now there is a big burn mark traveling down her cheek and all over her jaw, lightly touching her temple and the corner of her left eye. It tugs at the skin, nearly turning her expression into a permanent grimace.

We reach Geralt, who stiffens next to me. Jaskier’s fingers are drumming against my waist as well.

“Nissa…” The witcher utters gravely. I can sense his restlessness. Honestly, if I put myself in their shoes, I understand their reluctance. Given the effect she had on me with her presence alone, I recognize that it might not seem like the best idea to actually speak about the past. No matter, I need to know what happened.

“It’s okay” I tell Geralt, nodding to reassure him further. “I promise”

He presses his lips together, but gives in. Taking a step back, he gives me some space. I also push Jaskier gently off me. He allows me after several seconds in which he confirms I won’t falter again.

Hana’s hand is hovering in the air, timorous to surpass my boundaries and fearing, like my friends, that I might fall. I reach out myself, touching her shoulder. She doesn’t suddenly vanish when my fingers meet her. Hana is _actually_ here, alive. She’s alive… Oh, gods, she’s actually alive. Overwhelmed with emotion, I throw my arms around her and sob on her shoulder. She takes on Jaskier’s duties of holding me up, even if she herself feels unsteady and trembling. Hana chuckles nervously and hugs me too. Tightly, tighter than we’ve ever hugged.

“Hana, I thought you were dead…”

“I was looking for you!”

“What… what happened to your face?”

“Where were you?!”

“How have you been, are you alright?”

“I was so worried, Nissa…”

We keep talking over each other, too anxious to catch up and understand what happened while we were apart, to know what we have been missing. We nervously chuckle at our shared eagerness and attentively look at each other.

“Uh…” Jaskier’s voice startles me, reminding me that he’s there as well as Geralt. “Perhaps we should give the ladies some time to talk”

I quickly break away, hurriedly wiping the tears that have sneaked down my cheek. For the first time in years, they are a sign of happiness. I can’t contain my joy. Hana’s alive…

“No, you don’t have to” I smile, turning to them without letting go of her. I’m almost frightened that she will disappear if I lose sight of her for too long, that she will lose consistency if I stop touching her and reveal this is but a blissful dream.

“You can come with me back to the academy if you’d like” Hana offers, holding on to me as well. “All three of you”

Geralt and Jaskier exchange a quick glance, but they do not hesitate to come when I blindly follow after my old friend.

I can’t even begin to imagine how harrowing it must have been for her. She survived the dragon attack, but at what cost? The things she must have seen… Aside from that, so many people around her have died. If I had felt guilt for surviving, that grief must be nothing compared to winding up the one survivor in a town consumed by fire, especially being there as it happened. The destruction of an entire town.

As we exit the portal that Hana just created, my head is spinning. I try not to show it not to worry Geralt and Jaskier, although I am not sure my dizziness is due to the portal itself or everything else still. She now has magic… That leaves me with many questions. When did Hana become a sorceress? Why did she cut her hair? What had she been doing all this time? Is she alright? How did she survive? Did she find new friends? Has she missed me as much as I have missed her?

“Uh… where are we?” Jaskier asks, slightly disoriented himself.

The ground seems to be moving under my feet as I advance, and I develop an immediate distaste for portals. Hana has no problem at all, politely turning to Jaskier in order to answer his question.

“Aretuza” She offers him a hand after a brief pause. “Sorry, we haven’t been introduced: I’m Hana”

“Jaskier” He shakes her hand, dedicating her a polite smile in return.

“Of course… forgive me” I chuckle nervously, still trying to wrap my head around everything that is happening. “That is Hana, my old friend. That, as you now know, is Jaskier”

“I’m Geralt” The witcher says before I can move on to him.

“Geralt of Rivia?” Hana shakes his hand, stopping to watch him for longer than Jaskier. “I have heard a lot about you”

“From the song?” The bard smirks, tapping the lute at his back.

“No, from Yennefer”

“Yen?”

“Wait, Yennefer? Is she here?” Jaskier sighs dramatically. “We had just gotten rid of her”

“Stop” The witcher taps him. The other obliges, even if rolling his eyes.

“Perhaps it’s time to bury the hatchet?” I cutely lean towards him, deliberately bumping against him. Jaskier can’t help but to smile at my charm. The tables have turned for once.

“Maybe we will bump into her” Hana says as she leads the way. I follow, taking a good look around.

An imposing tower can be seen in the distance, equally eerie and fascinating. I can nearly feel the magic floating in the air, tingling in my skin when it comes in contact with it. A soft mysterious breeze around us seems to harbor the secrets of the Continent.

The group is strangely silent. My eyes fall upon Hana once more. She hasn’t changed, but at the same time she has. The only physical change I notice in her, other than her short hair, is the burn in her face. Personality wise, however, she seems… I can’t quite explain it. She is still quite serious and mature, but somehow she feels wiser and more experienced than ever.

“Oh” Surprised by Geralt’s exclamation, I force myself back to reality.

I grin when I realize what has captivated him so. Yennefer has approached us, and her violet eyes fall upon us as she stops Hana and talks to her. Glancing at the witcher, I confirm that he is as enamored for Yennefer as ever. As soon as the sorceress steps away from the redhead and closer to us, Jaskier awkwardly pipes up.

“Hi, uh…” I grimace in anticipation to what he will say. “Yen… ni…”

“Yenni?” I repeat, unable to believe that he addressed her as such.

“Don’t ever call me that again” She shows us a disgusted scowl.

“Yeah” Geralt agrees, mirroring her expression.

“Look, I just… You did save Geralt back there, and Nissa said…” Jaskier averts his eyes and trails off. He crosses his arms, sulky like a child. “So thank you… or… whatever…”

Yennefer sighs, as though putting up with Jaskier takes years off her life, and moves on.

“Nissa… will you be studying with us here?” She offers, looking directly at me.

“Studying?”

“Geralt told me you are a medic”

“Well, trying to be”

“You can become a sorceress”

“A sorceress…” I consider it for a moment, excited with the possibilities. The entire reason why I started further studying medicine after my scarce lessons with Shani back in Vizima was to be of help when traveling with Geralt and Jaskier. Perhaps if I perfect my skills, or even acquire magic to heal, I can help even more people aside from them.

“I could show you around” Hana links my arm with hers. The invitation is too enticing.

Self-conscious, however, I don’t move from the spot. I turn to my companions for a moment. Geralt is standing so close to Yennefer that their sides touch. Jaskier is uncomfortable beside them, returning my gaze.

“I… I might not be suited for magic” My eyes fall on the ground. “In any case, I have no interest in sorcery, only in healing”

“No matter” Yennefer calmly replies, holding on to Geralt’s arm as she speaks. “You can become a healer instead”

“You don’t need to learn everything” Hana lets out a dry chuckle, and that simple sound brings me back and fills me with nostalgia. “They wouldn’t allow you that much in any case”

“There are thousands of books that you might find interesting” Yennefer laughs sarcastically. “Definitely more interesting than I do”

“Books?” I exclaim, fascinated by the idea of reading new ones. The witcher chuckles when his golden eyes stop on me. I presume I wasn’t successful in hiding my enthusiasm. I have grown quite fond of books of medicine and enjoy learning.

“Go ahead” Geralt is clearly impatient as his hand falls over Yennefer’s. They surely worked things out after the archespore incident. “We will wait for you”

Noticing how close they are and how they will probably indulge in some intimate activities as soon as they’re left alone, Jaskier shakes his head to himself.

“I’ll… wander around” His gaze follows a blond sorceress whose blue eyes study us curiously as she passes by. “I’m sure I can find… some way to entertain myself”

All eyes are on him as he goes after her. The woman barely listens to him when he addresses her, and he is met with disinterest. A few chuckles are heard when he throws his hands up in exasperation and resigns himself to sitting quietly and waiting.

“I don’t know what you see in him…” Yennefer points out, looking from him to me.

“Him?” Hana watches Jaskier as well, lifting an eyebrow at the way he now plays his lute in blissful resignation.

“Her bard” Yennefer nods as amusement and sharp slyness mix in her features.

“He’s not my bard…” 

“Well, Geralt’s bard”

“He’s not my bard either”

“Wait, do you have a lover?” Hana pushes my arm in sheer outrage. “Nissa!”

I bashfully smile and shake my head. Why are they all staring at me now? No matter, I focus only on Hana. When I grow aware that I have averted my gaze, I fix it on her.

“I… I have a lot of things to talk to you about” About Kader, about witchers, about Jaskier, about myself… about everything.

How I bonded with someone I feared and resented for unfair reasons, all after I learned that witchers aren’t emotionless. They feel quite strongly, or at least this one does. He is caring and protective, even if the world has showed him nothing but cruelty and rejection. He may be rough on the surface, though he is soft underneath, as a certain bard once teased him for.

How I fell in love with that very bard, with those small but meaningful gestures of his, with the way he looks at me and even the way he stupidly flirts, with his insistence on changing the subject and lightening the mood when he notices I’m upset, with how he always looks after me and asks for nothing in return.

“Then talk we shall” Hana quickly says goodbye to Geralt and Yennefer, leaving them to their own business, and takes me with her.

My mind wanders off to Jaskier there alone. However, I smile knowing he will indeed find a way to entertain himself, whether it is with his trustworthy lute or with the company of any other sorceress who is actually interested in him. My smile fades.

The hallways of the academy are big and spacious, so much so that the sound of our boots against the ground echo around the tall walls and roofs. Our voices are hushed, secretly fearing to break the mystical silence that hangs in the air. Instead, we enter an empty room and close the door. The silence doesn’t feel as sacred anymore and we nearly sigh in relief. After walking me through Aretuza and showing me the libraries and classrooms, the time has come. The dreaded moment has arrived. We examine each other. Both of us know this question has to be asked, and so I speak it.

“How did you survive?”

“Were you with them the entire time?”

As when we were reunited, we talk over each other. Laughing a bit, we quiet down and sit down in the chairs displayed around the room, across from each other.

“We might leave the painful part for last” Hana says with a frown. I nod my head, glancing at my hands as I put them over my lap.

It will certainly take me some getting used to seeing the new state her face is in. The scar doesn’t only alter her expression, for it is also a cruel reminder of the past.

This pause feels suffocating. There is so much I need to tell her that I hardly know where to begin. Several thoughts overlap in my mind as I try to put some order in my weary head.

“Tell me about the bard” She urges me, with a cheeky grin that I didn’t get to see often. 

I take a deep breath just at the thought of him. Oh, how my chest feels full only at his mention. My shoulders drop with a sigh.

“Jaskier is….” I begin to say, though she interrupts me. She is giggling, a rare occurrence. When I peer at her, I see her more relaxed and playful than I ever have. Is it our reunion, altering the way we behave? I too feel a strange euphoria cursing through me that makes me act unlike I normally would. It's just… Hana’s alive, how can I not be euphoric?

“What?” I snap despite my fond grin.

“It’s just the way you say his name” She taps my leg with her foot.

“Hana, behave” I chuckle, tilting my head in exasperation.

“I had never seen you so… in love” Hana pauses, cocking an eyebrow at me. “I don’t hear you deny it”

“You were never this indecorous”

“Are you bothered by it?”

“Read my mind”

When our eyes lock for longer, a nostalgic smile grows on her lips. Roles seem to have shifted indeed. A distant expression occupies her features, even though she still watches me.

“I never told you, but… I had always thought you would make a great sorceress” Hana tilts her head in consideration. “In fact, I often thought of you while I was here”

“How did you end up here?”

“Yennefer. I found her after I left Vizima” All this time, we might have been so close to crossing paths. Not only Hana and I, but Yennefer and Geralt before meeting in Toussaint as well. “She brought me here, seeing as I didn’t have a home anymore”

Her latest sentence is incredibly impactful. I thought I had gotten over that tragedy, yet the reminder creates a weight in my stomach. I can only assume she hasn’t quite overcome that traumatic part of our past herself either. Her furrowed brow says as much. I grit my teeth and make an effort to leave that thought behind.

“Do you like it here?” The question is important, for I need to ensure she is happy here now, away from the painful memory of our lost home.

“I do, they are like my family” Hana smiles a bit as she glances down to her wrist. A brass bracelet adorns it, contrasting with the freckles in her arm. She brushes her finger against the trinket. “Triss gave me this when I officially became a sorceress. She has one exactly like this”

Despite her uplifting smile, I read misery in her eyes. It must have been a long journey for her, much like my own. When her gaze returns to me, I understand the unsaid expectation. Time has come to address that day. I need to know.

“How did you…” For a moment I lose control of my speaking abilities until I regain my voice. “How did you survive?”

Instead of immediately replying, she pauses. It seems as though she struggles to speak up now, so I am patient.

“I went looking for you” Her gaze grows glassy and vacant. “It had never happened to me before, but I had a hunch”

“A hunch?”

“Yes… Maybe it was just me worrying, but I had this feeling… like something was wrong”

“I passed my seer abilities over to you” I cheerfully say, realizing too late that perhaps it wasn’t the right time for jokes. I only meant to lift her spirits during her tale.

“You do admit it” Hana smirks, although the gesture doesn’t quite form fully.

“I’m sorry, go on” I shake my head at my stupid attempt and motion towards her.

“I… I knew you were in danger, grave danger” She frowns, and her brown eyes fall over the dark marble floor underneath us. “Call it what you will, but… I knew”

“Destiny…” I surprise myself saying it, though I have no doubts about it. “You left in time to save yourself before it happened”

I am not quite sure she has heard me at all, for the memories seem to flash before her eyes as she blankly watches the ground.

“When I returned there was nothing but fire” There is emptiness in her as she continues, no track of her usual mordant tone. “I tried to go in the tavern and help, but…”

“It was too late” I complete for her, understanding that feeling to perfection. Her head lifts up, meeting my eyes once more.

The silence settles for several seconds until she continues.

“It left me with this scar” Her finger grazes across her cheek. I nearly flinch at the sight, knowing how painful it must have been, both physically and emotionally.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, Han” I reach out to hold her hand, which she gently squeezes as well.

“I’m sure it can’t have been easy for you either” Is her response, albeit in the form of a whisper.

That moment at the top of the mountain feels like a lifetime ago. I can’t even accurately say how much time has passed. Certainly months. I have no reliable sense of the passing of time, though it feels like so much longer than just months.

Back then I was so… naive. All my opinions were wrong, about witchers, about people, about the world. About my companions. Yet not about Jaskier. Somehow I was always right about him. Destiny, perhaps. I roll my eyes when he sneaks into my thoughts once more, lighting the darkness even without being present and inserting optimistic and beautiful thoughts about destiny in my head.

“You have changed” Hana suddenly tells me, earning a baffled stare from me.

“How so?”

“For starters, you never believed in destiny”

“With everything that happened, now it’s hard not to”

“Tell me, I’m listening”

I take a deep breath, knowing I can’t be quite as efficient summarizing everything, unlike her. So much has happened. Bracing myself for everything that I am to speak about, I lick my lips and proceed to tell her everything. About our many encounters with creatures: bruxas, lyshen, archespores. Elves. Humans. About Jovan and the fact that he had become the prime suspect of Kader’s murder. I tell her everything that has been burning in my mind and in my heart, no matter how much I distracted myself in order to ignore.

It feels like I speak for hours on end. Our conversation has been quite insightful. Telling someone external about our adventures and misfortunes make them feel all the more real, yet at the same time it heals wounds that were left deep down. After I tell Hana everything, it develops into a more light-hearted talk about magic and her time on Aretuza, about the other sorceress and her new lifestyle. It seems to belong in an entirely different world. I find myself being enthralled by every single word, wishing that I could join them. And I could... Learning magic like the rest isn’t an option. I can’t afford it and hence they wouldn’t let me be taught. However, they don’t have a problem with allowing me to stay and read a few books. Only because Hana and Yennefer bowed for me. Tissaia, the headmistress, is quite severe it seems.

Many reasons encourage me to stay here. To stay with Hana and make up for lost time. To learn, improve and evolve. To widen my horizons and find a further purpose. Given the proper tools to become a good medic and perhaps even healer, I could go beyond helping as I had so far. Only one reason sways my decision. Two, in fact. Two people.

Hana is kind enough to walk with me and discuss it, debating every aspect of it to reach a conclusion. Wiser than ever, she points out that I know the answer already. Just like I knew I wanted to accompany them after we arrived in Rinde. Deep down, I know.

“Are you sure?” She asks me, squeezing my arm as we return.

“Yes, I made my choice”

I gulp when my eyes fall over Jaskier, who hasn’t moved from his spot. His hair gently sways in the breeze as he gazes into the distance with an absent expression. Brown tufts meet with his lashes, falling over his eyes. As usual, he doesn’t bother to move them away. A sad smile grows on my lips. Hana squeezes my arm, surely recognizing my strife.

“Do you want me to go with you, Nissa?”

“No… I need to do this alone”

“Alright, I’ll be inside if you need me”

“Thank you” I absently reply, too focused on Jaskier still. When I gather myself enough to look back at her, Hana is already walking away.

My legs feel heavy as I walk over to him. My teeth sink into my bottom lip while I break my head trying to think of the right words to say what I don’t want to say. He then notices me, making me flinch slightly and halt my advance.

“Oh, there you are!” Jaskier cheerfully springs to his feet and doesn’t lose a second to approach me. “Finally, I am still stumped with that bloody song from weeks ago and it’s driving me insane, I had finally made some progress...”

“Jaskier…” I begin, trying to put an end to his gleeful nonsense.

“Yeah, never mind that” He waves a hand in the air and acquires a more serious approach. “How was it? Did you talk to your friend?”

“I did and…”

“And?”

“Well…”

I play with my hands, incapable of holding his gaze, of seeing that sparkle in his blue eyes die down when he hears the bad news. I won’t be able to say it and break his heart.

Oh, for crying out loud, no one is dying. Why am I so emotional over this? It isn’t a goodbye, we will see each other again... yet just the thought of ever leaving his side seems too much to take.

“Ah, I almost forgot!” His hands gently fall over mine, stopping my fidgeting, and I think he might have discovered it on his own. “What did you want to say to me?”

I click my tongue when his upbeat tone tells me otherwise. Not daring to say a word, I only watch him and remain quiet. How can I ever say it? I don’t know how to face this moment. I don't _want_ to face this moment.

“You never told me what was on your mind back at the inn” Jaskier explains, reminding me of yet another sensitive conversation I must have with him. And now, as I realize, I shouldn’t anymore.

How can I express my feelings for him when I am about to leave his side? What words can I use to efficiently express everything that I need to say to him? All that he has done for me, all the feelings he evokes in me? How to say goodbye after that? It would only hurt us both, needlessly so.

“Nissa?” He quietly asks, and I feel the pressure of his fingers in my palms. “Was it something bad?”

There it is, the start of the devastated look in his eyes, and I haven’t even properly explained anything yet. Somehow he senses it, though, I know he does.

“It… wasn’t as important, really” I choke out, hoping he can’t see through my lies. “You were absolutely right. I was exhausted and not thinking clearly”

“What’s going on then?” His fingers move up to my wrists, which he tugs at to inquire that I reciprocate his gaze.

“I…” No, I can’t do it. “Where’s Geralt?”

“Oh” His hands suddenly leave me as he takes a step back. At some point, we had nearly pressed our bodies together in the tension of the moment. “He’s… back there, with Yennefer”

When he points a thumb over his shoulder, I follow the direction of his finger. It will be easier to talk to Geralt first. He might even have some advice on how to tell Jaskier.

“Thanks” I try my hardest to smile at him, although I doubt it works. “I will be right back”

“Okay” Is all he says in a broken voice.

As I step away from him, I notice how he stands there, seemingly helpless and uncertain.

The door opens after my knocking. I am quite relieved to find Geralt looking decent.

“Hi, um…” I take a glance inside, seeing Yennefer sitting on the bed, fully dressed herself. “C-Can I come in? We need to talk”

The sorceress stands before Geralt can reply. The witcher turns to her when hearing the movement. His eyes follow her as she approaches the door.

“I’ll see you later” She strokes Geralt’s bicep as she leaves the room. I step aside to let her through. It takes the witcher several seconds to focus back on me. He takes a deep breath and gestures for me to walk in. I do, feeling my heart heavy when he closes the door behind me.

I thought talking to him would be easier, but that same dread lingers inside me as I question how to approach the subject. It is just as emotional to face this with Geralt.

“What is it?” He asks, crossing his arms and watching me intently.

I feel incredibly vulnerable as I try to organize my thoughts. My eyes wander around the room in an attempt to either properly focus or completely distract my brain from the distress. Neither work as I observe the yellow candle light that flanks both sides of the bed.

“I talked to Hana and, um…” Reluctantly, I face him entirely. “Well, we thought…”

“Spit it out already” He tiredly says, not moving a muscle.

“I want to stay here” The words leave my mouth before I can actually force myself to pronounce them. “Well, that’s not exactly true. I don’t want to leave you, but… I feel like I should”

“Why?”

“Because…”

“What?”

“I can learn to do some good in this place. If I perfect my healing skills-“

“You are taking your job too seriously”

“I am not!” I contradict him, and even if I raise my volume slightly, the atmosphere still feels calm and unbothered. “Geralt, there is so much that could go wrong. It could be during one of your jobs, or we could be attacked... and that is in the simplest of situations. With Jovan after you, willing to hurt any of us, I…”

“None of that is your fault, Nissa” He lightly shakes his head. “Or your responsibility”

“I know, but I could fix it! N-Not only for us, if-“

“You can’t fix the world” His boots are noisy against the wooden floor as he closes the small distance between us. “Believe me, I tried”

He has seen right through me. All our experiences have indeed molded my perspective, everything I've seen, so much pain and suffering... Maybe with the right tools and in the right hands, it can improve. Maybe, just maybe, if someone with good intentions harnessed that power, it could make the world a better place. Perhaps not entirely kind, but… kinder.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying”

“You are too soft”

“And you, Geralt, are insufferable!”

“Hm”

I avert my gaze with his amused chuckle. The small flame of the candle flutters slightly.

“If I could be like you…” I tell him gravely, slowly returning my gaze to his figure.

“Listen to me” Geralt gravely holds me by the shoulders, even if his touch is surprisingly gentle. “You don’t want to be like a witcher”

“I didn’t say a witcher” I blink several times, surprised that he didn’t understand what I meant. “I just said ‘like you’. A good person with the power to help”

“That’s cute, Nissa” He smiles a little, dropping his hands back to his sides.

“Learn to take a compliment…” I feign outrage, which only makes him chuckle again.

A short silence follows. Geralt takes a deep breath before speaking up once more.

“Is your mind set?”

“Yes”

“Have you told Jaskier?”

“Not yet, I…”

“He might cry”

“That’s not helping, Geralt…”

I shrink over myself, unable to conceal how upset that upcoming moment truly makes me. The conversation has gone quite smoothly with Geralt, even if the mere thought of actually leaving him brings tears to my eyes. But Jaskier… I can’t imagine spending one minute away from him. It’s incredible to think that just some time ago I didn’t even know him, and now I can’t fathom a day without his obnoxious and charming presence.

“He’ll understand” There is conviction in his voice. He is absolutely sure about it, and so I am.

I glance at him for a moment just to avert my eyes again. They grow watery by the second.

“I know he will…” I shake my head, feeling stupidly helpless. “That’s not the problem…”

“What worries you then?”

“I’m afraid that… If he does truly care abou me and we spend too long apart maybe he’ll…”

“No” He boldly interrupts me. “His feelings won’t fade”

“Yeah, well…” I chuckle, swallowing my tears. “They might if he finds someone else”

“That’s not possible” Geralt simply tells me. “No one else would put up with him”

I laugh, definitely not expecting such a showcase of humor from the witcher’s side. He tilts his head and looks at me fondly. It only breaks my heart to know that I am to depart just when we were becoming such good friends.

“I…” We stare at each other, completely silent. “I need to talk to him”

Geralt nods his head, though none of us move. This is our farewell.

I hesitate, not knowing how to react or what to do. If it were for me, I would give him a big hug. Still, I know that would make him uncomfortable. Instead, I reach out to squeeze his forearm.

“Hm…” He rolls his eyes and suddenly engulfs me in a big hug himself.

“G-Geralt!” I exclaim in utter shock, still as a statue as I’m pressed against his broad chest.

“Don’t be reckless” He only says without bringing attention to our emotional embrace. “Stay safe”

I heave a sigh as I wrap my arms around him as well and press my cheek against his chest. We have barely hugged before, yet it feels profoundly comforting and somehow familiar. Friendly, warm and sad all at once. I never want to let go. My forehead wrinkles as I move to press my face against his shoulder.

“Take care, grumpy” I say, my voice muffled against the leather in his shirt. “Don’t get killed”

“Never” His big hands pat my back before we break away. Trying to save myself the embarrassment of actually crying in front of him, I quickly scurry off as soon as we break the embrace. How I will miss that stubborn witcher.

Unlike last time, Jaskier now stands slowly and feebly when I return to him. He hasn’t moved from his spot in hours. His lute lies on the ground, appearing as miserable as him.

“There’s something wrong, is there not?” His eyes worriedly look me up and down. “Is… Is Geralt alright? Is it you, haven’t you fully recovered? What…?”

“It’s not that” I interrupt him, feeling as though each step I take brings me closer yet further away from him. “Geralt is alright, and I am healthy as well”

“Then what’s wrong?” Like he did before, he reaches out to hold my hands. “Please tell me, you… you know you can tell me anything”

My voice feels stuck in my throat when I make eye contact with him. There are already tears filling his eyes, begging to be shed, and I fear I don’t look any different. It hurts, but I must do it. Just say it. Don’t stretch this out. Spit it out as soon as possible. Speak up.

“This is where we part ways, Jaskier” I sob when the worlds finally leave my mouth. My head drops forward and I cling on to his fingers. “I am staying here with Hana”

He doesn’t reply. No words from him reach my ears. The only way I have to ensure he hasn’t turned to stone is the force of his hands as he squeezes mine. Quite strongly, might I add.

“I…” Suddenly, I am overwhelmed by an urge to fill this unbearable quietness. “I need to be better… I was a lousy medic, and I need to change that if I want to remain by your side. And I do, I really do. I need to be away for a bit now so I can stay with you later”

“No… No, love, you don’t need to be our medic or our healer” Jaskier finally recovers, tugging at me like before, only much more urgently. “You are more than enough being just Nissa. In fact, you… you’re not just Nissa, you’re… you’re…”

“I know!” I interrupt him when I recognize the desperation in his voice. “But I… I _want_ to be your medic, I want look after the both of you like you have looked after me. I-I want to help as many people as I can! And I can’t do that right now, unless I stay here”

“Alright… You have made up your mind, it seems… I need to respect that” Jaskier nervously licks his lips. “I-I do respect that, it is quite admirable and humbling”

Our eyes keep finding other spots to look at to avoid direct contact. I am convinced that as soon as they meet, it will trigger my inevitable weeping. And on turn, possibly his as well.

“As usual, Jaskier, you are quite the charmer” I study his expression expectantly, until a smile finally tugs at the corner of his lips.

“I meant it, Nissa” My heart skips a beat when our gazes lock. “You have the biggest heart…”

Looking into his eyes, seeing how they are laced with such profound sadness, a sob escapes my throat. It makes him frown, and his thumb tenderly caresses my hand. I can nearly read the plea in his expression. Don’t go. At the same time, his eyes encourage me. I support you, they say, I don’t want you to go, but I support you whole heartedly.

For crying out loud, why am I getting so overwhelmed again? Why is this so painful? Learning might take some time, but this goodbye is not forever. Get ahold of yourself, Nissa.

“This is silly” I give a poor attempt at a chuckle. “Are we actually crying over this?”

“I’m not” He assures, even if he subtly retrieves his hand to pass it over his cheek.

Sobs are taking control over my body, causing my shoulders to convulse and making my breathing erratic. We will see each other again. We will reunite. We will. Stop this. Stop it!

“Will we… Will I see you again?” The emotion is badly contained in his voice. In fact, it breaks and I can’t hear the end of his sentence. I don’t need to.

“I… I will find you” I vehemently nod, powering through my sobbing. “I will”

“How? When you return, we might be anywhere in the Continent”

“Destiny brought our paths together… It will do so again”

“I have myself a little poet” His thumb moves to wipe my tears away as he manages a soft chuckle that fills my heart with hope and yearning at the same time.

“Stupid bard” I shake my head in disappointment, though never genuine.

“Deep down you love me” Jaskier tilts his head to the side, innocently and adorably as usual. I can’t imagine not seeing his face every day, hearing his voice, feeling his touch... That thought is heartbreaking.

“I…” On an instinct, I almost agree. I was awfully close to pouring out all my emotions by saying that magic word. I correct myself on time. “I’m truly going to miss you”

“Me too, Nissa” He utters, so lowly that I barely hear him. “I promise you, I will have that song composed when we meet again. For you, in your honor”

“I can hardly wait” Just like I can hardly quit him and end this moment. Because as much as I adore being with him, we must take the painful step sooner rather than later.

We linger. Crippling doubt reaches me. I wonder if this is the right choice. What if I lose him forever? What if Geralt was right and Jaskier harbors feelings for me and I lose my chance to find out if he reciprocates? What if we never find each other after this? No, don’t think that. I will look for him when I’m ready. We will meet again. Destiny is powerful. It will reunite us.

“Nissa, I… I…” Jaskier begins, pausing mid-sentence. Ultimately, he sighs and stares at me with a painful sad smile. “Please take care”

“You too… stay safe…” I kiss his fingers and clutch his hands to my chest. It hurts. It aches.

He is staring at me in such a way that it makes me crumble. There is such adoration in his eyes, such tenderness, that I can’t take it. Something within me just bursts as tears come cascading down my face. I grit my teeth, yet that doesn’t keep the tears from falling. Not wanting him to see me, I bow my head down. My pitiful sobs fill the silence. Before it can result in his bawling, I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight. I don’t only hug him tight, I cling on to him. I desperately wrap my arms around him like he is buoyant keeping me afloat amongst the ocean of emotions that want to drown me. His arms squeeze me just as tight as he sighs and nuzzles my shoulder. I hide my face in his chest and sob there. This is stupid. It isn’t a goodbye. We will meet again. We will.

We linger for as long as we can, wishing it to be longer. Wishing it could be forever. When we break away, we share a knowing look. We can’t stretch this moment out forever. Ever so lightly, one of his hands goes to wipe my tears again while the other holds my hand. His touch is so delicate and sweet that it only makes matters worse. I take a step back, though his grip tightens.

“Goodbye, my lovely Nissa”

“Farewell, my dear Jaskier…”

We pause. Our eyes meet one last time as he kisses my knuckles. Then he lets go of me. Our fingers refuse to break the contact even as our bodies do. I have to force it. They finally slip off each other when I turn away and start walking.

More sobs break out, hurting my throat. I have the urge to look back at Jaskier as I distance myself from him. I shouldn’t. It would only make me want to stay, to run to hold him again and this time never let go. I have to be strong. I have to make this sacrifice, so I don’t look back. I don’t. I don't...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and keeping up with the story, I genuinely appreciate every single hit, kudos and comment so very much! 💖


	13. True Love Awaits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jaskier voice* Act 3 begins! Or maybe it began in the last chapter 😂 Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this new chapter, let me know what you think! :)

Hana was kind enough to retrieve Pal for me in Touissant. I had missed my beloved horse, and his company proves helpful in my loneliness. Of course, I am not quiet alone, though that weight in my chest hasn’t left me. I try to take it as a reminder, as further incentive to stay, for the quicker I accomplish my goal, the sooner I can return and let go of that ache.

Her company is indeed a delight, as always, even if our interactions are a bit tepid until we recover the time we’ve lost. She has been very supportive of me the entire time I have been here. After I suggested I could go to nearby towns to work as a medic, she has always accompanied me. Hana hasn’t ceased looking after me with the care of an older sister. I enjoy her presence every day, it being the best thing of this place as well as learning.

“Are you having any trouble?” The redhead asks over my shoulder, forcing me back to reality.

“N-No” I clear my throat, redirecting my eyes to the woman’s wound. “I’ve got it”

These days I have been quite absent and find it nearly impossible to focus. I can’t exactly explain what is causing this state, though I have a faint suspicion. The first few days I was enamored with the place, with the new people and opportunities, with all the new knowledge. I was far too distracted by this wondrous situation to miss anything. Or anyone. At the end of the first month, however, as soon as the routine set in and the magic vanished, things changed. Some absences became too noticeable, and the ache in my heart grew in intensity. No matter how much I adore Hana, or everything that I am doing here, there is something missing. A gaping hole in my heart.

“Nissa” Hana insists, and I click my tongue in annoyance with myself. This person needs my cares. All my monster knowledge proves incredibly helpful as well, even if these are claw marks this time.

“Right” I must concentrate, I am working after all.

People often came to my aid when they were in need of a healer. The first few clients weren’t as pleased with my services, but as time passed and I acquired more practice, I also found confidence in my learned skills. Now, as I observe the wound on the woman’s arm, I recognize it doesn’t require magic. It is fortunately superficial, and although nasty looking, it can be treated fairly easily. More importantly, it can be treated manually, for I have learned not to use magic at every opportunity and instead save it for deep wounds or complicated injuries.

My hands nearly work on their own as they treat the wound, firstly cleaning it now that it has stopped bleeding to then move on to carefully bandaging it.

“Change the bandage twice a day” I tell the patient as I finish. “And apply salve when you do, it will help it heal quicker”

“Thank you” The woman heaves a sigh of relief. “I was so frightened… I didn’t want to turn into a werewolf”

“That won’t happen” I patiently repeat, used to people sometimes being more concerned about non physical ailments. “If it were a bite, perhaps. Claw marks, however, are like any other wound”

“A coin?” Hana reminds her not so subtly.

“Of course” The woman produces some from her pocket and hand it to me.

“Charmed to help” I offer a polite smile as I save the payment in my pouch.

“Remember not to go out late at night” Is my friend’s goodbye as we exit the small house.

I absently count the coins in my pouch. It is hard to believe that not long ago I didn’t even own one and now it is full to the brim. In all honesty, it does bring a smile to my face.

“You didn’t use magic this once” Hana’s hand moves idly and creates a portal that sits on the ground before us. “And you haven’t fainted, what a coincidence”

“That was so long ago…” I roll my eyes, returning my pouch to its place on my belt. “Are you not going to forget about it?”

“No, you obstinate woman” She grunts in exasperation, nearing the magical portal. I grin in spite of myself, even if it only exasperates her more.

When we cross, we are once again at Aretuza. Hana's brown eyes are attentive to my every move. Surely, she must have noticed how distracted I am as of late. I pay no attention to her concern and instead begin walking, leading the way. We near the academy, bustling with the sorceresses that I have gotten to know these past years. I pay more attention to them than to Hana, who keeps lecturing me and giving me a bit of a headache. Triss is heading our direction, bearing her usual warm smile as she approaches us to fortunately put an end to my friend’s endless scolding.

“Nissa, you’re back!”

“Hello, Triss” I hug her when she opens her arms. “Long time no see”

As I found out, Triss happened to be affiliated with King Foltest. After what happened in Vizima, she had often gone back to aid the very few survivors that managed to escape the dragon fire massacre. A stark survivor herself, Hana often accompanied her to Vizima. Not lately, however, for rumor had it that these days Triss went to meet with a certain witcher instead. Even separated, their memory chases me.

“Are you alright?” Triss asks, frowning slightly. “You seem a bit absent”

“Her head is on the clouds lately”

“I’m fine, Han”

“If you are unhappy, feel free to leave at any time” The latter reminds me, even if with a resigned sigh. When I peer at her in surprise, she nods her head. “Yes, I _have_ noticed it”

“I am not unhappy…”

“Yet you don’t quite feel at home” I detest that Hana knows me so well.

I also hate that returning to the comforting feeling that was her friendship wasn’t as ideal as I expected it to be. Of course, it has been wonderful to meet her again and spend some time together. It feels as though her magic healed internal wounds. Reconciling that part of my past and closing that chapter of my life feels like letting go of one of the many burdens that seemed to haunt me. Yet that is not quite enough, somehow.

Things have changed. I have changed. And mostly there are two people to blame, even if one takes a bigger part of it. Nonetheless, how am I to voice these thoughts? How am I to admit to Hana, my old friend, that I crave something more? That now that I know that she is alive and well, safe and more than capable, I can carry on without her? That now that I have learned healing my stay here seems pointless? I feel like a child that only desires that which she cannot have, yet my heart keeps yearning for their return. The more I think about them, the more my skepticism fades and the more destiny and true love feel real instead of a foolish fantasy as I once thought they were. This feeling in my heart tells me so.

“I… It is nothing personal, truly. I have met some amazing women here and made great friends” I fondly squeeze Triss’ arm, earning a smile from her. “Still, I…”

“They are your home” Hana completes for me, abandoning her grave tone. Now it is full of understanding and resignation.

“Am I that transparent…?” I force out a smile, even if averting my eyes.

“You speak his name on your sleep” The redhead smirks, although it is the playful glint in her eye that speaks for itself.

“Hana…” I whine. When Triss giggles, I am convinced that I am blushing.

“I am appalled that I never got to meet the bard” The latter nudges me. “Honestly, it makes me curious that you sigh for him in such a way”

“Oi, I don’t sigh for him!” I defend myself, perhaps too adamantly. “We are just friends”

“There is no need to lie” They share a look of rapport that sets my teeth on edge.

I glare at them and laugh in outrage. My embarrassment deeply amuses them.

“There, I haven’t seen you smile like that in weeks” Hana insists, pinching my burning cheeks. I scowl.

“If you could stop torturing me, that would be wonderful” I softly push her away, refusing to look into their eyes while they laugh at my expense.

“Nissa” Triss shows me her kind smile. “You better visit us”

“I haven’t even decided anything yet” I mutter, shoving behind my ear the strands of hair that escape my disheveled bun. “Stop that”

“Perhaps you should take Pal for a ride” Hana tilts her head in the direction where I left my horse. “Clear your head”

I squint at her when I recognize the meaning behind her words. Her eyes are expressive enough to speak her thoughts. ‘You may be deceiving yourself, Nissa, but you can’t deceive us’. No, I am not deceiving myself. I have not made my mind up yet.

“Hm…” I utter a mocking hum as I wrinkle my nose at her. Hana grins.

Perhaps trying to let that sink in, she takes Triss and leaves me alone. I don’t look at them over my shoulder, yet I can feel their eyes on me as I stand there deep in thought. No matter, Pal’s company will be reassuring. It might contribute to solving the conflict within me. I stare at my worn-out boots as I approach the horse, calmly sitting where I left him. He leans his head against my shoulder as soon as I approach, and I smile and caress his mane back. As soon as I climb onto the saddle and start galloping, I grin widely. It feels liberating. Last time I freely rode Pal and wandered was far too long ago.

My thoughts feel as tangled as ever. If I didn’t know it was impossible, I would blame my state on some sort of powerful sorcery. Although the source of my emotions is real, it does feel purely magical.

With Pal moving for me, I found it hard to ground myself in reality, immersed in deep thoughts which weren’t useful. Nothing has changed as a result, not my uncertainty nor my yearning. Forcing myself to actually pay attention to the direction my feet take, I have left Pal to rest for a moment while I take a stroll. I promise myself to make it brief and then return to him.

Like a wake-up call, a sound suddenly startles me. My eyes examine the area that surrounds me, scattered with trees, until I find the source. As if I needed more proof to blindly believe in destiny, my heart halts as soon as I turn to the sound of footsteps. I recognize the figure in the distance, even when he faces his back to me. His vibrant red clothes are a dead giveaway. If that wasn’t clue enough, an instrument hangs from his back. A smile creeps up to my lips as I walk closer to him. My accelerated heart betrays my excitement. For several seconds I can only watch him, still astonished that it is truly him. He clumsily steps on the soil under his feet, nearly slipping because of the mild slope. I chuckle. It is really him.

“Jaskier!” I call him, causing him to immediately turn around. His face lights up.

“Nissa!” He replies in surprise, trudging my way as well. “Ugh, a friendly face”

We meet in the middle and stand there for a moment, just peering at each other. I have the urge to lunge myself at him and hug him tight, though ultimately I don’t. I am mortified when I feel out of breath at his mere presence before me. The effect he has on me has not changed, as my feelings have not faded in the slightest. A smile slowly creeps up to his lips, as those lively blue eyes I had missed so much look me up and down. He hasn’t changed a bit in all this time. 

“You… you changed your hair” He points out, lifting a finger up to push away one of the strands that frame my face. “Y-Yeah…”

I never feel his touch, for he lowers his hand and looks away from me. Time has taken a toll on our closeness, as things seem to have cooled after so long without seeing each other. I no longer know how to address him, and our once intimate connection seems gone.

“It gets in the way” I shrug, chuckling nervously. “And it’s more comfortable than a braid”

“Less laborious too, I assume” Our eyes meet once more. “You always spent so long braiding it”

The cold autumn breeze fills the silence as it caresses our skins and ruffles our hair. As usual, he doesn’t push his away when it falls over his eyes. I smile. Remaining quiet, he imitates my gesture despite not knowing the thought that conjured it.

“What… what are you doing here, Jaskier?” He pauses, apparently too busy staring at me.

“It is so good to see you, honestly” Making me realize we are still just standing there, he begins walking. I do the same, lingering by his side. “You are not going to believe what happened”

“I’m all ears” My heart unexpectedly wells up, being thankful for the company myself.

“I got lost in this… stupid place” He motions around us. “Luckily I found you, and you can be my compass”

“Gladly” I say, desperate to break through this rare stiffness in the conversation. In reality, there’s a question burning in my mind that I can’t help but to blurt out. “And… where’s Geralt?”

As we walk together to a more open area, I notice how his feet halt for a moment. Jaskier recovers quickly, though, and carries on with our brisk pace.

“I don’t know, actually” He plays with the leather strap supporting the lute to his back. “We sort of… parted ways too”

I take notice of the reluctant and saddened hint in his voice. Sensing something has happened between them, I open my mouth to ask. However, Jaskier pipes up once more.

“Never mind that, tell me about what you’ve done” He tilts his head in my direction. His voice has acquired its usual energy once more. “Have you learned a lot?”

“I have” I glance at my hands, now calloused and mildly worn-out. “Even if I haven’t quite perfected magic yet”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re fine” He waves his hand in the air. “There's nothing you can’t do”

I chuckle. His compliment flatters me. I have missed how casually he can spew lovely words. Struggling to find a proper reply, I only part my lips. The sudden rustling of nearby bushes alarms me. Forgetting about searching for a witty remark that before came so naturally, I peer in the direction of the sound.

“I suppose magic is quite a complicated subject” He is saying, still focused on the conversation. “Still, you have been here… what, nearly two years? Surely, your abilities must have greatly improved”

“Shut up” I ask him, slowly nearing the bushes. I tip toe not to be noisy, though he does not. His steps are fidgety and heavy.

“Well, that isn’t very nice” He puts a hand on his hip, mindlessly following. “Nissa, have you turned impolite?”

I recognize his attempt to rekindle our relationship, though the timing is greatly off. Thousands of possibilities fill my mind. It can be a monster behind the bush. It can be Scoia’tael. It can be Jovan. Was Jaskier followed? Was I being watched? Did I put all my friends in danger again?

“Honestly, that was quite hurtful, I-“

“Shut up!” I slap a hand against his mouth, not worrying to glance at him. Jaskier grunts against my hand, but resigns himself to his imposed silence.

The noise continues, although the rustling alone isn’t enough to properly hint to who the attacker might be. The tall bush is moving. Jaskier stiffens when he sees it too. I recognize a shadow lurking behind it and gasp. Then I act on an instinct and throw myself towards Jaskier. He yelps, clumsily holding on to me when I push him to the ground.

Landing on top of him, I hear him grunting when his back makes contact. The lute thuds against the ground, protecting him from harm. Before he can speak again, I cover him with my body and return my palm to his mouth. His eyes are wide as he watches me in astonishment. I look away from them and back to the bush. My heartbeat fills the silence. I hold my breath. The rustling then continues as a shape slowly emerges from the bushes, too slowly for my poor nerves. I breathe out when I see our ‘attacker’.

It is only a deer. The animal calmly paces near us.

“Melitele…” I utter in annoyance, heaving a deep breath.

Jaskier’s fingers meet with my hand, which he gently pushes off his mouth. When I peer down at him, there is a pronounced frown on his brow. Worried about his wellbeing, I open my mouth, though my breathing is so erratic that I can’t speak.

“Uh… Nissa?”

“False alarm…”

“I noticed… Uh, I don’t know if you realized, but… you’re straddling me”

I feel heat creeping up my entire face when I see I am in fact straddling him. Because of the lute on his back, his torso is propped up and our faces are extremely close. I can feel his breath on my nose. My body is pressing his to the ground while my free hand protectively keeps his chest in place, so I take it off.

“Sorry…” I laugh a bit, hoping he can’t hear the hammering of my heart. “Are you hurt?”

“No…” His hand squeezes my hip. “But you’re _still_ on top of me”

“Forgive me” I hurriedly scurry off him and allow him to move.

“Oh, you are forgiven” Jaskier calmly mutters. I can feel his eyes on me.

I suddenly feel incredibly disheveled when several strands of hair fall over my face. My panting doesn’t help. Neither does my still racing heart, nor the heat in my body. Wishing the ground could just eat me whole, I focus my glance on it while my hands try to find something to occupy themselves with. They still remember the feeling of his chest hair against them, of the movement of his breathing under my palm. Instead they move to my hair and attempt to fix the mess that is my bun. Once I check it has survived the sharp movements, my fingers instinctively fall upon my dagger. I whip my head up and stare at Jaskier. I pretend not to realize how he is gawking at me.

“You should take this” I offer it to him, not wanting to leave him exposed. “Just in case”

“There was no danger” He reminds me, watching the harmless deer with the corner of his eye. “I’m alright”

“But if there is, you have no weapon”

“If I take it, I leave _you_ with no weapon”

“I can take care of myself”

Studying magic and medicine hasn’t been the only abilities I have improved on. Every day, I have made it a mission to train a bit. Abandoning the use of my dagger, I familiarized myself with Kader’s old sword. I am nowhere near as skilled as Geralt is, but I can surely hold myself in a fight now. Furthermore, and remembering how obstinate the witcher was about it, I have tried to use my legs and fists as weapons as well.

“I appreciate the thought, Nissa, but-“

“Jaskier, take the damn dagger”

“Actually, I don’t need it… I… always carry something with me”

When he pushes his open doublet aside, I see a familiar hilt sticking out from his waistband. As my hand rests over my dagger, I recognize how similar Jaskier’s is. For a moment I wonder why he hasn’t said anything about it before. Then I remember where he got the weapon from: it was that day in the mountain, when one of Jovan’s treasure hunters dropped it and we found it. Has he kept it all this time? Why? Was it because it reminded him of me or only to arm himself? To my knowledge, he never carried weapons before we met, only his trustworthy lute. The idea that he held on to the dagger only flusters me further, as if I wasn’t very much so before.

“Don’t worry about me, love” Jaskier grins in the end, even if there is so much to him at this very moment. The way his fingers delicately hold on to his dagger. How his eyes are fondly watching me. The subtle blush in his cheeks.

“R-Right” I nod, cringing on the inside. “Good”

“Are you alright, Nissa?”

“Yes. A-Anyway, where was I?” I continue walking, flustered by his scrutiny. “Right, magic”

The subject change is rather abrupt, and I know how bizarre the moment is when Jaskier doesn’t say a word after that.

Finally forgetting about my strange moment of alarm, Jaskier has started talking again. He seems fascinated by my tale of all the things I have learned here. When he jokes and asks about the beautiful sorceresses, I feel as though the awkwardness is in the process of leaving us.

Pal has taken us back to the academy. I lightly tug on the reins and proceed to jump off. Before I can, Jaskier is already on the ground and reaching out with his arms. I grin as I lean in his direction, allowing him to hold me by the waist and carefully lower me onto the floor. I feel stupid as I wonder in the gentle touch of his hands and his surprisingly muscular biceps under my fingers.

“Thank you” I mutter, moving away from him too quickly when we stand too close.

“My pleasure, my lady” He stands still for just a second. “So, uh… why didn’t you just use a portal, if you can in fact conjure them?”

“Simple” I say as I walk away, waiting for him to follow. “I refuse to use them unless I absolutely have to. Magic comes with a price, and I dislike using portals in any way”

“Ah, just like Geralt…” His tone instantly shifts from cheery to gloomy. I anxiously glance around to distract him from whatever has happened with the witcher. As I do, I spot Hana and Triss sitting by a tree. They are having a lively conversation that I hope does not include me.

“I want you to meet Triss” Though I hesitate to touch him again, I link my arm with his and drag him in their direction. “She is the sweetest”

“Is that her, the brunette?” The grin does indeed return to his lips. “She is gorgeous”

“Oh, how I have missed your blatant adoration for other people” I mock him, averting my eyes when both the women and him watch me.

“Sarcasm can harmful a weapon, my dear Nissa” His hand pats mine over his forearm. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’re jealous”

“Nissa!” Triss luckily calls attention off the subject, standing to her feet and approaching us. Hana stays behind for a bit, mouth agape as she stares at Jaskier. I can’t wait to have her tease me further, especially knowing that she was more than correct.

“Hello, lovely dame!” Jaskier offers his hand as soon as Triss is close enough. “I‘m Jaskier, and who might you be?”

She isn’t exactly subtle when her eyes widen at the mention of the name she has heard so many times. Gosh, why does he make me feel like a child with a stupid crush?

“Triss. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jaskier” Her eyes fall upon me for just a second before returning to him. “Nissa has told me all about you”

“Has she now?”

“H-Hana!” I call her over, frantically gesturing for her to save me.

I ‘accidentally’ bump my shoulder against Triss while I leave them to reunite with Hana. Triss whispers a ‘he’s cute’ before I leave her side. Hana rushes to reach me, even if her eyes won’t stop traveling from him to me. An uncharacteristically mischievous grin plays in her lips.

“How did you find him?” She blurts out, tugging at my sleeve as soon as she approaches.

“We sort of... just found each other near the woods” I chuckle, mildly distracted by the sound of his voice behind me. “Isn’t that such a coincidence?”

“Coincidence…”

“Of course”

“Are you leaving with him?”

“I…” Although I hesitate, that feeling in my heart returns to eliminate any doubts. “I think so…”

“True love awaits” She simply whispers to me as we return with them.


	14. Sisterhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for keeping up with the story, everyone! You've been really patient, so next chapter finally comes something that you're all probably waiting to happen. Enjoy reading this chapter and take care! 😘

Jaskier is rambling. I have never been so enthused by his nonsense. I’m not even picking on what subject he is prattling about, only focused on the passion with which he always speaks and the way his eyes sparkle and his lips curl up.

“I’m sorry…” He suddenly says, turning to me with a hand on his hip. “Am I boring you?”

I shake my head, unable to contain my smile. He watches me carefully, being infected with my gesture. Moved by a feeling I thought forgotten, I quit our walking and immediately sneak my arms around his waist to hold him tight. This embrace seems to bring me together when his arms envelop me as well. His light chuckle sounds near my ear and causes my heart to skip a beat.

“I have missed you, stupid bard” Needing to look into his lively blue eyes again, I pull away and look up at them. His arms linger around me. Reminding me of something else I had missed, his bright smile dazzles me when it arrives, bigger than ever and mildly smug.

“I knew you couldn’t live without me, love” When I glare at him, he chuckles in an adorable way and strokes my back with his hand. “I’ve missed you too, Nissa”

Once more, the way he looks at me flusters me deeply.

“Why don't we… sit for a moment?”

“Of course” He unhands me, leaving coldness in that spot where his hands rested. Jaskier then bows with a flourish, inviting me to choose a spot myself in order for him to follow.

“Now” I plop down on the ground, not bothering to look for a more suitable place to rest. We have been talking for hours, and all this walking is tiring me after I have grown more accustomed to riding and traveling through portals than to our usual trudging when I was with Jaskier and Geralt. “Jas”

“Hm?”

“What are your plans?”

“I… don’t really have any” He mumbles as he sits by my side. “Why, do you?”

“Maybe we should look for Geralt” I shrug a bit, trying to conceal how excited I am about the idea. “Get the team back together”

“I…” He fidgets his hands, not establishing eye contact again. “I’m not quite sure that’s what he wants”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I offer, finally addressing what has clearly been bothering him for a bit. “Something obviously happened between you two”

Jaskier sighs. His entire composure crumbles in a second. He quiets down, though when he pipes up again he does so with his usual fervor.

“That obstinate witcher…” Jaskier rolls his eyes dramatically. “He shouted at me, so I just walked away”

Despite his feigned carefree tone, I can tell that he’s upset. I stare at him, noticing the subtle frown on his brow, but he nervously shakes his head. Before I can react, he has put his head on my lap and I freeze for a moment. His head is literally on my thigh.

“I mean, how is that fair?” He mutters, gesticulating quite a lot, but facing away from me.

I feel bad for him and see no reason to push him away. Instead, I find the gesture to be quite endearing. I smile and sigh. After several seconds of hesitance, my hand falls over his head. His hair is surprisingly soft and I find myself sinking my fingers in it, which also seems to be of comfort to him as he relaxes into the touch.

“What happened, exactly?” I encourage him, continuing to caress his hair.

“It was because of Yennefer, he was grumpy and…” Jaskier suddenly grows quiet. In any case, he gave me all the information I needed.

It seems as though Geralt has not remedied his tendency to lash out at people, especially if a certain sorceress is involved. I myself have suffered the effect Yennefer has on Geralt as well. I cannot forget that moment at the inn. She only makes his temper worse when they clash.

I grit my teeth as I watch Jaskier. He remains quiet. I patiently wait for him to continue, but he only turns around to lay flat on his back. Now our eyes meet and there is a pronounced frown in his brows again. I can clearly read the vulnerability and remorse in his expression.

“Did he take it out on you?” I venture, making him shrug before crossing his arms over his chest. He looks up at the sky, perhaps to avoid looking at me.

“It’s fine…” Despite his words, he makes a face. “It wouldn’t be the first time anyway”

“Jas” My stern tone causes him to look at me. “Cut the crap”

Jaskier lingers for a moment, eyes drowned in emotion as he stares. Then he sits up off my lap and heaves a big sigh. He tries to hide it with a faux smile, but his eyes have turned watery.

“Um, actually… I’m… quite hurt” His voice falters, and I put my head on his shoulder as a silent gesture of comfort. That seems to encourage him to continue. “He said some things…”

“Like what?”

“You know…” His fingers nervously fiddle with the grass that flattens under his legs. “How I give him nothing but trouble and he wishes he never met me… the usual…”

“Jaskier…” That is harsh, even for Geralt. I am outraged, and I wince in sympathy.

He stays quiet, though I know him well enough to read his thoughts. He’s scared, terrified that Geralt was speaking the truth, that all this time he didn’t actually consider him a friend, that he only seems him as a nuisance and a meddling bard that he merely reclutantly tolerated.

“You know he didn’t mean it” I pull away from him to look him in the eye, yet he doesn’t reciprocate, instead absently glancing down at the grass he twiddles between his fingers. “Jas, look at me”

He finally meets with my gaze. His blue eyes are drowned in tears, which honestly breaks my heart. How dare Geralt hurt Jaskier like that? If we meet again, I will be certain to scold him for it. He should realize the impact of his words and consider other’s feelings before opening his big mouth. Stubborn bloody witcher…

I take Jaskier’s hands in mine to keep him from pulling at the grass any more.

“Geralt cares about you, he genuinely values your friendship” I shake my head, mentally cursing the witcher. “And if you say Yennefer was still around, you know she rattles him. I’m sure you did nothing wrong”

“Yeah…” He chuckles, although the emotion doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, I suppose”

“We are going to look for him and find him, and he better apologize... or I’m going to kick his ass until he does. Only I can taunt my stupid bard”

My joking tone is enough to lighten the mood a bit. Jaskier laughs once more, this time more heartedly. With his free hand, he rubs his eyes before the tears can actually come down.

“I miss that grumpy witcher” He reluctantly admits. “With our falling out…”

“I… was feeling lonely too” I tap his knee, and dedicate him a reassuring smile when his eyes meet with mine. “But now we can be lonely together”

“Thank you, Nissa” He breathes out, as though it had been difficult for him to breathe before.

I never let go of his hands, but I peck his cheek before carefully leaning my head on his shoulder again. He leans into the touch, resting his cheek against my hair. The forgotten butterflies return. My heart is thumping inside my chest once more. A thought burns in my mind, making that persistent ache in my heart to feel quite obvious, painfully so.

Unspoken words itch in my tongue, they burn in my mind. I feel shortness of breath at the thought of speaking them, of opening my heart to him. It’s probably a good moment. The atmosphere finally feels calm and warm. Silence has settled for a change. We are, in fact, holding hands and leaning on each other. I smile in anticipation, opening my mouth to pour my emotions out.

“Alright, your turn” He suddenly says before I can utter any words.

“What?” I pull away from him, watching him in confusion.

“Tell me what’s worrying you” Jaskier clicks his tongue in exasperation. “Or are you telling me you just wanted an excuse to tackle me to the ground and straddle me back there?”

“Can you not use that word?” I try to unhand him, but his hands tighten around mine.

“Which one, straddle?” I catch him smirking with the corner of my eye. Oh, he is back to being himself already, I see. “Why? Does it fluster you, Nissa?”

Lacking a proper response, I only press my lips together and shake my head. Fighting it with all my strength, I refuse to smile in response to his flirtatious teasing. Gods, how I have missed him…

“Come on” His fingers leave mine to instead clasp our palms together. “Tell me what’s wrong, I’m listening”

The gentle way in which he speaks gives me goose bumps. The tender manner in which he is staring at me is making it impossible for me to return his gaze. I hate that I adore him so bloody much, that he can go from insufferable to endearing so quickly.

A sigh escapes my lips.

“I feel so… vulnerable” I start speaking, allowing that restlessness that nestled within me for months to finally come out. “Without you or Geralt around… I often spend time alone these days, and… I haven’t done so in my entire life”

Jaskier gravely nods his head, letting me know he understands. As I hoped he would.

There was always someone. When I was little it was my parents. When they passed, it was Kader. After he was taken from me I had Hana, and then Jaskier and Geralt. But now, even though I have befriended Triss and Hana is by my side once more… a strange and foreign loneliness has accompanied me, an empty feeling that rendered my heart prisoner even when I was in the company of my sorceress friends. This feeling was only driven away with Jaskier’s unexpected appearance.

Many times, I have been close to telling Hana all of this, to... venting this anguish that stirred within me. But all the sorceresses are too busy, or preoccupied with bigger, more important matters. Matters that concerned all of the Continent and not just an insignificant person like me. And even if it wasn’t the case, I didn’t feel brave enough to tell her. There are many reasons for it as well.

For starters, I didn’t want to burden her with my trifles. Knowing her, she would be more than happy to let me vent yet… I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. Even if I knew she would scold me for thinking so, for believing that I wasn’t right to for even a moment.

Secondly, I wasn’t convinced that she would understand me. She would intently listen to my every word, of course, and comfort me and just be there, but… I needed someone who could understand what I was experiencing. Jaskier, who has traveled many times with Geralt before, probably relates to such vulnerability more than I can ever imagine.

The witcher’s company was comforting, a silent promise that his protective and skilled presence would defend us from any and all evils, because he was our friend and, no matter how much he tried to deny it if asked, he cared about us. He was in no way invincible, but he nearly felt like he was.

And now, whenever I leave for a stroll or ride with Pal, I feel exposed. Despite having my dagger and my sword as well as my scarce magic skills, I still do. Even if I train diligently, every day without fail. It doesn’t matter.

“Nissa?” His thumb comfortingly rubs my knuckles as his voice steers my thoughts.

“It is quite silly” A pang reaches my chest when I see the heartbroken expression in his face. I roll my eyes, ashamed by these feelings. “And cowardly”

“It isn’t” Jaskier softly shakes his head. “We have encountered so much peril… It’s not strange to feel in such a way”

Exactly. Jaskier does understand me. Warrior elves, vampires, bounty hunters, archespores, leshy… Each and every single encounter stays in my memory. Those close calls we have had never leave me, and they only magnify in my imagination when I am alone. Those same creatures and more of even bigger significance seem to lurk in every corner.

“Would you feel safer with me by your side?” He asks, and it saddens me to recognize a hint of fear in his voice. Fear of not being strong like Geralt. Fear of not being a good enough companion, of just not being enough. Before I can address it, he chuckles to appear nonchalant. “Well… I promise... No, I swear! To protect you with my life and… my lute”

I laugh through the unshed tears and pass a hand over my eyelashes before those that have gathered there manage to treacherously slide down my cheeks. This matter seems to have affected me more than I first imagined. Once I have spoken out on it, my chest feels lighter. Timidly, I glance up at Jaskier. His eyes hold as much emotion as I feel.

Raising his eyebrows in an invitation, his arms open. I don’t hesitate to shield myself in his embrace. It is cozy, homely and comfortable. When he holds me, I can finally breathe.

“Thank you” I close my eyes and treasure every second of the feeling of his arms around me. It is so wonderful. I feel at home now. At last.

“You too” He flattens his palms against my back to further press me against him. I smile.

This enveloping embrace is all I need to realize Hana was right. There are no doubts in my mind, no matter how much I tried to deny it. As I have before, I can fight my instincts as much as I want, but my emotions have made the decision for me. Long ago, before I even encountered him. I had missed him so much it hurt. Now that I have him with me again, I will not lose this opportunity. Destiny has spoken.

“Jas?”

“Yes”

“Where would we go?”

“Wherever you please, love”

In all honesty, I am not quite sure where I want to go. All I know is that I want it to be with him. The destination doesn’t really matter as long as I am by his side.

That notion fills my chest with warmth. Traveling with Jaskier and chatting like we used to. Spending every second by his side, flirting and joking and singing and just… being with him. It is absolutely ideal. I am giddy just thinking about it.

The fantasy, however, is wrecked by the weight of reality. In order to achieve that, I must do something first. Something quite unpleasant that I do not want to do.

“If…” I mutter against his silk doublet. “If we are leaving… then I need to…”

“Say goodbye?” He cautiously completes for me, comfortingly rubbing my back.

Even after all this time apart, Jaskier knows me well. It is so reassuring knowing I have someone like him, who understands me so well. Who cares. Who I have special feelings for. Who, in some way or another, reciprocates them.

“Yes” Begrudgingly, as I would comfortable lie in his embrace forever, I pull away.

“Let’s go then” Jaskier nods his head, and his encouraging smile brightens my gloomy mood.

Knowing he is waiting for me outside seems to fill me with courage. It is useful, for I lose vitality the more people I talk to. I have quickly said goodbye to most of the women here. First Tissaia, then Sabrina, Fringilla, Yennefer and Triss. Like last time, I leave the most painful farewell for last.

My fist is shaking as I knock on Hana’s door. I nibble on my bottom lip when it swings open to reveal her. Hana’s face bears a resigned tranquility.

“Are you here to say goodbye?” She asks, moving to the side.

“Not exactly” I avoid her gaze as I come in. I pause until I hear the sound of the door closing behind me. “Not if you want to come with us”

I refuse to make the same mistake twice. At the very least, I will ask her even if I already know the answer is no. My conscience needs it. I also find comfort to my racing irrational thoughts when I remember that she is not defenseless. None of them are.

“Nissa…” Hana rolls her eyes, even if a refreshing smile on her lips teases me. “What would I do with the two of you?”

I shrug, aware that what I am asking is foolish. If I was in her shoes, I wouldn’t come either, especially not since she has found a new home here just like I have with them. With him.

“I had to ask” I shrug my shoulders once more and force my gaze down when tears flood my eyes.

“I know” Hana seems much calmer than I am in spite of the subtle trembling of her level voice. “I appreciate it”

“I… I’m sorry, Han…” Even when her hands hold mine as soon as a sob escapes my throat, I still can’t muster the courage to look into her eyes. “I'm sorry for leaving you again, I am a terrible friend”

“You are not” She continues, still as serene. “I wouldn’t force you to stay somewhere you’re not happy in anymore, just like you understand that I want to stay here”

My bottom lip trembles. Emotions that I believed forsaken pour to the surface, feelings that I experienced soon after I first met Geralt and Jaskier. I vividly remember the moment I experienced them: standing at the top of the mountain, overlooking the desolation of my home and believing Hana to be dead. That guilt and sorrow return.

“L-Last time that I abandoned you…” A knot in my throat interrupts me as the sobs take over.

“Nothing like that will happen again” Her fingers squeeze my hands. “And you never abandoned me, Nissa”

"But I..." In the end I quiet, staring at our hands even though the tears blur them.

“Do you understand?” She insists, as though it is important to her that I do. Prey of my weeping, I only manage a vehement nod. I let go of one of her hands to wipe my tears.

The room grows completely quiet as we think of something else to say. How to express the gratitude of a lifetime? The regret that has been building up for months? The concern that clutches to my very soul? Instead, I pathetically smile at her and finally hold her gaze.

“Please take care” Completely breaking the connection, I instead throw myself to hug her.

Much like Geralt, Hana was never a physical or affectionate person. Her love language diverged from bold proofs of fondness. Nonetheless, she has no problem hugging me back this time.

“I will” She replies, and I can’t comprehend how her voice remains calm as she holds me tight. “You do too, you hear? Don’t be stubborn”

“I love you, Han” I suddenly chuckle, taken aback by a wave of affection that overpowers the sadness.

“Goodbye, sister” Hana says, squeezing me once more before breaking away.

Somehow, it all feels right. She is my sister, my family. The distance will never change that.

We linger for a moment, trying to postpone my departure for as long as we can. Ultimately, I smile at her as I step towards the door. The gesture is genuine and devoid of any melancholy or nostalgia. She will be okay. And so will I. She grins back, which is enough to fill me with peace as I step out of the room.

It is time to leave hers and return to a home of my own. As though destiny knew this thought would occur, I find Jaskier standing in the corridor. His back is leaned against the wall opposite of me. Arms crossed and head tilted, his eyes are vacant and thoughtful. I chuckle. The sound casts his gaze over me as he lifts his head up. I expected his smile, though his expression is stoic as he watches my red swollen eyes. I don’t know what to say to him.

“Nissa” Hana suddenly opens the door one last time. I turn in a daze.

When I face her, I see her offering something to me. As I approach, I watch the wide brass bracelet she twiddles between her fingers and timidly take it. The one on her wrist is identical.

“I bought it soon after you arrived, during one of my missions with Triss” She tells me, smiling when I put it on. “We both knew you would become a healer like you intended”

Oh, Hana… Tears gather at my eyes once more, and I mentally curse her for it.

“Thank you” I fraternally squeeze her upper arm. “I will never take it off”

Hana grins, though her eyes fix somewhere behind me. I had nearly forgotten Jaskier is there.

“Goodbye, lady Hana!” He kindly says. “It was a pleasure to properly meet you”

“Goodbye, Jaskier” She smirks a bit as she leans on the door. “Look after her, will you?”

“Of course” As a promise of his good will, his arm protectively sneaks around my waist.

“Actually, I’m looking after _him_ ” I chuckle, bringing a wide grin to her mouth. He doesn’t complain and in fact laughs.

Hana and I wave at each other. We smile, but my heart feels heavy. Her door then closes. A small emptiness fills me. The stillness lingers in the atmosphere for several more seconds.

“Are you alright?” Jaskier gently whispers. After all, I haven’t moved from the spot and I still stare at the closed door. It takes me a bit to answer, only managing a nod.

“Yes… Truly, I am” Taking a deep breath, I turn to him. “I know where to find them now, and I know Hana is okay. Safe and sound. She belongs here, and she is happy in this place”

Jaskier dedicates me a soft smile and a head nod. We don’t say anything as we start moving and advance through the hallway. Our footsteps echo against the walls, filling the void.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Nissa?” He sighs in reluctance. “I wouldn’t want you to regret it. Especially given that I am the very reason you are leaving and… I don’t want to be the one to drive you away from her, I… I know how much she means to you”

I grin. Unlike the moment when I said goodbye to Jaskier, this doesn’t feel wrong. Certainly, it is sad and I will miss her dearly. Nonetheless, I know I am doing the right thing. I am moving towards something that makes me happy. A special someone. I am staying where I belong.

“You do too, Jaskier” I instinctively say before I can stop myself. “I’m sure”

As we step outside, I hear him sighing. It seems a gesture of relief and fondness. Feeling mildly flustered by the way in which he suddenly stares, I hurry to reunite with Pal.

My horse is patiently waiting as I approach him and caress his neck as always. His jet-black eyes seem to smile when he lovingly nudges my shoulder. Then I nimbly climb up on the saddle and offer my hand for Jaskier to take. With a bright grin that rivals the sun itself, he takes my hand and rides behind me.

I pause and take a deep breath. Exhale. Another pause before spurring Pal on. I refuse to look back as we ride, not even to glance at Jaskier sitting in the saddle with me. He is uncharacteristically quiet, though I assume it is out of respect for my woe.

“Ah, I will miss this place… full of beautiful women, it was” He finally says, heaving a dreamy sigh. “They have in fact inspired me to finish my song”

“At last? It took you ages” As comical as it can be to see him struggle, I can sense his frustration. It is good to know he has finally finished it.

“Ugh, don’t remind me” His hands move in the air with his wide gestures. “But I did write it while we were apart. It didn’t actually take me _this_ long”

“I see. Please forgive my affront”

“Alright, cheeky, would you like to hear it?”

“Of course, Jaskier”

“Brilliant” He clears his throat in a very important manner. “It is called Delicate Flower”

With his usual flare for the theatrical, he only clears his throat and pauses dramatically. I am very aware of the way his arms wrap around me from behind as he holds on to me. Preferring not to play his lute while riding, Jaskier starts singing a cappella instead. His harmonious voice finally fills the silence. I close my eyes to fully enjoy the sound of his singing, one that I had missed as dearly as I had missed the bard himself.

_Let me tell you about my love_

_My muse, my beauty, my dove_

_Dazzling smile, gorgeous eyes_

_Her perfection, my demise_

_Brighter than the sun and twice as fair_

_No one else in the world can compare_

_A delicate flower_

_Claiming her power_

_Determined and sentimental_

_Fair, soft and gentle_

_Fierce and bold_

_Soul of a warrior and heart of gold_

_The mere touch of her lips_

_Would be absolute bliss_

_Her present existence_

_Unbearable distance_

I wonder who inspired the ballad. It is lovely, though it pains me to think those feelings he harbored have nothing to do with me. Does he still feel in such a way about the object of his inspiration? Was that person only a fleeting infatuation? Does the song mean a lot to him? It doesn't matter. No, I refuse to linger on jealousy. We are together now. That's what's important.

“It was beautiful, Jas” I twist in the saddle to leave a peck on his cheek. “As always”

“Thank you very much” He beams, proudly squaring his shoulders up. “Any further thoughts?”

Yes, I wish that song was for me. But it isn’t. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care.

“No” I say instead. “Not really”

Jaskier sighs, though says nothing more. His arms gingerly tighten around my stomach.

Pal is now noisier as his hooves resonate against the hard ground. They rhythmic and repetitive sound is calming.

As we leave the academy behind, I peer down at the new bracelet on my wrist. Its mere sight fills me with warmth. It is a reminder that, no matter how far away we are, we will always be family.


	15. Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time has come, your patience is finally rewarded! This one is intense, probably the most intense in the series along with chapter 2, but if you get through all the angst there's a huge fluffy scene at the end that I think you will all love 🥰 Enjoy reading and take care, lovelies! 😘💕

At my gentle tug on the reins, Pal remains on his paused pace. Jaskier snores as he rests over my shoulder. I am honestly quite impressed that he managed to hold on, even if he clutches to me. It is natural, however, that he has fallen asleep. We both agreed that Geralt might have headed for Cintra as he expressed his interest on such destination before. The journey there has taken several days, however, and it has been quite tiring. Aside from that, I am surprised that he sleeps through the heavy pouring of rain and strong howling of the wind. After many hours, our capes are now soaked.

“Jas” I hold his wrist, that is flat against my stomach, and shake it slightly. “Wake up, we’re here”

“Huh?” He finally lifts his head up. “Brugge?”

“Yes” I pat his hand, patiently waiting until he sobers up enough to let me move.

“Have we found Geralt?” He murmurs, lazily groaning and rubbing his face.

“I’m afraid not” I reply, earning a sigh from him. I can’t quite tell if it’s relieved or vexed.

The bard then separates a bit from me. The sound of pitter patter on the ground fills the silence as he yawns and sits up straight. Seeing that he takes a bit long to climb down, I do so myself. He still yawns as he groggily slides down the saddle and follows after me. The rain doesn’t seem to bother him when he looks up into the sky that starts to darken even more as the storm clouds mix with the arrival of the night.

I take Pal with me and leave him under the closest roof, tying him there to make sure he stays dry. Jaskier is slowly walking towards the inn, and I leave my horse with a pat on the neck before reuniting with the bard.

“It hasn’t stopped raining at all?” He asks me, rubbing one eye.

“Has not” I smile, even though my lips are quivering due to the humid cold. “Just like you haven’t stopped sleeping”

Rather than to be offended or retaliate, Jaskier grins as we enter the inn. I mentally thank the warmth that immediately envelops us. I can finally take my hood off. My eyes have noticed the fire crackling on the hearth at one side of the room, and I take mental note of it. The innkeeper curiously watches us when we approach the counter. Ignoring his inquisitive gaze, I put a coin over the table. If it weren’t for how tired and cold I am, I would politely smile.

“A room for two” I rush to pick up the key he offers me and head for the room. I cannot wait to dry myself and get warm.

Jaskier, quite awake now, chuckles when I nearly run to the door and open it. It is slightly warmer here, and it shields us from the noise of the tavern.

“I’m soaking wet…” I mutter as soon as I hear Jaskier closing the door. Immediately after, I take my cape off and let it fall to the ground. “Don’t look, I need to change”

Although he groans in complaint to my petition, he turns around and faces his back to me. My hands are cold and shaking as I rummage through my bag in search of a dry tunic. I heave a breath of relief when I see that I do have one to spare and then I take my wet tunic off. Jaskier clears his throat when I discard the garment on the floor. Self-conscious of his presence in the room, I face my back to him as well. I feel tremendously exposed even if he isn’t watching. Glancing at him, I see that his head his to the side. Shaking it in alarm, the bard stirs in the spot and lowers his gaze. I smirk at the thought that he is resisting the temptation to look.

“Don’t you dare, Jaskier” I taunt him as I quickly run to grab a towel from the cupboard. “Or I swear I will smack you”

“I’m not looking!” He defends himself, although he has to cover his eyes with his hand. As though it has a will of its own, his head is tilting over his shoulder and towards me once more. It makes me chuckle.

I vigorously rub my freezing skin with the towel, also eliminating any remnants of the rain that has soaked through my clothes. When my torso is dry enough, I put the tunic on and huddle over myself. The damage is done, however, and I still shiver even with the change of clothes.

“D-Done” I mutter, throwing the now wet towel to the ground with the other tunic.

“Uh… any better?” Jaskier turns around, and his eyes look me up and down as soon as they land on me. I refuse to meet with them, given that he seems to be ogling at me now that he can.

“No… F-Fuck…” I tighten the belt around my waist to accommodate the tunic to my torso. My hands feel clumsy as my fingers continue to shake. “I hate the cold, shit…”

I rush to the towels again and wrap one around my arms for a bit. He watches in amusement while I huddle over myself and patiently wait to stop shivering.

“Mouthy… I think Geralt was a bad influence on you” Jaskier is not bothered at all, and I see him leaning a shoulder against the wall, eyes twinkling as he watches me. “You didn’t swear quite as much before”

Despite wearing the hood, my face and hair got wet as well. I face him as I dry myself, also rubbing the towel against the skin under my clothes in desperate need of warmth.

“ _Y-You_ are a bad influence o-on me, Jas” My attempt at teasing him is foiled when my teeth chatter. He smirks and pushes himself off the wall to approach me.

Jaskier opens his arms. I gawk at him. Flustered, I take a bit to accept the invitation, enough to make him hesitate. I take a step just as his arms lower. Fearing he changed his mind, I take a step back. Just then, his arms lift up again. Jaskier stutters. I roll my eyes. We awkwardly laugh. His eyebrows arch when he once again offers his aid. I don’t think twice this time. He sighs in relief. The step that separates us seems to break the ice.

“Come here, I will save you” His grin is as warm as his arms when they envelop me.

I pleasantly shiver as soon as I am met with the relieving change in temperature. His body emanates warmth, so I press myself against him to gather as much of it as I can. I am still trembling, so he squeezes me against him to keep me as close as possible. I feel his gaze locked on me, though I do not look up at him. Instead I tuck my head under his chin.

“How a-are y-you… s-so warm?” My nose is also frozen, so I nuzzle his warm chest.

“Not in vain have I been compared to the sun” Is his witty smug response. “Several times, actually”

“T-Truly?” When I chuckle, my voice quivers along with my body. “When? B-By who?”

“Oi, don’t be rude! Especially when I am trying to help you” His arms cruelly unwrap from me. “I will not hesitate to refuse you my warmth, you know?”

I whine and cling on to his open doublet. Shaking my head, I snuggle closer to him and he cheerfully laughs. I grin when his arms return to me. It is a relief to know these days of travel have slightly mended the damage that our time away did.

“Bloody hell!” His arms tighten around me when I nuzzle him once more. “You are genuinely freezing”

It is then when I notice my nose has made contact with the skin in his chest. His hands start frantically rubbing up and down my back. The friction helps to keep me warm. The closeness does too, as our bodies are so closely pressed together that I can barely breathe.

“I think I… c-cut off the wind and k-kept you warm…” I mutter between shudders. “This is all y-y-your fault”

“My deepest apologies” His tone is suddenly hushed. “How could I ever repay you, oh lovely Nissa?”

I finally peer at him to find him grinning down at me. A mischievous smirk reaches my lips as I come up with the perfect answer. My mouth opens, though my stomach turns into knots at the thought of actually saying it.

“I…” I swallow my bashfulness and just say it. “A kiss might help”

I closely study his reaction. Firstly, his eyebrows arch in surprise. Then his mouth falls agape. He frowns. Lastly, the corners of his lips tug upwards. I tilt my head in confusion. Honestly, I said it as a joke. Of course, I would be delighted if he did kiss me, yet I only said it to mock this usual response of his. Jaskier, however, seems to consider it.

“Could you be putting on an act? Hm…” He pretends to be pensive as he squints at me. “If you wanted a kiss, you just had to ask, you didn’t need to go through so much trouble”

I laugh despite the fact that a familiar pang in my chest reminds me of the fake nature of our interactions. If only he believed I truly want a kiss from him. If only there wasn’t that joking tone in his melodious voice.

Jaskier leans down. My heart starts racing when I see he is in fact willing to give it to me after all, jokingly or not. The fact that his smile fades in favor of a serious expression, however, hints at the fact that he isn’t just obliging. Perhaps he truly wants to kiss me too.

His mouth is now terribly close to me. To mine. I feel his warmth breath against my lips and I shudder deliciously. His arms push me against him, perhaps believing I am still cold. Far from the truth, for I am suddenly burning up.

The blasted confession has been burning in my mind all this time. During his absence, I imagined what it would be like to reunite and finally tell him. Distance might have cooled down our relationship at first, but my feelings have not changed. I have put together the perfect words in my head a thousand times, finding the best way to express myself, to confess how hopelessly in love I am with him. However, now that we are in such a position I might not need them. A kiss could be telling enough.

My eyes close as I await the touch of his lips. However, I jolt up when a noise startles me. Behind us, the door has urgently swung open. I peek behind Jaskier’s shoulder to see a man standing there.

“Uh… lady Nissa?” He utters, timidly looking from Jaskier to me.

I suddenly remember that Jaskier and I are quite literally pressed against each other. Our mouths had been inches away. His hands are still firmly resting against my back and mine are flat against his chest. At some point, I have stood on my tiptoes to separate the slight height difference in an urgent desire to reach his lips. I pray that I am not blushing when I push him away.

“Y-Yes?” I make no eye contact with neither of them. Instead I busy myself with tucking my wet hair behind my ear. “What is it?”

“I heard the famous medic and healer was here!” I am absolutely stunned with his words. Did he say… famous? I open my mouth to reply, though the stranger seems quite restless. “We need your help, quickly!”

Astonished, I exchange a quick glance with Jaskier. His eyes are wide as well, though I recognize a hint of pride in them as he watches me. I snap out of my daze and throw myself towards the bed to pick up my supplies.

“Can you take us there?” I ask the man as I sling my medicine satchel over my shoulder.

“Yes! It’s not far from here!” The urgency in his voice is anguishing me in anticipation.

“J-Jaskier, the cape!” I ask him as I rush to follow the man already exiting the room.

“I’m right behind you” The bard mumbles as I go after my new client.

“Can you tell me what happened?” I ask him, absently fastening the cape that Jaskier delicately places over my shoulders as soon as he catches up with us.

“I-It’s my daughter, my little girl!” The man nervously navigates through the crowded tavern. “She is very sick… we don’t know what illness ails her”

“What are her symptoms?”

“C-coughing and a fever”

“That is far too general, what else?”

“Well… she also feels quite queasy”

I fervently nod my head, going through many possibilities of which sickness unfortunately afflicts that child. I pat my satchel, remembering I have a few elixirs to treat her.

“You’re famous” Jaskier whispers in my ear, distracting me from my thoughts.

Although I softly slap him in the shoulder, telling him it’s not the moment for that, I smile a bit. My cares have been helpful for people, enough to make me famous. Enough to give this man and his daughter a chance at happiness. I can help them, I truly can.

We walk for several minutes, breathing heavily with our light dash. It continues to rain, further fueling the mud that now covers the ground at our feet. Our breaths create clouds of condensation in the humid air. The cold seems to seep through my bones just when I had managed to get warm. I try to force all this away. A little girl needs me.

As we reach the outskirts of Brugge, I frantically glance around in search for a house. A small shack, perhaps. This man doesn’t look extremely poor, though perhaps a bit humble.

“Is it much further?” Jaskier voices my impatience as he struggles to catch his breath.

The man doesn’t reply. I frown, clutching my chest the second an empty feeling reaches it. This concerned father suddenly seems incredibly calm. When he went looking for me he was panicking, yet now…

My mind begins racing. If my hunch is correct and there is something wrong here, I have no weapon. Quite honestly, I didn’t even think about the fact that I left my sword behind with Pal. I did not hesitate to follow this stranger, I only saw someone in need and didn't think twice to help.

Taking advantage that he faces his back to us, I urgently search Jaskier’s hand. I don’t turn to face him, only wanting to keep track of where he is. Not being as subtle, he halts. Jaskier suddenly tugs at my hand, so I look at him. He is frowning. I glance at the man as he still advances. The bard nods his head and points to something hiding under his doublet. His hand trembles as he pulls the dagger out and hands it to me. I am so relieved that he held on to it. In order to hide the batle, I rest my hand by my thigh.

The man has stopped walking now. He suddenly turns around, and I react quickly. As soon as I recognize the threat in his eyes.

“Run!” I beg Jaskier, letting go of him to allow him to. I am given no chance to do so myself. Someone immediately pushes me off my feet.

I groan when my elbow breaks the fall. It starts throbbing. Mud now covers my clean clothes and face as I splashed it everywhere with my landing. The man towers over me. The dagger has flown out of my hand and landed on the ground away from me. Rain violently fills my ears. It drowns the sound of my heart thumping in my chest.

“Nissa!” Jaskier is shouting, though he is silenced with a resounding fist to his face.

I am burning with anger as I crawl forward and grip the dagger again. My fingers feel numb against the cold metal hilt. As fast as I can and once armed, I push myself to my feet. It feels quite strange to hold such a small blade now, but I make do. I viciously swing it at the man, but he moves fast. My lungs can’t catch any air when he kicks me in the stomach. My old scar sends a wave of pain through my entire body. I cry out. For a moment I see stars. I stumble. My body tumbles to the ground. The air is taken from me when my back thuds against the mud. My hair feels heavy with the filthy wetness and covers my eyes.

“Where’s the witcher?” Another voice asks, telling me the man wasn’t alone. It was an ambush. Four more men complete the group as they surround us. We have no escape.

Someone grabs me from behind and lifts me to my feet. Jaskier calls my name in fright once more. I scream and kick behind me, unable to reach my attacker as I am lifted off the ground. I throw my arms back, trying to hit him in the face. He corrects his hold on me and immobilizes my arms to my sides. No matter how much I squirm, I am helpless.

“Let go of me, you dick!” In spite of it all, I keep squirming and fighting it.

“Tell us!!” They insist, and another one stands before me. A knife kisses my throat, though I do not surrender. I clench my jaw and crane my neck to avoid the blade.

“No, let her go!!!” They have immobilized Jaskier between two as he ferociously fights to get to me. There is a bruise forming on his jaw and blood pours out of his nose. “Leave her alone!!!”

“Speak or die!” My eyes become wet, though I only grit my teeth to their threat.

“Fuck you!” I reply, throwing my head backwards and making contact with the other’s face. He drops me to the ground, cursing me when he does.

My bones feel the impact of the fall, leaving me slightly dazed and light-headed. The blade has also cut through my skin, and though it stings, I pay no attention to my cut throat. I tighten the grip on my dagger and ignore my dizziness to lunge at the one that stands before me. My blade sinks into his shoulder, and he hits me across the face in retaliation. I groan, curse, and return to the ground with another thud.

"Nissa!!" Jaskier squeaks once more from the distance.

“Where’s the witcher?!” They repeat as I sit there and spit blood out of my mouth.

“Here” An unexpected gruff voice replies. One that, despite not having heard in a long time, I still recognize and will always recognize.

The attack on me ceases. I take a few deep breaths and pause to recover. The little light left of the late afternoon vanishes as the storm clouds gather. The sky darkens as do our surroundings. The pouring rain doesn’t quite extinguish my burning anger. I am panting in a mixture of exertion and fury.

Two nervous hands fidget over me. I manage to stop myself before I attack when I recognize Jaskier’s voice by me. He calls my name in anguish. Our eyes seek each other in a silent question. When they meet, we find the answer. We may be slightly bruised, but we’re alright. With that certainty, I focus on the situation at hand. Not understanding how Jaskier got rid of those two men, I look up. A familiar burly person with white hair is putting up a fight.

“Geralt…” I breathe out, smiling despite the pain that grows in my sore cheek.

Jaskier urgently puts an arm around me. The both of us then stare at the witcher. All five of them surround him, though Geralt expertly defends himself. He can take them.

I slowly stand to my feet. Jaskier calls me, though I ignore his plea when I move. I am determined to put up a fight this time. I gather speed and run at the closest to me, digging my dagger into his flesh. The feeling is nauseating, but I power through it. I swallow the bile in my throat when the bastard shrieks in agony.

“Nissa…!” Geralt briefly looks at me. Before I can react, he has thrown a sword to me. I have to assume it was the pure adrenaline pulsing through my veins that managed the miracle that was catching the sword in mid-air with my non dominant hand as the other one clutches the dagger.

I hold on to this feeling as I fight them off, aiding Geralt in his rescue. Moving, rotating, feinting, parrying. We fight side by side, quickly dispatching them. After so long training and setting repetitive motions, my muscles remember them all on their own. My feet move automatically, arms swinging in the right direction before my brain can process what they have done. The weight of the sword feels familiar now despite the unfamiliar feeling of blades clashing against mine or the occasional tearing of skin under my weapon. It feels like the performance of a dance I have practiced many times before.

Jaskier suddenly yells behind us, and I whip my head to look at him. I do just in time to witness how he throws himself forward. His hand roughly clutches my arm and moves me out of the way. The inertia makes it impossible not to totter. He protectively stands before me. There is an armed man that I haven’t noticed is charging my way, now _his_ way.

Time stops. I can’t move, not quickly enough. The enemy’s sword thrusts upon us, though Jaskier firmly stays on his spot. My racing mind realizes what he is doing and I screech. Jaskier’s fingers tighten around my arm, keeping me in place behind him when I try to stop him from doing something so idiotic. There is nothing I can do. It’s too late. Contact is made between the blade and him. My heart halts. Jaskier cries out and falls to his knees, clutching his chest. I see red. My ears are ringing, the world spinning. There’s blood, lots of blood... it drips to the ground and confuses with the falling rain and the mud. Even in this chaos, I clearly hear him. Groaning. In pain. In distress. He is hurt… Jaskier is hurt.

As I am distracted, a blade cuts through my shoulder and I grunt in pain and annoyance. It brings me out of my daze. Going absolutely feral against the man that dared hurt Jaskier, my foot makes contact with his chest and pushes him away from me at full force. Before he can recover, my sword viciously slashes against his chest in retribution for the damage done to Jaskier. Moved by blinding anger, I make to step forward. A hand desperately clutching the back of my shirt stops me. I recognize his touch, his warmth. It snaps me out of it.

“You… Jaskier...” I squeeze the hilt of my sword tightly as I turn to him. “You’re hurt!! Why would you do that?!”

“I told you…” He mumbles, barely loud enough for me to hear. “I told you that I would protect you with my life, N-Nissa…”

“Stupid bard…” I have to harshly sink my teeth on my lip not to start crying right here.

The bard doesn’t look at me when I kneel before him. His chest heaves up and down in quick pants. A nasty looking wound diagonally covers it. His doublet and undershirt are tainted with crimson. His blue eyes are filled with panic when he peers up at me. His brow furrows in helplessness. My heart aches at the sight. My mind is racing, throbbing with the sound of battle behind me. I need to do something. My medic side mentally goes over all my knowledge to find a quick solution. However, I know the cut is too deep. It won’t stop bleeding profusely. If we don’t treat him quickly, he could bleed out and die. He could die...

Those bastards... How dare they touch him? I make to stand in a fit of rage, clutching my weapon in anticipation as I turn to face them. Geralt will have help in killing them…

Something desperately clings on to my arm, and a wheezing sound betrays that it is Jaskier’s doing. When I gaze at him, there is a plea in his wide blue eyes. The burning fire of anger is extinguished instantly at the reminder. At the moment it is more important to look after him. He needs me. Firstly, he should be removed from the dangerous situation.

“Geralt!” I shout over my shoulder. “Jaskier needs us, he’s injured!”

The witcher does not lose a second to rapidly glance at us. He scowls when he sees me kneeled down before a weak Jaskier. His mouth moves, and I am quite sure that he’s swearing under his breath. I prepare for when he approaches us. I must act fast.

“Don’t worry, Jas” I reassure him, stealing glances behind me and seeing that Geralt is on his way. “We will look after you”

Tears cover his eyes, though he nods in response. He trusts me. I will not let him down.

While Geralt quickly gets rid of his opponents, feinting and slashing, I move next to Jaskier and hold him under his arm. Although with great difficulty, I manage to push him to his feet. He is whimpering and lowly groaning as he clutches his wound. My free hand hovers in the air. I concentrate all my thoughts into the magic that tingles in my fingertips. Alarmed by a sudden change behind me, I look to see Geralt casting a sign that pushes all his enemies back at once. This grants him enough space and safety to run to us.

“Hurry!” The witcher already knows what I have in mind, and so I oblige. Holding a faltering Jaskier, I pour all my efforts into creating a portal.

My hand shakes in the air as I strain my mind. I grit my teeth. My energies drain slightly as a spark appears before us, growing in size until it resembles a poor attempt at a portal. Jaskier’s weight shifts when Geralt runs to us and holds him up as well. The bounty hunters have gotten to their feet once more and lunge at us with battle cries. We need to move!

The three of us run forward, stomping on the ground on a desperate attempt to immediately reach our means of escape. My outstretched arm trembles now as I struggle to maintain the portal open whilst ensuring that it is a safe one to use. Everything turns to chaos as we surpass it. Time seems to slow down. The group of men is closely behind us. Geralt squirms when he is pulled backwards, but manages to grow free from their grip. I throw my feet backwards when I feel fingers wrap around my ankle mid-movement. I kick them to get rid of our prosecutors.

We are nearly at the other side of the portal. They must not cross it with us, but I must not close it before we are through, or it will catastrophic for us. I need to focus. There is no room for error.

I scream when we step at the other side and drop my hand when I am absolutely sure that Geralt and Jaskier have completely walked out of it with me. The three of us fall to our knees when the portal loses consistency close to us and finally closes. I gasp. A groan escapes my throat. I am sick and trembling, but we’re safe. My breathing comes in rapid pants as I try to recover. Not used to creating portals, it took more energy than it should have. They are quite complicated. At least it worked.

“You did it…” Geralt is as surprised as I am when he speaks. I only nod my head and gently push Jaskier closer to the witcher. As soon as I feel better, I will extendedly scold him for being such an idiot. Does he not have an ounce of self-preservation? Why would he take an attack directed to me like that?!

“G-Geralt…” Jaskier stutters, nervously clutching to his friend. 

“You’ll be okay, Jaskier” The witcher replies, paying close attention to the wound on the bard’s chest. “Nissa can treat you”

He carefully lays him down on the ground, pushing Jaskier’s hands away as they fidget. The witcher is squeezing the bard’s shoulder to comfort him, though his golden eyes study me. I am conflicted between fury, concern and absolute terror as I stare back at Geralt. 

I only allow myself a few more seconds of respite. My hands rest on the ground before me and I force a few deep breaths before I turn to them. I gulp as I gather the strength to stand on my feet. Surprisingly, I feel more stable than I expected. Only a slight dizziness, as well as the shakiness in my hands, takes over me. My knees feel just sturdy enough to hold my weight. I can power through it all. Healing him is the priority, though after comes a well-deserved lecture.

“Jaskier?” I recognize a rare panicked hint to Geralt’s voice. “Stay awake, damn it!”

“No, no! Jaskier?!” As quickly as I can, I rush to his side. “Look at me, hey. Y-You need to stay awake, stupid… stupid bard!”

The witcher vigorously shakes his friend’s shoulder now, even if a glazed look has fallen over his blue eyes. Tears drown them. Jaskier weakly smiles at me. I frown at the jarring sight. He must be delirious. Although groaning and wheezing, he plops a hand on my shoulder. He squeezes it, lovingly but weakly calling my name to express he does not regret what he did.

“Jaskier!” I shout when his eyes roll back into his skull. “J-Jas…?”

I have so much I have to tell you, wake up! Tightly holding on to his shoulder, I shake him, but he won't respond. Geralt curses next to me. I want to do the same, but my voice breaks before I can utter anything.

Jaskier's eyes remain closed. His body is motionless. I have never seen him so still, not even when he sleeps. Jaskier always fidgets and stirs and twitches. This is so unlike him. It is only further proof of the severity of the situation. It stumps me. I thought I was over feeling helpless, and yet here we are. It had been so long, I nearly forgot what it felt like... this overwhelming claustrophobia, the dread and fright freezing the blood in my veins.

“I can’t believe you did that, y-you fool!” I utter as I hold on to Jaskier’s doublet and vigorously shake him. He limply lolls with the movement. “You absolute idiot!!”

“Can't you two stay safe on your own for two fucking minutes?” Geralt asks, his eyes burning holes in my nape. He then sighs. "What happened?"

I sharply breathe in, ignoring the harsh first question that makes me resent his attitude. Many emotions battle within me.

“He… s-saved me…” A sob betrays the fear and distress camouflaged under my anger. “He fucking saved me…”

I watch Jaskier attentively. He is terribly pale. A pained frown lingers in his brow even in his unconscious state. Glancing down at the gaping wound in his chest once more, I suddenly feel light-headed. Oh gods… there’s so much blood…

“Never mind that” The witcher gruffly says. “Stop wallowing on your misery and treat him”

I pause, hurt by his rough and demanding tone. Instead, swallowing my restlessness, I bow my head in agreement. A deep breath is all I allow myself to calm down as I go over all the medical knowledge in my head. I need to help him, I have the power to help him, I just need…

My eyes peek around us. We are in an empty clearing in the middle of nowhere. Only nothingness surrounds us. Our horses, and with that all the supplies in our saddlebags, are back at the inn. I lost my satchel in the fight. No houses are on sight. No one can aid us. All we have is ourselves. I have nothing to treat him with, absolutely no means. Given that the usual procedure of stopping the bleeding, cleaning the wound and then stitching it closed is discarded, I retort to my other only option. He needs immediate care. It is a race against time. He is losing more blood with each passing second. I can’t allow that. he has already lost consciousness. Automatically, my hand reaches out. It hangs in the air, outstretched as though attempting to summon any and all energies hanging in the atmosphere. My eyes close in concentration. 

Before I can do anything, a hand slaps down on my wrist and claims my attention. I yelp.

“You’re exhausted” Geralt scolds me, sternly piercing me with his golden eyes. “Don’t be stupid”

Something in his voice snaps me out of it. That scornful tone is painfully familiar. I pause yet again. This time I cannot hold back, for it all suddenly dawns on me... I was so excited to see Geralt that I forgot something crucial: he abandoned Jaskier. That reminder feels me with unease. I shiver.

“Stupid was leaving him alone” I suddenly croak, much to my surprise as well as his.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Geralt retorts, but I remain quiet now.

For a long moment, he doesn’t speak. A sarcastic smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“He’s not a child, Nissa” Geralt finally says, although his voice sounds distant to me.

Thousands of frantic thoughts race in my mind. I gulp, conflicted between the need to aid Jaskier and the absolute pain it brings me to see him in such state, to even glance in his general direction. Instead I turn to Geralt. All the anger that I have experienced in situations such as this involving the witcher slowly boils inside me, merging as one.

“Of course he’s not a child” I force myself to speak up in return. “But he was wandering on his own, wasn’t he?”

“He told you”

“Of course he told me”

“I didn’t-”

“That is not the point…”

The point is Jaskier is injured, gravely injured. At death doors, perhaps. And it’s all Geralt’s fault. The only reason I left with a clean conscience was because I knew they would stay together. They would look after each other. But no, Geralt had to go and drive Jaskier away. Had he not done that, perhaps Jaskier wouldn’t have acquired that wound.

No, that’s not true… it isn’t his fault, I know it’s not. In any case, Jaskier took a blow aimed at me. I am to blame… I am the reason why he is so badly hurt. Geralt might have pushed him away, like he has done with us both many times before, and that truly makes me furious. Yet that doesn't have anything to do with this. Jaskier's currenty injury is not the witcher's fault.

Nonetheless, if Geralt had been quicker… If he hadn’t left Jaskier’s side for starters, perhaps he wouldn’t be in this predicament and… they… they were looking for him! Not us! Jovan’s men were hunting Geralt, they said it themselves. It was reckless to leave Jaskier alone on the first place, and now… This didn’t have to happen. This is all Geralt’s fault! If he… No, they were… Gods, my head is splitting.

“Where were you?” I suddenly shout at him. Tears dance in my eyelashes. “Where were you when we needed you?!”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“And you were too late!”

“Don’t deflect your guilt on me” Geralt shakes his head, knowing me far too well.

A pathetic sob shakes my shoulders. It tears my throat, somehow still not unraveling the lump that has settled in there. What it manages to do, however, is produce a profound pain in my chest.

My hand helplessly flies up again to resume what I was doing. Geralt’s fingers, which lingered around my wrist, press harder, painfully sinking in my flesh. His grip is tight like an iron claw. He grunts in disapproval, yet I refuse to look at him. My eyes are set on Jaskier, who is clearly suffering and bleeding to death. I need to do something. I… I have the power to do something! If only I could…

“If you try to heal him now, it will kill you” Geralt interrupts my train of thought. “You won’t be of any help to him if you’re dead”

Damn it… he's right. The magic would drain me before I could complete the spell. It would be inane. I hate this. I can’t help Jaskier, even when his life slips from my grasp. All my knowledge, all my skills... are for nothing. With every second we lose, he is one step closer to death.

I scream out in desperation, further tearing my throat. My voice echoes in the emptiness of the clearing. I pray that it releases this heavy emptiness from within me. It doesn’t. As the echo of my scream fades out, the harrowing silence returns once more. I hate it.

“You can treat him without magic” The witcher reminds me. “You may be a healer now, but you’re still a medic too”

My fingers tremble as I crumple the fabric of my tunic. I nearly smile in relief when I feel the thickness of the linen. Not losing one more second, I tear at my shirt until I have broken off a wide strip. It will have to do. With shaking hands, I fold the fabric and firmly press it against Jaskier’s pouring wound as I improvise a bandage and wrap it around his torso with another strip.

His frown deepens. I grimace in sympathy. Hang on, Jaskier … cling on to life for me.

“Let me help” Geralt places a hand on my shoulder, but I angrily shove him off. The anger continues to build up, burning within me.

“Don’t touch me, witcher” None of this would have happened if it weren’t for him. I still haven’t forgiven him for mistreating Jaskier, and I certainly can’t deal with him while my dear bard is dying.

Geralt only grunts and stands to his feet. I ignore the sound of his footsteps growing distant. Jaskier is the only thing that matters to me now. And he is dying, damn it! That is all I can think about. It is an obsessive thought. Jaskier is dying. He is dying. He can’t die.

For several seconds, I pause and watch him. My temples hurt very badly. I’m light-headed. I lift my hand again, facing my palm to him.

No, Geralt is mistaken. I can do this. It is certainly worth a try. My entire being shakes as I mutter an incantation. I strain, though force myself through it. Hold on, do it for him. You can do this. You… can…

It is left unfinished. A gasp crawling up my throat interrupts my words. The effort drains me. My vision blurs, it twists and becomes dark. My body grows limp. I collapse. The hard ground welcomes me.

Someone shakes my shoulder. I jolt up and tiredly open my eyes. When did they close?

Although I have no strengths, I shove the person away. Geralt’s golden eyes examine me. I scowl, he ignores it. When has he returned? How long has it passed since he walked away? Have I passed out? Oh, no… Jaskier!! I move to look at him, though the witcher is already lifting him up. The bard is limply lying on Geralt’s shoulder now as he carries him off somewhere.

“What are you doing?” I weakly mumble, sitting up on the grass. Even that is tiring.

“Helping him” The witcher barks, not looking my direction as he faces his back to me.

The sight of an unconscious Jaskier swaying as he is moved from one place to another brings a pit to my stomach. It is still unnatural to see him so idle. It will always be. I want nothing more than to see him awake and well again, hear him rambling and singing and joking. The burning fury in my chest grows, fueled by my helplessness.

“Now you care about him?” I weakly utter, not having the strength to approach Geralt.

He doesn’t answer, only lays Jaskier at the back of a cart parked a few feet from where I sit on the ground. Where did Geralt get a cart from? Did he steal it? Has it turned to night? I am confused. A wave of nausea suddenly hits me. The world spins around me. I can’t tell if this is due to the strain of the magic or the distress. Both, perhaps. I focus on breathing until it passes.

A hand roughly grips my arm. It makes me aware of how my eyelids grow heavy. My mind blanks as I drift into unconsciousness for only a second. I reach out to break free from his grip, but I am too weak. Instead I am hauled to my feet. My legs barely hold my weight.

“Fuck… off…” I gasp, finding it difficult to stand. Before I can further complain, I am propped up over Geralt’s shoulder.

He won’t speak, all he does is move in silence like an emotionless machine.

“Put me down, you brute…” My voice barely reaches a whisper. “Put me… d-down…”

My head clears a bit when the strain of holding myself up is off me. I recognize my surroundings again just as he sits me down in the back of the cart. Jaskier lies next to me, still passed out and pale. Paler, bloody, and moribund. I lean over him and cup his cheek. If only I could make use of healing magic, but I can’t. It is the very thing that rendered me in this feeble state. Another attempt may actually kill me.

As I watch over him, ensuring he still breathes and clings on to life, the cart starts moving. Geralt sits at the front, directing the horses as they take the path the witcher has chosen. Although he is a man of few words, his silence is loud. He has not spoken at all. In an attempt to busy myself, I press the makeshift bandages over Jaskier’s wound. It is no use… everything is wrong...

Jaskier can’t die, especially not when things are like this. We need to fix this. The bard’s words echo in my mind. All those things Geralt said to him, the way Jaskier was heartbroken as he told me about it, how the witcher made him doubt of their very friendship…

"Just when I thought he couldn't be any more fucking stupid" The witcher says to make matters worse.

“You broke his heart, you know? He adores you and you pushed him away” I find myself saying. “If you keep doing that, you’ll be left completely alone, and I know you don’t want that... not really”

Geralt does not reply at first. Just when I believe he will not respond, he speaks up.

“Don’t pretend like you know me…”

“I do know you, witcher, maybe too well. You’re stubborn”

“So are you”

Silence. The incessant sound of the run-down wooden cart against the uneven rocky road surrounds us. I pause still. There was venom in his voice. I scoff. No, just no. I won’t let him do that. Perhaps it is the fatigue, or the constant nauseating movement of the cart. Whatever the reason, the anger finally explodes. He keeps doing this, blaming us and pushing us away. Geralt keeps complicating things, and I will not allow him to do so one more time, especially so when Jaskier is dying. I lose all control.

“What would have happened if he didn’t reach me? If… if he encountered those men before reuniting with me? They would do anything to get to you. What would have happened then, huh? Huh?!” Hot tears fill my eyes, though I mostly notice the rasping of my voice against my throat as I shout at him. “I will tell you, Geralt!! They would have tortured him, they would have killed him!! What would you have done then, hm? Would you have taken it out on another innocent person?! Oh, sure, on someone that was trying to comfort you, surely!”

“Shut up” Geralt solely replies, gritting his teeth with great force. “Stop talking”

“You’re so afraid of being as emotionless as they say that you are becoming exactly that!!”

“Nissa, I’m warning you…” A sharp edge to his voice alarms me, though I cannot care about it. In all truth, I do not care about anything anymore, only this sorrow and anger. I can’t control myself. My emotions are beyond reason and I am too far gone.

“Or what?! You-” Tears now stream down my face. My voice cracks. I don’t let that stop the flow of words. “You asshole! What will you do, huh?”

“What…? Who shouts?” I gasp at the sudden sound of a feeble voice. “Nissa? Are you… crying?”

The low volume of his voice, devoid of any of its usual vitality, breaks my heart. I turn to him, and the sight feels like yet another blow. His eyelids are nearly closed and heavy with exhaustion, his usually lively blue eyes devoid of any light. His face is beaded with sweat and his skin has acquired a sick greenish tone. He is so weak that he does not try to sit up. 

“Jaskier…” When Geralt tries to reach out to touch him, I use my own body as a barrier between them. “Let me see him, Nissa”

I don’t move. I ignore Jaskier’s confused mumbling and defiantly hold Geralt’s gaze. The witcher suddenly pulls the cart to a halt. My shoulders tense when he gets off it. He angrily circles around it to reach us. I cringe. Still, I jump to my feet, ready to face him. My hands shake. My legs strain to hold my weight.

“You’ve done enough! I don’t want you opening your big mouth again!” A voice that sounds like my own says. “Don’t speak to him, don’t touch him! Don’t… don’t even look at him!”

None of it is true. Geralt actually does care about Jaskier, I know it. He truly wants to help him and I am not letting him. What I'm doing is illogical, though while I understand that I am being unreasonable, I can’t stop myself. I tremble. Despite it all, I won’t let him. I refuse.

“Don’t fucking test me, Nissa” Geralt growls, bearing his teeth. More tears reach my eyes.

My name sounds strange when he says it like that. Surely he can’t refer to me with that much resentment and anger. There is something feral about him at this very moment, it reminds me of the person I saw him as when we met. The heartless monster I feared him to be, violent and emotionless like the one I thought killed Kader. In spite of it all, my feet are anchored to the ground. Geralt grips my arm. I stay. My bottom lip trembles.

“Hang on…” Jaskier mutters, speaking nearly out of breath. “What’s happening?”

He suddenly pulls himself to his feet. I twitch in alarm. As expected, Jaskier stumbles and I rush to support him. My arms protectively wrap around him. I turn slightly to position my body between the two of them. What am I doing…?

“Nissa… what the fuck are you doing?” Geralt echoes my own thoughts.

I don’t reply. My tears speak great lengths about my helpless state. I don’t want Geralt to further hurt Jaskier. Although the bard shrugged it off, I know their argument profoundly upset him and still does. However, am I doing this for Jaskier? Or am I only projecting all my unease on Geralt? I honestly can’t tell anymore. My head continues to painfully throb.

“You… you wanted so badly to be left alone… Well, congratulations, your wish came true” To reinforce my statement, I take a step back, dragging Jaskier with me. “Enjoy your bloody solitude, witcher”

It is strange to think that a few hours ago I could not wait to reunite with Geralt, to settle a truce between us to regain our usual dynamic. And now… now the reminder of the barrier in our relationship, as well as the one between him and Jaskier, is far too stark to ignore. Now I suddenly can’t stand being beside him. Once we are apart, I will treat Jaskier properly and use magic if I need to, even if it kills me. For that, however, I need a clear mind. And it won’t be so with Geralt around.

“W-Wait… what are you doing?” Jaskier squirms as I try to drag him away. “Nissa, why are you crying?”

I take a bit to reply, struggling under his weight. Although not directed to Jaskier, I showcase a nasty smile.

“Take a fucking guess”

“Is it Geralt’s doing?”

“Of course it is, why else?”

Summoning a strength I ignored he possessed in his grave state, Jaskier moves away from my reach. I gape and watch him.

"Jaskier..."

“This is rich, Geralt” The bard points a finger at him, even if he is swaying. “First me and now her?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You and your bloody pride! Of course, you had to start arguing, did you? And you’ve made her cry!”

I run stand before him. He shouldn’t be exerting himself like that, he's injured. I push my hands back against his shoulders to keep him away from Geralt, careful not to touch the wound in his chest. It still bleeds profusely, staining his blue undershirt all the more.

“Calm down. Please” He won’t meet my eyes, even if I’m tugging at his shirt and literally begging him to stop. “Jaskier, save your strength!”

It’s no use, he won't listen to me. His attention his entirely focused on Geralt. Months of resentment surface at the worst possible moment. He staggers. I gently push him back again, but he is too blinded by his vexation on Geralt.

“You… you big brute, you…” Jaskier doesn’t seem to be able to even produce the necessary breath to continue lecturing him. “You and your witcher... p-pride…”

“Stop it! Stop it, Jaskier!!” I sob, relentless on my attempts to soothe him. “You need to rest, you’re injured!!!”

“What do you want friends for, Geralt? To push them away, is that it?”

“Jaskier, please! Stop this nonsense, this is no time for you to lecture him!”

“No, Nissa! I am honestly fed up with… with… him…”

Tears cascade down my cheeks as I gently yet urgently push Jaskier by the shoulders still. He continues to fight my efforts, determined to relentlessly speak his mind to Geralt. He has hurt our feelings one too many times. I can barely keep my voice from shaking long enough to beg Jaskier to stand still. I can't stand the heavy pressure in my chest as it intensifies with the force of my desperate sobs.

“You nearly died, Jaskier! Please, stop-”

“Fuck!!” Geralt suddenly shouts. “I’m sorry!”

Astonished, I look over my shoulder at the witcher. A rare glint shines in his golden eyes. They are watery. His jaw is clenched so tightly that it must hurt. Fists form in his closed hands.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at any of you…” His loud voice has drastically lowered. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to ever push you away, neither of you”

The silence is harrowing. My heart thumps against my chest. The pulse throbs in my temples. A whistling in my eardrums deafens me.

“Right… See?” Jaskier gasps in front of me, though I don’t yet turn. “Wasn’t so bloody hard, now… w-was it?”

"Jaskier!!" A sudden heavy weight falls on me.

I react quickly enough to wrap my arms around him just in time to catch him when he collapses. Jaskier is left literally hanging off of me as his little strengths fail him. He starts to breathe heavily. His forehead falls against my shoulder. I can feel his skin burning even through the layer of my tunic.

J-Jas…? Please say something…”

“I’m… f-fine…”

He makes an effort to stand up straight. In spite of it all, the idiot manages to smile at me. Even if his eyes are half-closed. Even if I can’t believe that he is standing at all. It is a miracle that he is conscious at this very moment. Our poor attempts at stopping the bleeding have kept him alive. Barely. I refuse to endure this any longer. My trembling fingers rest over his chest. My eyes shut closed in concentration, my jaw tightens. I mutter the right words under my breath and feel the magic draining me. My fingers dig into his flesh as I hold on to the incantation. Already I can feel it taking effect.

“Nissa, don’t!!” Geralt exclaims behind me, but he’s too late. 

I had been holding my breath, though it all escapes me when I let go of the spell. Added to the fight and the exertion of the portal, this leaves me at the end of my rope. Like a barrel of ice water is poured over my head, I feel utter exhaustion fall upon me and coldly spreads through my entire body. I heave a trembling breath. My eyelids grow heavy and I have to rest my forehead on Jaskier’s shoulder when an intense dizzy spell takes ahold of me. I violently tremble and pant. This familiar discomfort had almost been forgotten as well. The effects of magic are far worse than I remember. The bracelet seems to burn in my wrist. I hadn’t quite overdone myself in such a way in a long time. Hana would be furious, but this time it’s different. It was a matter of life and death, and I was not willing to risk losing Jaskier.

“W-What’s wrong?” His hands fly to my back in concern to support me. I am glad to notice his voice sounds stronger.

Trying to take a look at him, I slightly lean backwards. That is enough, with my drained energies, to make me collapse. My ears whistle. Two strong arms catch me when I falter and fall backwards. I have no strength to even lift my head. Two pairs of hands tap my arms as I feebly lay against Geralt’s chest.

“She used magic to heal you” The latter explains, more barks, to Jaskier.

“Why would you do that?” He utters, his voice lower than a whisper.

Because I was terrified. Because it was the only way to ensure you would be alright, stupid bard. I didn’t think of the consequences, your wellbeing and survival was my absolute and only priority. I open my mouth to say all of this, though I am absolutely drained and only manage an exhausted sigh.

Geralt gently sits me on the ground, settling behind me and allowing me to rest against him. His arm lingers around my frame. I pat his leg to thank him for the literal support. His firmness and warmth also soothe my trembling. Now that my anger has subsided and the calmness has returned, everything else heightens. It smells like blood, sweat and wet dirt, though it can be any of us after that ambush.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Geralt…” I say now that all tension has left me. It is suddenly gone, and I can confidently say I have never been this exhausted in my entire life.

“Uh, yes…” The witcher hesitates, heaving a resigned sigh in the end. “We all said things we wished we didn’t”

I nod my head, accepting that for the moment. Honestly, I am too tired for more.

“Nissa?” Jaskier loses no time in kneeling before me, delicately taking my face in his hands. His eyes pierce me with a mixture of concern and adoration. I smile at him through my exhaustion.

“Idiot bard… I couldn’t let you be hurt, especially when you were protecting me”

“Idiot bard? Is that your new term of endearment for me? I think I like it”

“You certainly earned it”

Jaskier nervously chuckles and drops his head forward, slowly leaning his forehead against mine. His thumbs caress my cheeks. In this closeness, I hear his shallow breaths resonating in my ears. His delicate touch is slightly overwhelming in my current sensitive state of sensory overload.

“Breathe” I remind him, gently rubbing his arm. “Everything’s alright”

“You’re a couple of idiots” Geralt suddenly spits out. His genuine annoyance causes the two of us to chuckle. Relief and restlessness guides our nervous laughter.

“Will you be okay?” Jaskier whispers, not yet pulling away. I can nearly touch the deep heartbreak in his voice when I reach out to rest my hand against his. I weakly nod my head.

Gentle fingers brush the hair off my face. Then I feel soft lips on my forehead. I smile. Jaskier’s cares seem to fill me with strength, and so I tap the witcher’s arm. They fortunately understand my silent petition, because I can’t find my voice anymore. With their help, I raise to my feet. I stagger a bit, but I am just strong enough to stand. Their eyes pierce me as they watch that I won’t falter in my weakness.

“You did well, Nissa” Geralt tiredly sighs as he pats my shoulder. “You saved us”

“Welcome…” Although I sway a bit, I smile. It is a genuine gesture.

The stress and tension of the past hours suddenly wash off me. I have to lean over Jaskier when I falter. Without hesitation, his arm firmly envelops my frame. To thank him, my hand falls over his torso. There is dry blood sticking to his chest hair and skin, though there is no trace of his wound other than a scar.

The silence establishes as the three of us linger in our positions.

“It is good to be back” Geralt suddenly says, much to my surprise. I open my eyes, which had closed themselves. An unlikely soft look has taken over Geralt’s features. I engrave the image in my memory, knowing I will not see it often. 

“You too, Geralt” Jaskier touches his arm, leaving it there for a moment. The other one holds his gaze. They linger in that position, looking at each other. Without needing words, I can see how much they care about one another. Just the way their eyes meet is testament to how much they have missed each other. Even if they won’t admit it out loud.

“Now hug” I whisper, earning a chuckle from Jaskier and a glare from the witcher.

“The more time you spend with him, the stupider you get” Geralt says, rolling his eyes. Instead of being offended by the comment, Jaskier grins. 

“Jaskier” I nudge him, even if looking directly at Geralt to taunt him. “Perhaps you should write a ballad about the fair maid and the humble bard that broke through the witcher’s barriers”

“I already regret it…” Geralt rubs his temples, though we ignore his grouchiness. “I miss Roach…”

“Oh, certainly” Jaskier smirks and easily plays into my game. “My muse has spoken!”

Everything is going back to normal. I laugh a bit, feeling strong enough to push myself off Jaskier. It is a mistake, because my body gives out again. They exclaim in startle when I sway backwards, yet their arms are there to catch me. They won’t let me fall.

“I’m okay… I’m okay” I heave a sigh. My eyes close. “I’ll be alright, I’m just… so tired…”

“You need to rest” Jaskier protectively leans me against his side. “You’re exhausted”

I feebly nod my head, although blindly reaching out to touch Geralt. I pat his chest, silently thanking him for his support as well. In the meantime, Jaskier is restlessly rearranging his hold on me.

“Jas…” I whisper, and although my voice loses strength, I continue. “What are you doing?”

“I may not be as strong as Geralt” He strains, sneaking an arm under my knees. “But I will still look after you, love”

I chuckle fondly when I am scooped into his arms. Perhaps I am slightly delirious, I certainly feel feverish. Nonetheless, resting against his chest, I feel utterly comfortable and protected, safe from my weakness and fatigue. Safe from the world. I breathe out in relief and forsake myself to his embrace as he tenderly cradles me. My head comfortably falls on his shoulder. He then carries on walking, treading lightly to dampen my rest.

“Thank you, Jaskier” I mutter, moving just enough to leave a peck on his cheek.

“Anything for you, Nissa” Still carrying me, he closes the distance that separates us from the cart, nearly forgotten.

When we are close enough, he makes to sit me at the back. I complain, tightly holding my arms around his neck and refusing to abandon the coziness of his support. He laughs a bit and settles for sitting himself instead, opening his legs to position me between them. That way, my side still rests against him and I snuggle closer to him. My head never leaves his shoulder, and I comfortably close my eyes.

“Hate to ruin the moment” Geralt’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “But we need a plan of attack”

I consider it for a moment, knowing that our frivolous interactions won’t solve our problem no matter how hard we try. My mind is too foggy, and has trouble following the conversation. Jaskier also exudes warmth, further inviting me to a well-deserved slumber.

“Pal and Roach are back at Brugge” He reminds us, growing serious in spite of it all.

“We’ll go back to them” Geralt simply says, surprisingly not worried by his beloved mare.

I can’t exactly worry about Pal myself knowing that we are being chased. Apparently, Jovan wasn’t the only one to join Salamandra in their endeavor. His entire new treasure hunter gang, now turned bounty seekers, has too.

“Were they Salamandra?” I groggily ask the witcher, making an effort to glance at him.

“It seems like your friend Jovan isn’t the only one after me” He sternly crosses his strong arms over his chest and positions himself before us. “They have moved from Vizima”

Perhaps they heard Geralt frequented Cintra these last days and have tracked him. My mind races with thoughts, though I grow distracted by a heavy silence. My eyes fall over Jaskier, who would usually be dropping tons of suggestions… advice, opinions and even light-hearted jokes to soften the heavy atmosphere. In its stead, he frowns in deep thought.

“What will we do then?” He says, changing the subject slightly.

“I know someone in Cintra who can help us” Geralt is quick to occupy his previous spot at the front of the cart. With a gentle tug at the reins, the horses start moving and the cart is pulled forward.

“At least we’ll be able to get some rest” Jaskier mutters, peering down at me. “I could sleep for a week”

“You and me both”

“Today was quite an ordeal, wasn’t it?”

“Certainly, I’m just glad my stupid idiot bard is okay”

I am surprised that Jaskier hasn’t replied and move my head in his direction just as a soft weight falls on my shoulder. I can hear his soft breathing, and butterflies spread inside my stomach at the thought that he fell asleep resting over me. I chuckle, causing Geralt to turn around to me. When we lock eyes, I smile at him and he lets out an amused hum as well. He shakes his head as he focuses his attention back ahead. I take a deep breath, feeling reinvigorated. They have returned by my side and despite the small distance that still stays with us after so long apart, it feels as though we have mended certain aspects of our relationship that were neglected when we kept clashing. Everything finally falls into place again. As the waves of slumber pull me, I smile. I love my stubborn witcher and my stupid bard.

The journey ahead of us is long. Geralt’s acquaintance, a druid called Mousesack, seems as though a distant dream until we reach Cintra. In the meantime, and after a few more hours, I put our traveling on pause. The motion of the cart is making me nauseous and I can’t sleep any more. Geralt, fortunately, has agreed to camp for a bit only after Jaskier joined my cause and began pestering him. The small forestall area is welcoming and invites us to rest as well.

“We need to keep moving soon” The witcher reminds me as he sits down on a log, thankful to interrupt Jaskier’s rambling. The bard has indeed returned to explaining in excruciating detail everything that happened since he parted from the witcher.

“And I need to rest, I saved both your asses” I smirk when Geralt frowns. “Or are you willing to carry me again?”

“No”

“Yes”

They speak at the same time. Annoyed by Jaskier’s affirmation, Geralt only pulls down on his doublet so he sits down by him. Rather adorably, like a puppy dog excitedly reuniting with a friend, he now starts telling him about his music and his new song. Geralt deadpans, but his posture is relaxed as he listens. Knowing how much it pained him to be on bad terms with the witcher, my heart swells seeing Jaskier smiling non-stop. All the more so when I remember how he does it so beautifully.

I sigh. Their presence fills that emptiness in my chest. I watch that idiot, recognizing the exhilarating glint in his eye as he shares his thoughts with a vexed Geralt. Damn it. I grit my teeth when I realize I can’t take it anymore. That stupid bard and his stupid charm… I can't lose the opportunity to tell him how I truly feel, not after everything that happened today.

“Jaskier?” I call him despite the sudden knot forming in my throat. This is it.

“Just one moment, love” He says, still gesticulating widely as he speaks to Geralt.

“No, we need to talk” I take ahold of his arm and gently pull him to his feet again. “Now”

“Thank you, Nissa” Geralt mumbles, relieved that I’m freeing him from Jaskier’s nonsense.

His brief comment makes me smile and helps me relax. I will need it, taking in consideration what I am about to confess to Jaskier. The latter sinks his heels in the ground when I try to move him, but I pull harder until I am taking him with me.

“Wow, hang on!” He complains, hopping to maintain his balance as I drag him away from the witcher’s side. “I was telling Geralt…”

Jaskier continues his complaints until I stop, there where we are alone and have some privacy away from Geralt’s curious ears. Or maybe not as curious, but I don’t want him to hear what we will talk about even if he probably already knows.

We have arrived to an empty clearing much like the one we ended up in after crossing the portal. I pause as we stop by a field of beautiful yellow flowers. Buttercups. Jaskier. Their aroma surrounds us as the breeze gently sways our hair.

“Fine, what’s so urgent?” Jaskier faces me, gravely crossing his arms over his chest even if with a playful pout on his lips.

I heave a sigh, suddenly feeling jittery. I bite my lip when butterflies unleash in my stomach just with the simplest of his gazes. His blue eyes are suddenly concerned as they look me up and down.

“What… what is it, Nissa?” He asks, reaching out to rest his hand on my upper arm. “You seem distraught, talk to me”

The fact that he is being so sweet and worried isn’t helping my nervous state. Despite his silliness, that kindness is one of the many reasons why I am in this situation for starters, as well as our lively conversations, his mischief and jokes that always make me laugh, and the way he always grins when he realizes I am smiling because of him, amongst many, many other things.

His hand squeezing my arm reminds that he is still touching me and brings me back to the present. My eyes betray me by falling over his lips, but I quickly avert my gaze in alarm. He doesn’t seem to notice.

“I… Well…” I start, rolling my eyes when I feel my cheeks burning. “We have been traveling together for a while now and…”

My heart is racing, hating how difficult it is to admit my feelings. I feel shortness of breath and the words that form in my brain to express myself vanish before they can reach my mouth. Bloody hell, I have prepared this speech and mentally gone over it dozens of times, why is it that my mind is completely blank now? I had memorized every word, and yet his presence steals all those carefully picked sentences with just one touch. Just one gaze.

“Yeah?” Jaskier nods, squeezing my arm again before completely letting go. “Go on”

“And we have gone through quite a lot together, so…” I gulp, force myself to hold his gaze. I can’t. His ocean blue eyes are beautiful, and piercing, and tender, and mesmerizing and wonderful. He himself is all of that, all of those things.

I… I...

Fuck!

It’s alright. Focus, Nissa, breathe.

What I am trying to say is I care for him. I have been worried and frightened for his wellbeing. I wished our interactions were more than merely playful banter, that we could be more than only close friends. This can all be summarized in just a few words. _I’m in love with you, Jaskier_. Just say it. It can’t be that hard. Tell him.

“I… I’m…” Say it! Spit it out already. “Well, Jaskier… I’m…”

The concern in his expression leaves room to a soft encouragement as he nods once more. The corners of his lips teasingly lift up at the same time. Bloody bard… Even that gesture is attractive. I want to kiss his smile. Perhaps it would be easier to speak without any words, like we almost did back at the inn. I am overwhelmed by the intense urge as soon as the thought arrives... do I dare give in to it?

“Oh, fuck it” I mumble, too worked up to say anything else.

I hold him by the open doublet and pull him towards me. Jaskier lets out an exclamation of surprise that is suffocated over my mouth. My shoulders, that I hadn’t realized were tense, come down with the kiss. I can finally breathe, even as I am running out of oxygen in the desperate exchange. My insides instead fill with adrenaline and liquid happiness.

As eager and rough as the gesture was, my lips soon become soft and uncertain against his. Jaskier isn’t responding, so I let go of him and pray that his stillness is only due to shock. We pull away. My hands linger on his doublet as my fingers crumple the fabric. They cling on to it. To him. There is a pause lasting one heartbeat. When I peer at him, his eyes are open wide and now it’s his shoulders that nearly reach up to his ears. His chest rises up and down with laborious breathing, making me aware of my own.

Say something, Jaskier. Please. Move. Do something… anything. I purse my lips as I expectantly stare at him.

My mouth still tastes the remnants of our kiss, making me crave more, so much more than just a peck. I am brought back to our first kiss, as fake as it was, and I feel myself blushing even more. Heat takes over my entire body.

His eyebrows suddenly shoot up, and I yelp when his arms claim me. His hands push against the small of my back until I am pressed against him, then his lips are on mine before I can understand that this is where his actions were leading up to.

The exchange is far more passionate than before. My mouth opens to accept as much of the kiss as possible, ready to take as much of him as he is willing to give. Our lips move together fervently, not having enough of the kiss as it deepens and becomes more heated. We breathe heavily. The butterflies return, stronger than ever, they erupt into flight. I am overwhelmed with indescribable emotions and sensations too wonderful to express.

I swoon, though his hands are ready to gingerly press against my back and hold me up. The last thing I want right this moment is to break away, yet it feels like I will black out if I don’t. He takes all the air from my lungs. I exhale breathlessly and begrudgingly pull away from his lips. His hands still don’t leave me, tenderly resting against the small of my back, cradling my frame against him. Before I completely separate, he quickly pecks me once more. His smile against my mouth feels heavenly. I gulp and hold on to him when my strengths fail me, closing my eyes to ground myself and leaning my forehead against his. I take a deep breath.

Wow…

Is this what I was missing? Had I known that the butterflies that have been inside my stomach would spread and expand in such a way, I would have done it sooner. Had I known just a simple kiss could elevate me to the heavens, I wouldn’t have waited. Nonetheless, it was worth the wait. All that longing, jealousy and torturous yearning was worth it. Every second of it was worth it, just for that ardent kiss. And for the cocky chuckle of his that follows. The bastard is laughing at me, even if his elaborated breathing moves closer to me as he leans in. He wants more. So do I, but I need to recover from the effect it has on me first.

His fingers gently dig into my back, silently asking me to say something. When I stop feeling dizzy, I open my eyes.

“Are you okay?” His eyebrows arch, and a shit-eating grin occupies his lips. I have the impulse to erase it by smashing mine over them once more, but I hold back.

“I… wow…” I chuckle in the end, brushing my nose against his.

“Wow indeed, I have been waiting for this” He pauses to catch his breath. “I knew you would be the end of me, Nissa”

I gasp in outrage. What? What did he just say? He knew? I try to take a step back. He doesn’t let me, as his arms secure me by the waist. I slap him in the shoulder, and he lifts an eyebrow in astonishment.

“Why didn’t you say anything then? If you had feelings for me and you were _waiting_ for this…”

“I was waiting for you to... I-I thought I made it clear, love…”

“No, you didn’t! You flirt with everyone!”

“That’s not true!”

“It is so! D-Do you even feel differently about me? Explain yourself right now, Jaskier, or so help me-”

He laughs, though the sound is muffled against my lips once more when he kisses me again. I am so angry that he pulls something like that, because he knows. He knows that I give into his touch once more, desperately clinging on to him as my hands find their way to his nape. My fingers sink into his soft hair. On turn, his fingers urgently squeeze my hips and bring me impossibly closer. Our fronts touch. We are out of breath.

Slowly, we separate. No words are spoken, though we communicate with each other. We realize we are in no hurry. We can savor it. Enjoy it.

Our eyes meet before our lips can do so again. Our mouths now connect in a gentle caress. That initial passion develops into tenderness as we linger. The butterflies intertwine with the tingles, taking over me. Our lips dance in a perfect rhythm, exchanging feather light touches, slow and delicate. My brow furrows at the wonderful sensations. We kiss so softly that I melt into his embrace and I have to hold on to his shoulders for support. He smiles against my mouth, making me sigh. He cruelly takes all these wonderful sensations back when he breaks the kiss. I watch him in confusion, silently asking why he stopped. The look full of absolute adoration speaks for itself. He is smitten, he is infatuated. He is charmed to the core. Like me, he is lost in love far beyond reason.

“If I ever flirted with anyone…” He licks his lips, perhaps missing the pressure of my lips against his. “It was because I never thought I could have you”

“What? Why?”

“I thought you only saw me as a friend…”

“Stupid bard”

“What?”

“You bewitched me long ago”

He produces a strange sound, one between a chuckle and a sob. Relief and elation. With tender hands, he takes my face and delicately kisses my forehead. It sends tingles all over my body. My eyelids flutter close and I sigh in bliss.

“What a couple of idiots” Jaskier whispers, as I realize he has been ever since we kissed. I too feel like there is precariousness in the air. If we speak too loudly, the magical spell will be broken, and we both refuse to let that happen. The moment is far too perfect.

“Indeed” I reply, laughing in pure happiness. Geralt comes to mind, knowing how exasperated he was by our attempts, by our doubts and mindless flirting, unaware of what truly lied beneath.

“Come on” He slowly lets go of me, painstakingly slow. “Let’s return, before Geralt gets scared out of his mind by our absence”

I let out a guffaw at the unexpected comment. His bright smile lights up his entire face in response. His eyes sparkle. We start walking, resigned to leaving that flawless moment behind. His fingertips tug at mine until our palms slowly press together and his fingers intertwine with mine, occupying the space between them. The ideal place for them to be in. It suddenly feels hard to breathe, but because my chest can hardly contain such emotion, such euphoria. My free hand squeezes his arm, refusing to ever let go of him. How I had craved this, such romantic intimacy beyond our usual platonic closeness, even if I could have never imagined how wonderful it would be. We had always been close, but this… this is magical.

“Hang on a moment…” Jaskier comes to a halt. “You said ‘long ago’, didn’t you?”

“Yes?” I observe him, though I do not like the way a twisted smile takes over his features.

“Is that why you got so mad that I kissed you the first time?”

“I… Shut up” I scowl and continue walking.

Neither of us let go of the other, but Jaskier is laughing in sheer amusement. He uses our joined hands to tug at me.

“Oh, this is brilliant! Were you smitten back then?” He gasps dramatically. “Is that why you fucking slapped me?!”

“And I might do it again” My words lose their edge when a spur of laughter interrupts them. “You…”

“Stupid bard?” His teasing earns him a glare that he holds with an angelical expression.

My cheeks are burning, and he is quietly gloating as he watches me intently. We both know I’m blushing. Because of him. And Jaskier is absolutely loving it. Before my anger can become genuine at his annoyance, however, he kisses my temple. Then the flush in my cheeks intensifies when his lips rest there for a fleeting moment. The blush remains, but the anger is completely gone. Stupid bard indeed. Stupid Jaskier and his irresistible charm.

We laugh together in elation, continuing to walk. He takes a deep breath, as though he shares this wonderful feeling in my chest. I on turn can feel nothing but butterflies. And they are wonderful.

Hand in hand, we make to return with Geralt. My heart hammers in anticipation. It feels so strange to be like this with Jaskier. Despite all our flirting and closeness, this feels more real. Now we know something truly lies deep down under our playful exchanges. There is no more doubt. This is real, it’s intimate.

He fondly squeezes my hand when we stop before the witcher. His golden eyes languidly fall over us. Then they lower to our intertwined hands and one of his eyebrows shoots up.

“Finally” He says at first, though he then considers it. Seconds later, apparently under the realization that putting up with us will be far worse, he adds: “Fuck”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaah there it was! I'm super excited to know all your opinions, I'm so proud of a certain scene and was looking forward to sharing it with you 😁😙


	16. Calm Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end! This one has a lot of Jasnissa fluff to make up for all the slowburn, so I hope you enjoy it :D

Our relationship doesn’t change much, and at the same time, it changes drastically. We still flirt, we still joke and we are still extremely close and touchy. The only true difference is that we now openly kiss. Then how is it that our entire dynamic feels different? Is it because of the simple knowledge that the intense burning feelings are reciprocated? Is that why I can’t get enough of Jaskier? I feel closer to him than I have ever felt with anyone, and his mere presence makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. His touch alone heals the past wounds with the graze of his fingers. It makes me smile as he suddenly pulls me in closer and traps me in an embrace that I have no intention in escaping.

“Come here, angel” He says as he repeatedly kisses my face all over. My cheek, my temple, my jaw, my eyelids, the corner of my lips, just anywhere he can reach. It seems as though he can’t get enough of me either. I giggle at his endless and tireless adoring touches.

Geralt, ahead of us, loudly grunts in a clear complaint to our blatant displays of affection.

“Do that again” I tell Jaskier, and he loses no time in returning to his amorous ministrations.

“You love it, don’t you?” He smirks against my cheek, but I squeeze his hands on my stomach to claim his attention.

“I do, and by all means don’t stop” I tease him, earning a confused look from him. “But I was referring to the other thing”

“Oh” Jaskier bashfully laughs, begrudgingly quitting his kisses even if his arms linger.

There are many things I know about Jaskier. That dusk is his favorite time of the day. That he fidgets his fingers when he is nervous. That he often talks in his sleep. That he wrote his first song when he was eighteen. As it turns out, however, I have so much more to learn about him. For example, that his real name is Julian Alfred Pankratz, even if I will still always call him Jaskier, or otherwise, stupid bard. Another of the incredible facts I have learned about him is that he does a flawless Geralt of Rivia impression. I try not to gather the witcher’s attention as I muffle my laughter at Jaskier’s growling voice. He sounds exactly like Geralt.

“Fuck…” Jaskier says now, emulating the witcher’s deadpan voice to perfection.

I have to cover my mouth with my hand not to laugh out loud. Even so, I hide my face on his shoulder to suffocate the badly contained giggling. If Geralt discovers us, it will unleash his anger. Knowing this, Jaskier is having lots of fun making me laugh and putting me in his radar.

“What are you laughing at?” Geralt doesn’t bother to stop walking or even glance at us.

Jaskier takes a breath, prepared to reply, and so I quickly cover his mouth with my hand. Whatever he was about to say, I know him well enough to realize it is better if it doesn’t reach Geralt’s ears.

“Nothing” I innocently say, and the witcher only grunts in annoyance.

These few days, and much to Geralt’s vexation, Jaskier and I have been inseparable, quite literally so, as our hands seem to permanently be fused together. Our fingers always find each other to easily press our palms together, just like they do right now. Jaskier and I exchange a look and lowly giggle together. This childish energy continues on as we murmur and follow after Geralt.

After several more days of travel, we have finally reached Cintra. Everything has regained a feeling of normalcy after we visited Mousesack, Geralt’s druid friend, and he helped us recover our horses as well as our belongings left behind. After that, Geralt accepted a witcher job that we decided to join him in. I still can’t believe we have convinced Jaskier to accompany us, or rather, I have. Kader’s spirit seems to have taken over me as I find myself understanding his yearning for adventure more and more, as well as his fascination for the witcher’s job after all that we have experienced together.

A subtle shift in the ambience warns me that we are getting close. It feels eerie and heavy. Jaskier seems to feel it too, because his feet halt and his hand squeezes mine. Watching the witcher, I think of the quickest most absurd way to distract my preoccupied lover.

“Don’t you ever get the urge to braid Geralt’s hair?” I whisper to him, to which he chuckles. Jaskier has no problem in following along with my silliness as he stares at Geralt as well.

“I wish I knew how to braid”

“I could teach you”

“Really, you would do that for me? You’re so kind”

“It’s not every day I get to teach the great Jaskier something”

“Are you flirting with me, Nissa?”

“I am, thanks for noticing”

The witcher doesn’t stop walking, but he interrupts us again when we start giggling.

“What are you two muttering?” He turns to us, and I cringe a bit at the sight.

“Shit, I forgot about his eyes” I avert my gaze, finding the change jarring.

“Oh, gosh!” Jaskier exclaims himself at the sight of Geralt’s frightening black eyes. “I will never get used to that”

Surely, Geralt took the elixir knowing how dark it would be inside the crypt. Nonetheless, a part of me believes the witcher was having a bit of fun by taking the potion beforehand, precisely for Jaskier’s amusing reaction.

“We’re here” Indeed, I catch a glimpse of a smirk on Geralt’s lips. “Are you coming in?”

Now that we have arrived, I hesitate. Even from the outside, I can tell it is pitch black inside, and I can’t imagine myself navigating the dark crypt. Strange sounds reach my ears even from afar. Geralt won’t be facing only ghouls, as I believed. Imagining myself in there, I already feel the chills creeping up my neck. That place will be swarming with spiders, which would be the least of my concerns. I can picture the dread and paranoia as I blindly advance the claustrophobic rooms. For a change, I have no need to subject myself to that.

“Uh, no” Jaskier mutters for me. “No, we will wait for you here, thank you very much”

He firmly grasps my hand as he vehemently shakes his head. Perhaps he is worried that I might still run after Geralt. I no longer have any intention to do so.

“Good” Geralt absently rests his hand against the medallion hanging from his neck and then unsheathes his sword. “Stay here”

“Geralt?” My eyes quickly fall upon the pitch darkness inside the crypt before settling over his burly figure once more. “Be careful”

Geralt nods his head and faces his back to us. Before he enters, however, a growl echoes from the depths of the crypt. His shoulders grow tense and he pauses for a moment.

“Fuck” I mouth, just as Geralt speaks the word. Jaskier laughs and kisses me in the cheek.

As the witcher immerses himself into the crypt, I turn to my beloved. His bright grin awaits me as it rests against my jaw now. The butterflies return in anticipation, and although I truly enjoy his lips traveling down my neck, I take a deep breath to focus and quiet down my racing heart. We are both eager to make up for lost time, but not yet. Not now. We must take this opportunity to train again. We have been during every break in order to teach Jaskier some self-defense techniques. Or rather, I have while Geralt watches him fumble with the dagger in amusement.

“Jaskier…” I pipe up, mustering all my willpower to ask him to move away.

“If you tell me you don’t like it, I will stop” He replies against my neck, with a cocky hint to his voice.

“Oi” I push him away from me, although reluctantly. “I have something else in mind”

“Do you now?” He smirks, especially so when my hand sneaks past his doublet. “Oh, yes, show me then”

I then pull the dagger that he clings to his waistband. It is a relief to see he still carries it with him. As the realization hits, Jaskier groans in exasperation and hides his face in my neck. His warmth is enveloping and comfortable, but I must resist him.

“Ugh… please, no…” He miserably covers his face with his hands. “Not again, Nissa…”

I watch him without batting an eye. After a bit, he shows his face again. To further entice me, he shows me those trained puppy eyes and pouts his bottom lip. When I calmly shake my head at him, he runs a hand through his thick brown hair and huffs in resignation.

“Honestly, Nissa” He takes my hand as a last resort. “It’s so tedious and dull, I much rather be doing something else with you”

“You need to know how to defend yourself” I offer him the dagger, and although he eyes it, he refuses to take it. “I don’t want you getting hurt again, Jas”

Jaskier sighs, rolling his eyes with such fervor that I fear they might get stuck on his skull. Then, however, he sighs and his vexed exasperation turns to fond admiration as he watches me.

“I won’t” His arms fall around me, yet in a different manner they usually do. He is now using a lock I have taught him, securing the grip by holding his own wrist. It keeps me pinned against him. “So what happens if I refuse?”

“That’s daring” I push a hand against his chest, though he does not budge and instead tightens his hold on me. Now I have no space to move as our fronts are pressed together. “Especially given that I am armed and you are not”

“You can never hurt me” He is cocky enough to not only whisper those words, but to also lean his mouth dangerously close to mine as he does.

“Do you have a death wish, stupid bard?” I lean the tip of the dagger below his chin.

Jaskier cocks an eyebrow, and although he doesn’t move, the smugness lingers on his lips. There we stand, not moving an inch. His mouth is still dangerously close to mine. It would be terribly easy to kiss him, and the offer is far too tempting. He knows this and smirks.

Of course I would never hurt him. I just hoped he had the decency of pretending this was a real fight. It is completely useless given that he is determined not to train now. As well as the fact that I cannot resist him no matter how hard I try. I glare at him, though he holds my gaze as I lower the weapon. He nods his head, satisfied, and drops his arms. His bright smile returns with ease as he stares at me. When I shake my head at him, he plops down in a big boulder and pouts at me from below.

“Why don’t you just sit here instead?” He suggestively pats his lap. “Rest for a bit, darling”

“I mean it, Jaskier” I roll my eyes at him despite the smile that tugs at the corners of my lips. A similar gesture plays on his even as he pushes my hand away, and with it the dagger. “You need to keep learning and-“

“Then why don’t you have Geralt teach me, hm?”

“Because I need an excuse to be this close to you”

“You don’t need any excuses”

I yelp as he unexpectedly takes ahold of my hips and pulls me down into his lap. He lovingly squeezes me against him and nuzzles my neck. I have found my sides aren’t the only tickling spot, as the back of my shoulders grows tingly with his touch.

“Don’t…” I try to convince myself that training is more important than this, although less pleasurable. “Jas…”

“Don’t?” He laughs as he moves to delicately kiss the bit of skin exposed in my shoulder. “Don’t what?”

“You know what, Jaskier…” My arms find their way around his neck as I give in and pull him closer against me. I clench my jaw when he smugly smirks against me.

“Just relax, Nis” With his words, I heave a deep breath and lay my head on his shoulder.

I have been a bit tense ever since he got hurt. Honestly, it terrifies me that I may not be able to heal him again if he were to be injured once more. All this stress melts away, however, when his nimble fingers sink into my hair. I close my eyes and lose myself in the feeling of his loving caresses.

“Aren’t you tired?” His tender voice nearly lulls me to sleep, as I am indeed fatigued. “You’ve got many visits lately”

“People need healers, just like they need witchers”

“And bards, as well”

“Do they now? What do you do, dear bard?”

“I, my lovely Nissa” He pauses dramatically. “Bring joy and cheer to the hearts of people by means of song”

“Do you?” Our gazes meet, and when they do, I cock an eyebrow at him.

“Why, of course!” Jaskier frowns in response. I can only laugh as I tease him more.

“Do you really think of your music so highly?” I hold on to his nape as I move my mouth dangerously close to his. He takes a deep breath, though he gulps as he glances down to my lips. I smirk, but don’t move.

“Don’t you start it too” Now he is the one trying to distance himself from me, holding a finger up. “Geralt complains about my songs, like he doesn’t enjoy them. You both love them, don't you dare deny it”

“We don’t” A laugh escapes me when he gasps and gawks at me.

“Nis-“ Before he can complain, I silence him with a kiss. My hand cups his cheek, and my thumb caresses him to confirm that I wasn’t serious in my taunting, even if he already knows.

Our lips move in sync, hungry for each other’s taste, as we cling on to the other’s body. The sound of our love, translated into kisses, fills the silent environment. My lungs start burning and begging for oxygen, and only then do I break away from him. Our eyes meet and we smile. We laugh together. I have been missing these brief intimate moments. We stop to rest too sparingly, and even when we do Geralt is not too keen on putting up with our affection.

I accommodate myself against his lap, overcome with that feeling of happiness once more. If we hadn’t been a pair of idiots, we could have had this sooner, though perhaps destiny meant it to happen this way... to ensure it was the right moment, that we were properly prepared to reach this part in our relationship. Perhaps we needed to be separated for a bit in order to get here.

As he repeatedly pecks my jaw, I giggle and lock my arms around his neck. Jaskier’s lips suddenly latch to my neck once more, more passionately than before. Heat arrives to my cheek and spreads down my body, filling me within and leaving me breathless.

“Jaskier!” I call him in outrage between ragged breaths.

“Hm?” He only asks, not stopping his ministrations.

“Geralt will return any moment” I remind him when his mouth and hands start growing hungry. The downside of our wait is the fact that our passion now overflows as we had been repressing it for so long.

Jaskier complies and only nuzzles my neck instead. I sigh in relief, instructing my accelerated heart to quiet down. The torture of being with him without being _with_ him had been unbearable for me too. The more I think about it, the more I wonder how I had enough restraint not to throw myself at him. Perhaps the fear of rejection was too great. I smile in content and forget about all that. We are here now, together.

Returning to our previous position, his hand is in my hair once more. I shove my face in the crook of his neck as he caresses me and lowly starts singing an improvised tune.

“You’re going to put me to sleep…” He has definitely done a good job in soothing my anguish. I feel completely relaxed, nearly lulled to slumber with the marvelous sound of his beautiful voice. Jaskier laughs.

The short pause that follows foretells mischief. I never find out why. Something heavily suddenly drops next to us. I jump in alarm, and Jaskier yelps as well. Confused, the both of us look to see a ghoul head on the ground. Geralt walks to reunite with us, saving his sword.

“Bloody hell…” Jaskier’s hand moves to rest against his chest.

“You have a twisted sense of humor, witcher” I tell him, averting my eyes from the sight.

“Don’t do that!” Jaskier absently ushers me off his lap to stand up and scold him. “You scared me out of my wits, Geralt!”

The witcher smirks a bit, staring at me. Although he startled me too, I must admit it was quite funny. Jaskier, however, is going on about how rude it was and how Geralt is a brute.

“Good to know you have my back, Jaskier” He teases him in a deadpan voice. The bard follows after him when Geralt heads back towards the horses.

“I mean it, Geralt!” Jaskier continues speaking nonsense. “How would you-?”

Calm throughout his melodrama, I take him by the shirt and pull him against me. When my lips smash against his, he breathes out and it doesn’t take long for him to melt into the kiss. I smile, and he puts a hand on my side to squeeze it. Giggling to his retaliation, I pull away and grin at him.

“How did you do that?” Geralt quickly turns to us.

“Do what?” I separate myself from Jaskier, even if my hand lingers over his shirt and plays with his chest hair.

“Shut him up” The witcher watches us intently, and I have to purse my lips in amusement.

“I kissed him” I don’t say that I did so just to, in fact, shut him up. It’s clear for our friend.

“Hm” Geralt turns back around and continues walking. “Maybe it’s not so bad after all…”

“Unbelievable!” Jaskier takes my hand off him and scowls at me. “By all means, speak your mind about how insufferable you think I am, Nissa, you-“

I kiss him again, smirking against his lips. Jaskier melts into the exchange once more. Both his hands fly to my waist in an automatic gesture. I show him an angelical smile as we pull away and he grins like a fool.

“Heh...” Jaskier cutely wrinkles his nose at me. “Had I known I was so irresistible, I…”

“Yes?” I encourage him when he stops himself.

“Wait, did you just do it again?” When I push my face against his shoulder to suffocate my laughter, he insistently pats the small of my back. “Oi, answer me, Nissa!”

I press my lips together, trying not to laugh. I know it will only earn me his never ending outrage. It becomes a hard task when Geralt grins at the bard’s outraged ramblings.

Another city, another inn. After so long, they all start blurring together. The only real proof of the passing of time is the situation we are in. The first inn welcomed us as nearly strangers. Then we were companions and almost friends. Now… well, now things are very different. As well as a strengthening of our bonds, there is another change. Precariousness hangs in the air. We have been evading the subject, yet that won’t make the problem disappear. We must face it and do something about it.

Geralt nods his head, hidden under his hood, and quietly occupies a table in the corner of the tavern. Jaskier and I make our way towards the reception, knowing what we are to do. My stomach churns in anticipation as we reach the weary innkeeper.

“Hello, good sir” Jaskier starts, making use of his particular charm. “We are looking for someone, can you help us?”

“Who?” The man replies, glancing from one to the other.

I approach the counter to address him. I have to make a conscious effort not to look at Geralt waiting at the table. Even if he is wearing the hooded cape, I worry for him.

“A group of treasure hunters” I continue, which Jaskier allows me. “Most of them have brown hair. One of them has a big scar on his jaw, here”

As soon as I point a finger to my own face, the barkeeper squints and nods. By the disgust in his eyes, I can tell he has definitely encountered them.

“A bunch of scoundrels” Indeed, he nods his head. “As far as I know, they headed for the outskirts”

Jaskier and I share a look of understanding. A sinking feeling reaches my stomach.

“Will there be anything else?” The man asks us, and Jaskier is quick to answer.

“Three tankards of your best ale, please” Expertly hiding his restlessness, he leans on the counter.

We take the mugs, thanking the innkeeper, and return with Geralt. My head boils with thoughts. They are still here. Perhaps we can anticipate their next assault by attacking first. The three of us are done hiding and willing to face it.

“They’re at the outskirts” Jaskier says as he sits in front of Geralt and hands him the ale.

“They might have a hideout there” His voice projects from the depths of the cape.

“I hate to be a downer, but we are actively seeking those who want to kill us and nearly succeeded many times” The bard sighs, gesticulating quite a lot as he rests his hands over the table. “Are we sure this is a good idea?”

“What is our other option?” I don’t like this anymore than he does, but we have to retaliate. “Let them kill us? Sit by and wait to be slaughtered?”

Jaskier watches me in silence, pressing his lips together in unease.

“We’ll go to the outskirts first thing tomorrow” Geralt’s golden eyes shine slightly under the cape. “We need to be well rested and prepared”

“And uh… what is my role here?” Jaskier asks, looking from me to him. “A distraction? I can do that”

I smirk, and although I'm about to tease him, I wish he could just stay behind where he is safe. However, just like Geralt, he is involved in this. Those men made sure of it when they injured him. It isn’t only a personal matter to me because of Kader. Those bastards made it personal for them too.

“You just be pretty and stay quiet” I move the mug close to my lips to drink. “Although the last part might be hard for you”

“I’ll show you, you little minx” Jaskier passionately mutters between grit teeth. Then he whispers something in my ear, something that causes me to blush violently and choke on my beverage. The bastard sniggers when I start coughing.

“I don’t want to know” Geralt lets his eyes wander, finding interest in anything other than us. “Stop that already”

Even as he pats my back to aid me in my recovery from choking on the ale, Jaskier smirks.

“I…” My attempt to regain my composure fails, and I have to wait several more seconds until my voice obeys my command. “If you will excuse me, I’m off to take a bath”

I stand up without waiting for any responses. In any case, I have a faint idea of what Jaskier’s might be. And I prefer he doesn’t say it in front of Geralt.

I absently dry my hair with the towel, letting my thoughts wander. I’m not focusing on anything in particular, but I still get slightly startled when the door opens behind me.

“Hey, Jas” I smile at him when he languidly comes in.

“Hello, my love” There is a mischievous grin plastered in his lips.

“What is it?” I stop the motion of my hands, leaving my wet hair to dry on its own. As he advances towards me, his expression only intensifies. “Do you have mischief on your mind?”

Jaskier approaches me, and now his smirk acquires a mysterious glow. I wish I was psychic like Hana always said. That way I could read his mind right this moment.

“Not exactly” He ceremoniously takes the towel from my hands and carelessly tosses it over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” I observe him under the dim light filtering through the window to my right. Only the little sunlight left, as it turns to night, illuminates his features.

Jaskier now smiles sweetly, as though the light wasn’t making his profile attractive enough.

“Nothing, I just missed you” He shrugs a bit, but I’m not quite buying his innocent act.

Indeed, he puts his arms around me and brings me close. I rest my hands on his chest, ready to push him back if he gets cocky, which he might. We remain silent while we stare into each other’s eyes.

“I only took a bath” I scoff, playfully wrinkling my nose at him. “We saw each other no more than ten minutes ago, you-“

His lips interrupt me when they hungrily seek mine. My eyes close on their own. I lose the ability to breathe. My body automatically responds to the kiss, deepening it as he does. It brings me back to that moment outside the crypt, making it harder to ignore my desire for much longer. My hands fly to his nape, bringing him impossibly close to me. His hands against the small of my back do too, even if there is no space at all between our bodies. Our mouths dance in sync, drinking from each other’s essence. I feel so connected to him that I almost think our hearts are synchronized as well. Jaskier is breathless, and he begrudgingly leaves my mouth for oxygen. I take a deep breath myself, feeling my heart racing and my breathing erratic. But he doesn’t stop there. He quickly goes for my neck. He seems to have special fondness for that spot. When the butterflies appear in my stomach, my brain gives an alarm. I’m enjoying Jaskier’s lips on my neck, perhaps a little too much, which is why I nervously push him away. He gawks at me, his mouth still frozen in the position for a kiss.

“What’s the matter, Nissa?” He asks, showcasing that puppy look in his beautiful blue eyes.

“You sneaky little shit…” I chuckle in awe, understanding what his intentions were. Especially when I have to take a second to calm down, and his red cheeks tell the same tale.

“What do you mean, love?” The bard still looks innocently at me, so I give him a soft glare.

“You know exactly what I mean”

“You don’t… you don’t want to do that?”

He has turned more serious, noticing my hesitance. I sigh, conflicted about my own emotions. There are many reasons why I am unsure.

Firstly, what awaits us tomorrow feels too important to focus on anything else. I fear that, if we were to trespass that threshold, it would be more due to the fear of losing our chance than because we desire to do it. We know the dangers that lay at the outskirts.

Secondly, the matter is more personal than just the possibility of meeting an early end. It had been so long since last time. Thinking about that moment also brings Vizima to mind. It reminds me how much has occurred since I last was this intimate with someone, how love and sex had completely left my mind when more important things, like grief or loss, occupied my thoughts and my soul.

Jaskier’s hands, which had been firmly settled on my hips, leave me completely. The absence of his touch makes me feel cold and empty. I shiver, unsure if because of the low room temperature or the conflict within me.

“We don’t…” He scrunches his face in a carefree gesture. “We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, I…”

My finger goes to rest against his lips, efficiently silencing him. We stare at each other for a moment. His eyebrows arch in surprise and anticipation.

“It’s not that…” My hands slid down his neck and over his shoulders. This encourages him to rest his on my back, returning to that warm touch. “I just don’t want that to be the only thing between us now. I don’t want our relationship to be only that”

“Nis…” The nickname warns me of a light-hearted response. He adorably tilts his head as well, staring at me fondly. “You know I don’t want just that either. I fell for you, all of you. Not just what you can give me”

“Well, I-“

“I wasn’t finished!”

“Go on then, silly”

“Do you want to know when I knew I was inevitably in love with you?”

“When?”

“Back when you so wittily verbally retaliated against me for calling you a delicate flower”

“Jaskier... that’s the day after we met”

“Precisely”

“And you waited all this time to court me”

“I wasn’t waiting, I continuously tried to-“

“No, you didn’t! How was I to know your endless and obvious adoration was genuine?”

We both laugh when I begrudgingly take most of the blame. Only most of it.

“I’ll tell you how. I promise you something, Nissa… your heart is safe with me”

“I…” His earnest emotional response surprises me for a moment. “I bet you tell that to everyone”

Jaskier grins in amusement to my teasing. His pretty eyes twinkle as he watches me fondly. It only fuels my desire to taunt him, so I peck his lips and retreat immediately after. He groans in quite a needy whine.

Delicate flower… I smirk to myself at the thought that I proved him wrong. And I proved him right. Perhaps I can be a delicate flower, but as he once said, roses are flowers with thorns.

“H-Hang on… Jaskier…” I gasp when I am hit with realization. “That day… Delicate Flower… That song…”

Jaskier grins. Even that gesture is breathtaking. He arches his eyebrows and vehemently nods his head. For a moment, watching his smug grin, I forget what we were talking about.

“Thank you for noticing, love” He playfully kisses me on the nose. “It took you a bit”

“Is that why it took you so long to write it?” It is my turn to smirk, and he blushes a tad.

Jaskier doesn’t reply. In fact, his eyes look anywhere but me. I laugh and slap his shoulder.

“What’s the matter, Jas?” I teasingly say, squeezing his arm. “You seem flustered”

Jaskier now stares into my eyes. His gaze is piercing, intense. When he opens his mouth to reply, his tone is hushed and tender.

“How to express what my heart yearned to say? There was no way to show how I feel about you. Even now that the song is finished… it doesn’t quite explain all these wonderful things you make me feel”

The tables are turned when I am now flustered myself. His sweet smile, reinforcing his genuine words, only makes matters worse. Nonetheless, I tilt my chin up and recover.

“If you’re so smitten, then explain that entrance, you cheeky bard” I try to hide my nervousness by teasing him, poking his shoulder. “Did you harbor pure thoughts then?”

“I will admit” He smirks, responding to my provocation. Nonetheless, his hand gives my waist a comforting squeeze. “I had only one thing in mind, but… you were in the bath”

“You… ugh” When I feel myself turning several shades redder, I plop my forehead against his chest. Jaskier chuckles, delicately tangling his fingers in my wet hair.

“Fine, you perv-” As soon as we are face to face again, he lifts one finger and leans it against my lips. His soft expression shocks me. It is softer than I have seen in a while.

“Do you want to?” He insists, slowly retracting his finger so I can speak.

“I do”

“Great”

“But!” I hold my hand up, causing him to arch his eyebrows in expectation. “You better treat me right still after, Jas, or I will-“

He interrupts my flimsy joking threat with a kiss, showcasing the sweetest of touches yet. My eyes flutter closed and I happily shiver. I hang on to him, pressing myself against his chest as close as I can. Our lips meet again and again with feather light pressure. Delicately.

Jaskier slowly breaks away, and I open my eyes to look at him.

“I love you, Nissa” He suddenly says. I gawk at Jaskier, as he said it so confidently. There are no doubts in his mind whatsoever that what he says is true, that his feelings are real and strong. I have the conviction that so are mine.

Unaware that I have been holding my breath, I let it out. His brows knit in concern, though I smile reassuringly. A timid grin grows on his lips as well.

“And I love you too, my stupid bard” I say in return, caressing his face. Saying those words feels right. Voicing those feelings is freeing, cathartic. It finally feels as though I have confessed what gnawed at me for far too long.

Jaskier sighs with a mixture of relief and glee. A bright smile grows on his mouth. He leans in, and just as his lips are brushing against mine, I halt. The moment somehow feels familiar. He stares at me in awe.

“Why does it feel like I have said it before?”

“Because…” Jaskier pauses for a brief moment, showcasing a smug smirk. “You said it before”

“Oh, no… that day... I forgot about it…” I hide in his chest in embarrassment. He kisses my hair, even if the bastard is laughing as his lips linger on my head. 

“You didn’t believe me” Jaskier says to further tease me. “And you started sobbing”

I chuckle in spite of myself, and shiver when he returns to kiss me. My breath shakes in my chest as he busies his mouth with my neck.

“I'm glad..." I can hardly speak as the butterflies intensify and spread the heat of passion within me. "That my embarrassment is amusing to you”

As soon as I lock eyes with him, we both laugh together. Jaskier then wiggles his eyebrows at me. A mischievous laugh is all warning I get before he kisses me on the lips again. I just melt right into it, into his arms. Against his mouth. I even find myself giggling as we both stumble in our passionate stupor and fall together onto the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter, I hope everyone's doing okay and taking care! 💖


	17. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end! This chapter was very long so I broke it in two. Because these last ones are so important, I'm a bit insecure about the result so I would especially appreciate feedback on these chapters. Does everything make sense? Is the pacing alright? Does it feel repetitive? Is it emotional enough? Please let me know 😘

I am fuming mad when my back is roughly pressed against Geralt’s chest yet again. My elbow pushes against the blunt end of his sword, but he does not budge. I grunt, in vain trying to control my fury and the way it makes me breathe heavily. Although I feel mildly confident in my sword wielding skills after many months of training on my own, sparring with someone else is certainly something very different. Especially if that someone else is a witcher. And if that witcher is Geralt of Rivia.

“Control your anger” He says in my ear. “Or it will get you killed”

My hands start hurting from how tightly I'm holding on to my sword. If I keep clenching my jaw, I feel like I will chip a tooth. Taking a deep breath, I relax my shoulders. Geralt approvingly hums behind me. His arms drop the hold on me and I can finally move freely. I turn to be facing him again and nod my head at him to let him know I am ready to continue. Not one second after, and before I can even lift my weapon, he retaliates. I yelp and plant my feet, swinging my sword as fast as I can. Geralt’s blade is faster, however, and it forces me to retreat.

Jaskier loudly sighs, reminding me of his presence. He hasn’t opened his mouth ever since we woke up. At first I thought it was out of pure bliss after what happened last night, yet now I’m not so sure anymore. He didn’t oppose nor comment on our decision to warm up and spar knowing we will pursue them soon as we're done with this. As I glance his way, I catch a glimpse of what seems to be a very bored bard. I frown at the sight, nearly forgetting what I am doing. A stark reminder, the witcher’s sword clashes with mine while I mindlessly hold it up. The blow is just strong enough to throw me tumbling to the ground.

To put an end to Geralt’s aggressive training session, I hold my hand up to ask him for a break. When I lock eyes with the witcher, he nods his head. A strong arm comes in my field of vision, and I hold on to it to be pulled to my feet. When I am up again, Geralt returns by the horses to save his blade. Absently dusting my clothes, I turn to Jaskier. He isn’t even watching us anymore. His blue eyes are pensive as he stares at the horizon.

“Jas?” At the sound of my voice, he blinks back to reality. “What’s the matter”

He sighs, frantically looking from Geralt and back to me. After realizing he has been slouching, Jaskier sits up straight. It takes him a bit to pipe up still.

“I don’t think you should do this” Is his response after all. “Go and kill those men?”

“Heavy conscience?” Geralt shakes his head. The witcher’s mind is made up, as is mine.

“Y-Yeah, what…?” I am baffled by this sudden demeanor of his. “Jaskier, since when do you care what happens to those bastards?”

“Don’t get me wrong, that bastard deserves whatever may be coming to him” He pauses long enough to make me worry about what he might follow with. “Whether he killed Kader or not, he is a poor excuse of a man, but…”

“But..?”

“In any case, I don’t care about them. I care about you…” Jaskier pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Need I remind you what happened during your previous encounters with Jovan?”

I grit my teeth at the reminder. That was a low blow. Of course I haven’t forgotten, all our interactions have been problematic to say the least. My hand absently rests over my stomach, there were a nasty scar will adorn my skin for the rest of my life. He didn’t hesitate to hurt me. The fury I felt then seems more than justified. At the same time, the terror that overwhelmed me at the banquet when our eyes locked is just as strong.

I can honestly say I have no idea how I will react when I see him once again. Aside from our personal interactions, I hold nothing but contempt for him and his friends. They are intent on killing Geralt, and they nearly did once. They also gravely hurt Jaskier, and I had never been so scared as then. I will not forgive them.

“I cannot let fear paralyze me” I conclude, determined on my decision in spite of it all.

“You’re no killer, love…” Jaskier’s eyes are laced with an emotion I can’t quite identify. “Are you really going to do it?”

“Yes!” I exclaim in frustration. Why can’t he understand? I thought he would as he always does. I need to do this, otherwise I will never find peace. “Why is it okay for Geralt to do it but not me?”

“It isn’t!” Jaskier throws his arms up in the air as he stands. “I don’t want you two getting killed!”

“We won’t be. Both Geralt and I know what we are doing”

“He might, but do you?”

“What does that mean?!”

“You are not ready for-“

“And now you doubt me, Jaskier?” I scream in outrage. He doesn’t believe I am strong or capable enough to stand my own in a fight. Although I need his support, he refuses to provide me with it. We are always on the same page, why not now? 

“I-It’s not that, Nissa! You’re not acting like yourself, you’re not like that!”

“Perhaps I’ve changed during our time apart”

“Well, have you turned bitter?”

“Maybe”

“Alright, and since when are you a bad person?”

I click my tongue in hurt and exasperation. Why does he fight me on this?

“You don’t understand…” Even knowing about Kader, being aware of my past and having signs that Jovan is the culprit, and all he has done to us... even then, he argues with me.

“You’re right, I don’t” He vehemently shakes his head at me. “I don’t understand-”

“Then get off my business, Jaskier!” I find myself shouting, even as tears reach my eyes.

He averts his gaze and clenches his fists in a gesture very much unlike him. A wave of hurt crosses his features. I part my lips to ask what the hell he is thinking, though he speaks on his own.

“You are being too obstinate” He still takes several more seconds to even glance in my direction. When he does, however, he is more intense than I have ever seen him. “Can’t you see that hatred is blinding you? You are clearly overreacting!”

“Oh, am I? For wanting to kill the man that has been terrorizing us for months?”

“Yes, for wanting to kill! You want to kill someone, Nissa... can’t you see how insane and absurd that is?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re soft, you’re-“

“Because I’m a defenseless delicate flower” He frowns and opens his mouth, though I interrupt him before he can retort back. “Fuck off!”

“Nissa…” Geralt intervenes, but I only glare at him. He rolls his eyes yet grows silent again.

“You just can’t do it! Can’t you see?!” Jaskier yells. His brow is deeply furrowed. “I won’t let you! You-”

“I don’t need your permission” Establishing the end of the conversation, I take a step forward, leaving him there midsentence. “I am done with you”

“Nissa, that is not-” He holds me back by my arm. I tug at him, even if his hand is firm against my bicep. We glare at each other.

“Jaskier…” Our eyes lock, and he hesitates at the storm in mine. “Let go of me”

“Fine, you obstinate woman” He lets go of me and takes a step back. “Do as you please!”

“I will!” I conclude, continuing to move forward. I look at him over my shoulder to track his movement. Instead of staying there and sulking like I expected him to, or even to retaliate once more, he only turns around and storms off. Geralt sighs by my side, easily catching up to me. We leave that place behind, and Jaskier with it.

The more I distance myself from that moment, the more I regret my exchange with Jaskier. The bracelet burns in my wrist. No matter, I will deal with that later. If there is a later... A nasty feeling arrives to the pit of my stomach, though I try to ignore it. I can’t back down now, even if his words still linger. No, forget about it for now. Focus. Remember what Geralt taught you. Remain calm. Don’t get distracted. Avoid being blinded by anger. Do not be reckless. Stay close to him. It will be over soon, once and for all.

My fingers are tingling, and a feeling of anticipation has settled in my gut. My thoughts wander. All the possible scenarios of how it will play out haunt me. I ignore all pessimistic thoughts and stare at Geralt. When he stops walking, I do too. Geralt’s posture hints at a lecture much like Jaskier’s. I sigh in resignation, though when they come, the witcher’s words aren’t what I expected.

“Are you ready?” He asks me instead of ensuring I am alright with this.

“As I’ll ever be” I fidget my fingers and get a better hold out of my sword.

Geralt nods his head and carries on walking. We are already at the outskirts, and their den should be visible soon. The void in my stomach grows with every step.

“You seek revenge” The witcher continues. “What comes after?”

I peer at him, though he doesn’t reciprocate. Geralt only walks with confidence, calmly wielding his sword as though we are not about to start the fight of our lives. Of my life, at least, as perhaps this might just be one of the many encounters the witcher had in all his years.

“Peace” I simply reply, foreseeing the effect their deaths will have on me. Catharsis. Without Jovan and his gang chasing after us, we will stop feeling that dread. That haste of being attacked any second, perhaps even killed. That overwhelming worry for each other.

“Hm” Geralt finally looks at me, and despite the amusement in his hum, his eyes seem to hold no emotion. “Tell me about it when it’s over”

I frown when I understand what he’s implying. The witcher looks me up and down and I realize I have halted when he goes ahead of me. Jaskier’s words keep echoing in my head. I am no killer… No, I have to do this. It isn’t only about fighting off those men once and for all. One of them is guilty for more crimes. One of those bastards killed Kader. And they must pay.

Geralt suddenly takes me by the arm and harshly tugs at me. This gesture makes me aware of where we stand. A rundown shack is ahead. Before it, lazily sitting around a campfire is a group of seven men. Their conjoined voices and disgusting laughter brings me back to a previous lifetime in the tavern of Vizima. They are not the same people, but their similarities could deceive anyone into believing so. Different men, same sins.

“It’s them!” One of the men stands, soon after followed by his companions.

I acquire a ready stance as they come to us. The witcher’s hand doesn’t let off until the very last second. He unhands me when they attack, giving me room to move. I immediately feint and swing my sword at the closest one. I shudder when I feel the blade sinking in flesh. Despite all my training, I don’t think I will ever get used to that unpleasant sensation. Not dwelling on it, I turn and move on to the next one. The sound of steel blades meeting one another is loud next to me, reminding me of Geralt’s own struggle. My heart skips a beat. Despite the instinctive movement of my arms and legs, my mind wanders as I fight. My eyes frantically sweep the area, looking for a scarred face. To find none.

“Focus!” The witcher exclaims, watching me with the corner of his eye.

I twiddle the sword in my hand and oblige, thrusting it towards another one. He stops the blow with his weapon, but I kick him in the knee. When he bends over in pain, I take a step forward. As I do, he swings his sword at me. My reflexes are fast enough to allow me to dodge it. Throwing myself forward immediately after, I rest my blade against his throat.

“Where’s Jovan?” I demand to know, allowing the edge to graze his skin. Neither my aggressive tone nor my sharp weapon seems to threaten him. He smirks.

“Like you, he was considerate enough to pay you a visit” When I frown in confusion, he only sniggers. “It seems he was quicker, though”

To go along with the halting of my heart once more, I just then hear Geralt’s sword cut through flesh. The thud that echoes after mirrors the thumping of my heartbeat as it carries on. Realization hits.

“Jaskier…” I step back, moved by an unknown force within me.

The mercenary is about to attack me during my daze. Fortunately, Geralt is ready to retaliate before I can react to the imminent attack. Firstly kicking him in the chest, he pushes the man off me. Then I gasp when blood splashes me in the face as the blade mercilessly cuts through him.

Not blaming me for my distraction, Geralt stares at me for a brief moment. Not one second after, he is running away. I do not hesitate as I follow despite my shaky knees.

Jaskier… No… Let him be okay, please. Please. I can’t bear the possibility of losing him. Not again. And after our argument… Oh, God, I need to get to him. Quickly .

My mind is fuzzy with frantic thoughts. The pulse throbs in my temples. I can barely hear my own panting with the accelerated hammering of my heart. I don’t need to, however, when we stop before the inn. The crackling of flames is loud enough to deafen me, to literally paralyze me as I freeze before it. A strangled whimper escapes my throat. I cling on to Geralt’s arm in panic when we stop before the burning building. Smoke filters through the windows. The sight is painfully familiar and brings emptiness to the pit of my stomach.

“JASKIER!” I put my hands around my mouth and shout at the top of my lungs.

A pause follows as I wait to see if I was heard. There is no movement, only fire. It has returned to destroy my entire world again. I don’t think I’m strong enough to take it. Not again. I need to do something. Geralt seems to realize my train of thought, however, as he holds me in place with a strong hand. We exchange a glance. The sound of the fire crackling fills the silence during our brief pause. The witcher clenches his jaw. If he is going in, so am I. Indeed, I am about to lunge forward again when the door bolts open, revealing a figure stumbling out.

“Jaskier” I breathe out in relief, squeezing Geralt’s arm tighter as it falls before me to hinder my advance. “Oh, Jaskier, thank the Gods…”

“Fuck…” The bard starts to say, but is interrupted by a coughing fit. “Geralt... Ni-Nissa…”

He’s pointing a thumb over his shoulder as he nervously staggers forward. I try to reach out to help him, but Geralt still doesn’t let me walk toward him.

“Get back, Jaskier” The witcher orders, urgently gesturing for him to get behind us. Jaskier nods, covering his mouth with his hand as he continues to cough.

I’m just happy that he managed to get out of that hell on his own. I hear his coughing still as he stands behind us as asked. His hand falls on my shoulder, and I rest mine over it in solace. The blood freezes in my veins, however, when a scream coming from inside the inn reaches us. Instinct takes over me, throwing any rationality out of the window. I push Geralt away and run forward to help them.

“No!” He catches me before I can reach the entrance. “You can’t help!”

“What do you mean I can’t help?” I debate between his strong arms even if I know it’s inane. “There’s still people in there, we have to-“

I yelp when the flames cause the wooden roof to collapse. Just the same way, I feel myself crumbling on the inside as I completely still. The arms around me support me when I falter as I feel the shift in the atmosphere. I start trembling. There is now nothing but emptiness where once was life. It has extinguished, unlike the flames that defiantly grow to devour the remains of the building.

This was all our fault… I could have done something to stop it, yet… it was not in my power, was it? Why am I always so helpless? Why can’t I help anyone? Even with my magic…

“There’s nothing you could have done” Geralt tugs at me, trying to get me to look at him. “It was too late”

“No, with magic…” 

“You are a healer, not a sorceress”

An overwhelming restlessness takes over me and I don’t know what to do. I need to shake away that feeling. I throw myself to Geralt, needing some sort of comfort before I completely break down. His strong chest heaves under my cheek when he sighs and his arms wrap around me.

Geralt spoke these wise words once: we can’t save everyone. The lesson was easier said than learned. Nonetheless, even with the void within me, I repeat those words in my head like a mantra. We can't save everyone, we just can't. We only help how we can. Sometimes it is not possible to help at all. It is a poor solace.

In a surprisingly tender way, Geralt’s hand falls over the back of my head as he allows me to linger for as long as I need to. I hear his heart with such proximity. It’s racing slightly, but other than that he appears rather calm. Perhaps he is used or resigned to such catastrophes.

The warm embrace slowly melts my restlessness away. The grief remains in my heart, but I know what he said was true. It was too late for me to do anything. We can’t save everyone... I reluctantly break away and look up into his eyes. They seem to hold more emotion than ever as he silently yet reassuringly nods at me.

“I-I’m alright now” I take a deep breath to further calm myself and turn around to our friend. “And you, Jas-?”

Instead of standing behind us, he is limply lying down on the ground, unconscious. I repeatedly tap Geralt’s arm seeing that I can’t find any words to voice out my call for help.

“Jaskier!” Geralt exclaims as he runs to his aid. Just when my heart had stopped racing…

I can’t move. The image before me is far too harrowing to allow me to think. I can’t take it.

Geralt looks from him to me. Before the words come out, I can tell what’s he’s going to say from the way he sternly presses his lips together. Jaskier inhaled too much smoke.

“He's not breathing” Geralt’s words sound like a death sentence. Grave. Concerned. Frightened.

My body advances in a daze as my legs move slowly. I feel out of myself as I join them.

No… No, no, no. I fall on my knees next to him. No... please, no. I lean my head close to his mouth, but I can’t hear nor feel him breathing. His chest isn’t moving either. No, Jaskier... I rest my ear against it, noticing there is a heartbeat though its rhythm is strange.

“Jaskier?” I shout, frantically shaking his shoulder. There is no response. “Jaskier!”

“Nissa…” Geralt mumbles next to me. I had never heard him sound so helpless before.

“Stupid bard…” My fingers are shaking so much that I can barely settle them on his chin and forehead to tilt his head up and facilitate his air intake. “S-Stupid idiot bard!”

I pinch his nose and lean forward. My lips to his mouth try to send some air to his lungs. He tastes like smoke.

Jaskier… you can’t leave me, not you too. Don’t scare me in such a way again. I have experienced enough loss, I _cannot_ lose you…not when we finally were on the same page. Not when you reciprocate. You can’t die!

When I break away, I take a big breath even if the air around us is mildly contaminated with more ashes and smoke. Fortunately, Geralt knows what to do. He doesn’t waste a second to interlock his hands and begin chest compressions on Jaskier. The way he limply moves under him is harrowing. I wait for Geralt to stop before I carry on. Each second is an eternal torture. As soon as he leans back, I move forward. My lips return to Jaskier’s as I mentally pray for him to come back to me.

Stupid bard, don’t leave me. Destiny brought us together, and now that I found you I can’t lose you! What will I do without you? I could not bear it if you died. I might as well perish too. W-What about true love? We said it was a nice thought, and it was. It still is… Wake up!

My eyes start burning with unshed tears of rage and helplessness when I lean back. I can’t breathe properly, how am I supposed to give him oxygen when I lack it?

Geralt pushes his hands against Jaskier’s chest once more. He is too still again, limply moving with the witcher’s strong motions. The sound of the fire crackling behind me makes me want to weep like a baby. Geralt stares at me, and I try it a third time.

Breathe, Jaskier, breathe… Open your eyes, damn it! Call me Nis again. I need to hear you say my name so beautifully, enjoy the way you call me love so tenderly. I miss your voice already. Say anything to me. Tease me as much as you’d like, call me my lady or delicate flower or whatever exasperating thing you want, but wake up! Please… please.

I cradle his face with my hands as I breathe into him, mentally begging for him to respond. My vision turns blurry and I am very light-headed. It might be because of the heavy breathing, yet I feel at the brink of collapsing.

Thanks the heavens, my prayers are answered when I feel him moving under me. I immediately pull away and give him some space, just in time for him to violently sit up and cough. Geralt and I exchange a glance of relief and the smallest of smiles. My shoulders drop. A sob climbs up my throat and lingers there, creating a lump as it does. He's alive.

When Jaskier recovers from the coughing, he lies down in exhaustion. He’s breathing heavily, but he’s breathing. He groans, he winces, but he’s alive. His eyes fall over me, and something stirs inside me.

“Oh, Jaskier…” I throw my arms around his neck, clinging to him. I never want to let go.

Putting an arm around me, he carefully sits up again. I hold him tighter, not wanting him to push me away. He doesn’t. Maybe he can feel me shaking, hear me sobbing, even if I’m too overwhelmed to actually cry. My eyes are dry, though my chest feels heavy.

“I’m sorry, Jas…” I can’t seem to be able to speak coherently. “I’m so sorry, I-I… Oh, p-please forgive… forgive me, I…”

“Me too” He manages, coughing still. “Nissa, I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t you ever… You…” I choke out, too terrified still to form any coherent words.

“I’m okay…” He says even through more coughing and a hoarse voice. “I’m okay, Nissa…”

“Sh, don’t speak…” My voice is broken with sobs. “Rest your… your voice… rest…”

“I’m still here” Jaskier whispers, ignoring my petition. “You won’t lose me, love, I’m here”

His words trigger a sudden torrent of tears, accompanied by a sob so loud that it hurts my throat. Relief overwhelms me with his confirmation. I fear I am hurting him in his weak state from how tightly I am holding him. Yet I can’t stop myself, I need to feel him as close as I possibly can. Warm, breathing and alive. Closer, I need him closer.

Jaskier moves with an outer force, and I can tell that’s Geralt energetically patting his shoulder. I don’t care about the witcher at the moment. I truly can’t care about anything else, only the fact that Jaskier is still alive. That he’s holding me in his arms and whispering in my ear. He’s alright, as he says, he’s still here. He’s okay. Thanks the gods, he’s alive.


	18. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with last chapter, I'm a bit insecure about the result since the ending is so important, so I would especially appreciate feedback on these chapters. Pacing, emotions, coherence, engaging... Is there something I should improve? Please let me know. In any case, I hope you enjoy this, I will be posting last chapter (the epilogue) soon! 😘

From repeating it and all its variations so much, the word ‘sorry’ nearly loses its meaning. We have run out of words to say.

I sigh as Jaskier rests on top of me. The calmness that surrounds us feels precarious, though I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

In desperate need for a break, we have camped out under the open sky. I peer up at it, finding the sight to be comforting. There are no clouds and the sun shines bright still. It reminds me I have a sun of my own, holding it in my arms. I concentrate on the light movement of his chest against mine, on my fingers sinking into his soft brown hair, on his breath tickling my collarbone, on his arms around me, his nose nuzzling the crook of my neck, his warmth against mine. I concentrate on _him_.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

“I am, I promise” His lips move against my neck as he speaks. “But Nissa?”

“Yes?” I kiss his head, feeling like I can never run out of affection for him.

“I never once doubted you…” His chin rests on my collarbone as he peers into my eyes. “I was only ever scared for you”

“Scared that I would die?”

“Or lose yourself… I didn’t want you to lose that kindness in favor of hatred”

“You were right… I wasn’t behaving like myself, I lost all logic” I cannot hold the look in his piercing blue eyes, of sympathy mixed with concern and the slightest of dismay, and avert my gaze. “All because of my resentment, it was all I could think about. It blinded me against Jovan, and even against you, Jas…”

“Well, I’m glad it is all behind us” He moves closer, and when I do glance at him, he softly smiles and kisses me in the lips.

“Me too” I say back, managing a small smile of my own.

Jaskier sighs and leaves a tender kiss on my neck before breaking the closeness. His hands settle on the ground at either sides of my body, though my arms keep him bound against me. We lock eyes and raise our eyebrows at the same time.

“Nature’s call” His voice is still hoarse, though he smiles.

“No” I hold on to his doublet to keep him close. “You shouldn’t wander”

We stare into each other’s eyes. I recognize the realization in his. He sees that I am too frightened still, that I know that this respite will certainly be short-lived. Jaskier seems to understand. In what I can only assume is his way of comforting me, he winks at me.

“Don’t worry, love” He smiles against my lips when he pecks them once more. “I won’t be long”

“If you see someone, shout” Geralt tells him too, earning a head nod before Jaskier walks away. I sigh as soon as he steps away, sitting up to watch his back.

Geralt pats my shoulder to demand my attention. There is the smallest of smiles plastered on his lips. Has he come around to Jaskier and me as a couple?

“He will not disappear if you stop looking at him” In spite of the rare sight of a smiling Geralt, I sigh.

“These days, it feels like he will” I frown and avert my gaze to the ground. “Like I will lose him…”

“You will not lose him, Nissa” My friend assures, squeezing my shoulder. “We’ll make sure of that”

His words help me take a deep breath. A pressure in my chest has made the task rather difficult as of late. The softness in his golden eyes, however, eases it greatly. I smile, and even chuckle. I tilt my head at him as I establish eye contact.

“Don’t lie, Geralt, you love him too” I have to laugh at the sudden change on his expression, from fondness to exasperation. “After all, he is your best friend in the world”

“You used to be on my side” He follows along, even with his voice dripping with resigned sarcasm. “He has poisoned you against me”

I laugh and push him a bit. It's his turn to chuckle, whoever, when my attempt doesn’t make him totter not even one bit. I pout and he smirks. 

The brief moment of levity is cut short when we hear Jaskier shout in the distance. The blood freezes in my veins. Both Geralt and I spring to our feet without even having to exchange a glance. We run to the bard’s aid, swords in hand and with twin fierce expressions. We will _not_ let him get hurt.

I beg my legs to carry me quicker. Faster, run faster, Jaskier needs us. Don’t mind that you’re out of breath, that your heart beats so wildly that you grow light-headed. That it makes your chest hurt. Run to him. Just help him.

My imagination runs wild with harrowing scenarios in which we can find Jaskier in. None of them can compare to the horrible reality, however, for it's quite literally my worst nightmare come to life. When we reach Jaskier, a knot forms in my throat at the sight we are received with.

Jovan is there too. He holds Jaskier hostage, back against his chest, threatening him with a knife to the throat. The bard waves his arms around, bringing my attention to a small bouquet of beautiful pink flowers that he carries in his hand and refuses to let go of.

“Uh… Nissa, Geralt?” He helplessly asks us, though his eyes are on me.

“Stand still” Jovan tells him, and there is an edge to his voice I very much dislike.

“Let go of him, you bastard” I spit out, glaring daggers at him.

“Jaskier, stay calm” Geralt tells him in a surprisingly comforting voice.

The bard weakly nods his head, gritting his teeth when the movement brings the blade closer to his throat. His eyes are pleading as they widen and linger over me. Shit.

“What do you want, asshole?” Jovan only points a finger at the witcher in response. He is still adamant on earning that blasted reward. Even after all his friends are dead, even after we have showed multiple times that we aren’t to be meddled with. Selfish, arrogant greedy prick…

To antagonize me, he holds my gaze. He doesn’t seem intimidated by the fire in my eyes. Instead, he smirks as he presses the blade against Jaskier’s throat to taunt me. The bard hisses through his teeth and stiffens, dropping the flowers in his hand.

“A-Alright” Jaskier holds his hands up in surrender. “How about we all calm down?”

“Shut up, bard, unless you want me to slit your throat” Jovan spits out, reminding me of a poisonous snake. “It’s the witcher I want”

“If you want Geralt, you have to go through me first” Hesitant, and hoping my courage will make him forget about my friends, I take a cautious step closer. “So come on, let go of him and fight me, you coward”

He carefully watches me, raising his eyebrows. I can’t tell if the gesture holds genuine surprise, mild admiration or absolute amusement. Either way, I don’t care. Much to my relief, the blade leaves Jaskier’s throat. He sighs too, though dares not move. Then everything happens rather quickly. Jovan’s smirk foretells danger.

“Gladly, my child” Is his response before completely letting go of Jaskier and pushing him.

As we both rush to aid our friend, Jovan takes the moment to flee. I will not let him escape, not now that I finally have him before me, and especially not now that I have trained and can better hold myself in a fight. The fire burns in my veins as I run after him. When I pass by a very startled Jaskier, I quickly glance at him and breathe out when I see he is alright. Once I do, I leave them behind.

“Nissa!” Geralt angrily calls me, though I am already after Jovan. The coward is still running, loudly laughing at my puerile bloodlust as I swear him under my breath.

“Stop running!” I order to him, paying no mind to my elaborated breathing from the dash. “Coward!!!”

He continues on ahead, and I trip over my own two feet in my hurry to catch him. I recover as quickly as possible, continuing my pursuit. My hand shakes as I reach for the dagger, though I keep my eyes on him as I fumble, unable to unsheathe it with my clumsy fingers.

Jovan suddenly stops, much to my surprise. I acquire a ready stance, yet he punches me in the stomach before I can remedy it. I can’t breathe. He has been certain on his blow, as it landed precisely on my scar. It hurts like hell even after all this time. Letting the blow fuel my hatred, I swing my sword at his face even if blinded by pain. He shrieks and takes a step back, holding his chest as my weapon cut through his shirt. For the first time, the sight of blood is satisfying.

As I take pleasure in his suffering, he recovers far too quickly for my understanding and kicks me in the hand. I scream at the contact. My hands shake with the sharp ache, and I fear he broke some knuckles. The sword flies off my hand, but I am quick to reach for my dagger. His dagger. Without any sense of fair play, I kick him in the balls and smirk in satisfaction when he groans. Jovan falls to his knees, moment that I take to stomp on his chest and shove him on his back as hard as I can.

“You killed my brother” I loudly tell him as I tower over him. “Do you admit it?”

As he looks up at me, I feel powerful. More powerful than ever. He is at my mercy.

This man is responsible for all my sorrows. First Kader. Then the fire of Vizima as well, since he was the one that angered the dragon when taking its egg. Hana was deformed because of him. Many people died because of his greed. My friends suffered under his hand as well. Jaskier’s life had been threatened multiple times. Geralt was at death’s doors, just because that bastard held contempt for witchers and wanted to find a reward for ending him.

My boot sinks into his chest, earning a twisted satisfaction when he winces again. I push harder, almost waiting to hear a crunching sound. However, his gesture soon fades in favor of a satisfied smirk.

“Do you really expect me to know what you’re talking about?”

“My brother Kader! A sweet sweet boy… He was only twenty-two, and he was only ever kind. And you killed him!”

Jovan rolls his eyes in annoyance and it makes my blood boil. He dares to discard my pain in such a way. I fall in his trap and decide to elaborate. He deserves to know all the pain he has caused me.

“The dragon in the mountain, ten years ago! Did you kill my brother because he got in the way?”

“Oh, that…” His disgusting smirk only grows at my words. “I wouldn’t have said it better myself”

Miserable son of a whore…

I purposefully drop on top of him, trying to hurt him as much as I can when I fall. My knees impact against his ribcage. The air is cut off him, and I have no mercy in punching him across the scar before he can properly breathe again. My dagger finds its way towards his face, thirsty for blood. Craving to sink into his skin and carve another scar on his flesh. He lifts his hand and blocks the blade. I push him back, surprising even myself with this sudden animal like strength. Jovan winces, but he manages to block my attack before it can reach him, putting up resistance as I try to shove the dagger closer to him. I scream with effort and frustration.

Make him suffer. I want to hear him scream, to… I want to… k-kill him? Yes, he deserves death. It was so long ago… though it still hurts. But now I know the truth, after ten long years. I have finally found the culprit! If it weren’t for him, Kader would be alive right now. It isn’t only about my brother anymore either. This man is evil and doesn’t deserve to live. He is more monstrous than the creatures Geralt hunts.

And yet… I am no killer, am I? Jaskier said…

My hands start shaking so badly that it’s hard to hold my weapon steady. He takes this moment of hesitation and weakness to retaliate. Jovan punches me in the nose and I stumble backwards and onto the ground, whimpering. I have felt the bone move and blood is now pouring out. It's so painful that tears reach my eyes. 

As I sit there clutching my face, at first I don’t know what to do. I want to fight back but, the more I think about it… I don’t want to hurt him. Maybe a part of me does, for what he has done to my brother. For what he seems proud about, even if they’re awful things more proper of a monster than a man. Still, I don’t want to kill him. I don’t want to become the type of person he is. I don’t want to succumb to that anger and bitterness. I only want to let go of the pain he caused me, but killing him won’t achieve such a deed. Perhaps nothing will, not even time. Not entirely.

Jovan is clearly not having any similar thoughts, because he’s already charging back against me. In a daze, I cover my face with my arms, but his hit never lands.

A strong arm has taken me from behind and pulled me to my feet with ease. Moved by the adrenaline, an alarm blasts in my brain. I need to defend myself, he’s not alone. In my panic, I scream and start thrashing around. It’s one of his men, he had more. They’re about to kill me before Jovan can. I make a stabbing motion with my dagger out of self-defense, but it’s blocked as well. I yell and throw my fist against them. It makes contact with a strong jaw before I can see who it is.

Oh…

They weren’t trying to hurt me. They were trying to help me, to get me out of harm’s way. It’s Geralt. He came back for me, to save me not only from the danger, but from myself.

He steps away from me. I gawk at him in an attempt to gather an apology, but find none. My mind is far too busy focusing on this moment, on the fact that I have Kader’s murderer right here. I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t do something now. I need to do something, move for once. Take action, take a stand! Or I will regret it. Now that Geralt is here, we will face Jovan together.

I tightly cling on to my dagger. My fingers hurt. I take a step. The witcher is pointing his sword at Jovan, and I will join him. However, there is something that prevents me from taking another step.

“Nissa!” His voice returns to save me from the abyss. It isn’t until he calls my name that I realize I am teetering on the edge. I take a deep breath. My chest quickly moves with my panting. “Nissa, love, are you hurt?”

I can’t respond, nor react. Jaskier firmly wraps an arm around my waist in an attempt to make me look at him. He gently pushes me closer to him, leaning me against his torso. My mind can’t quite concentrate on him. My ears are whistling.

“You are…” He mutters, tenderly cradling me as his hand cups my cheek and carefully tilting my head up to take a better look at me. “Your nose…”

As soon as he touches my face, a sudden sense of aversion overwhelms me. I gasp, feeling sick. My nerves are on edge. Every fiber of my being asks me to push him away, and so I do. He stands there in shock when I harshly shove him.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell, stumbling backwards to put some space between us.

What… what is happening? What’s wrong with me? It’s Jaskier… why don’t I want him to touch me? He’s my love, my bard, my Jaskier. And yet, I can’t stand the thought of it.

A wave of hurt crosses his features as he stays in the spot. Unable to stand the sight, I lower my head, finding myself hyperventilating. Nothing makes sense right now, I… My thoughts are tangled, my head is fuzzy and confused. It’s so hard to breathe… to think…

“Nissa? Look at me, love… Look at me!” It takes me several more seconds, but I do as he says. When we lock gazes, I recognize the devastation in his deep blue eyes. They are pleading, begging me not to do it. They are inundated with tears. Jaskier takes a step closer and my heart skips a beat. 

“D-Don’t come any closer” I demand, not wanting him to stop me. He can’t, I… have to.

“Alright, alright…” He holds his hands up in a defensive gesture. “Just look at me… please”

“I am, shut up!” My hands fly to my temples when a lacerating pain throbs in my head.

“Don’t do this…” He begs me, and his voice breaks slightly. “Please, don’t…”

“Jaskier, he said it! He killed… Kader, h-he admitted it!” I have to take a few seconds before my frenzy allows me to continue speaking. “And he hurt you… and Geralt, and… and so many more people… He’s a monster, and I have to… I have to!”

“N-No, you don’t want to… I know you don’t” Jaskier tells me, shaking his head. “You’re not like this, Nissa… please...”

I stare into his eyes. They watch me, attempting to snap me out of my insanity. His concerned stare makes me grow aware of everything. How I am shaking, and I can’t produce breaths other than pants. Something flares in my eyes, and I look down to see the sun reflecting on the surface of my bracelet. A frown wrinkles my brow. I stop everything.

What am I doing? If I trespass that threshold, I can never return from it. The red haze that clouded my mind slowly dissipates.

Startled, I turn to the sound of battle. Steel against steel. Jovan and Geralt have been fighting this entire time, and yet I have been too deranged to even notice they started. Turning my body towards them, I see the witcher has now defeated him. Jovan kneels before him, still defiantly peering up at him. His lip is quivering nonetheless. The sight fuels the anger within me, the fury that craves more of his fear. IT ignites the fire within me once more.

Good, suffer. Suffer like I have, like so many people have because of you. I can still make him pay. This is my moment to do some justice. For Kader. I can’t let him down. I can’t let this killer go. It took me so long to find him… I squeeze the hilt of my dagger. It craves blood.

Does it?

I do too.

D-Do I?

Y-Yes… This bastard must die.

“Nissa, don’t…” Jaskier tries again. He interrupts me mid-step. I peer at him. “Please…”

The last word gets lost. I can’t hear him say it, only read it from his lips. There is heartbreak in his eyes, because of me. I hesitate.

I read every single thought he is having at this moment. All of them. The plea in his expression screams it all. That bastard deserves it, he says, but not you. You don't deserve this, don’t have that in your conscience. Remember the song? He tells me. You’re soft, stay that way. Softness is a sign of bravery. Reject that hate. You are kind, and kindness is not weakness. Don’t become someone you’re not. Forget about revenge. Kader wouldn’t want this for you. I don’t want this, not even you do. I know you don't. You’re still on time. Please… Come back to me, love, he says. I need you to come back.

His eyebrows furrow. His eyes grow teary. Mine do too. Damn it, he’s right... He’s right.

My hand feels cold as it sheaths the dagger. My belt feels heavy now. He’s right.

I run to him. His arms automatically open to receive me. We collide in a desperate embrace, clinging on to each other. It takes our breath away. He sighs in relief and holds me tight. Tears inundate my eyes, and so I bury my face on his chest. He has safely retrieved me from the abyss.

“Oh… thank the Gods, Nissa…”

“I’m sorry…”

“I thought I lost you”

“No… No, I’m here, I didn’t do it…”

“You didn’t…”

“I didn’t…” I peer up at him, meeting with the soothing ocean of his blue eyes. “I didn’t”

He breathes out, loosening the tension that his body held. His eyebrows furrow, though he nods at me. Jaskier shows me a tearful smile. My words have reached him, as has their meanings. He understands what I mean. I have returned to him.

I ignore that ache in my chest. The fire dies down. It won’t tempt me anymore. The choice is made, and I know it is the right one. Kader wouldn’t have wanted me to become a murderer. The best way to honor his memory is to live. That is the closest thing to have him back. Live by his example, of kindness and love. Not hate. Never hate.

Jaskier’s hands tenderly rest against my cheeks. It is then when I realize I have started sobbing. My emotions are pouring out. His thumbs wipe the falling tears. He gently tilts my head up to meet with my eyes. More tears blur the beautiful ocean of his.

“Sh, it’s okay” He shushes me, caressing my hair and my face. “You’re okay, love”

I allow myself a moment of calmness. I’m okay, it has passed. Everything is alright, I am calm.

Then a thought interrupts my comforting thoughts.

“W-Wait, Geralt…” I worry, looking over my shoulder to our friend. “Is he…?”

The witcher still points his sword to Jovan, who stays kneeling on the ground. They don’t move, seizing each other up. I fear for Geralt despite the fact that he’s clearly the one in control.

“He’s… he’s alright” Jaskier gently forces me to look back at him. “Just stay with me, please”

“You were right” My voice breaks. I cannot avert my gaze from his eyes, of that beautiful blue color that somehow calms my distress even in this situation. “You were right, Jas…”

I look up to the dagger I still clutch on my hand. Jaskier’s fingers slip down my cheek, finally allowing me some space. I pause and turn around, back to Jovan.

“Nissa?” Jaskier holds my hand, hindering my advance. His voice shakes.

“I’m okay” I manage a trembling smile. “I promise, Jaskier”

He nods his head and lets go of me, trusting my word. I slowly advance towards that monster. Jovan follows my movements with that contempt reflected in his eyes. It will not anger me this time. I am not like that. Geralt glances at me, although only for a second as he watches Jovan to ensure my safety while I have this closure I very much need.

“You can keep this” I throw the dagger at his feet, watching him with contempt myself. Before he can use it against us, Geralt stomps on the weapon and holds it there. Then he turns to me, watching Jovan with the corner of his eye.

“Nissa, go with Jaskier” My friend tells me, and scowls when I open my mouth to retort back. “Go. With Jaskier. Now”

His voice was deeper than ever, resembling a growl. I hesitate, though ultimately realize he is right. They both are. I stand closer to Jaskier, whose fingers absently fall over my back. However, I can’t stop anxiously looking at them.

“Don’t look” The witcher says, because even as I lean my hands against Jaskier’s chest, I stare at Geralt. I need to know what happens, what becomes of them.

I have seen people die. Many times before, I have encountered death. Why is it that Geralt’s petition seems reasonable now? I am willing to obey and yet, at the same time, I can’t peel my eyes away. I catch a glimpse of Geralt towering over Jovan before he could stand. His sword hand doesn't falter. Jaskier turns my head around before I can see anything else. I hear him taking a sharp breath in just as he shields his face in my shoulder, keeping my head locked against his chest. A gasp escapes my mouth as I recognize the sound of a blade piercing the skin. A disgusting and visceral wet sound that makes me shiver follows. Then a gurgling sound. My mind goes haywire with realization. That could have been me at the hands of Jovan, or him at my hands. Neither of those ends seems satisfactory.

A dying shriek echoes in my ears and makes me cringe, shrinking further into Jaskier’s safe embrace. I crumple the fabric of his doublet in my fist. He groans lightly as well, tightening his arms around me and hiding his face on my shoulder. We linger in that position for several heartbeats, until we hear Geralt heaving a sigh. The silence is deafening, only interrupted by my thumping heart.

Softly breaking away from Jaskier, I look at the witcher. I take notice of his sword dripping with blood, though I try not to glance at the body it left. Our friend turns to us as well, countenance grave as he nods his head. It’s over. It’s finally over. Jovan won’t terrorize us anymore. Kader is avenged. It will never bring him back, but his memory can now rest after his murderer is dead.

I am shaking. My knees nearly buckle. A sob shakes me to my core.

Watching Geralt, I run to him and crash against his chest in an urgent embrace. His strong arms welcome me immediately, squeezing me against him. I want to say something to him, voice how relieved I am that he’s safe. Express my content that we won’t be threatened by that bastard any more. Thank him for eliminating that burden from my chest, one I had carried for more than eight years. Ask if he’s alright, if Jovan managed to hurt him one last time before meeting his demise. However, when I feel a new pair of arms around me, I crumble. When Jaskier joins the hug, I hide my face in Geralt’s chest. I start bawling. Jaskier softly shushes me as he holds me and reassuringly rubs my back. I cling on to his doublet. The witcher sighs again.

The three of us don’t move from the spot, only holding on to each other.

The line of the horizon feels calmer than ever. Perhaps it is only my perception, yet it does. In any instance, I wish I could borrow any of that calmness. I still feel shook to the core.

Pal’s head nudges my shoulder and I automatically reach out to caress him between the eyes, even if the motion of my hand is absent as I pay little attention to him. My bandaged knuckles hurt. The white fabric against my pale skin appears to be red, even if there is no blood in them.

A melody replays in my head, one that I have only heard a few times. No matter, the first time I heard it, even as it was being written, was enough to let it sink in. It made a big enough impact for me to memorize it in an instant.

_Time to make a new start_

_It won’t be easy to depart_

_And now everything feels so wrong_

_But it’s darkest before the dawn_

_‘Tis the elegy of the heart_

_For they are gone… they're really gone_

I nearly jump out of my skin when a familiar voice speaks behind me.

“Oh, no… I had a sneaking suspicion…” There stands Jaskier, restless as he watches me closely. Nonetheless, he bears a small smile. “You do have the voice of an angel”

I must have been singing the song stuck in my mind. In spite of it all, of the turmoil inside me and the heaviness in my heart, I smile. Because of him. Always because of him.

“For crying out loud…” I roll my eyes, turning my back to him, self-conscious about my thoughtful and melancholic state. “You have heard me sing before, Jas”

Watching him with the corner of my eye, my smile returns when he innocently watches me and holds me from behind. Slowly and tenderly, carefully, as though he fears I will break.

“I have…” He grins, resting his chin on my shoulder, and kisses me in the cheek. “But, oh, if it isn’t the most wonderful earthly delight…”

I honestly don’t know what to say in return to that. Instead, I quiet. His silence is making me uncomfortable, especially given the way he watches me. Enthralled, smitten, infatuated. Now that I know how he truly feels, I am flustered. I haven’t quite gotten used to it yet.

“Will you say something?” I urge him, squeezing my hands against his arms delicately wrapped around my stomach. “Hm?”

“Well, actually, I noticed you seem quite absent-minded” There is a more than familiar hint of playfulness in his harmonious voice. “You were missing me, weren’t you?”

“No, I was just thinking about-“ 

“Me, you were thinking about me”

“Not really, I was only-“

“Fret not, dear heart, for I have arrived” He buries his nose in the crook of my neck, as he apparently adores doing, sending pleasant shivers down my spine. “I will save you from your thoughts, oh lovely Nissa”

“Will you now, you stupid bard?” I chuckle as I lean my head back against his.

“I promise I will, and you know I keep my promises” He kisses my neck, using each peck to separate his words. “My love, my beauty, my muse, my angel, my delicate flower, my-“

“Enough” The fervor with which he speaks is flustering me, and so I deflect it. I refuse to endure his teasing. “You will summon Geralt’s wrath upon us”

Jaskier laughs whole-heartedly and gingerly digs his fingers into my stomach. When I evidently squirm, his hands fall over my hips and he turns me around to face him. We pause as we look at each other. He's doing it again. I kiss him on that stupid smug smirk to make it disappear. He pauses and acquires a grave expression. Jaskier lifts his hand up, brushing it against my injured nose. I grimace even at his grazing touch. His fingers retract and instead move to lovingly stroke my cheek. All this tender affection elicits a trembling sigh out of me. I see him frown and grow serious. His eyes pierce me with questions, though I do not look into them.

“You were right, Jas…” I play with his chest hair, even as one of his hands falls over my wrist to caress it as well. “You were right”

“Of course I was” His tone is cheerful as ever, though I can now tell when it is his façade. “Uh… about what, exactly?”

“I am no killer” My eyes find his, recognizing the empathy in them. “I was blinded by anger, yet… it all came down to nothing”

He pauses, and a small sad smile grows on his lips.

“I’m proud of you, my love” His words, as he accompanies them with another peck, bring me hope that we did the right thing, and yet they seem to fall short.

I hoped I would stop experiencing this empty feeling. That being him responsible for most of my woe, Jovan’s demise would prove cathartic. Geralt will be waiting for me with an ‘I told you so’, because it wasn’t. Instead, it was a reminder of the cruelty of men. Well, some men in any case. Other, like the one lovingly holding me, remind me that while some humans can be more monstrous than the creatures witchers hunt, there are some worth loving. Worth hoping for, worth believing in, worth trusting.

“If it will make you feel any better, I’ll get you more flowers” My bard speaks up to ease my weary mind. “Hm? A big beautiful bouquet of flowers, since I lost the others”

“Jaskier…”

“No, I must gather some more pompon dahlias, they remind me of you!”

“That’s sweet, but… do you really think I give a shit about those flowers?”

“Oh, my… watch your tongue, love!”

“I’m serious, Jas”

“So was I. I want to give them to you, even if it kills me!”

I wince when a pang reaches my heart. It is too soon to be brought to that fear again. This dread of loss as it seems to follow me, as it seems to loom over me ready to attack at any moment. It cannot take them away from me too, I have lost too much already.

“Don’t even joke about that” I in fact shudder, forcing his hold to tighten around me in concern. “The thought of losing you is far too horrible”

“I’m sorry” He whispers, kissing my forehead to make amends. “Forgive me”

With my head bowed down in that position, my eyes make direct contact with his chest. Under all his hair, I can see the scar the treasure seekers left him. Even if I healed him, the skin there is a bit paler and rougher as a reminder of his injury.

“Does it still hurt?” I ask him, delicately brushing my fingertips against it.

“A bit…” He gently digs his fingers into a very specific spot in my stomach. “But they always do”

I nod my head in agreement. Scars linger, and so does the pain brought with the injury, no matter how closed or old they are.

“Hey… are you alright, Nissa?” His finger curls up under my chin and tilts my head up until we lock eyes. “Are you really alright?”

“With you by my side I am…” Jaskier tilts his head, and so I sigh when he sees through my lie. “Or I will be”

Needing his comforting embrace, I shrink into his touch. I nuzzle his shoulder and wrap my arms around his waist, sneaking under his open doublet to feel him closer. He smiles and hugs me tight.

“You know, during all my travels with Geralt I have met many people” Jaskier tells me as his hands do an absent motion up and down my back. “And yet not one of them can compare to you”

I smile as I grow aware of what he is trying to say. He is emptying his heart to me, and I squeeze him against me in response when I can’t find the right words to reciprocate.

“I suppose what I am trying to say is…” Jaskier happily sighs. “I love and adore you, and I thank you for loving me back”

Sometimes it feels as though all my time in Aretuza is nothing compared to Jaskier’s magic. How his words and cares comfort me so simply, how the emotion in his eyes overwhelms me in the best possible way and summons those familiar butterflies in my stomach, as they do when I peer up at him.

“You're easy to love, Jas” I tenderly peck his lips, smiling against them. “It is one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life”

My bard frowns. A trembling emotional chuckle escapes his lips. His shining eyes move from mine.

“You are going to make me cry, Nissa…” There is a subtle hint of playfulness in his voice when he eventually looks at me again. “And unlike you, I'm an ugly crier”

Once again, he magically makes me laugh. He does too, even if his eyes are indeed glassy with emotion. To my delight, all of them are similar to happiness.

I lock my arms around his neck and passionately kiss him again. It is a dangerous game, for I know he will reciprocate and I will after that. It threatens to be a never ending cycle. His lips indeed attach to mine as soon as I leave them. Place your smile in mine. He pulls away and so I lean in until our lips meet once more. Perhaps that was the intention, because his laughter reaches my ears right before his lips hungrily attack mine in response. I groan at the filthy trick, though gladly reciprocate. If I ever though the feeling of his lips curving up against mine was wonderful, I hadn’t truly experienced this. Drinking from his laughter is more intoxicating than any ale I ever tasted.

His hands are slightly cold, and I get goose bumps when his fingers find my skin under the fabric of my tunic. He squeezes my waist, and I pull him closer to me. He smirks. The breath hitches in my throat, but I still refuse to break the contact of our lips dancing in unison. Those delicious sensations overpower the others. The heat substitutes the coldness in my heart. The pleasant shiver takes over the dreadful shudder from before. The…

“You two!” I yelp, nearly having a heart attack when Geralt’s voice interrupts us. “I want to see you at arm-length distance from each other at all times”

Pal snorts, as though agreeing with him. I roll my eyes at the horse.

“Bloody witcher…” I hide my face against Jaskier’s shoulder as my heart starts beating again. The bard giggles despite the fact that he kindly pats my back.

When he puts some distance between us, no doubt to retaliate against the witcher, I grin in anticipation. Following after them, I take Pal by the bridle and go to reunite him with Roach as Geralt directs her as well.

“Or what, Geralt?” Jaskier defies him “You can’t keep me from loving her”

“I will leave you in the path”

“You won’t do such a thing”

“Don’t tempt me”

“If you are willing to quit your empty threats” I intervene as soon as I recover from the scare. “Can any of you tell me where we are headed now?”

Silence. I hadn’t considered it until now myself, but we need a new destination. A new start.

“We can head to the coast and rest for a bit, we definitely earned it” Jaskier says as we start walking. His arm wraps around my frame. He just refuses to stop touching me, and I don't object. “You can take Yennefer too, Geralt”

“I thought you didn’t like her” The witcher lifts an eyebrow as he watches his friend.

“I don’t… but she’s not that bad. Well, she is, but…” Jaskier rolls his eyes at him. “If she makes you happy, who am I to oppose?”

Geralt smiles, and I prepare for whatever he is about to say next. I sense it's going to be amusing.

“Maybe he didn’t make you stupider” His eyes move from him to me. “Maybe you made him wiser”

“A little bit of both” I laugh, and they do too. 

The silence then settles again, one devoid of tension. Opposite of that, it is filled with familiarity and comfort. With calmness. As always, it doesn’t last long in the presence of a certain bard. Jaskier starts singing another one of his songs, assuring I am his muse and I have inspired him. Stupid bard… 

I smile. Though I cannot foresee what adventures await us, I'm not afraid. Now I can continue on. With a friend and a special someone. With a clear conscience. With a heart mended, like cracked pots filled with mortar. With a rejuvenated soul that sings along with the love of my bard.


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little epilogue to close the story. Thank you so much to those that stayed until the end 🥰💕

A smile forms on my lips when Jaskier groans in sheer exasperation. I continue to watch Geralt as he cares for the horses, distant from us as he refuses to bear with our sickly sweet romance.

“Are you even listening to me, Nis?” The bard waves a hand in front of my eyes. “Or are you too preoccupied with Geralt?” 

“Are you jealous now?” I innocently ask him, even if unable to contain my amused grin. “My oh my, Jas, I would have never believed you to be the jealous type” 

When I finally gaze at him, Jaskier is pouting. I press my lips together not to fondly smile at his adorable expression.

The sound of the waves washing on the shore fills the silence. The wind, now claiming importance once the sound of the lute no longer shadows it, harmonizes with the music of the ocean as the breeze reaches us.

“Do you want to learn or not?” He says instead, averting his eyes to let them land on the instrument he holds. 

“You’re the one that insisted” I teasingly wrinkle my nose at him. “Quite adorably, you got so excited when you were stricken with the idea”

“Alright…” Jaskier rolls his eyes and hands me the lute, which I take with a smile.

As he expectantly watches me, I tentatively strum the cords. He sighs.

“You weren’t paying attention!” Exasperated, the bard stands from his spot, absently brushing his pants off sand, and sits behind me. “I knew you weren’t”

“Teach me then” I smirk at him over my shoulder as Jaskier adjusts my posture. “If you can capture my attention, that is”

“I’ll show you” At first I think he doesn’t fall for my provocation, but he presses his chest against my back as he adjusts my fingers over the lute. “If you can concentrate that is”

I open my mouth to reply, foreseeing a teasing response. Instead, he tenderly nuzzles my neck and just holds me from his position behind me. His hair tickles as he rubs his nose against my sensitive skin and I giggle. His fingers sink mine into the strings to remind me of what we are doing. It is indeed hard to concentrate on the instrument, yet in an unexpected way. To tease him, I strum the chords with my right hand to produce a note, and that startles him enough to move his face away from my neck.

“You’re too tense!” Jaskier suddenly says, accommodating his arms over mine. 

“You were tickling me!” I reply in the same tone, albeit more offended.

“Alright, alright” He gently squeezes me against him. “Relax then”

I mischievously smirk and let myself fall limply against him. He exclaims and mumbles in confusion.

“N-No, not so much, Nissa!” 

I catch a glimpse of Geralt not far from us, leaving the horses and walking over to us. There is a grin of amusement plastered on his lips. He definitely enjoys winding Jaskier up as much as I do.

“Oi” Jaskier continues, pinching my arm. “Stiffen up a bit”

I tense against the lute, and I can’t contain a chuckle when he clicks his tongue next to my ear. Even not glancing at him, I can sense his vexed glare on me.

“You’re a bad teacher” Geralt opines as he stops before us and crosses his arms.

“I am not!” Jaskier proudly replies. “Nissa’s a bad student!”

“There’s no such thing” The witcher smirks, holding his gaze.

“Alright, whatever” I laugh when Jaskier leaves the spot behind me and stands up.

Geralt and I exchange an amused look as the bard sulkily plops down in the sand and takes the instrument from my hands. He shakes his head at me, tutting his tongue at me. 

“You are killing me, Nissa, you know that?” He dramatically asks, fixing his gaze on the starry sky above us. “You’re killing your beloved bard” 

I take his hands in mine and watch the stars myself. We both gasp at the same time when a rare sight leaves us mesmerized.

“A shooting star...” Geralt says for us, as he apparently caught it too.

“Quickly!” Jaskier urgently squeezes my hands. “Close your eyes and make a wish”

I do as he says, although I can’t fathom anything I wish for any more. What more can I ask for? I am perfectly happy now, filled with a sense of content I didn’t quite experience in years. Now I have everything I have unknowingly wished for. Suddenly, I yelp when something soft is pressed against my lips. My eyes open to meet with Jaskier’s face close to mine. There is a smirk on his mouth.

“Did it come true?” He whispers, leaning closer before I can answer.

“You read my mind” I utter myself, gladly closing the distance between us.

“We had an agreement” Geralt’s gruff voice says in annoyance. “None of that”

“Sorry, grumpy” Jaskier smiles sweetly at him, then motioning behind the witcher. “But you don’t have to be jealous any longer” 

As Geralt turns, he sees a figure dressed in all black exiting a portal. I smile myself as he doesn’t hesitate to run and reunite with the sorceress.

“Don’t worry, Jas” I scoot closer to him, sitting between his legs and snuggling against his chest. “He will keep her busy”

“Will he?” He follows along, speaking against my hair as he kisses it and envelops me in a tender hug.

“Yes, she won’t come any closer” I look back at him, innocently watching him when his eyes lock with mine. “I know how afraid you are of her”

“I am not! Cheeky...” Jaskier cackles as his fingers sink into my sides. “I’ll show you”

“No!” I have put myself in a predicament. The closeness makes it impossible for me to escape as he tickles me. “Jas, I’m sorry!”

“Too late, darling” We both lie down in the sand as he tortures me. Much to my dismay, this time tickling is not enough for him. He moves on to another strategy that makes me yelp. His mouth leans against my neck in a different way it usually does. This once, he blows a raspberry and laughs to himself.

“Stop it!!” I hurriedly say as he takes a deep breath to do it again. “I am not a child!”

“Since you’re behaving like one” He playfully retorts back, returning to blowing on my neck. I start kicking my legs at the feeling and he holds me down. I am laughing at the top of my lungs even when he stops. My laughter is infectious as he starts chuckling too. Pal neighs in the distance, seemingly wanting to join in the fun. At least this time he doesn’t retaliate against the bard.

As I continue to lie there, holding my stomach and recovering from the laughter, Jaskier remains close. His fingers delicately pick sand out off my hair.

“My delicate flower” He holds me close, lying on his side and kissing my forehead. I sigh and curl up against him. “My love” 

I hug him too, closing my eyes when he spontaneously begins to sing. His voice makes a perfect harmony with the waves and the wind. To express my bliss, I kiss him. My eyes remain closed as I am lulled to sleep. My thumb caresses the bracelet in my wrist, and the smile I was unaware of widens in my lips. Somehow, it is even more heartwarming to think they would be happy. I can nearly picture Kader looking over me, smiling approvingly as he realizes I have found true happiness. In spite of his absence. Destiny brought true love to me. 

As I completely abandon myself to Jaskier’s loving embrace, I whisper those three little words to him. My bard briefly interrupts his song to reciprocate.

“I love you too, Nissa” His lips gingerly press against my forehead once more before he carries on with his song. My song. Our song.

_A delicate flower_

_Claiming her power_

_Determined and sentimental_

_Fair, soft and gentle_

_Fierce and bold_

_Soul of a warrior and heart of gold_

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, thank you so much to everyone who joined me on this journey! I have been working on this series for around five months and it’s sad to finally finish it and say goodbye to Jaskier and Nissa and everyone. I might post some little ficlets for this series if I miss the characters too much. For now, thank you for sticking by and reading, leaving kudos and commenting. Hopefully you loved this series as much as I do. 😘💖


	20. Love Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Geralt goes on a witcher job, Jaskier and Nissa wander around the woods. When they stumble upon a strong magic, it comes to Jaskier to help Nissa overcome the spells that falls upon her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss Jaskier, Nissa and Geralt and I'm rereading and revising Soul of a Warrior so I was inspired to write this. It's just a Jasnissa little ficlet because I love these two nerds. This is set after Soul of a Warrior, but has no spoilers, just a few references. Hope you like it!

**A/N: Written in Jaskier's POV.**

Oh, the way the sunlight falls on her, shining down on her silky raven hair, stealing the light off her emerald green eyes. Oh, the way her smile brings more life to the world than the sun above us itself. I should put this in a song. What rhymes with perfection?

“You’re staring again, stupid bard” Nissa tells me, despite the delighted grin in her enticing pink lips. 

Something about her disarms me at this very moment. Perhaps it is the resigned fondness and adoration in her eyes, or the way she tilts her head and smirks in smugness at the smitten manner in which I admire her. 

“How could I not?” I sigh, grinning when she laughs at my dramatic tone. “You have enchanted me, you cruel goddess” 

Nissa’s hand tugs at mine. Her gaze falls on the ground, and there is that flush on her cheeks, the one that makes her seem ever so beautiful. More so than usual, that is.

“That’s your punishment” She glances up at me, wrinkling her nose. “For being so insufferable” 

I am tempted to retaliate, though I only admit defeat and drop my head in resignation. Her eyes linger on me in expectation. 

“Well… love will do that to you” I blurt out, and the sound I was waiting for follows: her genuine guffaw of laughter. It makes my heart sing. I can overcome anything as long as she is happy.

Still laughing, Nissa stops on her tracks and throws her arms around my neck. I wasn’t expecting that part, but I am certainly not complaining. My hands immediately move to the small of her back to keep her close. We move to kiss, though something in the distance gathers my attention. Our lips are already grazing, though Nissa looks over her shoulder to whatever has caught my eye behind her.

“What is that?” I utter in fascination. Before us is an empty yet untouched building.

“A temple? It seems abandoned” She retrieves my hand before heading there. Our fingers play with each other as we advance together and soon reach it.

The temple, made of faded white stone, stands in ruins. Despite it all, there are no weeds clinging to its structure, no flora whatsoever. An eerie atmosphere surrounds the building, settling an unpleasant feeling in my gut. However, I am not worried as long as Nissa is by my side. 

Our footsteps echo across the temple as soon as we trespass the big arch at the threshold. The inside is incredibly spacious and the distant sound of water dripping somewhere fills the silence that we dare not break as we continue on our way, tightly holding the other’s hand. I can hear Nissa breathing next to me, trying not to let it show how restless she is. Nonetheless, I know her too well and merely taking a look at her expression I can tell how she’s feeling.

“Who goes there?” A voice erupts from nowhere, bouncing against the walls of the temple. I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound, and so I press my side against Nissa’s.

We turn to the noise, finding that a figure stands there in the distance, behind a white marble table that delimits the end of the long corridor we are on. She is a woman with long brown hair and piercing black eyes that lurk into my soul, like a black hole that threatens to swallow us whole if we get too close or stare too long. Her skin is white and smooth like porcelain, and I find myself attracted to her in a way I can’t explain. It is definitely not the way I am attracted to Nissa, this is quite like looking at an eclipse: I can’t stop staring yet fear something bad will happen if I linger. Something in her makes me shiver. Perhaps it is the fact that she reminds me of someone else. My free hand instinctively moves to protect my jewels.

“You dare break into my home?” The sorceress says, and eyes us with disinterest and contempt. “Leave, before I kill both of you”

I open my mouth, unsure of what will come out. Perhaps it will be a defensive statement, or a complaint, or a nervous apology. Whatever the case, Nissa takes a step forward and bluntly retaliates against the mage’s nonchalant warning.

“We were doing nothing wrong” Nissa assures vehemently. “Don’t-”

“Shush!” The woman quiets her, and I can feel how Nissa seethess next to me. “One more step and you will drop dead”

“Are you threatening us?” I gasp when Nissa steps before me and pulls out her dagger. “I won’t stand by and-!”

“Uh… Nissa, love?” I mutter, tugging at her hand pressed against mine. “I don’t think you should-“

“And you defy me” The smirk the sorceress dedicates us causes my stomach to churn in anticipation. Oh god, what is she going to do? We didn’t actually mean any harm!

“Alright, everyone calm down!” I exclaim, noticing how they watch each other. The energy is dangerous and electric and I fear what might happen next if I don’t intervene. “Nissa, we can just leave, can’t we? Yes, of course, we didn’t mean to break in. We didn’t know someone lived here”

Nissa stops, glowering at her while she slowly saves her weapon. The woman’s black eyes languidly fall over me. I gulp. I really genuinely don’t like mages. Her gaze is piercing me, seeing deeper, I can feel it. The imposing expression fades from her face, being replaced by a smirk.

“I see” She briefly glances at Nissa before staring at me once more. I don’t like it… I don’t like it at all. “Perhaps you will think twice before doing anything of the like again”

“I… Y-Yes, absolutely” I squeeze Nissa’s hand as I restlessly step back, hoping she will follow after me. “We will be more careful, that’s for certain. Isn’t that right, love?”

Nissa doesn’t reply, only lets her head fall forward. I could be hearing wrong, but I swear I heard a strangled noise escape her throat. I frown in concern, confused as to what she is doing just standing there. Why won’t she move?

“Thank you very much, we are on our way” I insist, tugging harder at her. Moving my gaze, I realize the sorceress’ smirk has widened. “Come on, Nissa, we… Oh, god!”

A movement out of the corner of my eye gathers my attention away from the mage. I move just in time to catch a falling Nissa. My breathing is suddenly erratic as she limply lies in my arms. I swear I am having several heart attacks at once as my mind races with reasons why she has suddenly faltered. Is she conscious? Is she ill? Can it be that she was frightened enough to faint? No, that doesn’t seem right. What has happened then?!

“I have dealt with enough people seeking power and fortune” The sorceress is unfazed as she watches us. “Fear not, bard, if she truly harbored no bad intentions nothing will happen”

I gape at her as the recognition slowly settles in. This is her doing, isn’t it? Shit. I hate mages.

My hands are shaking as I adjust my hold on Nissa. One arm firmly wraps around her frame as she rests against my torso. With my free hand, I nervously move the curtain of soft dark hair away from her face. Her emerald eyes are indeed closed. There are no signs that betray her unwell, instead she seems to sleep peacefully. She would look beautiful if it weren’t because I am still worried out of my mind that she might not wake up.

“W-What did you do to her?!” I exclaim, in my fervor causing Nissa’s head to tilt to the side. The weight and inertia causes her body to lean off as well, and she would fall were it not because of my grip on her. “Y-You, sorceress! Undo this right now! She was only trying to protect me, I-“

“Save it” She rolls her eyes, and I pay no more attention to her as I try to shake Nissa awake. She still doesn’t respond. The mage continues speaking. “You will find a way, now leave”

“A way to what?”

“Leave!!!” Despite her furious roar that echoes against the walls like a bad omen, I glare daggers at her. She did this to Nissa, whatever it is. No one should dare touch her, not my Nissa…

Alright, calm down, Jask, or you’ll make it worse for her. I clench my fists, ignoring the bubbling anger heating me up from the inside. I can’t retaliate, for Nissa’s sake. Enough harm has been done to her. Leaving is the only thing I can do.

Still gritting my teeth, I maneuver with Nissa’s limp body until she is scooped into my arms. I tenderly cradle her, lingering as I fear that abandoning this place will somehow mean her doom. Though I know not what to do, I decide to walk away. Who knows what this unstable sorceress might do if I disobey and stay. In any case, I have no reasons to remain in this place for myself, yet I doubt it would help Nissa.

Gingerly leaning her frame against my torso so her head falls against my shoulder, I begin to move. My footsteps echo around the temple once more, now bearing the anger and fright that I try so hard to conceal. Her weight on my arms seems to be nothing compared to the one that has established in my heart, sinking it into my stomach.

“Shit…” I mutter as I exit that wretched place.

As I walked hand in hand with Nissa, the sound of the birds chirping and the warmth of the sun in the back of my neck felt like a blessing. Now it all feels wrong as my light has faded and I hold it in my arms, desperately trying to keep it alive. Hoping I can keep her alive. Gods, I don’t even know what she has, how am I to look after her?

Wait… Geralt! He is a witcher, surely he knows about the subject and can find a remedy to whatever ails her. My heart had been racing ever since Nissa fell, but now it follows a crazed pace as I start moving faster.

“Geralt?” I shout to the void, looking around searching for a burly figure with silver hair or a bay mare. “Geralt, are you back yet?”

Where is this witcher? Surely he must be done with his hunt soon… we had the time to endlessly walk and wander around the woods. Time had flown by, of course, being by her side, but now… Shit. How long could it possibly take him to return? I can’t stand this helplessness for much longer, it is torture. I move to one side and the other, but realize there’s nothing I can do until he gets back. There is no way I can help her, not this time. Hence, I slowly kneel down and carefully lay her on the ground. I fear she might grow cold, and so I take my doublet off and put it over her. Is it my imagination or does she look a bit pale now?

Wanting to kill the time, I lean closer to her and check her vitals. After traveling so long with her as our medic, I must have caught on to some things. Her pulse under my fingertips seems normal, and so I gently let go of her wrist. Her breathing seems calm and paused when I lean my ear close to her mouth. Nothing seems wrong with her. Again, it is as though she merely sleeps. My anguish comes from the question of when she will wake up, or if she will wake at all.

Though I know it is in vain, I shake her shoulder. I tirelessly call her name as well as any and all of the terms of endearment I have addressed her as ever since we met. Love, delicate flower, sweetheart, my dear… None seem to work as she remains unconscious. I tap her cheeks, I move her head and her arms and yet nothing works. I even squeeze her sides in the hopes that she will move away as she has done before, lecturing me about tickling her. She doesn’t.

I let a big timorous sigh out as I restlessly sit down, passing a hand through my hair. If only she could open her beautiful green eyes and look at me that way she does, playfully and with a fond exasperation. I want to see her breathtaking smile once more, even if it is as she laughs at me in amusement to my foolishness or smirking with superiority and smugness. I would give anything to hear her call me stupid bard again, or to say my name angrily like the time I first kissed her, back then when I didn’t know what it truly meant to her.

“I need you, Nissa…” An unexpected sob tears my throat as the panic sets that she might not wake from this mysterious and magical slumber. “Come back to me, love… please…”

Tears are already welling in my eyes when the sound of hope comes to rescue me before I completely give in to despair. Two pairs of hooves rhythmically hit the ground as the horse’s rider urges his mount. I jump to my feet and turn my body to the sound, breathing once more when I recognize the witcher’s black leather clothes and silver hair.

“Oh, Geralt, thank the gods…” I stutter, gulping as I also stumble over my own two feet. Negative thoughts haunt me, and I try to ignore the possibility that he might not know how to aid Nissa either. “You’re here, I need… Geralt, please, I…”

“What happened?” The witcher jumps off Roach. He quickly hangs a creature’s head from his belt to the hook that his mare carries in the saddlebag. I don’t even pay attention to the monster he slayed, and he barely does either as his amber eyes fall upon me.

“It’s Nissa…” I drop to my knees beside her once more, clutching her hand in mine as I peer up at him with pleading eyes. “She has fainted and won’t wake up”

“Suddenly?” His deep voice grows near as he crouches by my side to look at her.

“N-No, we were in a…” I have to pause, forgetting to breathe and needing to focus on it for a moment. “A temple, we found it nearby and… this sorceress…”

“Sorceress?” Geralt interrupts my feverish ramblings. “So this is the work of magic”

“Yes, exactly. Or at least I think so. Oh, god… Geralt, please tell me you know how to reverse it”

I notice he clutches the wolf medallion hanging from his neck, though his amber eyes are fixed on her unchanging face. His other hand falls on her cheek as he moves her head from side to side as though examining her like a medic would.

“It depends” He only says, frowning in concentration as he stares at her. “Did this sorceress say something?”

“She did, she said…” Trying to recall the exact words, I stop to think for a moment. “That if she didn’t harbor bad intentions it would be alright”

“Bad intentions?” Geralt glances up at me, and I do not like the way he watches me. “What the fuck did you do, Jaskier?”

“Nothing!” I exclaim in outrage. “She is the one that cursed Nissa! My poor dove was only trying to protect me”

“Hm…” Oh, that is a frustrated and vexed grunt for sure. Geralt’s gaze lingers for a bit until it eventually falls on her again.

“Talk to me, Geralt” I beg of him, squeezing her hand tightly in mine and pressing it against my chest. “What did that bloody witch do to her?”

“Judging by what you said, it is a spell” He rummages through the small satchel hanging from his hip, though seems to find nothing useful. “From what I know, it searches within her heart and will kill her if the magic finds ill intent“

“K-Kill her?” I suddenly feel light-headed and have to lean on his shoulder not to fall flat on my ass, even from my kneeling position. My hand flies to my forehead. “Geralt…”

“Calm down” He brushes my hand off him in exasperation. “She had no ill intent”

“I know, but…” Remembering how Nissa brought out her dagger, I wonder what the so called magic considers ill intent. “How do we wake her? Will she be alright?”

“Did the sorceress say anything else?”

“Uh… she… she told me I would find a way, whatever the fuck that means”

That seems to inspire Geralt, as he quickly tilts his head up and glances from me to her and back to me. I frown, confused as to why he stares now. Nonetheless, I can nearly see the wheels in his brain turning. Perhaps I have had the solution all along without knowing.

“Kiss her” He blurts out, and I roll my eyes at him in exasperation. What a moment to tease us about our relationship, no matter how much it usually upsets him.

“I won’t do such a thing, Geralt!” I shout in anguish. “This is serious”

“So am I”

“No, this is no time to be sarcastic. This is not a fairy tale”

“All fairy tales have some truth in them”

It seems to me like he is actually being genuine. He is a witcher after all, he must know the intrincacies of magic. I frown and stare at my friend. Geralt deadpans as he stares back at me. I hesitate.

“Are you sure?” Honestly, I am so scared. When she was wounded, we at least knew how to help her. Nnow I feel utterly useless as she just lies there with no way of waking up. The witcher nods, and so I sigh. “Alright…”

I reach forward, puckering my lips until they make contact with her forehead. Her skin feels slightly cold, and I hope there is nothing actually wrong with her. If it is, that sorceress will suffer my wrath, I don’t care that she has powerful magic, I don’t care if she threatens me like Yennefer did. As I expectantly stare at her, I promise myself to get back to that temple and give that witch a piece of my mind. If she has somehow hurt Nissa…

“On the lips, Jaskier” Geralt tiredly tells me, abruptly bringing me out of my obsessive thoughts.

“Oh” I only say, leaning forwards again. However, his hand urgently presses against my chest and pushes me back. “What? What’s wrong?”

When I peer at him, Geralt is frowning. He clutches the medallion hanging from his neck.

“The magic intensified when you kissed her” The witcher gravely says. “It is a love spell”

“So I should kiss her again, right?” I hesitate, fearing that something might go wrong. “Then she will wake up… like in the fairy tale”

“If your love is strong enough” I know by his tone that he is only teasing me, but for a moment I panic at Geralt’s words. However, I recover the faith quickly. No, our love is strong and resilient. After all, it has withstood all these hardships we have lived together.

I take a deep breath and lean closer to her. My breath catches in my throat and I freeze. Concerned, I lift my head to look at Geralt. He sighs impatiently.

“What if it doesn’t work?” I point out, absolutely terrified by the idea. “What will I do if she doesn’t wake up, Geralt?”

“She’ll be fine” Though there is only determination in his voice, I read the worry in his features as well. He speaks only to convince himself, as he is just as frightened for her as I am. “Kiss her already”

“But what if it makes it worse, what if-“

“Jaskier, this will be the only time you hear me ask this of you”

Although I don’t know whether this is some sort of display of his strange humor or not, I roll my eyes in any case. Witchers make unique friends, that’s for certain.

“Alright…” I nervously breathe in, leaning closer to her once more. Her lovely scent fills me, reminding me of flowers. This appears to be enough to give me the courage to finally press my lips against hers. The feeling that overwhelms me is no different from other times.

My heart picks up its pace in euphoria, just like when I’m playing a tune to a welcoming audience or when I make Geralt laugh. It is the same sensation that envelops me whenever Nissa interacts with me, one of pure joy. It doesn’t matter what she does, a mere glance from her beautiful eyes in my direction makes my heart sing the most wonderful ballad I have ever composed. When she smiles, the feeling multiplies. When she holds my hand, I struggle to stand.

I lean back, closing my eyes to linger in the sensation of the kiss. There, I have poured all my love for her in that gesture. Hopefully the magic wil work, although if we needed any magic to fight the one that falls upon her, we need to look no further than the one Nissa possesses herself. Despite it all, I had never felt this tingling in my lips at the graze of someone’s, only hers, not to mention the way it spreads through my body and settles in my stomach.

“Nissa?” Geralt calls her, bringing me back to reality as I try to anchor myself to these sensations she produces in me… perhaps because I fear they might have come to an end.

“Come on, love…” I whisper, carefully watching her face in search for any changes.

Nissa’s eyelids suddenly flutter, and her eyelashes seem butterfly wings as they separate. Once I am received with the sight of her stunning green eyes once more, I let go a breath I had been holding ever since she collapsed. Intense relief floods through me, and a strangled noise leaves my throat, though I don’t know if it’s a chuckle or a sob.

“What…?” She whispers, and I smile when she gazes at me. “Jaskier, what happened?”

“Thank the heavens, it worked” I throw myself at her, being careful as I lovingly wrap my arms around her frame and bring her as close to me as possible until I feel her torso pressed against mine. “You’re alright”

“But…” Nissa mumbles. Her voice sounds drowsy as she clumsily puts her arms around me as well.

“Welcome back” Geralt pats her shoulder, moving us both under the force of his strong hand.

“What the fuck happened?” She insists, yet despite it all she allows me to hold her still. Good, I don’t plan on letting go of her anytime soon.

“A sorceress put a spell on you” The witcher replies, for I am too busy burying my head on her shoulder and holding her still.

“Oh…” My lovely Nissa hesitates, though in the end chuckles as she pats my back. “You can let go of me now, Jaskier”

“Don’t do that ever again!” I reluctantly pull away, bearing a grave expression as soon as we are face to face once more. “I thought we had agreed you wouldn’t scare me like that”

It had been awful to see her crumble soon after we met. It had been worse to witness how she got gravely injured that one time, the one I truly feared for her life and Geralt and I had to attentively tend to her for days. My fragile heart simply cannot take that uncertainty and pain again.

“I’m sorry” Her words are gentle on top of her sweet voice, and her hand is delicate as she presses her palm against my cheek. “I will be more careful next time”

“I certainly hope so” I dramatically put a hand against my chest, theatrically throwing myself backwards as though I am swooning. “Or else I might perish from such tension to my poor hummingbird heart”

In reality, my poor heart is actually racing. It doesn’t matter, my attempts have been successful and Nissa laughs. Geralt grunts next to us, but I pay no mind to him.

“I will make it up to you, dear bard” Nissa takes my face in her hands and gifts me with a chaste kiss.

For a moment I tense up, still fearing that the spell hasn’t quite been broken and the exchange will somehow undo what mine magically cured. However, I sigh once more when I see her still lovingly gazing at me, awake and well. What a scare… but the anguish is over.

I stare into her eyes, knowing what she is thinking of. We possess a special magic that exposes each other’s thoughts. She regrets worrying us both, yet at the same time she understands my jokes are a reassurance that everything is alright. By now, Nissa understands that I will comfort her as I have all this time. Grateful for this, she smiles with the power of a dozen suns. That is enough to heal any damage done to my heart.

“That was too fucking close” Geralt complains, now having returned to his blatant dislike for our affection.

“I agree” Taking her by the hands, I pull the both of us up to our feet. “We know better than to mess with sorceress”

“Yeah…” Nissa grins, looking from the witcher to me.

“Next time, Nissa…” He pauses to drop a hand on her shoulder. “Try not to threaten a sorceress”

We are so surprised by his rare and unexpected joke that we break out in laughter. It is the ultimate test to show the positive end of this particular tale. Sleeping beauty has awakened. Nissa is alright, and so everything is alright with the world again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed it and if you would like more ficlets like this, I would love some comments 😊 Feel free to also give me some ideas of scenes you would like to see of Jaskier, Nissa and/or Geralt 😉


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